Happy Birthday!! 
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I belong to a couple of hunts and we have several LGBTQ couples. Nobody really cares. I’ve seen different approaches to how the significant other/wife/husband/etc are introduced. Most just are very casual about it (e.g., This is my wife, maryjane) and that’s it.
One woman is the opposite, every time we meet her wife who’ve we met numerous times, she becomes almost a the image of an old west cowboy. She practically hitches her pants up and says “that’s ma little woman.” I almost get the impression she’s trying to get a reaction. Her wife by the way is delightful.
I’d say just introduce her the way anyone wlse would introduce their spouse/significant other. The LGBTQ community has a strong representation forever in the horse world.
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My former BO is one of the most conservative, religious people EVER.
We had an openly gay boarder, who was the the BO’s favorite person. They brought their partner around all the time. BO is one of the few religious people I know who absolutely lives by the mantra that God loves everybody, and therefore he should too.
Unless you’re pretty sure there’s going to be a big problem, you’re fine! As long as you’re not groping all over each other, which is uncouth no matter what your orientation is, I doubt anyone will care.
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for as long as I have been around horses for these seventy plus years there have been all kinds of people…they are just horse people, nothing about sexual orientation as the interest was the Horse
at the shows I have attended it has been about the horses and how they stacked up against their competition
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I would bet that I’m one of the people you are concerned about. I’ve been around horses for a long time and have had gay friends, some that I knew were gay and some that surprised me later. If you talked to me, you would also learn that I have two gay relatives. One, a niece, who is married to a beautiful woman. I danced with both of them at their wedding.
Take care of your horse, help out around the barn, and don’t fall off too much and you’ll be welcome anywhere.
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Just be you and let everyone else be them. Some people may become distant over it and others prob won’t care. That’s all on them not you.
You don’t owe any explanations and don’t need to offer any.
Don’t work up a problem where there isn’t one. Just let it ride and then go from there
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I’m not sure what discipline you ride, but in my area of the equine community - I think the split is about 50/50 in terms of heterosexual/LGBTQ+.
While it may not be as common in other hobbies, off the top of my head, in my sport - there are probably seven trainers I would recommend to newcomers within a half-hour radius… five of them have same-sex spouses/partners.
It should be a non issue. If it becomes an issue, better to find out early and make other arrangements.
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I live in New England, for geographical reference. My wife accompanies me to shows and things regularly. It’s not like I go around introducing her as such (I’m pretty shy so I don’t do much of that anyway haha), but she is masc-presenting so doesn’t pass like I do, and no one has ever bothered her.
If for whatever reason you don’t feel comfortable being out at your current barn, definitely find one where you are, friendly barns are in my experience the norm and not the exception.
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The horse world is one of the safest places for LGBTQ+ persons. Literally never met a horse person who gave it a second thought.
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The fact is that people go to the barn to ride and spend time with their horses. When has it ever been a place where you need to announce your sexual preference( gay or straight) to others there to do horse things?
This kind of puts it all in perspective.
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I’m a LGBTQ+ equestrian. Some background info: I’m a woman, in my mid-30s, been out since my mid-20s, and I live in a pretty darn conservative state. I was married to a woman for about five years, but I’m now divorced. For me, how open I am totally and completely depends on the situation. I have learned to kind of read the room (or, farm, lol) and the people around me, and then I adjust accordingly. It’s easy for people to say, “Just be yourself, it’ll be okay!” … but I have literally had my safety threatened before simply because I’m gay. So, I can be wary.
I don’t lie, but if I sense that I am in a situation where my sexual orientation will not be well-received, I just don’t bring it up, and I will be vague about my personal life if I need to be.
I have found the horse world to be a mix. In more urban areas, people tend to be more open-minded. In more rural areas, people tend to be more close-minded. I hate to make generalizations and of course there are many exceptions, but that has been my personal experience, for the most part.
My best advice is to just take each situation as it comes, and if you feel safe and surrounded by kind and supportive people, be yourself! I have met so many wonderful, kind and welcoming people in the horse world, that have been very LGBTQ+ friendly. I try to live my life honestly and openly, and I generally don’t hide who I am unless I feel I need to. Unfortunately that happens sometimes, but for the most part I am happy that I can be me and I don’t need to worry too much.
Regarding your specific situation… if your partner comes with you a lot to horsey activities, people will probably start to connect the dots, and that’s okay. Let them. They’ll show their colors and then you can choose whether these are people you want to spend more time with, or people you might want to distance yourselves from. Please, don’t avoid bringing your partner to shows and horse-related events if you want her to come along and you both think you would have fun together. Life is too short - you have to enjoy it and have fun!
If you ever want someone to talk to about any of this stuff, please feel free to message me. 
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Unfortunately, I think times have changed in many areas. It offends me that you find yourself contemplating whether you are putting yourselves, your families, friends - and yes, your horses - in a hostile environment because someone despises you for who you are.
I’ve never understood anti-LGBTQ, antisemitism, or racism, or the kind of hatred of Japanese Americans that led to locking them in “camps” during WWII. I didn’t have those seeds planted in my head when I was young. In the mid-80s we had a longtime staff member at work who knew he was adopted. We didn’t know he was gay. No one noticed and nobody cared when he came out. We had several women in senior management when the glass ceiling was opaque. It was an enlightened company for the 1980s. Except when my manager split the annual salary increase pool. My colleague got more than half because he was a single parent and I was a single woman – even though he wasn’t as competent.
I was a fat kid and tried to ignore the insults and bullying. Some of it came from my father. I’m a fat adult. I went on a medication, off label at the time, that caused me to gain 60 pounds without eating more. I got off it, but had only lost 30 pounds when I bought my horse in 2001. I finally lost the other 30 pounds plus another 20. It took a long time.
I could care less about anyone’s sexual orientation, or race, or religion, or anything else. I will admit to being anti-Male-Chauvinist-Pig but I had a few takedowns that worked nicely. What is discomforting is watching “All in the Family.” Archie is back on METV on Sundays. I remember the debut in 1971 when everyone talked about the show the next day. Nothing like that had ever been shown on TV before. Two of the earliest episodes are about Michael’s “fairy” friend, and the neighbor who sold his house to a black couple in an all-white neighborhood. 50 years later “Archie” is still out there spouting off the same ignorant and offensive put-downs. The language hasn’t changed much. Archie would fit right in today.
What about introducing yourselves without mentioning your relationship? The people you want to avoid usually are apparent if you listen to them in ordinary conversation. There is a good chance the dynamics of the barn will help you relegate them to the manure pile in favor of new friends. If it’s uncomfortable you can leave. I’d be thinking of a few choice words in lieu of flipping them the bird when you walk out the door.
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I’m a straight woman in my 60s who has had a lot of lesbian friends over the years. I live in a very liberal, but not universally so, city. 40 years ago lesbians were very much in the closet with employers and landlords and even family.
Anecdotally things have improved over my adult lifetime, and I am pleased to see that young people have become very unconcerned. But I would never presume to tell one of my lesbian friends that they shouldn’t proceed cautiously in a new environment or that just because I don’t see prejudice, it doesn’t exist. Same with my friends of color, they get little aggressions I never expected.
So I’d say asking a trusted ally at the barn could be useful, but if the person is straight they may not have experienced things. If they say “oh Joe was here for 20 years and was flamboyantly gay and everyone loved him” that would be good information.
Otherwise I would just bring your partner around maybe to watch you lesson or feed carrots, or pop in to see the horses, and introduce them casually.
I do think that as others have said, conservatives these days aren’t necessarily homophobic. And if they are, then you don’t need to stay there.
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I live in a very conservative area and I do not at all think times have changed to the negative. Times HAVE changed…in that the world is much more accepting than it ever has been. The horse world was accepting way before the general populace.
I don’t like the advice from posters to tread carefully. OP doesn’t need to tread carefully. If this barn isn’t welcoming, move. Because there are a ton of horse people everywhere who won’t give her and her SO a second thought. No one needs to ride at a place where that’s a problem.
Horses are supposed to be fun. I wouldn’t have fun if I had to walk on eggshells and hide my spouse’s gender.
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Your last paragraph is pretty eyebrow-raising. I am a conservative, more to the libertarian side, and it’s rich to insinuate that most conservatives hate gay people. Like only fringe conservatives are OK with it. It’s laughable honestly. The rest of my family is Catholic, so straight line conservative.
We have had several lesbian boarders and I’d be mortified if they felt uncomfortable here. Who talks about politics at the barn anyway? I don’t care who your partner is, and neither does my family.
I don’t mind PDA either. If you aren’t running naked around my farm in front of my kids, we’re good. You want to kiss your same sex wife? Go for it.
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Let’s try to walk in someone else’s shoes a bit.
If someone is from a socially discriminated group, the rest of us that may not be should listen carefully and give this a serious thought or two.
A woman starting her legal career wondering how she will fare in a firm full of older lawyers in a more aggressive legal field, a chemical engineer sent to supervise building a factory in a different continent, those situations come to mind from direct experience and are those that bring questions about discrimination as women.
There are similar questions as the one posed in this thread for all kinds of such situations where some, maybe because of gender, race, disability, being from a different culture, a dressage rider in a western show barn, or any other human differences that tend to be discriminated in any one more homogeneous group.
I would say to the OP what others have already expressed, try any place to see if you may fit there and be glad if you do, leave for greener pastures if you don’t.
Won’t know until you have been there, tested the waters.
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I am old enough to remember when everyone who was middle of the road or conservative was homophobic to some degree, only people who were self consciously liberal or alternative or in the arts were gay positive. The default was homophobia. I remember someone in high school saying Elton John was gay and I thought they were just being mean.
Things have changed. Things have changed a lot. But I remember my friends being in the closet at work because it wasn’t safe to be out. I remember the discourse around AIDS and when Pride Parade was super transgressive and shocking. I see the current discourse in the US around trans and drag queens and other issues. It’s only about 20 years since “that’s so gay” was a reflexive high school insult that could be applied to anything you didn’t like
I’m glad and relieved that many conservative people are now accepting of queer people generally but I would never assume that all conservative people are or that a newly out lesbian should just assume love and acceptance everywhere.
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I don’t like it either, but as a member of the LGBTQ+ community, I sure wish I could explain the fear we feel sometimes. I have personally been attacked, and threatened. My advice to sometimes be cautious was given because I’ve experienced more painful firsthand experiences than I could even begin to count.
I want to clarify that I am totally and completely supportive of being yourself and being open and honest - that is how I live my life. But sometimes we have to be careful, because some people can be downright dangerous. Which is why I recommended reading the room and shaping your actions on that.
Ultimately, I think it is best to be yourself and surround yourself with people that are kind and supportive, while distancing yourself from people that pose a problem. But we do have to be careful sometimes, which is truly unfortunate.
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Sure, of course LGTBQ+ persons have been discriminated against. We all agree on that.
I just object to the insinuation that because someone is conservative, that they, unlikely as it may be, might possibly surprise you and not be homophobic. Especially in the horse world. W. T. F.
There are so many unbiased barns in the horse world that anyone who feels uncomfortable should just move.
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I totally agree, which is why if your barn makes you feel threatened, move! It is a rarity in the horse world that a barn is homophobic. This is supposed to be fun. Find a place where you can be yourself openly. You certainly could in my barn.
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