100 times over.
So glad you’re relieved 
.
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This is what I’m not getting about some of these posts. When I was late teens/early 20s, the common lament among us young females was that all the cute horse guys were gay.
When I was in my late 30s, a young woman who worked in my office made me laugh when I overheard part of a conversation in which she was asked how she knew a particular man was gay and she laughed and said, “He shows hunters. He’s gay.”
There are so many lesbian and gay individuals involved in horses that I just don’t understand the repeated comments suggesting that the horse world generally isn’t a safe place for people who aren’t heterosexuals. Yes, of course, there will be homophobic people and homophobic barn cultures, but like @fordtraktor said, they are a rarity rather than the norm.
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Recent polls show that 83% of Democrats, 73% of independents, and 55% of Republicans approve of gay marriage. While those numbers are significantly better than they used to be, that’s still a lot of people who don’t approve. And it is clearly Republicans who are the least likely to be supportive. I’m not sure there are any polls out there about the percentage of equestrian Republicans who approve of gay marriage.
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I grew up in cowboy influenced suburbs in the 1970s. Never set foot in a hunter barn. Never knew anything about pro riders. When I returned to riding 15 years ago a lot of cultural shifts has already happened.
The few men around were macho creepy and some were predatory towards teen girls.
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Why does the Trump sign matter? Perhaps “I don’t get it” because we’re pretty sheltered here in North Dakota (seriously… bunch of white Catholic Germans mostly). But to me, making ASSUMPTIONS about someone else just because they have a Trump sign in their yard, seems just as bad as ASSUMING they are not going to like you and your girlfriend… because of their political stance.
Is there a double standard here?
Anyway, I’m a Trump supporter (gasp) and a Republican (double gasp), I’m straight, married and have two kids. And I really don’t care which way your orientation swings. Or the color of your skin, if we’re going to open that can of worms too. Just be a decent, kind, caring, considerate, and responsible human being. I don’t understand all the labels. Just be a good person. That’s all that matters.
I have an uncle that’s gay. He’s still my uncle (and a FUN one at that!!) And we love going to visit. (and they love spoiling my kids rotten!)
And when I was going to grad school, I would usually go horseback riding once a week with a lesbian couple. They had an extra horse they didn’t have time to ride, I was horseless at the time, so it was a win-win arrangement for all. I even house sat for them one time, and took care of all the animals (dogs, cats, chickens, horses) while they were gone for about a week. Good people. I still send them a Christmas card.
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You’re assuming that not approving of gay marriage = publicly antagonistic toward homosexuals. Those aren’t the same thing. I know some very religious folks who probably would, if you asked, say that marriage is between a man and a woman. But, they would also say, “God loves everyone” and would never dream of being rude or unpleasant to someone because of their sexual orientation.
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No, I didn’t say anything about public antagonism. I’m just pointing out that there’s a reason the OP brought up the apparent political leanings of her barn. Respect for homosexual relationships, or lack there of, is clearly correlated with political affiliation.
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What I find interesting about the very valid concerns about safety that @firecracker raised is that their concerns and advice is Exactly the same advice I would offer to my nieces and nephews (we could do a lot better in supporting or young men if we also taught them it is okay, it is better, to say no to an uncomfortable situation) if they were going off to college, or living on their own, or getting involved in anything new. All of them are straight. It is the same safety advice that I heard time and time again as a straight, white female at various high school, university, and post grad locations.
It is the same advice I still follow to this day in certain areas. There are predators, there are violent people (of all genders). An appalling number of women on this board, myself included, are survivors of assault, sexual or otherwise, or domestic violence. And I know some men who are as well.
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So what if they don’t approve? Not everyone has to. It’s a personal choice and people can respect the person and love them regardless of if the “approve”.
Why does it matter if everyone approves anyhow?? What if that same energy was spent trying to get you to approve of Trump or anything else you don’t approve of? (Which btw is NOT fair at all to assume everyone who is R necessarily likes or agrees with him).
Leave people alone and let them be- don’t make assumptions about how they feel or what their beliefs are- be open and loving regardless and our world will better. We don’t all have to agree but we beed to love each each and learn to get along.
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Absolutely!!! Amen.
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This thread is giving me such ick.
Most of these responses are truly embodying the exact reason why OP has genuine reason to be concerned.
“I’m a straight white republican woman, how dare you assume I’m a bigot even though 50% of republicans don’t even support the legalization gay marriage”
“I know someone who is gay so I can’t be the enemy”
“There are famous gay equestrians so why would you assume other people have an issue”
“I love all people so don’t question my tolerance”
“Just don’t shove it down my throat and I’m fine”
“Why does you being part of the LGBTQ community have to be my issue to manage”
“You’re making an issue out of nothing, why would anyone care”
The overall theme of the responses is that it is the responsibility of OP to conform to invisible social parameters of acceptable behavior in order for a core part of her identity and most meaningful relationship to be seen as valid. Stepping beyond these invisible boundaries is then perceived as being “too much” and risks isolation from a community or worse.
Unless you are a literal garbage can of a human being, you know better than to be explicitly racist, sexist, or homophobic in 2023. However, implicit racism, sexism, and homophobia runs deep in our country and many spaces are not safe.
OP, I don’t feel that as a christian cis white het woman I am in any way qualified to give guidance on this. However, your concerns are valid. Within my own communities I have seen people I love feel unwelcome or unsafe because of these invisible social boundaries with a constant moving goal post.
I am sorry that as a country we continue to create spaces where not all love is recognized and equally valued. If you move forward with this barn, I sincerely hope you will find true acceptance rather than simply “tolerance”. If it is not a safe space, I hope that it becomes apparently early and clearly so that you can find a better community.
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I’ve thought about this thread a lot since I posted yesterday, since the subject is of course personal to me. Although my earlier posts talked about sometimes exercising caution, and I still stand by everything I said, I do want to follow up and share some happy… because there is a lot of happy!
My ex-wife came with me to all sorts of horsey things. She liked horses, but was not a horse person. She would sometimes come out with me to the barn to hang out and visit with the horses, and it was never an issue. I used to navigate at combined driving competitions a few times a year for a close friend, and sometimes my ex would come with. She even participated as a volunteer once. Never an issue, and this is in Texas.
Also, wanted to follow up and say that I have many conservative friends, so I want to be clear that for me, this is not a conservative vs liberal thing. It’s a basic human decency thing. For me, it all comes down to the golden rule. I always try to treat other people the way I would want to be treated - with kindness and respect. I have found that if you do this, everything often has a way of working out and being okay.
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I agree. It’s absolutely appalling that this thread has degenerated into people defending their right to feel good about themselves while still voting in politicians that oppose LGBT+ equality.
It would be fantastic if both political parties supported gay marriage with equal fervor and opposed discrimination against LGBT+ in employment and when doing business with others, and could move on and debate economic and foreign policy issues like grownups. Then maybe we’d have better solutions to real problems, versus making entire classes of people into social issues to debate.
Also, the insinuation the OP was talking about making out in the barn aisle, or the idea that making jokes about how all male riders are gay equates to tolerance really makes me shake my head.
Again, OP, trust your gut. You shouldn’t have to feel comfortable with micro-aggressions at the barn. Horses are expensive hard work as it is. I hope the barn you’ve found is a welcoming place, but if it’s not, I hope you find one that is–any barn is lucky to have a good horseperson, and it’s even better to have one with a supportive partner who is willing to help out!
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I’m sorry we have to have this conversation.
I’m going to move it away from politics and just say, yes, there are still quite a few homophobic people out there. I’m sure it’s scary. Sometimes people profess to be accepting but aren’t truly accepting - and that goes for a lot of different things (being female in the workplace, for instance, isn’t as marginalized as the LGBTQIA+ groups are, but there are still venues in which tacit hostility is implied and experienced, if not outright hostility). I don’t think this just falls along political lines - people can say the right things and still be “less than accepting”.
That being said, I have found the horse world to be slightly more accepting of the lesbian and gay community (I don’t think I’ve had many encounters with the trans community in the equine world, so I can’t speak there), mostly because we do have a large contingent of gay folks in our midst.
I have found though, that the horse world tends to be a bit more racially divided despite the fact that we have a lot more integration of black and Mexican folks in our midst. The reasons for this are likely the original roles that the minorities played (and still often do) in our equine culture.
I wouldn’t want to be somewhere where they found me holding my husband’s hand or giving him a kiss goodbye to be uncomfortable. I’m obviously not talking about full on x-rated making out, I just mean, if I had a whiff that that was discomforting for folks, I’d not want to be around them.
All that to say, trust your gut. I’m sorry that you still have to feel like this is a concern, but it ought to be a wakeup call for people that it is. Thanks for sharing your feelings and being vulnerable.
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Thank you everyone for your responses! It is important to see everyone’s perspective (and it was great hearing from LGBTQ+ equestrians!). Maybe I am a bit more sensitized than most because some of my immediate family has not been accepting, and it is easy to worry that the world won’t accept you if your family doesn’t!
In my experience, straight women can be more accepting of gay men in female-dominated spaces, so there being lots of gay male riders didn’t totally assuage my fears.
I have more time before show season to befriend more people in the barn, and I’m looking forward bringing my partner to watch, and then going from there. 
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Good luck to you, OP. I hope that one day we can all look at one another as equals, rather than labeling by sexuality, gender, race, age and so on.
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I just remembered – the farrier is a lesbian. She also has a Ph.D. in entomology, and a son and a duaghter. I have no recollection of when she said something but she started shoeing for me in 2000. She was incrediby talented. She had been living with her companion for years. She was setting up to shoe one day and said her companion left her for a man. A man!! She was shocked since she wasn’t aware of any cheating. A few years ago she walked into the barn and said “You will never guess what happened! I went on a date!!!” We laughed. It must have been at least 15 years since the breakup. She retired, I retired, I had to put my horse down. This will spur me to get back in touch.
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I’m sorry that your family isn’t accepting. That’s frustrating.
Good thing you can choose your friends. 
(even though you’re stuck with the family you’ve got)
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Just be yourself! People tend to accept people who are happy in their own skin and have good hearts. Sounds like you have that, so just let the rest be natural. Be open and don’t make assumptions about how someone may feel because it isn’t always as it may seem 
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