@HeelsDown123, there is a lot of great advice here from many perspectives. Are you friendly enough w another family who currently leases to see what their monthly costs look like and what is included? I’m concerned that you might be shocked at the cost of some things - and they do add up very quickly. Shoes, vaccinations, teeth…any routine maintenance like joint injections or Equioxx. What might horse show fees look like on this leased horse? Will you be responsible for things you currently don’t pay for? Best wishes for sorting this out. I was 11 once😀.
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This is a great idea IF it can be done - some trainers, unfortunately, will get their nose out of joint about this. But I know plenty of people who ride at more than one barn because they get something different out of each. That includes kids who take lessons at one barn but do 4H or IEA at a different barn. It might be good for daughter to continue her 2x lessons and some local shows or do a half lease at current barn, and also do the barn days and maybe another lesson or IEA practices/shows with the other barn. This would up her saddle time and other horsemanship education without putting too much stress on either program.
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When you buy that horse and head off with your daughter on the hunter show circuit (I did the eventing circuit with mine) be prepared for a very expensive time. Someone once told me that “no matter how much you save for your child’s education it will never be enough.” And that can certainly be applied to competing with horses.
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@heelsdown123, I also recommend Chad Oldfield’s book (“A Dad Walks Into a Barn” or similar). You can get it on Kindle or hardcopy and it’s going to give you a great compass for all of this.
I’m a life long hj rider. The lessons about life that I learned riding were the important ones. Forget the goal of NCAA riding. That’s possibly an outcome. A better goal is to learn how to ride well and to learn how to figure out how to ride even better, yourself, as a rider. Programs that are setup so a trainer tells you everything so you can win are worthless and maybe even damaging: they don’t empower you and focus on the wrong end (winning) for reasons of egos. Best wishes on all this! Wonderful advice from this group.
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What is it that appeals to the daughter? A sport with the horse as “equipment,” or a partnership with another living being?
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Yeah… So did I at her age.
& Right up to age 15, when I discovered BOYZ! & better things to spend my babysitting money on < I paid for my weekly lessons from age 12.
Didn’t return to the sport until my mid-30s, but the passion was dormant.
I rode school horses in regional & B shows when I came back to riding. Shared board on one then
Bought my own first horse with proceeds from a refinance & never looked back.
So… Grain of Salt for DD’s long-term.
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This one’s new to me, but I never leased, so…
OP stated the horse being put forward for the lease belongs to the barn - or did I misread?
Can someone explain how this isn’t double-dipping?
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I think it’s really good for young people to have all consuming passions, and what is wonderful about horses is that they take you outside yourself and make you consider the well being and feelings of another sentient being. And horsemanship runs counter to a bunch of the self obsessed aspects of being a teen girl. It doesn’t matter how you look or how sweaty or dirty you are, if you worked so that your horse is clean and dry and the hay is stacked. A horse program that is only about being a passenger is missing those important elements.
Riding is truly a lifelong sport. Lots of us drifted away, in high school or college (me) or early stage career or family, then returned just as obsessed. Lots of us see our goals change over time and circumstance.
So while I would not take 100 per cent seriously the life plans of a ten year old I would certainly completely encourage an immersion in horses to the extent your finances allow. Let her dream about Olympics and college, it’s a way of imagining herself grown up and a place in the adult world. Meanwhile make sure she gets a good experience and fundamentals of horsemanship in the here and now.
The young person who has skills to bring along and school a greener horse with some trainer guidance is way better placed to take advantage of the opportunities than someone who needs to always spend big money on made horses. Once you are past the beginner stage, you are starting to need to influence and school and train the horse you ride, to problem solve and have feel.
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Even though there’s a chance that horse events might not be in the Olympics by the time this poor kid grows up…let’s not dump on a child for having Olympic dreams!
Also, everyone is waxing nostalgic about braiding flowers in their horse’s manes and galloping bareback–unfortunately, in many areas, that’s just not how people can do horses. It’s not necessarily helpful advice for the OP.
I will say–I’ve ridden at dressage and hunter barns, and at all of them, there was riding out of the arena. It’s not like everyone in those disciplines huddles in the barn, afraid of puddles. And I consider myself a very wimpy rider.
So I don’t think it’s weird or a moral fault that the kid wants to compete on the A-circuit. But on the other hand, OP, no one should feel pressured to bankrupt themselves for a child’s hobby. Riders who compete on the A-circuit have access to money (or are trainer’s kids from riding dynasties) in a way that’s often hard to appreciate.
But I’ve seen parents who do feel pressured, both by their kids who have a genuine passion, and also competition from other parents. Some parents dip into kid’s college funds or go into debt to fund a kid’s hobby. Some parents have access to assets that aren’t obvious (like investments) or simply are very comfortable with high levels of debt.
I think you’re right to go with your gut, OP, get the half lease, wait it out. Maybe take your family on a riding vacation. Look into giving other disciplines as a try (even as a one-off). Give her lots of other experiences and see how the passion progresses.
I definitely recommend Kate Lattey’s Pony Jumper series for tweens (fiction, but lots of good info).
The post was taken down, but there was a Plaid Horse “think piece” about a upper-middle-class-but-not-ultra-wealthy pony mom who spent $150K on her son’s first year of showing poines that understandably generated a lot of eye-rolling. Pony dreamland
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I agree with this, with an emphasis on being financially smart about it. As others have said, if you want your daughter to play on the A circuit you will have to pay more (a lot more), but at the same time there’s no amount of money that will guarantee success. You could lease all the right horses and pay for all the right shows and still wind up solidly average. Having supportive parents encouraging that passion is so important whether she ends up going all the way or not, she’ll learn so much in the process, but you also need to be realistic about what it’s going to cost along the way.
In your position, considering your daughter’s age and relative inexperience, I would start by deciding how much money your family is comfortable lighting on fire every month and set that as your horse budget. That may or may not be enough to lease the A show horse, but don’t let the trainer dictate your budget - you’ll quickly find there’s always an excuse to spend more money in the horse world but the return isn’t always there. I’d also make sure to involve your daughter in the budgeting process early on and make it clear that if she wants to pursue this seriously she’s going to have to work out ways to contribute. If she’s really serious about it she’ll find a way.
And FWIW, you can absolutely support your daughter’s passion and make sure she gets something valuable out of the hobby while also being realistic with her about the finances. My parents were never going to be able to afford my A circuit aspirations. I thought it was incredibly unfair at the time and hated watching the other girls go show every weekend with seemingly unlimited funds, but it instilled a work ethic and an understanding of the value of a dollar that’s served me really well in all areas of life. My parents never outright told me I couldn’t try to go pro, but they gave me enough information to make that decision for myself in high school, and I shaped my entire career and college decisions around supporting a horse in the future. If I’d been stuck in the pro-or-bust mindset I see a lot of young riders showing these days I wouldn’t have set myself up nearly as well to enjoy the sport as an amateur.
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This is a great post, dmveventer! I was lucky enough to have my mom support my horsey dreams as a kid, and we were able to do the A circuit. But, we did it on much more of a budget than the rest of my friends. To save (some) money, we did things like: bought young and green, we didn’t show as much as the other juniors, and my mom learned how to braid. So, my horse would show during the week with my trainers in the greens and then we would come for the junior stuff and she would braid on the weekend. She was so good she would often get our braider’s overflow and make some side money.
We also bought each horse with an eye to selling it- the first we sold as a Children’s Hunter and the last two we sold when they were confirmed in the Large Juniors with me and doing the Regular Working Hunters with my trainers. We had very nice horses and I got a great education in the process. This isn’t necessarily something you want to do, but the basic idea is that you can do this sport on somewhat of a budget and be successful, you just have to figure out how to get what you want.
I also rode everything and anything for my trainers, from bringing along green horses to be part of the lesson program to sales horses, and I occasionally catch rode at shows, so I got way more saddle time than I would have with just my one horse. If your daughter is truly passionate about it, and her skills are able to develop, this might be a route for her, too, down the line.
I began as a pony jock when I was around her age, and rode a lot of different horses and ponies before we bought our own (a just-broke 3 year old!) when I was 13. It doesn’t sound like any sort of catch-riding is much of an option with the program she is now in, but as you become more familiar with the scene in your area you might find a different situation exists at another barn. If she is a good rider, there may be more opportunities for her to get saddle time. I would go to shows, talk with other parents, watch other trainers and how they school their students, and (quietly) suss things out to see if there are other options. This is a stupidly-expensive sport, but there are ways to do it that get a bit more bang for your buck.
Someone mentioned eventing–I do jumpers but board and train with eventers, and that might really suit you guys. It tends to be more DIY (although not always!) and more hands on than a lot of the top HJ programs. My trainer has a working student program that has brought several young riders up into accomplished horsewomen. Your daughter is too young for that, but in a couple of years she would fit into the sort of program we have at my barn. They get an education in everything from the ground up, get lots of time in the saddle on a range of different horses, learn how to groom for the FEI level, and so on. My trainer has a couple of 2 year olds right now that her working student helps with, and the other day the kid learned how to drive the tractor with the bush hog to mow the fields!
Lots of things to think about! I wish you and your child luck and hope you can find a good situation where she can develop her skills and learn how to be a good partner for whatever horse she is on.
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Edited:
She certainly doesn’t view the horse as equipment. But she also knows that she is leading the horse, not the other way around. So both are important, but improving her riding and showing well and learning more about the horses in general is certainly a priority above simply being in the barn near the horse and putting flowers in it’s hair (which we have seen before) 
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Really wise advice, thank you!!!
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Thank you, this is exactly the type of path I’m hoping will eventually open up for us. While we can afford the A-circuit in theory, we’d have to make a lot of sacrifices and it just always felt like there must be some other way. I think we’ll take it one step at a time and see where we go next.
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Maybe it shouldn’t be.
Improving her riding should absolutely include a knowledge of why the horse ridden is going the way it is on a given day.
“Combing it’s hair” should also mean checking out overall condition, being aware of any possible lameness & getting to recognize NQR for any horse assigned to the rider.
Your wording above is kind of bass-ackwards if showing comes before that.
I showed with Juniors who merely showed up, were handed groomed & tacked rides, did their round & handed horse off to a groom.
They may have pinned well, but in the long run were not the better horsemen.
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Okay, overall the wisdom in this post has led me to conclude 3 main takeaways:
- Focus on saddle time, show time, and barn time, not the rating of the show or the caliber of the horse at this age.
- Focus on the short term and the long term, and the path to get there, will likely reveal itself in time.
- Take each step in moderation. Don’t go from lesson horses to a top A-show fully calibrated and pristine $20K fee type horse in one single step. Maybe go for a younger greener horse she can learn more from, a half-lease type option so she can get her feet wet, or another option that allows us to do #1 above.
Thank you for everyone’s comments and wisdom. We feel much better armed for the upcoming meeting we have now scheduled with her coach and the barn owner. And I hope this helps someone else who stumbles across this post in the future who has found themselves in our same position.
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My apologies if my wording came across the wrong way. She loves horsemanship and everything that comes with it. But she isn’t into the fairytale side of things. For example, at her past barn, if you leased a horse, you could get to do play “weddings” where a male and female horse married and they threw a party. We thought they were joking, but they weren’t - she just isn’t into that kind of stuff.
She loves being around horses, taking care of and learning about horses, and improving her riding in the lessons and shows. That is her priority, not the fairytale type stuff we’ve also seen. Again, my apologies if this didn’t come across the right way.
At the same time, I do not feel like she gets the time or education to do some of the things you mention above, even at her current barn. The instructors and owners are responsible for most things outside of prepping the horse (brushing, picking feet, basic inspection), tacking, riding, untacking, washing/cleaning after the ride, and putting them back in their stall for the night with or without a blanket depending on the season. So while she does spend 50% of her time at the barn off the horse doing other stuff, she certainly isn’t getting to do more moderate or advanced level horse care like possible lameness, vet visit exposure, NQR, or even recognizing the personality of the horse that day before she rides it (but she can tell if a horse is having a bad day once she is on it). So we need to add this level of exposure to the list of desires for sure! Thank you for drawing our attention to the difference here, otherwise we might have missed it.
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Those are pretty good takeaways, and you’ve certainly grown in your experience beyond “daughter wants to win at very high levels” and “trainer wants to get me to pay for an expensive horse.”
But do try to structure things so that daughter has the opportunity to interact with the horse itself, not just ride and get it to perform. So many life lessons like compassion and sharing are learned that way, and she may well develop the lifelong passion that all of us have.
I, as a kid, just wanted to be around horses. The low-priced group lessons and, eventually, a horse of my own at age 12 when we moved to our own ten acres led to a deep understanding of the animals and mega saddle time, including trails and bopping around the neighborhood bareback with my friends, which, on their own, became winning at the shows.
It was my parents who wanted the shows; I was content with just knowing that the pony was performing at a very high level. It was very satisfying.
Note: we were a poor family.
ETA: We had an assortment of bargain horses and ponies, for the whole family. I did all the care, every single bit. We still took family vacations, being surrounded by similar (but higher class) family horses meant we could take care of each others’ for time off. I was the only one who showed; a friend of mine a short ride away had a nice horse she showed and a trailer; I rode with her, so our only expense was entry fees.
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I have been hesitant to post on this thread as none of our kids did the Hunter Circuit but they did Class A with their Morgans in various disciplines nationally and once internationally.
OP really be careful with the money, we bought a LOT of stuff from parents whose kids were head over heals about horses then either capped out or their parents divorced because of the expensive hobby (and other things, but the cash spent on the horse experience was a primary catalyst)
Our daughters were like yours except they had greater opportunity to ride since we kept our horses at home. Our oldest I think was like your daughter, at age ten she spent the summer at our trainers in Kentucky doing catch rides as she was a natural rider who looked pretty in the saddle. Our youngest daughter at age ten was riding competitive trail doing 40 to 45 miles a weekend as well as showing nationally (she at 37 is still very involved showing her horses)
Our primary goal was to use the horses as a tool to teach our kids about the real world and how to overcome rejection/defeat. They learned in a somewhat controlled environment how to overcome what others saw as a failure then succeed
There will be some very hard times dealing with unexpected things, youngest daughter nearly had her right foot amputated after her horse fell with her, she was a told she would never walk correctly ever again. (To prove her surgeon wrong she started distance running, first short 3ks then worked up to marathons then ultras…each time she sent her surgeon her race results with a big thank you for repairing her shattered foot)
Competition for national awards, well that can be trying at best. Daughter wanted to be the national champion youth competitive trail rider…she lost by one point to another girl who competed in multiple events being judged by her parents. My daughter was not a happy person. Together we read all the rule books finding nothing that prohibited a person from earning points being judged by a family member. Together we wrote a proposed rule amendment, she presented her proposal to the regional rep who then presented the proposal to the national committee. They added her proposal to the rule book (for those who knew about what had happened they called this Aimee’s Rule)
Later in life she has won several national and world championships with her Morgans
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Thank you for this. We may find ourselves in a larger plot of land in an area where this is feasible in the near future. Our daughter would love it! Until then, we will get this experience any way we can but the barns in our area only allow so much.
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