No longer frustrated with trainer :) Riding update!

[dontskipthecafe]

I have an 8-year-old OTTB mare who is in training 3+ days per week with a very good trainer (predominantly hunter/jumper, but branches out) whom I like and generally trust. However, it seems that my trainer doesn’t quite trust me.

Our original plan was for me to be the primary rider and to take lessons, with one or two pro rides per week. The last time I got on my horse, about a month ago, she was having a stereotypical mare day (I believe she was in heat - not helpful!). She really wanted to chase the five other horses in the ring, admittedly an understandable instinct for a TB who raced for five years. This mare is normally quite hot, but manageable and really very fun. In this one instance, she lost her mind when I insisted that chasing the other horses was not our plan. She reared, hopped, landed, and exploded into a bucking fit. I hit dirt and lost my riding privileges because my trainer thinks that Skip “has my number”, and that the trainer should be the only person riding her for a while.

This has never happened before, and the trainer has not reported anything to me about it happening again. Trainer has seen me ride this mare before, and while she was definitely hot, she was not a complete nutcase. I don’t want to be pushy, but I would like to ride my own horse, whom I really like riding!

Advice?

For some background on the horse’s physical condition, because I know someone will ask, she was thoroughly checked out by an extremely reputable equine lameness vet on 2/6. Mild stiffness in the right stifle, mild footsoreness behind that will be remedied with hind shoes ASAP, and one spot of back ouch (caused by an ill-fitting saddle that was well out of use before this incident) that was injected and is doing much better. Also had teeth done on 1/30. Has been treated for ulcers even though she wasn’t showing significant signs of them, because better safe than sorry with an OTTB who raced heavily.

[trubandloki]

Um…have you talked to your trainer about you wanting to ride your own horse again?

[dacasodivine]

She is your horse. If you want to ride her, ride her. Tell the trainer things are going back the way they were.

If trainer does not like that, move the mare. Seriously. Life is too short to put up with that.

[FineAlready]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8012998]
I have an 8-year-old OTTB mare who is in training 3+ days per week with a very good trainer (predominantly hunter/jumper, but branches out) whom I like and generally trust. However, it seems that my trainer doesn’t quite trust me.

Our original plan was for me to be the primary rider and to take lessons, with one or two pro rides per week. The last time I got on my horse, about a month ago, she was having a stereotypical mare day (I believe she was in heat - not helpful!). She really wanted to chase the five other horses in the ring, admittedly an understandable instinct for a TB who raced for five years. This mare is normally quite hot, but manageable and really very fun. In this one instance, she lost her mind when I insisted that chasing the other horses was not our plan. She reared, hopped, landed, and exploded into a bucking fit. I hit dirt and lost my riding privileges because my trainer thinks that Skip “has my number”, and that the trainer should be the only person riding her for a while.

This has never happened before, and the trainer has not reported anything to me about it happening again. Trainer has seen me ride this mare before, and while she was definitely hot, she was not a complete nutcase. I don’t want to be pushy, but I would like to ride my own horse, whom I really like riding!

Advice?

For some background on the horse’s physical condition, because I know someone will ask, she was thoroughly checked out by an extremely reputable equine lameness vet on 2/6. Mild stiffness in the right stifle, mild footsoreness behind that will be remedied with hind shoes ASAP, and one spot of back ouch (caused by an ill-fitting saddle that was well out of use before this incident) that was injected and is doing much better. Also had teeth done on 1/30. Has been treated for ulcers even though she wasn’t showing significant signs of them, because better safe than sorry with an OTTB who raced heavily.[/QUOTE]

Advice? It’s YOUR HORSE. Ride YOUR HORSE whenever you want to. Your trainer is someone YOU PAY for training, not someone who can order you not to ride your horse. If your trainer tells you that you “can’t” ride your horse, find a different trainer.

[Mukluk]

Based on what you are saying, that at other times you are able to manage this mare without incident, this seems out of line. Personally, I would be very upset if I were not able to ride MY horse. Yes, it might be that I need to be under trainer’s supervision if it’s a problem horse or my riding skills need to be honed. I would definitely address this with the trainer to discuss her rationale and what you are wanting. If I didn’t feel good about the conversation and her prognosis for you being able to ride your mare (a month down the road vs who knows when), I think I would move on. If your riding needs improvement and she doesn’t think you are good for your horse now, does she have another horse you can be riding- with the goal of working on any specific deficits that are needed for you to do better on your horse? Best of luck to you.

[Ambitious_Kate]

[QUOTE=FineAlready;8013012]
Advice? It’s YOUR HORSE. Ride YOUR HORSE whenever you want to. Your trainer is someone YOU PAY for training, not someone who can order you not to ride your horse. If your trainer tells you that you “can’t” ride your horse, find a different trainer.[/QUOTE]

This, for realz. Although I admit sometimes we really need to see ourselves put it in writing and get permission from other people to stand up to trainer. To in essence tell her we don’t need her permission to ride out own horse. Think about it a bit.

Meanwhile, ride or move.

Cheers!

[Snugglerug]

@dontskipthecafe;8012998

I hit dirt and lost my riding privileges because my trainer thinks that Skip “has my number”, and that the trainer should be the only person riding her for a while.

Bolding mine. Wowza. How exactly does a trainer take away your “riding privileges” on your own horse? And, I assume, line her pocketbook with more training rides as part of the deal?

Maybe the trainer thinks you are over-horsed, and of course there is no way for a bunch of strangers on the internet to make that call. But if trainer thinks that is the case, he/she needs to be having that discussion with you in an ongoing manner. Then you can make your own informed decision. If you decide you want to keep riding the horse and trainer still believes you shouldn’t, then trainer’s only recourse should be to stop training you/your horse (and ask you to leave if she owns the barn.) But she doesn’t get to just tell you that you can’t ride your own horse!

[dontskipthecafe]

I was supposed to be getting lessons on nice trained horses, but we live in New England and the weather has been flipping us the bird. She’s been cancelling everyone’s evening lessons, not just mine, but it’s still annoying. I’m letting her know that I would really like to move back to the original plan of lessons on my own horse. Because I know she’s been doing a good job with her, but it doesn’t help me if my horse is only used to the trainer riding her and not me.

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=Snugglerug;8013067]
Bolding mine. Wowza. How exactly does a trainer take away your “riding privileges” on your own horse? And, I assume, line her pocketbook with more training rides as part of the deal?

Maybe the trainer thinks you are over-horsed, and of course there is no way for a bunch of strangers on the internet to make that call. But if trainer thinks that is the case, he/she needs to be having that discussion with you in an ongoing manner. Then you can make your own informed decision. If you decide you want to keep riding the horse and trainer still believes you shouldn’t, then trainer’s only recourse should be to stop training you/your horse (and ask you to leave if she owns the barn.) But she doesn’t get to just tell you that you can’t ride your own horse![/QUOTE]

She’s not lining her pockets at all. Training is exactly the same cost now as it was when I was the rider. The issue isn’t the money, it’s just that I’m slightly offended by the assumption that I can’t handle my own horse just because she threw a fit in front of a bunch of people one time.

It is entirely possible that she thinks I’m over-horsed, but I’ve been over-horsed before and I don’t feel that I am now. Also, “lost my riding privileges” isn’t the phrase she used, but rather a weak attempt at humor on my part.

[NoSuchPerson]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8012998]
I hit dirt and lost my riding privileges because my trainer thinks that Skip “has my number”, and that the trainer should be the only person riding her for a while.[/QUOTE]

Are you an adult or a child?

What, exactly, did your trainer say to you the day you “lost your riding privileges?”

What has your trainer said to you about the horse and your riding since then?

Are you riding any horse at all if you aren’t riding your horse?

If you can’t have an open, honest, rational discussion with your trainer about the training plan for your horse, and the two of you can’t reach a mutually satisfactory agreement on how to proceed from this point, you need to find a new trainer.

Edited because the previous two posts happened while I was typing my reply. If your trainer sincerely believes that you are over-horsed and that riding your horse puts you at risk of injury, then she has a professional obligation to try and keep you off your horse. You are her client, so she bears some responsibility for your well-being. So, I don’t really blame her for asking you not to ride your horse, if that is what she thinks.

Now, I’m not saying her assessment is correct, but it’s something you two need to discuss and reach agreement on.

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=NoSuchPerson;8013090]
Are you an adult or a child?

What, exactly, did your trainer say to you the day you “lost your riding privileges?”

What has your trainer said to you about the horse and your riding since then?

Are you riding any horse at all if you aren’t riding your horse?

If you can’t have an open, honest, rational discussion with your trainer about the training plan for your horse, and the two of you can’t reach a mutually satisfactory agreement on how to proceed from this point, you need to find a new trainer.[/QUOTE]

I’m an adult (21).

Trainer said “I think she’s got your number,” mentioned that my confidence probably suffered from my previous horse (accurate, I was previously over-horsed, but my lack of confidence is pretty restricted to that specific previous horse), and that my mare took advantage of a moment of uncertainty. She suggested that I leave my horse to her for a while and take lessons on one of hers, which would be included in my training bill with no extra charge. I said great, but that hasn’t happened because of the weather. So no, I’m not riding anything else right now.

Unfortunately, it’s been a little difficult to communicate due to our schedules - I work full-time, and she has usually left the barn by the time I get there. I want to have this conversation in person instead of trying to negotiate through Facebook. Going to try to meet up with her on Friday or Saturday, when I do not have work.

[Ladylexie]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8013081]
She’s not lining her pockets at all. Training is exactly the same cost now as it was when I was the rider. The issue isn’t the money, it’s just that I’m slightly offended by the assumption that I can’t handle my own horse just because she threw a fit in front of a bunch of people one time.

It is entirely possible that she thinks I’m over-horsed, but I’ve been over-horsed before and I don’t feel that I am now. Also, “lost my riding privileges” isn’t the phrase she used, but rather a weak attempt at humor on my part.[/QUOTE]

Oh wow the COTH readers have really made this sound much worse than it really is! I hate that! I would be just as happy to have the trainer riding the horse after your last experience myself? Isn’t that why you pay a trainer???

[ReSomething]

Well, so it’s an attempt at humor, OK.

Did you agree that the horse needed pro rides only after this event or is this something else where you have wound up not riding at all or riding other horses in lessons? Or you were supposed to have ridden other horses but didn’t even get that?

And it’s only been 4 lessons, with nasty rotten lousy weather that’s affected everybody’s ability to have lessons at all? Hmm.

Time to call her on it, as she’s making more profit out of less work by riding your horse and not giving you a lesson, and it certainly isn’t doing you any good if you aren’t getting any saddle time.

[Calhoun]

I’m going to look at this from another point of view. The OP said her horse wanted to chase the other horses in the ring, exploded in a bucking fit and she fell off. What about the safety of the other riders and their horses? We’ve all been in a ring where the riderless horse runs around like his feet are on fire badly scaring the other horses. Every boarder is entitled to a safe riding environment. There are times when horses get out of control, but I wonder if the instructor felt the OP is not in control of her horse and feared for the safety of others. I wasn’t there, just a thought.

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=Ladylexie;8013105]
Oh wow the COTH readers have really made this sound much worse than it really is! I hate that! I would be just as happy to have the trainer riding the horse after your last experience myself? Isn’t that why you pay a trainer???[/QUOTE]

To an extent, yes, that’s why you pay a trainer. But that’s not the entire reason why I pay this trainer. I pay this trainer because I want to be able to ride my own horse, and I want to be part of training my own horse. I thought this was part of the agreement and it’s upsetting that I’m not part of it right now.

[coloredhorse]

I am one of those that is befuddled at the power that some people give their trainers/some trainers expect to have in the relationship. Personally, my goal is to learn to ride better and train my own horses, so putting a trainer in the saddle is a tool used only in very occasional and specific instances. So my suggestion is colored by that perspective.

OP, you are young, so you might find this a bit difficult (I would have at 21). But if you want to return to the original plan with your horse and this trainer, tell the trainer so. She’s not at the barn when you are? So what? We have these nifty devices that allow us to communicate with others some distance away. During a break in your work day, pick up one of those clever devices and call your trainer. Do not email. Do not use Facebook. Do not text. Call. Tell her you want to return to the original training plan. If discussion is necessary, explain that you are comfortable riding the horse, that you believe the hissy fit to be a one-out thing, not a pattern, and reiterate that you wish to return to the original plan.

The trainer getting on after the fall to see if she could work through the issue more expeditiously and with less risk to others in the ring? Perfectly reasonable. Immediately jumping to “trainer rides only?” Much less reasonable. In my mind, anyway.

If there are future problems, either you or the trainer are free to initiate a discussion about different approaches at any time.

[SmartAlex]

You’re 21. You are an adult, but you may not be in the eyes of your trainer. And you are young enough to be inexperienced in what it is to wield the power of adultness.

It’s OK to come on an internet forum to vent, get a consensus and form a reaction. It is maybe even good that you didn’t express your off the cuff feelings to your trainer.

You are allowed to ride your horse. You are allowed to feel like your trainer has taken away a privilege. Now work out what you’re going to say in your head, and go do it.

[SuzieQNutter]

I am in the same boat that I will not let my hubby ride his own horse and at the moment I can not see a day that I will let him. Just because she goes quietly for me does not mean that she will go quietly with him. Every day she is getting better and every day he is getting better so as she gets more seasoned and older then maybe one day he will ride her.

Cold really changes a horse. It may have had nothing to do with her being in season or in pain, just the fact that she was cold. We were not there, we did not see how she bucked and why you came off and what she did after you came off. We also do no know how she feels under saddle for the pro rider.

Sure my hubby’s mare goes quietly for me and looks really good, but there is so much I am not doing on top of her that I do on other horses…yet.

Do you know how to lunge her properly? Have you been taught? I would be asking for lessons on this. If you and her don’t know how to lunge then the pro needs to teach her. I am talking about lunging properly with side reins and not running around free at the end of a rope. It is not side reins that hurt horses it is people using side reins who don’t know what they are doing that hurt horses.

She can not be taught to lunge with side reins in one lesson. It does not happen overnight. It will take weeks, even if done every day, if done properly.

[mvp]

[QUOTE=dacasodivine;8013009]
She is your horse. If you want to ride her, ride her. Tell the trainer things are going back the way they were.

If trainer does not like that, move the mare. Seriously. Life is too short to put up with that.[/QUOTE]

And another thing! If you want to ride/fix your misbehaving mare, I don’t see why the pro won’t let you. Better you getting dumped than me, I say. If a HO wants to pay me to ride and yet remain the crash-test dummy herself, I let her do it.

Being so possessive of a client’s horse is stupid. And if you are only getting paid to ride it part of the time, I don’t see why anyone would want to take that position. Of course, if I thought someone else’s rides were making mine more dangerous, we’d have to come up with a new plan. Or the HO could have all the rides back.

Seriously, OP, I can’t believe this is a stumper of a problem. Why can’t you just tell the pro you want to ride her on These Days and you’d like her to put in rides on Those Days?

[GoForAGallop]

I do not think that you need to storm into the barn and demand to ride your own horse. I don’t think that trainer is going to drag you off the horse if that happens, because yes, you are “allowed” to ride your own horse, and nobody is going to argue with you on that point. However, you are paying this person for a reason, and her keeping an eye on your safety is part of that.

I DO think that you need to have an open and honest conversation with your trainer about how she sees the next two months going/what her general if-all-goes-according-to-plan timeline looks like. Does she want to put 30 days on the horse, and then plan to incorporate you back into the riding?

The mare is hot (you say so yourself) and has had issues interacting with other horses. You have past fear/confidence issues owing to being over-horsed. The weather in New England means that everyone is crammed into the indoor, where, let’s be honest, things can get hairy fast with a mis-behaving horse. Particularly since she thinks that horse has your number, and the horse has been “chasing” other horses. (What does that mean? Is the horse literally getting close enough to bite/kick? Because if so, she has every reason to ask you to not be in the ring with others.)

I think, in all fairness, that your trainer has valid reasons for not wanting you on the horse without her supervision. For everyone’s SAFETY, nothing to do with money.

But, she should have a plan to get you back on the horse, or even back working with the horse. Three rides a week is not enough for a hot TB in the middle of the winter, so on the off-days, you can be giving her good lunging and long-lining sessions, which keep you safely on the ground.

OR, alternatively, she should be getting a feel for whether this horse will ever be an appropriate mount for you.

I wouldn’t stress too much about the missed lessons on schoolmasters you were supposed to have. I understand how the poster from Kentucky would find that suspicious, but most of the very reputable barns in my area have not been having lessons the past few weeks, or having only the middle-of-the-day lessons. It is COLD, single-digit temps, and that starts to become a safety issue.