No longer frustrated with trainer :) Riding update!

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=enjoytheride;8013636]
It’s an impossible slope to teach a semi competent, beginner, fearful rider on an entirely unsuitable horse.[/QUOTE]

When did anyone say that I was a beginner, or a fearful rider? I said that I’d had a confidence-shaker of a horse before, but that I am not afraid of my mare. This is a horse that I was cantering bareback two weeks after her last race. I’ve ridden and schooled a significant number of OTTBs for various trainers since I was 14. She and I had a bad day. Everyone falls. The fact that I fell off does not mean that my horse is “entirely unsuitable” for me.

Edited: I apologize for defensiveness. I also never intended for this thread to get so out of control. I was not saying that my trainer is a “villain”, or that she is keeping my horse from me. I have poor communication skills and my question was for advice on how to talk to her about it, not advice on whether or not to ride my horse.

[enjoytheride]

You didn’t, I was more answering a general statement.

Some people are very honest about their skills, others are not.

Some trainers are out to take your money, others have your safety and confidence in mind.

You’ve gotten some good advice in this thread on how to talk to your trainer.

[S1969]

[QUOTE=FineAlready;8013387]
I want to clarify something. If the trainer simply suggested that you not ride the horse for a while, I think that is one thing. I’d expect in that situation that the trainer would also be talking to you regularly about the horse’s progress and coming up with a game plan for you to start riding her again. If the trainer forbade you from riding your horse, without any further or developing discussion, that’s something else entirely. [/QUOTE]

This.

Personally, I would wonder if the trainer’s way of handling this situation is in part due to your age. Would the trainer “forbid” an older adult from riding their own horse - without (or so it appears) a specific plan for getting that rider back on?

What needs to happen is a serious conversation – face to face, but if it has to be setup by text/facebook, then do it. “Trainer, I want to talk to you about the training schedule for my mare, and getting me back on as the primary rider. When can we talk?”

If the trainer does not respond with “how about Tuesday” or something like that, I’d be pretty pissed off. (Again, if you were 45, would the trainer respond the same way?) If not, then it’s time to assert yourself as the “adult, paying customer”. (Not lesson student, not barn rat, etc.)

It’s great to have your horse in training, but totally pointless without a plan for YOU to ride her. You need a PLAN – what is the goal, what is the schedule to meet that goal, and at what point (now, next week? next month?) do you become the primary rider again?

[whbar158]

I tend to think some people take the whole “this is my horse I will do what I want” a little too far.

Also sounds like it’s been a month or so? With horrible weather? I think OP is being a little impatient. While that was a freak day I am sure the trainer doesn’t want the mare to repeat it any time soon or the mare will have your number. It only takes a few rides like that for things to get really bad and with the weather the way it is and your past experience I would think the trainer is just looking to keep things in a good way.

As far as what to do op have a conversation asking about a time table of when you might get some lessons on the mare, you know the weather has been awful so things are probably delayed from original plan but you would like to get back on track as soon as the trainer thinks it is good. She may just want to get a few lessons for you on the school horses before you get back on the mare and e weather has been preventing that. Best way to go about these things is to not accuse nor be demanding. But be honest and firm that you would like to get some lessons on her sooner rather than later. Going in there saying “it’s my horse I can do what I want” is the wrong approach. I have poor communication skills in person so I understand. I have to have my thoughts super organized and even then I forget half of heat I want to say!

[dontskipthecafe]

I’d just like to clarify that I never intended to say “It’s my horse and I’ll do what I want.” I’ve left a message for my trainer just saying that I would like to ride my horse again, supervised and without other horses in the ring. If she tells me no, I will request a more solid plan of getting me back on my mare. Because we never had that. We just had “I’ll let you know when I think she’s ready to start bringing you back into the program.” I wasn’t even lunging her for a while, just recently got the go-ahead for that. My frustration is with the lack of communication and a plan, not simply the fact that I’m not riding.

[S1969]

[QUOTE=whbar158;8013996]
Also sounds like it’s been a month or so? With horrible weather? I think OP is being a little impatient.[/QUOTE]

I disagree. The trainer has had a month (~12 training rides) to “assess the situation”. So…what is the situation? This is the job of the trainer, in my opinion, not the obligation of the owner to track down the trainer in order to figure out how the horse is doing, and what the plan is now.

If the OP had paid for 60 days of training, and it had been only 30 days in…that’s a different story. But the trainer just said she wanted to be the only rider “for a while.” Ok, it’s been a while. Time for a debriefing and a plan of action.

[trubandloki]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8014045]
I’ve left a message for my trainer just saying that I would like to ride my horse again, supervised and without other horses in the ring.[/QUOTE]

Does this facility really have times that there are no others in the ring that you are also available to ride?

[SillyHorse]

[QUOTE=Calhoun;8013122]
I’m going to look at this from another point of view. The OP said her horse wanted to chase the other horses in the ring, exploded in a bucking fit and she fell off. What about the safety of the other riders and their horses? We’ve all been in a ring where the riderless horse runs around like his feet are on fire badly scaring the other horses. Every boarder is entitled to a safe riding environment. There are times when horses get out of control, but I wonder if the instructor felt the OP is not in control of her horse and feared for the safety of others. I wasn’t there, just a thought.[/QUOTE]
I’ve been in the ring when this type of this has happened, and I’ve seen people get hurt as a result. I hope this was a one-off, but unless the OP is quite sure she can control the horse, I think the trainer has a good point.

[Coanteen]

Eh, I think all this has been blown out of proportion - to be fair, starting with OP’s attempt at humor about “riding privileges.” And again, it’s all because of lack of communication.

OP was dumped.
Trained syggested that only she ride mare for a while, and OP take lessons on a less green horse.
OP agreed to plan; “I said great”.
Plan couldn’t be put into effect because of weather.
OP wondering how to ride own horse again.

Just talk to trainer, OP! The trainer is a service provider you’re employing - she’s probably trying to do what she thinks is best, getting mare trained up better for you, and working on your skills separately with you on another horse. That’s fine, but if you prefer to work on your issues together with the mare, that’s what trainer should be doing (unless it’s completely unsafe, in which case trainer should refuse to train you).

Sounds like trainer communicated with you, you agreed with the plan, and now you don’t want that any more. That’s fine, you’re the client. Tell trainer you want to be coached on your own horse.

[If_The_Saddle_Fits]

[QUOTE=S1969;8014055]
I disagree. The trainer has had a month (~12 training rides) to “assess the situation”. So…what is the situation? This is the job of the trainer, in my opinion, not the obligation of the owner to track down the trainer in order to figure out how the horse is doing, and what the plan is now.

If the OP had paid for 60 days of training, and it had been only 30 days in…that’s a different story. But the trainer just said she wanted to be the only rider “for a while.” Ok, it’s been a while. Time for a debriefing and a plan of action.[/QUOTE]

Agree with this. I realize the weather has thrown a wrench in things but I would have expected communication from my trainer with an assessment and plan after one or two rides.

[trubandloki]

Depending on where the OP is I am willing to give the trainer some slack in the communication about riding times right now. Some places are dealing with record colds and record snow falls.
No, that does not mean it is OK for the trainer to fall off the face of the earth but I know how much more work I am doing with just my three, I can only imagine how exhausting it has to be with a whole barn worth. Add the frustration of lack of turn out time and no riding, the horses are a handful.

I do think the OP should contact her trainer though, and start a simple conversation.

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=If The Saddle Fits;8014221]
Agree with this. I realize the weather has thrown a wrench in things but I would have expected communication from my trainer with an assessment and plan after one or two rides.[/QUOTE]

Thank you! As mentioned, I am now speaking with my trainer. She has apologized for the lack of contact and wants to come up with a plan to get me back on my horse. My frustration was largely with the fact that I have had to pester her for updates on training instead of getting regular communication.

I always intended to talk to her about this; the original post was for the purpose of asking how to properly talk to a human being because I’m quite bad at talking to human beings. And I got some good advice here. So thank you!

[dontskipthecafe]

I got on the girl last night, and she was wonderful! Since I don’t get to the barn until rather late, and didn’t get on until about 8:00 PM, there was only one other horse in the ring. She behaved perfectly except for some minor “Mommmm, why are we walking?” complaints for the first minute or so. I spent most of the ride in two-point (hoping to improve my own fitness), and that seemed to help, I think because she’s a bit cold-backed and it helps her warm up if my weight isn’t on her. We also have my new saddle (County Symmetry) coming in on Saturday, hopefully that will make things even better because I know the one I have on her right now (Wintec) isn’t ideal.

[SillyHorse]

Glad to hear things are looking up.

[dontskipthecafe]

I also have an actual lesson with trainer tonight, and I’m hoping that goes just as well My issue last night was actually laziness. I had to chase her a little with the whip to get her to move out while I was lunging her!

[OveroHunter]

Do you normally ride her with a light/half seat? Your mare will probably like it and it really helps with your personal fitness as well

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=OveroHunter;8027631]
Do you normally ride her with a light/half seat? Your mare will probably like it and it really helps with your personal fitness as well :)[/QUOTE]

I always try to ride with a light seat, because she’s very sensitive and gets quite pissy if you sit heavily on her. Half-seat has proven to be even better, especially while she’s warming up. I’m also looking into getting a Back on Track AP pad, because they supposedly work wonders on cold-backed horses. I have the BoT mesh sheet, and I think it’s been good for her.

[Synthesis]

I have the BoT Back Warmer and ride with it. I actually like it better than a saddle pad because it hits a majority of the back.

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=Synthesis;8027853]
I have the BoT Back Warmer and ride with it. I actually like it better than a saddle pad because it hits a majority of the back.[/QUOTE]

Sounds like a good plan! I’m thinking of getting a memory foam half-pad, too. Depends on what the saddle fitter thinks; I am going to borrow a friend’s Ogilvy for the fitting appointment.