Non-physical disabilities

[EKLay]

Wow, can I say thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread? It’s hugely encouraging to hear other people’s stories and advice. I grew up in a mentally/emotionally abusive family and I was recently diagnosed with a mental disorder. It took me a couple years to even be able to admit to myself that there was abuse in my background and there were some really dark times for awhile, but it was my animals that pulled me through it.

I do not own a horse, but worked at a barn for the last several years and whenever I was having a truly rough day, I could always count on the horses, my dog and bunnies to make me feel better. Being unconditionally accepted by them was/is one of the most healing things for me.

I would also struggle with not wanting to drive to the barn some days, but like others have said, what got me out there was knowing that all the horses were depending on me for feed/cleaning/turnout etc. Usually after I got to the barn and said a few hellos to my favorites I had enough to start what I was there for. (I realize my situation was a bit different, being that I was working for the barn and not boarding there, but knowing animals were depending on me was what got me going.)

I’ve made progress in learning how to manage situations and deal with my “triggers”, but my animals are still a huge part of my support and I don’t ever see that changing.

[ClassAction]

[QUOTE=sayyadina;4463556]
I have PTSD, and my ponies have helped me more than any human therapist ever has. I’ve been sick on & off since June (went off antidepressant), so I’ve been barely able to see them, which has been rough.

My mother was extremely abusive (hence the PTSD), and I’ve disowned her. However, I had no idea what it was like to have a mother. My Haflinger was very nurturing and loving, while also making me stand up for myself, and she’s become my mom. Then my other girl was also abused, and is very sensitive, so she’s a lot like me. The only difference between us is that she’s a horse.

Right now, I just don’t feel good. I’d like to see my ponies, but I don’t feel up to the drive to the stable.[/QUOTE]

Where are you? I’d drive you! I think we’ve all struggled with the thoughts that “I don’t have the oomph/It’s too much effort.” For me, the trick is to hold myself accountable to as many people as possible. I have two friends I tell and my therapist that I’ll be at the barn tonight (even if I don’t ride). Then I have them call me that evening to make sure I did it.

And EKLay, I’m so glad we’re starting a discussion. The trick is to keep the discussion going and to try and change our lives for the better!

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Remember too, that the horses don’t care if you are out there for scritches and a treat or longer hanging and grooming time or a hack. You don’t need to place demands on yourself as to what you will do once you are at the barn except to spend time with your equines.

[grabmaneandgo]

Whatever gets you through the day is okay. If you need to sleep in, sleep in. If you CAN muster up the strength to get to the barn, then try to do it. Once you’re there, let your mind and body tell you how far you want to push it. I agree with other posters on this thread… just BEING at the barn is enough to help. You don’t HAVE to do anything once you are there, but you will probably find yourself doing things that relieve your discomfort.

If you’re in a “high” state, try simply to be aware of it. My mother is bi-polar. I have more experience with the disorder than I ever thought I would. My mother’s challenges are the “highs.” While the depression is awful, the highs seem to have a greater impact on those around her. During her highs, she goes on shopping sprees and starts all kinds of big projects and makes grand plans. It exhausts her and she quickly spirals into the depressive state.

You may not have these same effects, but what we’ve learned about bi-polar is to try to be aware of your changing mental states. Sometimes just being aware of the changes in yourself can help you to deal better with the challenges each one brings. :sadsmile:

[_Teddy]

I have a anxiety disorder so I frequently find myself in a panicky state- I Find working with extremley quiet horses works best as I get too nervous for hot horses and then they get upset which ends not so pretty.
I am undiagnosed OCD, if im not worrying about something else im focused on things that I shouldnt worry over(what someone says, what I did minute details).

I find now that if I dont go to the barn every week that I slip into being unmotivated to go even though im always better after the barn…then the ocd kicks in and I get upset about being unmotivated because I love the barn and cant control the unmotivated feelings.

Mostly people figure out im high strung pretty quick.

[Twigster]

[QUOTE=ClassAction;4427025]
I have what amounts to a life-long struggle with bipolar disorder. I’ve been dx’d about 8 years now (yikes!) I’m hoping to get some insight from other folks about times when they feel too bad to go to the barn. When do you push yourself anyway and when do you let yourself rest/

Also, how have your horse(s) helped you through rough times?[/QUOTE]

I have been struggling with depression since my early teen years, and I am so glad you started this thread.

For me, if I can get out and accomplish something, I am one step closer to beating the depression. To get out to the barn is sometimes very difficult, I try to get out 5 days a week, even if it is only for 20 minutes of grooming or grazing, or to watch a friend ride. Having a schedule I am accountable to has helped me tremendously, I have 5 days out, and 2 scheduled days off. Then when it gets especially rough I try to talk myself through to the next day off, instead of feeling like I am giving up.

I got my first horse a year ago, and it has been the best thing that ever happened. She pushes me, doesn’t accept any less than my A-game, and really makes me engage physically and mentally with her. She has left me in the dirt more times than I will ever admit to, always on days when I was in no shape (mentally) to ride. At first this discouraged me, then it motivated me, because more than anything I wanted to ride. I got more lessons, and a trainer who understands my issues. Fast forward a year, and I have been off anti-depressants for 4 months (Dr allowed), which I had taken for a decade. All this because a lovely TB mare gave ME a job to do, and insisted I do it well. This mare taught me calm, focus and self awareness that I never thought I could posess.

(oh, and it has been a long time since a spook caught me unawares!)

[Big_Red_Beast]

Wow so many supportive people here! Im Bi-polar (diagnosed in 2000), and horses (especially my first) absolutely saved my life. After being hospitalized I realized how important sunlight, fresh air, and outdoor activities are to stabilizing my mood. Like others I am responsible for my horses, and since they are at my house I MUST get up, take care of their needs, and make sure they are all healthy, every single day. that alone helps me cope- the time outside filling water tubs, watching them interact with each other, doing silly things- all of it helps to remind me that things get better- and most importantly I need to be there to care for my animals.
My manic times are hardest for me with horses, I tend to loose my temper, or not think training through step by logical step- expecting my horses to catch up with me. Breathing exercises help, as well as acknowledging the problem, also knowing that I can untack/ put the horse away at any moment and not do any harm helps.
Horses arent my only saviors- my dogs force me to walk almost every day, my pygmy goat is a constant source of amusement, and my pet pig is just hillarious!

Any one have any tips on how to help people around you cope with your depressions?
this seems to be a reoccurring issue- people dont understand that you cant just ‘get’ happy when you are clinically depressed

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Twigster - that is simply an incredible story!

Big Red Beast - sigh it is education, I think, and it takes time. People used to think cancer was contagious. Think HIV, too. People are always afraid of what they don’t understand.

[ClassAction]

Big Red Beast I totally agree with you that having animals depending on you will get you out and about when nothing else will. Though I don’t have a horse (yet) my cat always gets food, fresh water and a clean litter box even if I haven’t showered in a few days.

And anyone should feel free to PM me to talk at any time. We need to take care of ourselves at all times and each other whenever possible!

I’ve found that to get others to understand how mental illness works it is really helpful relate it to other illnesses. I’m like a diabetic in that I rely on my meds to keep my body in balance the way they depend on insulin. It’s like of like I have a persistent cancer in that it can go into remission but there’s a good chance it will come back over and over again so I always need to be vigilant. And for some people I just have a “neurological disorder where my brain chemicals are out of whack.”

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Funny - that is how I describe it, as well - I explain that in diabetes, insulin is out of whack, and in depression, brain neurochemicals are out of whack, we are just not at the point where we know which ones, and why, and we don’t have unbiased diagnostics like you do for blood sugar levels.

[Twigster]

BRB- I have found a couple of memoirs written by people with mood disorders that have helped both me and my husband understand what I am going through. He still struggles sometimes, but they have given him new perspectives. One of them is “Darkness Visible” by William Styron and the other “An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Jamison. Neither are light hearted, and can be gut-wrenchingly brutal in their descriptions, but they have so much to offer to those who have these diseases and to those who want to understand them better.

Thanks DG, I owe this mare so much, I never thought I would be where I am and I have her to thank for it.

CA- I also use that description, in addition to helping others understand, it also helps me to cope when I hit a roadblock or take a few steps backwards. I have to keep telling myself it isn’t my fault.

And now, when I am faced with a setback, I try to head for the barn. Clears my mind, helps me regain perspective, and then I get to ride

I’d like to second CA’s offer, please anyone feel free to PM anytime!

[Meredith_Clark]

[QUOTE=Teddy;4467878]
I have a anxiety disorder so I frequently find myself in a panicky state- I Find working with extremley quiet horses works best as I get too nervous for hot horses and then they get upset which ends not so pretty.
I am undiagnosed OCD, if im not worrying about something else im focused on things that I shouldnt worry over(what someone says, what I did minute details).

I find now that if I dont go to the barn every week that I slip into being unmotivated to go even though im always better after the barn…then the ocd kicks in and I get upset about being unmotivated because I love the barn and cant control the unmotivated feelings.

Mostly people figure out im high strung pretty quick.[/QUOTE]

I have the worst anxiety. I was on medication during college but I’ve been off it for a while. I worry SO much… if I was a horse I’d crib :lol:

I also have pretty bad ADD so it’s a bad cycle of;

go to the barn, run around in a haze of ADD-ness, leave the barn and then worry the entire way home that I’ve left something plugged in, forgotten to shut a gate, etc.

I redid my horse’s wrap almost 20 times the other night b/c I was convinced I was going to bow his tendon. When I took the wrap off (which had drooped a bit) I was SURE his tendon was bowed. I convinced myself he was fine (which he was/is btw) and drove home. Stopped about 10mins into the drive and turned around to check him again.

I was really surprised when I was diagnosed with ADD (I was 22 at the time) but it’s not all about being a hyper kid. I’m not really hyper active at all but I have a really hard time concentrating and when I should be paying attention to one thing I’m thinking about something else, and then when I think back on the original thing I was doing I can’t remember so I worry about if I did it right.

[equineartworks]

My DD’s stuggles with anxiety, as many people with Asperger’s do. ClassicSportHorses worked with her for about 30 lessons and WOW! The right horse, the right instructor…magic.

Have any of you read “the Healing Touch of Horses” by Bronwynn Llewellyn (sp?) fabulous book. I loan out my copies to teen students, parents etc. It gives them a glimpse into what horses can do for us besides the physical aspects. I dislike talking about the benefits horses bring to us in clinical terms with students and families…their worlds are over saturated by terms and conditions that are never fully explained or understood. This book speaks to them on a personal level. It’s lovely…just lovely.

[_Teddy]

[QUOTE=Meredith Clark;4469244]
I have the worst anxiety. I was on medication during college but I’ve been off it for a while. I worry SO much… if I was a horse I’d crib :lol:

I also have pretty bad ADD so it’s a bad cycle of;

go to the barn, run around in a haze of ADD-ness, leave the barn and then worry the entire way home that I’ve left something plugged in, forgotten to shut a gate, etc.

I redid my horse’s wrap almost 20 times the other night b/c I was convinced I was going to bow his tendon. When I took the wrap off (which had drooped a bit) I was SURE his tendon was bowed. I convinced myself he was fine (which he was/is btw) and drove home. Stopped about 10mins into the drive and turned around to check him again.

I was really surprised when I was diagnosed with ADD (I was 22 at the time) but it’s not all about being a hyper kid. I’m not really hyper active at all but I have a really hard time concentrating and when I should be paying attention to one thing I’m thinking about something else, and then when I think back on the original thing I was doing I can’t remember so I worry about if I did it right.[/QUOTE]

THats exactly how I get! I get sooo focused on something like did I shut the gate ect that I literally stay up all night thinking about it. I’m mellow but when im hyper im reallly hyper, which if that happens during a anxiety attack I literally cannot calm myself down without medication which really sucks.

But I find that the anxiety cycles are much more tolerable if I am at the barn at least 1x a week-its better than thearapy for me:)

[fitzwilliam]

We have several people at our barn who suffer from depression or bipolar disease. They have been pretty open about their struggles which I think is a good approach. Everyone cares about them and tries to support them in any way possible. For our dedicated trainers it is better that they know someone is going through a rough time than thinking they are just neglecting their responsibilities to their horses. If things are tough and a person can not make it out, they can call and any one of us will ride or lunge their horse. I think in today’s world everyone has a family member or friend who suffers from some form of mental illness. By being open you can educate others about your disease. Horses provide respite for all of us - “furry Prozac” in their own wise ways. I am not naive (I work in a Psych hospital), there are individuals who deny the existence of mental illness. However I do think most people involved with animals are in touch with their healing properties and are open about peoples’ needs than the average person. Maybe I am just very. very lucky to be in my barn which is more like a family than a business. I hope you can find the support you need from both your four legged and two legged friends.

[Bluey]

I think that a large number of people with some kind of mental problems, especially those that involve social contact. like to be around horses and work with them, if what ails them is not antagonistic with being around horses, as in pathological hygiene cases, where everything seems dirty, which most in a barn honestly is.

Why are so many of the less balanced humans attracted to horses?
I think that horses seem and many are unassuming, want to get along and their demands on their human are large in time and energy, but emotionally simple, where each person can project their own needs on them in a basic way.

Once that human becomes more conversant in horses, they discover that horse are as sophisticated individuals as humans can be, but by then most have aquired the skills to handle that and that transfers to how they can then interact with humans, in a less threatening, more positive way.

I think that such is for many why they are involved in horses and why so many people in horses seem a little bit odd at times.:yes:

We have to admit that, especially in today’s world, you have to go hunting for horse activities.
Horse activities are not there for everyone to chose and take it or leave it as will, as going to eat out, go to the movies, or to play golf.
You have to work at finding horses and spend an enormous amount of time, money and energy on them, you have to be attracted to something about horses to even care to go that route, in today’s world full of so much else to pass our time.

[mkevent]

I’d like to put out the offer if anyone ever wants to PM me, they are welcome to. Having a support system is so crucial.

An interesting thing happened to me this week. We had some friends over last weekend, and they were discussing their teenage daughter who was experiencing some depression/anxiety issues. I was open about my disease and told her that she was welcome to share the story with her daughter. The mom came by yesterday and told me that her daughter was going to seek help and try medication if it is recommended. Sometimes you never know who you will help-I look at it as a “pay it forward” kind of disease.

I also want to mention not to give up if a certain medication does not work for you. I was in pharmaceutical sales for a number of years and had antidepressants as some of my products. There are a number of different drugs available and they all work differently for different people. Some are better for the “can’t get out of bed” depression, some for depression with anxiety, etc. It is very rare for someone just to have depression or just to have anxiety-most people have a mixed bag of both. Find a doctor willing to work with you and try to find the medication that works best for you-even if you have to try 3 or 4 different products before finding the one that works the best.

Believe it or not, there are still doctors out there in family practice who do not believe in antidepressants. It makes me angry to think of the patients who finally have the courage to seek help only to be turned away by the one person who could really help them. Maybe these people never get help. That’s why I share my stories with others that I feel may benefit from it.

[Big_Red_Beast]

Class Action- that is a great way to explain it! I think I may use that in the future!

Bluey- your question about why unbalanced people are attracted to horses is one I think of very often- Horses were not ‘easy’ to get into my life ( I grew up in the city with no ‘riding friends’- in elementary school I rode my bike to the nearest barn I could find and helped out in exchange for ride time)
I center my unbalanced life around horses because they are innately balanced (barring abuse, or neurosis). most animals are I think- and I strive to emulate that balance in my own life. somethings Ive learned from the animals:

• Nothing feels better in the middle of winter than standing in the sun with a friend
• Play every chance you get
• eat when your hungry, drink when your thirsty (try not to do it in excess! )
• sometimes you just have to kick up your heels and run around!
• Enjoy contact with others
• Trust.

Twigster- Ive ordered both books- thanks for the recomendation!

MkEvent- your comment about meds is so true- Ive been on more than 25 different meds, some did nothing, some made me to groggy, one made me hallucinate, currently I am on low doses of 4 meds, the amounts of which change during the seasons to manage the phases Im in. I was told its pretty common for people with BPD to be sensitive to drugs, and many people use several meds as a way of managing the situation… does anyone else have experience with that?

Id also like to extend an open invitation for anyone to PM me if they want to talk or whatever… and if anyone lives in my area Id be happy become part of their support system in any way possible

[Twigster]

Thanks for the recommendation equineartworks- I am so looking forward to reading “the healing touch of horses”, got a copy in the mail. I love the internet!

[Meredith_Clark]

[QUOTE=Teddy;4469593]
I literally cannot calm myself down without medication which really sucks.

But I find that the anxiety cycles are much more tolerable if I am at the barn at least 1x a week-its better than thearapy for me:)[/QUOTE]

The anxiety meds I took were good, really helped. I was put on Concerta for my ADD and it made me so sick. I mean, I felt like I was going to die sick. I couldn’t eat, I felt sh!tty all the time, I eventually had to stop taking it b/c a lower dose didn’t do anything for the ADD.

Now graduated and moved I’m looking for a good doctor.