QFP
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QFP
5 post limit. I left off about post 49 if someone else wants to start quoting before they go poof.
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I admit, last night (I know, over an Internet message board) after logging off, I had some regrets about my later posts.
I had the same feelings–initially feeling heartbroken about some who is disabled and in chronic pain running out of funds to support an elderly horse, and unable to see him regularly. I thought of my own family members who had struggled with disability and depression.
But then as things got increasingly hysterical and exaggerated–hundreds of thousands spent over a dog, a husband with two sudden job offers, a picture of an idyllic green barn (but with a cruel and uncommunicative barn owner) where the very elderly horse was 100% absolutely happy but unable to be ridden–I started to wonder if the whole thread had been started in the hopes of soliciting money to support the horse, and then the OP realized quickly that the board wasn’t collectively horrified at the idea of euthanizing an older horse.
Plus, I (and I’m sure I speak for many posters) get particularly annoyed when someone keeps posting online, but doesn’t take action if the suggested actions (making a phone call to the barn owner, for example) aren’t any more high-cost or much more high-stress than continuing to post.
If the OP just wasn’t great at communicating, or genuinely perceives her reality as she represented it, then I am sorry and apologize for the harsh tone to some of my posts. I hope she finds someone IRL who can support her in ways we cannot.
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This is where things fell off the rails for me. I have known a few people over my lifetime that communicate out a very different reality than they truly live. We just had a boarder like this who just left for greener pastures. In a nutshell, they had a great sob story and anyone who didn’t know anything beyond the surface felt awful for them. “$50,000” horse (more like maybe $5000 at its prime) had this tendon injury that ruined its career. Recently had another bad hoof injury…the vet wasn’t helping woe is me. The reality was they did nothing to rehab the tendon. Did nothing to rehab the hoof. Threw bute in a bucket and didn’t make sure the horse got it in its system…which it didn’t. Is on the no-go client list at several clinics because they wracked up bills that never got paid. Let a previous horse die a completely unnecessary death due to not paying for what the vet recommended then trashed the vet. Would routinely run out of grain because they couldn’t afford it. Etc. Etc. Etc. This isn’t even touching their personal life outside horses which was very much just an extension.
People like this exist and I suspect OP may be one of them due to the nature of attacking/elaboration when faced with advice they didn’t want or expect to hear. My ex-husband was another example of this. In the very few therapy sessions we had before I initiated my divorce, when the therapist started asking him questions about why he thought things were a certain way that they weren’t in reality. When that happened, the look on his face alone validated EVERYthing that I thought had to be happening. Any time I would try and address things with him, he would paint me as the bad guy to validate his version of reality…which he had spun into a concrete web in his head. Instead of continuing therapy…couples or not…he just shut down which I don’t think is uncommon and is preferable to me than someone who blows up. Thankful for that at least.
People like this seem to thrive off sympathy from my experience because it validates their reality. They don’t want real help which peels the onion too much at why they might actually need it. Sympathy did not happen here for very long and we saw a blow up vs a shut down. I too hope that OP gets whatever help they need be it with the horse, the disability, or anything mental health related. It’s very hard to get at a real truth in these instances.
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Yes, the repeated under handed insults by OP are extremely frustrating but I can not over look allowing a horse to needlessly suffer because someone can’t make a phone call or 30 minute car ride. The horse has no choice or control in the matter.
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I know QF, but what does P stand for?
Equine MbP does exist. I saw it with a woman I boarded with.
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Quoted for posterity (I don’t post much, but have been on COTH a long time!)
I guess I think, since we can’t know every detail and nuance of a poster’s real life, I try to give the benefit of the doubt. Or, leave the poster alone.
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Same experience with a friend of over 40yrs.
Her gradual decline into 
over the last 10 of those was eye-opening.
In the end (5yrs ago) she cut me off.
By email, right after a phone call where we’d had a friendly discussion about when I’d be bringing her here to the farm for one of our regular 3-4 day visits.
Above involved me picking her up in the City - 1h+ drive one way - then chauffering her around to various stores here she didn’t have access to.
I was happy to do so, we’d eat out, cook, chat & have a nice time.
Then I’d usually drive her home - so 2h+ RT for me, though on occasion she’d take the train here or back.
Visits were never completely free of her growing Krazy, but pleasant enough & she had longevity & my support as a friend.
I saw her through 2 marriages, she was there when I lost my DH…
I almost attempted to reconcile, then decided supporting the Capital D drama was not worth the effort.
I’d been talking her off one ledge or another for too long.
Like OP she’d left a high-paid job to go on Disability, though not for any physical reason.
By the time she ended the friendship Uber had banned her 3X, she had cut ties with her family & other friends of many years. All for varied & nonsensical reasons.
She had migraines & over-medicated with a Canadian pharmacy when her Dr wouldn’t prescribe the refills she wanted.
Chose to ignore the Rebound effect that caused, or to consider any other treatment like Botox.
She’d also be constantly looking for a target for rage:
*Guy turning his newspaper pages “too loud” at a Starbucks
*VM left at just before 9A that she didn’t notice until 11, prompting:
“That bitch! I told her not to call before 9!”
*Nicely dressed young black woman with toddler at Whole Foods “Probably on Welfare!”
Some Crazy just cannot be reasoned with.
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Well, I get migraines, and they are bad. Mine are pretty easy to manage, thankfully, with affordable meds. But if I had to go through 20 (or even one a week possibly) unmedicated migraines a month, I’d be pretty nuts and quite possibly suicidal. I also struggle with decision making sometimes about pretty inconsequential things. I felt a lot of empathy for the OP and her horse, but when her SO finally got not one but 2 new jobs and then apparently the horse was suddenly “gone” the next day, I stopped believing most of this tale. Maybe the OP wanted money, or maybe she thought someone would just adopt her lame, stud like, can’t be turned out with anyone and needs special hoof care elderly horse, if there even is a horse. I noticed none of the recent photos were ever shared. It all makes me very sad.
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In no way am I denigrating migraines.
But my friend wore hers like a Thorny Crown & seemed unwilling to explore treatments besides her Drug of Choice: butalbitol (sp?).
That is too bad about your friend. In my experience you have to draw a line sometimes; the couple times I have I have not regretted it.
I think my ex-husband was in some ways attempting to cut me out although it was by way of removing himself under the auspices of “work”. Condensed version…when we met he was living in and signed to a small record label in LA. After that was done, the band all moved back to Ohio. They had a couple years of touring at small venues and some college shows as openers until it dried up. Then it was back to giving lessons locally, doing some self taught recording, and performing in some local bands here and there until the newness wore off. When the reality of the band breaking up hit him, he didn’t take it well and I don’t know if he ever really got over it. While he did have an undergrad degree in the field, he would tell his new lesson families he also had his masters…which he didn’t. That was one of the first things that was a clue. The program he was in didn’t want him back after his first year…he would tell people that he “needed more real world experience” which was easier for him than to say he couldn’t hack it. He also didn’t feel the need to pay back student loans because his degree didn’t get him to where he wanted to be. He avoided any jobs that were legit, because if he made more than the minimum, the IRS would withhold it for his loans (I didn’t know the full extent of this all early enough). We wasn’t interested in doing anything he wasn’t “passionate” about because it was too soul sucking. Very entitled attitude for someone leaching off my well paying soul sucking job.
Once I was into my 30’s, I started putting my foot down over some things like vacations if he wasn’t going to pitch in his share, needing to make peace with the (very nice house) we were living in because buying another wasn’t in the cards if I ever wanted to save enough to retire someday. Coming to terms that the day to day was the day to day and not terribly exciting which was fine with me. Those types of realities seemed to subtly piss him off, which led to the next phase.
The only other thing he did was work as a fill in at a hobby store when the manager (single employee-stores business model) would take his vacation or was sick. THAT turned into the “opportunity” for him to run. This was later in our marriage and was the beginning of the end. They would send him to new stores over the US for a couple weeks until they were through the hiring process with the permanent manager. You would have thought he had taken on a CEO role with the self importance he had from this. This led to him applying for a full time job himself halfway across the country while not even talking to me about it first, that was not a store manager position, but a corporate people manager position which he was so under qualified for it was laughable. He seriously though he was going to get it and wouldn’t listen to any of my advice having worked in corporate America for over a decade and to try not and get his hopes up about getting it. He didn’t of course and seemed to take that personally. He naturally also met a lady friend that also worked for the company and had at least a very heavy emotional affair. Very easy for sympathy with her not knowing him, his life, his family and his friends to paint one of those magikal pictures!
He also had a major disconnect from reality with his family and their personal relationships. They were never the family he wanted, so he built them up to something they weren’t, wouldn’t set boundaries, and was constantly let down but would write it off as otherwise.
With him, it was all very subtle. This wasn’t the first time he uprooted himself to start over/run away…he did that after the grad school mess too. Moved to Arizona and was a public music teacher for a school year. He joined the band after that. When it came to light with his family and friends that we were getting divorced, he wouldn’t have conversations with people about it because that was another reality he seemed to not want to acknowledge. It was all very strange and VERY surprising to most people we knew. He was one of those people that had tons of surface level relationships and shared surface level successes. I went at him at one point because I was tired of his friends and family reaching out to me about what was going on because he just went off the grid. It was laughable that one of the things he did bring up was how it was going to look on Facebook when we changed “relationship status” 
. I don’t think he has been on Facebook since…he unfortunately still has a bunch of pictures of our former life highlighted which would have been nice of him to remove. It’s like a weird time capsule.
People live in very funny worlds sometimes. Thankfully he gave me a very easy out that I don’t know I would have otherwise initiated at that time. Now I have my pony, am maxing out my 401K, sold my house and made a nice profit on it, and have a partner who is a feet in the real world adult!
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That’s a barbiturate. Solves the question of why…
I had to take it for my migraines when pregnant because it is, ironically, safer than triptans. Sounds like your friend had a bit of a drug problem.
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Your Ex & my ex-friend shared a lot of worldview 
Same with her family & job(s).
Sad for them, but not our job to fix.
@fordtraktor Ya think?
Again, not something I could fix unless she’d asked for help with it.
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I was mostly referring to the OP’s claim that she can’t get her off label medication (whatever it was) and suffers with 20 migraines a month. But then, if it were me, I also wouldn’t be able to tolerate any screen time…
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If we believe the basic narrative here, the horse is in good care and is not suffering. The issue was OP couldn’t continue to pay a high monthly retirement board because her husband was temporarily unemployed.
I was an absentee owner of a retired horse in my 20s and 30s, but the monthly pasture board was low and I trusted the good old cowboy who looked after her.
When he called at the end of her estimated) 29th year to say it was time, he was right and I acted on that.
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Though, how long is it OK for a senior horse to go with no dental care?
Apparently the horse had dental care:
I board seniors and many need twice a year dental care. Especially when teeth start to fall out…it can cause a lot of pain. And EOTRH is way underdiagnosed and often requires multiple extractions.
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@Simkie That is if you ignore all the times where she said the horse did not have dental care and that is why the barn owner called her names because she would not pay for the over priced horse dentist.
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I actually take butalbital for migraines and it’s a lifesaver. I don’t take it for anything else and it’s a cheap easy way to stop the pain.
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