[Not] Getting somewhere with one horse

[RooTheDay]

Caveat emptor: I’m pretty sad and salty right now. But I’m also genuinely curious: who here thinks it’s worth it to try and have goals with one horse?

I’ve written about my background here before a bit, but tl;dr: Came back as a re-rider five years ago after riding at a low level as a kid. Bought a lovely mare in 2020, lost her to EDM in early 2022. Half-leased a couple through 2022 to leg back up (with success) and bought a new mare late that year. Had a great winter and was ready to come out swinging, which naturally meant that new mare stuck her leg through a fence in April 2023. She went to rehab for three months, came back, and promptly got Lyme and EPM. Legged back up after that over the winter again (with my coach, since I had a few surgeries myself) and I started riding again in early May. Tons of progress until she started tripping a couple weeks ago. Had the vet send out blood and yep, Lyme and EPM again. So now my 2024 season is also done and dusted before we even started a competition.

Being able to set this much money on fire for horses is why I worked as hard as I did to get to the point I did in my career. But I also can’t responsibly set two horses’ worth of money (in my current program) on fire, and I’m not sure how much longer I have the fortitude to keep setting one horse worth of money and time on fire with nothing to show for it except heartbreak.

I could fence my two acres at home, park the broken one there, and buy another to board, but I wouldn’t have anywhere to ride her when/if she gets better and I wouldn’t have space to park the second one at home if that one were, too, to break. I can’t move her somewhere cheap because she has to be on individual turnout. I could take all the money I’m putting into coaching and maaaybe spend it on boarding two, but I want to get better more than I want to compete, though right now I’m not doing either. I could try to lease again but I honestly think I’d rather quit–it’s not satisfying to me unless it’s my horse.

Yes, I’m whining. Yes, I know that there are so many people in the world who never get even as much of a chance as I’ve had, who never get around a recognized event, who never get to be involved in horses at all in any way. Yes, I know people who are much more experienced and hard-working and deserving than me who have had luck even worse than mine. And yet.

So: tell me your stories of either actually getting somewhere with one horse, to give me hope, or tell me about how you ultimately came to the same conclusion that I think I’m coming to: that trying to keep one single large fragile prey animal expensive luxury sport pet truly sound for long enough to make real progress is a fool’s errand.

[Heinz_57]

I can’t tell you the exact story you’re looking for. I can tell you that I tried really, really hard to fix my one single ‘problem’ horse for quite a while and no, I didn’t get anywhere in the end. But he was getting older, probably had compounding issues and honestly I had limited money to spend going down rabbit holes, and I felt like the vets were just throwing the kitchen sink at him. There was a lot of maybes thrown around and not a lot of concrete answers.

I retired him and got a second horse.

Did that allow me to compete? No, because I bought an unstarted young horse.

Did that allow me continue riding consistently and make massive progress in other ways? Yes. Huge yes.

Has my second horse broken? No. I’ve had him for six years and he’s basically bulletproof. But he’s not the most athletic creature and he hates water, so I’ve never even attempted to make him into an event horse. I have enough property now that I can own more than two horses, so I have one that I am hoping to have ready for the 24/25 winter season.

It has been …13? years since I have been to a recognized event, 12 since an unrecognized.

All that to say, my advice: Don’t give up, and don’t get really attached to any particular path

[Rel6]

First of all, so many jingles for everything you’re going through. I really empathize. As someone who boards, I have a one-horse budget - and it is incredibly scary. My biggest fear is something happening to that one horse. It happened to my last one and I got lucky moving her to a great new home, which made me able to buy my current one. It is definitely something I think about often.

But. I will say that owning multiple horses isn’t any more of a guarantee. I have a friend who had three out with various issues at one time, so three times as many vet appointments and expenses to juggle. With the exception of those in the tax bracket where they can truly afford to have a string, I think it is the heartbreaking risk and reality of this sport which relies on the fitness of fragile creatures.

I don’t think it is a fool’s errand. I do think many people achieve their goals and have great success with one mount, and hopefully you’ll get some nice contributors in this thread! And while I think you are in the midst of some terrible luck that is coloring your perspective, I do think it is an ever present challenge.

[Amberley]

I’m in this tax bracket too and I am not in a program, I do take some lessons and clinics etc but ride my own. Everyone at my large commercial boarding barn is in this space and it’s great. We set jumps for each other, hold each others horses for the vet and farrier, give each other trailer rides places, there are always competent people happy to hack your horse etc and it’s all free, except gas money. There are people here running prelim and I think one intermediate horse, I do the jumpers, and we have a few FEI dressage riders too. We have a lot of people with seriously time consuming jobs here. It is an option, you can progress without being in a program if you are disciplined and find a reliable boarding situation.

My baby is out in a field at a friends place which costs me very little. Does your mare really need individual turnout? I’m guessing she can be integrated into the right herd.

[trakehners]

I’m on year five with my horse. He was on-and-off NQR for the majority of the time that I’ve owned him—turns out everything was driven by major NPA in his hind feet (right in particular) which was probably caused by the trim he got for multiple years from the first farrier I used and was missed by every local vet I saw because no one dug deeper until I moved to my trainer’s barn and started using her performance vet who comes to us from out of state. As a result of the NPA he had bilateral proximal suspensory desmitis (worse in the right, compensatory in the left), back and SI soreness, and a whole pile of learned pain responses and incorrect biomechanics.

I rehabbed him for most of last year (during which he broke my rib and lacerated my liver, fun times), brought him back to work over the winter, and was supposed to be taking him to his first show back in April, only for him to come up lame two days before we were supposed to leave. It was a monster abscess that took a month to blow out of his coronary band. He then ripped off all of his shoes staging his own Kentucky Derby in his field on literal Derby day and we lost most of May to residual abscess soreness combined with him ripping off half his foot. All the prep time we were supposed to have for our show season was swallowed up and I went into my first show of the year with essentially three weeks under saddle (and it was as messy as you’d expect as a result, as was the mini trial that came a couple of weeks later).

I took him XC schooling today, in preparation for moving up to BN next weekend. He held his canter. He didn’t look at anything. He jumped every fence, went through water, dropped down into it, jumped out, barely batted an eye at the first down bank he’s seen in three years. I have not jumped a XC fence bigger than Starter since 2009. He jumped everything BN with plenty of room to spare. My trainer’s comment to me halfway through our session was “if he has a stop next weekend, it’s your fault, he’s perfect.” She likes to have side conversations with him about running around Fair Hill one day when she thinks I’m not listening. He is the most honest, game XC horse I’ve ever sat on in spite of the fact that his experience is seriously limited.

I poured an amount of money that I’d rather not speak of into veterinary appointments last year. I poured an amount of money that’s even more horrifying into diagnostics that led nowhere in the few years before that, because I didn’t know the right questions to ask and I didn’t have a vet with the eye that our performance vet has. I have an eight-year-old Thoroughbred that I’ve had to re-teach how to canter over the last eight months because his muscle memory was so screwed up from trying to protect himself that he couldn’t do it under saddle at all this time last year.

I’ve had a lot of moments where I felt like giving up, and wondered if the money was worth it, and felt like I was wasting my trainer’s time wanting to move to her farm. At this point, a year and a half after the move, the worst things I have to contend with are the hole in my bank account and the fact that my 8yo horse has the life experience and record of a 4yo. He also has a ridiculous amount of scope, is honest without being overly so (aka he has a sense of self-preservation), and is the kind of horse that makes me want to be a good enough rider to deserve him. My trainer believes that he’ll be doing 1.10m jumpers next year in addition to carting me around my first Novice ever if he continues on his current trajectory. He was broken when we walked into my trainer’s barn in January of 2023. He is very much not broken now. I just couldn’t rush it, and he’s paying me back for that now by picking things up much more quickly than anyone expected he would (when he decides to use his intelligence for good instead of mischief, lol).

This isn’t going to be every case and I know I got lucky, but sometimes you really do just have to throw your hands in the air, say “Well, there goes my show season til next year,” and give them the time they need to get themselves together so they can come out a thousand times better when they are back. It sucks but it can be so worth it (and now I know to never have a horse again without taking farrier films at least once a year, we love learning things the hard way).

[ake987]

I am reading through the OP, totally commiserating, then reading through these beautiful, kind, wise and thoughtful comments and feeling grateful for this community. Then I got to your comment, and it sort of felt like the universe grabbed me by the shoulders and shook the crap out of me. I think I have your horse right now, and I think I also have the little push to keep going thanks to your comment.

[fivestrideline]

I have the failed version of your horse - NPA is likely the kickstarter for his decline but I didn’t know better/catch it until he was 10. He was likely dealing with this since I got him at 3, and that combined with other problems has him retired at 12. He has taught me SO MUCH though - now I’m a bit ridiculous about hoof balance films (my vet has finally stopped fighting me on them, and happily takes my money), and have a whole arsenal of Things To Look For when a horse comes up NQR.

It sucks that it isn’t a more successful story, but I think his job in this world has been to set my future horses up for success.

[trakehners]

Our vet’s comment to me when we first figured all of this out last year was “This is going to play out in one of two ways. We’re either going to fix it, he’s going to be totally fine, this won’t be an issue anymore, or we’re going to try to fix it, it won’t work, and he’s always going to be not quite right.” She was mostly telling me that so I knew that spending the money might not fix it (and because she had a permanent NQR with one of her own horses), but I took the coin flip.

The real question was whether or not the chronic issues he’d had with his suspensories would prove to have a permanent impact on him, because she could see on the ultrasound that there had been previous tearing/healing. I honestly think my saving grace here is that I used to assume he was growing when he was NQR so I’d back way off and let him do nothing but maybe go for some walks for a month or two. Once I moved him to my trainer’s we did just enough (under our vet’s guidance) to demonstrate that it wasn’t a strength issue, then we dug into him to figure out what was wrong.

He’s still pretty sensitive through his back but we’ve got films of that too and as long as I keep up with my saddle fitting/getting him regular chiro and massage, he’s fine. His back has changed a ton in the last few months in terms of muscling so I think he’s mostly just sore/tight in the way we all are after a good workout when we need to stretch. Our vet wants to inject his SI because we all agree there’s some residual inflammation/discomfort there and it likely won’t be necessary to repeat for a long time once we do it, but I’m hopeful once we do that I’ll be back to nothing but chiro every six weeks and farrier films every six months so my wallet can breathe, lol.

[TXnGA]

Short answer- it’s horses. There is always a chance for things to go wrong, really wrong.

Long answer- I have multiple horses. I’ve also had multiple horses break. And break at the same time.
Adding more horses doesn’t change the equation that that they may break. And break multiple times for different reason no matter how much money is spent.

Do not give up. You are not alone, every horse owner has gone through or will go through what you are experiencing.

You have to decide if riding means more than the heartbreak to you. Trust me,
It’s tough, it’s heart wrenching , it’s a big kick to the gut, over and over again but the difference between you and the next person is if you get back up,

The bringing one horse home to allow you to buy another is a good idea.

[kaya842]

I was reflecting just this morning on the journey my first horse and I have been on together after being asked by an inquisitive kid in our group lesson how long I’ve had her (14 years) after some particularly spirited antics from said horse. BOY have we had our ups and lots of incredible lows - she’s had EPM, 2 major bone infections leading surgery, about a million cuts requiring stitches, a tendon sheath injury, and I’m sure more that isn’t coming to mind at the moment. We’ve taken weeks/ months/ years off for said injuries. I feel like at times we’ve been stuck in an eternal cycle of getting in shape or prepping for something just to have something happen and have to take time off again. All to say, I completely understand your feelings. And they are absolutely valid.

To answer the point of the question - have we progressed? Yes SO much. Yes 14 years is a long time so like of course we made some improvement but the rider I was when I got this horse couldn’t imagine some of the things we would go on to do. We weren’t overly competitive only due to a lack of funds to compete in the first place. I’ve also never been in any program (until now!) so brought a 5yr old OTTB along myself as well. We ended up going to an EAP clinic, riding around KHP bareback and bridleless, jumping in the Rolex arena at TIP championships, and so much more. Progress isn’t linear - just this morning we were reviewing how canter poles are in fact NBD. I can’t think of a single goal, beside maybe TIP Champs (kinda?), that played out when and how I originally thought it would. Goals are great but being flexible is important when horses are involved IMO.

[beowulf]

Oh Roo I’m so sorry to read you’ve had such a tough time. What a string of bad luck. Don’t give up. It took me ten years to get my current horse to his first recognized event. Nothing fell in place or was easy for us. I cannot describe the feeling I felt when we crossed that finish flag. I almost cried on the drive home.

Keep at it. Don’t give up.

[4horses]

The problem with EPM is that it often comes back repeatedly. That’s just the nature of the disease. My friend lost her horse to it. My vet has a horse with it and she keeps him on medication continuously. Any lameness or anything that looks the slightest bit off needs to be considered a potential relapse.

My first horse had navicular and thin soles. I think she had an abscess every summer when the ground got wet. She went on to develop DSLD and had to be retired early. She loved jumping but didn’t have a good leg to stand on. Wonderful horse- you could hop on bridleless and she would do anything you asked,but she was lame a lot. I ended up leasing different horses.

For my next horse, I bought a beautiful 2 yr old - I looked at so many horses and she was just stunning and incredibly friendly, well put together. I imagined she would be a good jumper. When I started her under saddle, something wasn’t right. She could trot just fine but could not maintain the canter. Turns out she has pssm type 2. She also got an early retirement although we had several years of trail riding where her symptoms were controlled. She’s 19 now and losing top line and not doing as well as I would like. She looks sore. Like everything hurts. I was hoping to keep her going a couple more years. Not sure how feasible that is going to be.

Then I took in a rescue horse. Sweetest thing but oh so traumatized. I had hoped I could get him through it but he never fully recovered from his trauma.Then he started losing vision. Recurrent uveitis. I found him a really good retirement home situation and fully explained what his needs were and that euthanasia may be necessary eventually. He is doing okay last I checked. Still losing vision slowly but a well fed pasture pet.

My best horse was given to me by a friend. She is not going to be any kind of jumper but she’s 100 percent dependable and just the nicest horse to have around. Safe as can be and bombproof. I bred her and have her colt and we are expecting one more foal next spring. I plan to keep both, although the colt has his days where I think he might be more than I can handle… Very very headstrong.

I’ve had a handful of horses I’ve bought and sold. Most were sound and healthy but they didn’t quite suit me or just weren’t what I wanted.

By this point my bone density is not what it should be for my age so I doubt I will be riding any jumpers anytime soon. That dream has passed so I will be focused on raising the next generation of horses, hopefully getting the colt under saddle safely and who knows what I’ll end up doing after that? Working equitation perhaps?

Dreams change over time and that is perfectly acceptable. It depends how much that dream means to you and what sacrifices you are willing to take to make it happen and even then there’s no guarantee. One injury or illness for you or your horse and you are out.

You do not have to be competitive to enjoy your horses. You could bring your horse home and see where you are in a year. It might save you some money on boarding fees and you might enjoy having a pasture pet in the meantime. I will say I love having my horses in my backyard.

[Obsidian_Fire]

@fivestrideline

It sucks that it isn’t a more successful story, but I think his job in this world has been to set my future horses up for success.

This. Sometimes, you just have to find a way to spin a positive.
The past ~15 years have been riddled with one ‘vet learning experience’ after another. 4 horses, one at a time, each one I have tried to do better by, because of what I learned from the previous.
But I will tell you as a one-horse owner, I am exhausted and broke. Will I EVER have a sound, easy-going horse again? Any dreams I had of competing or upper level riding have long since vanished.
All I can say is hang in there, maybe taking the one home to make room for a second that’s rideable is the best plan? Or not… you know what they say about the ‘best laid plans’.

[hillary_again]

@RooTheDay, I feel your pain. I read your post yesterday and thought about it a lot. I too gave up a lot to have a career that would allow me to have a competitive horse. Note, I am not an eventer.

1. Goals: I thought I wanted to show. I bought a horse that didn’t want to. At the same time, I realized what it would take to really be competitive with hunter or jumper. I decided I didn’t want to. I changed my goals and had a great time with that horse for 20 years.

2. More than one horse: I didn’t want to board more than one horse, or even own more than one. The barn was >25 miles from my home and nothing else was closer. For that and other reasons, I just rode her, or other boarders horses, until her death. Two seemed like just too much: time, money, complexity, …

3. Injuries: After that horse, I bought another. The whole year after I got her, she seemed different and off. After a year of frustration, and multiple attempts at diagnosis, I finally packed her up and got a giant workup at a clinic, leading to a conclusive diagnosis of ligament injury. You know the drill after that: 6 months of stall rest, recovery, rehab, … So that was two years spent on that. I thought about leasing another horse but again, two horses… Had a good year last year with her, then this year, two big deals - she got loose and ran into a fence, gave her a month off for that; impaction colic scare, two weeks off for that. I’m finally back to having a wonderful time with her. But there was a time when I was evaluating what it would be like to just retire her, because I was so tired of the lameness. And during the ran into the fence/colic scare, I was so into the “is this ever going to be fun?” thinking. So many ways to have issues: EPM’s right at the top of that list, and so discouraging.

That’s a long story to answer your simple question. From my observations: nope, you can’t count on getting “somewhere” with one horse. Be prepared for a lot of disappointment. A lot depends on where you live (and how many competition options you have), how much you want to pay for training and the quality of that available to you, and a million other variables.

But don’t give up riding! You will miss the heck out of it and be miserable. I met all of my best friends through riding.

[RooTheDay]

First off, thank you to everyone who’s posted. To a one, each of your perspectives have helped me think through this in a more productive way, but have also been deeply kind and empathetic. I appreciate all y’all.

A couple responses to particular comments:

@Heinz_57

Did that allow me to compete? No, because I bought an unstarted young horse.

Did that allow me continue riding consistently and make massive progress in other ways? Yes. Huge yes.

@kaya842

I’ve also never been in any program (until now!) so brought a 5yr old OTTB along myself as well.

@4horses

For my next horse, I bought a beautiful 2 yr old

I would love to (re)train something young or an OTTB (it has long been an explicit aspiration of mine), and I’m fairly sticky and brave. What I’m not, yet, is good enough for that to be fair to the horse I’d be trying to teach (under saddle, at least; I’ve successfully installed a few different types of basic life skills on the ground.) The brutal truth is that I often allow even my extremely nice and generous mare to work in a less than correct fashion while I flap about trying to install correct muscle memory in me. So while this would also be really satisfying to me, unlike all of you, I’m not good enough for it to be an option right now.

@Amberley

I’m in this tax bracket too and I am not in a program, I do take some lessons and clinics etc but ride my own.

To clarify, my coach also rarely rides mine (under normal circumstances, at least, and if I’d not had my mare in a program when I had the surgeries, I would have just turned her out for the winter and then legged her back up.) For instance, Mare has had one training ride since I started back in May, and while it certainly makes her better, it makes her better in the “remember your buttons” way vs. the “otherwise she will ditch the potato and flee” way.

For me, the selling point of being in the program is that it enables really frequent lessons (usually 3-4 a week.) So more of the “paying for intensive coaching” model than the “this horse would otherwise be unridable by me” model. (We also haul each other places and hack each others’ horses.)

So: Agree for sure that you absolutely can progress without being in a program. I have a pretty good idea of how to put a schedule together, and I’m not afraid to ride my own horse and wouldn’t be if my coach never got on her again. But I also know that sticky and brave but not very good sometimes winds up in a really bad place, and that I don’t know what I don’t know about the skills I need to safely progress up the levels. Does that require 3-4 lessons a week to mitigate? No, even though I get benefit from them. But at this stage in my development, it probably does require at least one lesson most weeks, I think, and ideally more.

@Amberley

Does your mare really need individual turnout? I’m guessing she can be integrated into the right herd.

Unfortunately she really does. Not comfortable going into details publicly (feel free to DM if you’re really curious) but many options have been tried, and at this point a) ethically, I can’t turn her out with someone else’s horse and b) practically, I wouldn’t turn her out with another of mine.

@TXnGA

You have to decide if riding means more than the heartbreak to you. […] the difference between you and the next person is if you get back up,

Yeah, this is the core of it, isn’t it?

I’m still not sure which side I’m going to land on, but it was helpful to read it spelled out. Thank you.

@beowulf

Keep at it. Don’t give up.

… and, also, thank you, for this specifically, and your whole post generally, which among a galaxy of kind, empathetic, and thoughtful posts still managed to shine especially for me.

@4horses

The problem with EPM is that it often comes back repeatedly. That’s just the nature of the disease.

On some level I knew this, but, again, reading it really helped me think about this more clearly. Specifically, I connected the dots on the following:

Both of these lovely mares were not consistently in work at the time I bought them, which was part of why I was able to afford them. In my first mare’s case, she’d had a tieback, so ultimately unrelated; in this one’s case, though, she’d had Lyme that year. I did a fairly extensive PPE on both, but I also rolled the dice on not buying the horse that was consistently in work at the level I wanted to do.

(Could I have responsibly afforded the horse that was? Nope. And yet… my coach sent me one a bit before we started looking in earnest. It was well out of my budget. It also just took its new kid, who was around my level with her old horse, to a podium finish at Young Riders.)

I’m actually happier with the realization that I ultimately knowingly bought this problem. That it wasn’t just bad luck, but also my choices. Because it’s easier for me to sit with “I took a pretty good bet and ultimately lost” than “the cosmos continues to play SmackyTime ™ with you!!!”

@hillary_again

Note, I am not an eventer.

I almost posted in Off Course but decided to land it here to limit the blast radius of my whining as much as possible. I don’t at all think that this is a sport-specific problem and I very much welcome posts from anyone (and greatly appreciated your thoughtful one.)

[Libby2563]

@RooTheDay

tell me your stories of either actually getting somewhere with one horse, to give me hope

I almost feel guilty after so many tales of woe, but since you asked, I have “gotten there” twice:

1. When I was a teen my parents bought me a 4-year-old WB. My goal with him was Grand Prix dressage and we did it!! It took 13 years. Part of that was neither of us knowing what we were doing (though I had an amazing coach) and part of that was his inability to stay sound for long between the ages of 6 and 13. Front suspensory, annular ligament, EPM (all at 6), then when we were starting 4th level/PSG, a mysterious front limb lameness that ended up originating in the shoulder and requiring three surgeries over two years. I did not do Young Riders or, needless to say, the Olympics (my goal when I got him as a teen, obviously! ) but I did get my USDF Gold Medal on a horse I brought along from almost scratch. There were times when I catch rode or didn’t ride at all because he was lame and I didn’t have time/money for a second horse (until the year after we finally made it to GP, when I bought a yearling). There were times when I thought I’d never buy a horse again because it was so stressful and heartbreaking. They do rope us in though…

2. I had always wanted to event but couldn’t because of Horse #1’s soundness issues. Five years ago I was taking some jumping lessons and I decided to buy my current eventer, a TB who had gone Prelim successfully a few times with a pro. It felt like cheating, but having had lame horses and crazy horses I decided to shell out a little bit more for one who was not fancy but had proven he could stay sound and do the job. My goal was to go Prelim. Again, it took a bit longer than expected (4 years from Novice to Prelim, due to him stepping on a nail, an injury to me, and the time we needed to build a good partnership—I think he was kind of manhandled around Prelim the first time and it took about two years for him to be truly rideable XC) but I reached that goal in the fall! I could afford him because his dressage/movement were mediocre, so he was priced comparably to nicer movers that had only gone Novice. It was right up my alley to improve his dressage, and he is athletic, safe, and fun to jump so frankly who cares how well he fancy-prances? I wouldn’t trade him or our experiences together for the world.

I’d like to think decent riding and good management play a role, but I also know I’ve been incredibly fortunate to attain my goals in two disciplines, one horse at a time. I do now own two riding horses, but the other one is a young dressage horse who contributes zero to my ability to event, so I decided I’m qualified to answer your question. I’m hoping he will follow in Horse #1’s footsteps, and by the time he is stepping up to FEI dressage, my eventer might be stepping down due to age. I will say, two is nice because it keeps you well-rounded but yes, they can both be lame at the same time! And with a full-time job and horses at home, it’s a lot to keep them both in full work. I do sometimes fantasize about taking a break after these two lovely horses, to explore other interests and free up time and money for travel, etc. We will see how life unfolds.

I’m sorry for the rough run you’ve had and I hope it turns around for you!!

[luv2lope]

I’m going through this right now. And for the first time in my life, I’m deciding to walk away from the horse life for some time. I am drained both mentally and financially at this point. I need a break. I am yearning to get away from horses, as my passion has turned into total disappointment, hatred, and heartbreak of the sport.

I have a 3 year old right now that is lame in both the front and back end right now. This horse has essentially done nothing. I bought him as a yearling, vetted him thoroughly, waited on him. Started him lightly and have given him breaks and time to grow. Him and I DO NOT get along, he is so tough minded and spooky. I have had him for 2 years now and there is absolutely no connection with him. He has so much talent but EVERYTHING is a fight and it’s just not fun. Even grooming him isn’t relaxing. And now, here I sit, spending high $$$ for board on a horse that I hate.

This horse was the most amount of money I have spent on an animal, with hopes and dreams that he would take me to that next level of showing. I sold my beloved mare for a good chunk of change, thinking I needed to sell her to find a more talented individual. Instead, I’m emotionally fried…scared/ angry/ feeling dread for myself and the decisions I might have to make if I am told he is going to be a pasture ornament.

I am in the process of trying to figure out why he’s lame and hopefully he can be fixed and he can go to a new owner that will appreciate him more than I would, but I am prepared to be told that he might not ever be sound and possibly make the decision to put him down. I don’t care about getting my money out of him-- I just want him gone and the stress of horse ownership out of my life for a long time.

The day he leaves will be the day I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I think I have been feeling so burned out for a long time but have ignored it. My fear has always been that if I take a break, I won’t be able to get into the hobby again as well as this being my identity for over 30 years. I don’t know what life is like without horses, and the thought scares me…but I’m ready to give it up for a while. I will keep my trailer and truck and all the tack and clothes I have collected, but who knows…I might be willing to let those go one day as well.

It’s ok to throw in the towel. I think it takes more guts for a person to admit defeat of an uphill battle, rather than the person that keeps trying to make things stick but keeps getting run over repeatedly for years. If you have the thousands of dollars and the emotional strength to carry on, then go for it. It’s so easy for people to say “don’t give up!” but make sure you really listen to yourself and what YOU want.

I have tried to convince myself to keep going with this horse, hoping that we’ll magically have a bond, that everything will fall into place and be ok, and that these are just small bumps in the road. I think the universe has finally told me that’s not going to happen and I’m ok with it.

[gradytb]

Yes, it’s OK to throw in this towel. Reality is reality—financially and emotionally. Don’t go with the magical thinking. You’re brave to admit that. If you don’t even enjoy just grooming him—it’s time. You can take a break and get back into the sport. If you’ve been in it this long, I find it hard to imagine it will be that long before it comes knocking on your heart again. I showed at the A level as a junior and went to the Maclay finals and then took a 25±year break because 1)I hated the showing pressure and 2) I was getting started as an adult and financially it wasn’t possible. After that span and now, in the past 21 years here on my ranch, I’ve had to re-adjust my view of why have horses—and I’m a die-hard OTTB girl. I have the space and need large animals to keep the ag exemption on the property. But I had this “thing” of having to be productive and in the horse world, that meant showing. It’s a curse in other ways too! But when you remove the burden of “shoulds” and “have tos,” things look different. Free yourself from what is clearly a burden and no-win situation. It’s not the horse’s fault or your fault. Give yourself the time and space (and grace) to not engage or engage at whatever level you WANT to without the imperatives of achievement. And then see where you are.

[4horses]

It sounds like he is simply the wrong horse for you.

I have ridden, trained, and interacted with many many horses. Some I loved, some were just okay, and some i hated. Personalities either match or they clash.

I had one horse I was training and he was one that would take complete and total advantage of you in an instant. I could ride and handle him but he was definitely not a good match for his owner. She has kept him but doesn’t ride him because she recognizes that she is over horsed. I didn’t really enjoy working with him. I did it because I was getting paid but he wasn’t my favorite horse.

My young 2 year old right now can definitely be challenging. I think part of it is that he is incredibly smart. He tests to see where the boundaries are and what he can get away with. He is very playful so if he’s bored he looks for something to do. His mom is super easy going and as a foal he was like that until puberty hit. What he socially needs at this point is to be tossed in a herd with some young geldings so he can run and play. People tell me the mares will teach him manners and that may be true, but socially his needs are not being met. He sees me as his play buddy and is trying so hard to get me to meet that need he has to play and interact. Honestly he needs another year or two to grow up. I love him to bits because he constantly makes me laugh, but I can definitely see how he would be a problem for the wrong person. I’m trying to impress on him that I absolutely can and will get after him if he doesn’t behave as he’s a big boy.

If your horse is making you miserable you should sell/rehome him and find one that doesn’t make you miserable. There are so many good horses out there. He may not be the right horse for you.

[luv2lope]

Yep, he’s definitely the wrong one for me. I think he’s a horse that needs a full time training program with a pro-- I can’t afford that, plus I like to do everything on my own with the help of a coach.

He was so easy to break out and fun at first, but as I’ve asked him to work a little bit harder it’s like hitting a brick wall. Every ride feels like I have made no progress or just ends up in a fight. After every ride, I feel like there has been no accomplishment or joy…it’s a mental mind drain really.

Took him to a show at the end of May to get him out and he went around like an old pro in the busy warm up rings. He actually really impressed me and I was hoping he was turning a corner. At home he is just an ignorant pig, looking around at everything, hauls on my hands, running through my leg, getting worked up, spooking, constant diarrhea throughout the entire ride…doesn’t matter if he’s alone or riding with other horses. The tougher you are with him, he’s a little bit better to ride-- coddling him just makes it worse. I’m done trying to figure him out, I have tried everything and nothing has changed.

I was going to give him 6 months off to “mentally mature” even if he wasn’t lame, but I think I’m just wasting my time and money on that idea. I think he’s just going to be a tough horse and needs a trainer to show him the way. A trainer on the circuit has his full sister in blood-- he said she is so talented but the “toughest mother #%$^&@” in the barn.

I will get back into it one day, but I will be buying a horse that is broke…I’m too old for this crap LOL