[Not] Getting somewhere with one horse

[EventingMaff]

From my own learnings on a horse very similar sounding to your second - look into PSSM2. Cross-cantering to the left was my mare’s only notable symptom…until increased work spiraled us downward into spookiness, bracing, blowing through my hand / strong on the bit, heavy on a single rein, etc as her symptoms became more painful. Added Vit E, magnesium, and a lot of protein to her diet and she’s lovely! Took 2 years of ruling out EVERYTHING else to get there though. It’s a (relatively) cheap thing to try and see if it makes a difference?

OP - as you can see above, I’ve been there too. Fortunately for me, I don’t enjoy showing so my ambitions were clinics and to enjoy my horse with varied recreational fun (hunter paces, foxhunting, XC schooling, dressage lessons, trail riding, etc). Even when she was NQR or straight up lame for proper work, I could work on foundation-building for those things with in-hand work, desensitization, bonding, hand-walking in the trails, etc. So while it was incredibly frustrating, I could still enjoy her and feel like progress was being made (I bought her as a 3 year old, problems cropped up as a 4 year, mostly solved by 7).

I think for me a choice point came in looking for a horse of do I want something to enjoy the journey with,(but the destination is unknown) or do I have a specific destination to get to. I realized that with a demanding corporate job, plans to start a family, limited [horse-dedicated] funds, and only moderate talent…embracing the journey (even if that meant ultimately a pasture puff) without a destination was going to best mitigate risk of heartbreak. So I focused my search on personality and brain, with no obvious barriers to “goals” of 3rd level dressage and low-level jumping (obvious being the key word here). I love my mare, she’s a hoot even when I can’t ride, and it made the 2+ years of NQR mystery-solving a lot more enjoyable even as we frustratingly experienced no evident progress on riding “goals”.

There’s no right or wrong answer to the question, but it’s probably a question to reflect on: Do you enjoy the horse enough to not get anywhere competitively or is it time to try again on finding a horse that will get you there? It’s a spectrum rather than a binary, but it can help inform if or when you arrive at the "throw in the towel’ milestone.

[CoconutEventer25]

Ugh, im sorta in the same boat right now - attempting to figure out if two horses is logistically and financially possible. My main horse is off for the forseeable fiture and broke right before the beginning of a very exciting show season (our first fei, possibly upgrade to intermediate, shows in the states) I bring my horses up slowly, carefully and thoughtfully and of course right when all of that blood sweat tears is going to come to fruition, we’re done.

Something to remember is that the horse community is incredible and most of the time, people will help in whatever way they can (whether it be another horse to ride, somewhere to put a broken horse etc) because we’ve all been through this in some sort of way. Don’t be afriad ot reach out to your community for help, you might be surprised.

I put a FB post asking for something to ride (i’ll literally ride a donkey at this point), explained my circumstance, and I had multiple offers. Doesn’t hurt to ask

[Ajierene]

@Heinz_57

All that to say, my advice: Don’t give up, and don’t get really attached to any particular path

For me, this was the key!

In my youth, I had aspirations of going to the Olympics as a jumper. In college I ended up with an older horse because I was working with a lot of other people’s horses and just wanted one I could do what I wanted with. So no real aspirations for the 18 YO ex-racing, ex-jumper TB that someone threw in the back 40 when he wasn’t bringing cash in anymore. That horse colicked twice in the first 3 months I had him. The second time they took blood and found out he was anemic. That horse only ever jumped maybe 3’ with me but I didn’t care - we trail rode, we went flying around courses (he liked to go mach speeds-I got yelled at the first show I took him to after I had him about a month and didn’t realize). He was a great babysitter to other horses and pretty awesome. BUT - certainly not Olympic material.

Second horse ended up being a 14.3HH gift that was eventually sold - really sweet, really awesome, not really athletic.

Third horse was supposed to be a fancy show horse/big sale project when I thought I was going to train horses for a living -I still had horse 1 and horse 2, so for a brief time I had 3 horses (hence why I leased out horse 2). This one had all kinds of mental health issues, which precluded her to being a good sale project. I so feared a bad end for her due to all her issues (to her last days she needed to be tranq’ed for the farrier, even for a trim).

By this time I had gone from “Olympic jumper” to “Olympic Eventer” to “trainer of problem/young horses” to “part time trainer/Training level 3 day eventer” to “Novice is good enough and I help who I want with horses”. The last move is a lot due to getting a bit older and more brittle. I don’t want to take the chances with permanent injuries that I was willing to in my younger days.

Current horse - my precious perfect angel ™ - had a few issues as well. We spent a good bit of time trying to figure it out. It wasn’t until after moving to our current location that we found out her dressage saddle wasn’t fitting to the point where it was effecting her movement and that she needed chiropractic work. We started the chiropractic work and there was some improvement but even with just not using the dressage saddle (jump saddle or bareback pad), it was not enough. Early this summer I was able to get her her new ($5500) dressage saddle and VAST improvement - we are doing hill work in a dressage frame that is helping build up those muscles again. She’s forward again, she’s willing to go in a frame, and finally (fingers crossed) she will go to a show at the end of Aug.

Of course…life being life, we did disturb a yellow jacket nest yesterday - one sting to me but at least 7 to her and a VERY scary experience. While this isn’t a big deal, if the show was this weekend, we may have been withdrawing, depending on how she’s feeling tonight…because that’s life…so yeah. I woke up this morning and had a thought “what if she’s allergies! What if she goes into anaphylactic shock!!!” Then I realized what time it was and that I would have gotten a call from my friend if anything was serious.

I still would like to do a Training Level Long Format (if they still have them) one day but I have come to accept that it is OK if I never get there. There are points where you have to decide which is more important - the goal or the horse infront of you. I think either are valid, especially considering how expensive horses and showing are - these are just the choices we make in life.

[IFG]

You do not need huge acreage to keep a horse at home. I last evented in 2008. My horse was having soundness issues, and I was looking at paying two college tuitions, so I brought him home and semi-retired him. I have since bought a young horse, who lives at home, and I am playing at dressage. Old horse past away, and I have a pony to keep youngish horse company. I have about 1/4 acre ring/turnout. Pony is in a smaller area. Both seem happy with 24/7 turnout and constant hay and regular meals. You can make it work so long as you put in footing, and you do not let it turn into a mud hole.

[Ajierene]

So what I’m hearing is I can move my horse to my .09 total acreage home and keep her in my already fenced in back yard…the kitchen is in the back of the house so we can share breakfast in the morning and I’m sure the neighborhood kids would love to have a new friend. Not sure how the next door neighbor’s little dog will feel about this but he seems pretty friendly. Imma go start planning…

[IFG]

That might be a bit wee, but every time I feel guilty that my horse only has a 100 X 120 turnout, I go look at the paddocks at most boarding barns. Many are way smaller, and the horses are out way less. The vets, dentists, etc that come to my place think that my guys have it pretty good. Around me, large fields are rare to find at boarding barns, so I do the best I can.

[Ajierene]

I did have someone who had two horses on um 1/2 acre or something butting up to a large park. I was a bit jealous but she said she regretted it due to the amount of hay she ended up having to feed. I think it depends on where you are, what you are used to. Around here there is enough grass that feeding hay is an option if you manage/have enough. If you are out west or somewhere where even on 10 acres you would have to hay all the time, it probably isn’t that much different.

In actuality, unfortunately Cecil County dictates that your property has to be at least 1 acre to keep horses on it…you can keep 100 horses on that acre should you want, but at least that one acre. There is someone right on Fair hill with a similar set up to what you describe and while I think their paddock is a bit small, they open a gate and are right on Fair hill and I figure any exercise the horses don’t get in the paddock, I sure would make up for by riding them out every day…if I could afford that place…

Sometimes, especially when I’m getting ready to mow my lawn, I lament not having my pony at home…she would love that grass and would be much easier to just have her keep it “well kept” instead. le sigh…

[IFG]

We actually own 5 acres, but much of it is wetlands. In Southern New England, few boarding barns have the type of pasture that could support a horse, so hay is a necessity.

[Ajierene]

And people wonder why I love where I live - good grass, not to mountainous, desert, wetlands, not so far north we have major snow storms and one day of summer, not so far south we worry about hurricanes, far enough inland even on the rare occasion a hurricane comes to visit it’s barely a Cat 1 and usually a Tropical Storm by the time it hits…

Plus my bro lives 8 miles away. Not that that’s a draw to anyone but me…but hey…

[RooTheDay]

It’s weird, isn’t it? The stuff that ultimately breaks you.

But I think I’m done, for now.

The snapping point was ultimately watching one particular barnmate go out and win an event on their new horse six weeks after they bought it. Should that sound even more capricious than it ought, there’s a lot more to the story than “one particular barnmate”, but I’m aware of my somewhat dubious pseudonymity and would prefer not to tell tales out of school further. It’s capricious anyway, even with the additional context, but humans sometimes are, me included.

It’s been five years of blood, sweat, tears. Every dime, every bit of not-inconsiderable emotional regulation and equanimity, every free minute. I worked so hard I had a surgery after a surgery (horse-related) because I broke something else while I was trying to stay fit from the recovery for the first. To try and go after my dreams. I held my first horse’s head in my lap while the needle went in, and now the second one is neuro too. Second verse, same as the first.

I realized last week that it had been five years.

It’s been five years and I haven’t made it past beginner novice.

And I think that’s enough, for now, for me. I don’t think I have anything left that I want to give.

I’ve been sitting with that idea for a week or two now, and it feels right.

I had it out with my coach tonight. She thinks my horse is too nice for me to give up. She thinks I should try to stay fit by asking other folks if I can ride, or at least by putting myself out there into the world as someone who’s available to ride. She thinks folks will deliver if I do.

I agree with her. I think there’s a decent chance they would, if I did that. But as Meat Loaf said, a long time ago: I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do that.

She genuinely believes in my not-inconsiderable dreams, still, and she is someone who’s in a position to have an informed opinion. She thinks that my record doesn’t truly reflect my skill, and in all fairness a number of relatively unbiased third parties have agreed with her.

But it all looks the same on the scoreboard, doesn’t it?

So tonight I took the ribbons down, the few I had hanging that meant anything: the three-day completions, the non-primary color with my first mare. Everything has a season; the season right now is to focus on my career again and work on getting to the point where I can have that farm. I’m not too far off, I think.

And then once I do, maybe I will sit on the porch in non-publicly-appropriate clothing with a drink in my hand, unencumbered by the gazes and approbation (or indeed visibility) of neighbors, pastorally enjoying the view of my extremely lovely pasture pet… who will, to be fair, probably mostly be squealing and farting a lot. Or maybe I’ll give it another try after I have the time and space and money to pin my hopes on more than one at a time. Who can say?

I don’t regret any of it. I did it until I could no longer honestly say that I would have no regrets if it didn’t ultimately work out: we pay to ride the ride, not for any particular destination at the end.

But now, I can’t say that anymore. And so, now, it’s time to get off the ride.

Though I didn’t ultimately travel very far, it was a hell of a trip.

[floppyammy]

@RooTheDay I feel for you, I truly do. I have been where you are and it sucks. I don’t think the idea to take a step back for a while is a bad one at all. Sometimes life is about re-assessing, re-grouping and moving forward from a place of rest and reflection. Prolonged banging one’s head against the wall is not good for anyone. I totally get you on the heartbreak that is watching others’ dreams come true while yours are ashes in your mouth. It’s a particular kind of despair, and it is human for that to sometimes be what breaks us.

The good news is, this is a lifelong sport. Your dream, or a modified version of it, might not be dead after all. Who knows what life brings us. Go sit on your porch in non-publicly-appropriate clothing, drink your drink. Listen to your pasture pet buck and fart and be stupid. You will try again. How do I know? Because we’re all crazy in this sport, and as Jack said to Ennis in Brokeback Mountain “I wish I knew how to quit you”. But we don’t.

[FromTheGalaxy]

Wow, I feel this post a lot. While I hadn’t completely given up horses, I took a step back from competing and eventing in general for the past two years. This was after I had 3 career ending/long term rehab situations in the same number of years (all with different horses, so the answer to your question if getting a 2nd will make things easier, it really doesn’t). And of course all happened right when it felt like our partnership was finally thriving and we were ready to move up to the next level. I am very blessed to already have my own farm, but to have 3 “pasture puffs” that should be out competing was soul crushing and heartbreaking.

So instead I decided to take a step back and put my eventing dreams on hold. I bred my lovely mare to give her additional time to recover from her colic surgery and fulfil my dream of raising my own homebred. I bought a 2 year old OTTB to learn how to do the restarting process myself from the beginning. I raised my mare’s foal and puttered around on my young horse in my own arena. I focused more on building my savings and finding some balance between horses and the rest of life. I didn’t go xc for 2 years.

And then I sold my foal and my young horse and I started working my mare again. Slowly, no real goals in mind, just trying to get her body right and enjoy riding again. Slowly peeling back the layers on both her issues and my self doubt and lost confidence. Started jumping again. Went xc schooling and while I was a hot mess and so scared, I realized I had forgotten how much I loved it. We’re still not at the point where I feel we are competition ready, but maybe next year? My mare is feeling better than she ever has in the past and I am hopeful for our future together.

I think I really needed that time to back off, learn to just enjoy my horses again. Take the pressure off of both of us. Time away is not a bad idea, and I hope it will give you time to process, but then hopefully find that spark again.

[FjordBCRF]

@EventingMaff

I think for me a choice point came in looking for a horse of do I want something to enjoy the journey with,(but the destination is unknown) or do I have a specific destination to get to.

You’ve articulated this really well. I’m a journey person. I have a post sharing our challenges; 7 YO fjord with front end tripping/stumbling/fell once with me on board. Last month after switching vets, we found a mineral deposit at the skull/C1 and boney changes at C5, C6, and C7. He also came back with a 1:2000 EPM titer and is currently being treated for that. He’s a metabolic risk so injections are an increased risk. We’re two weeks into the EPM treatment and I’ve noticed no changes with him and suspect it’s the neck issues. He also had some neck stuff that cropped up in Feb which further makes me think that.

I got him as a 3YO in 2020 after a divorce and that decision complete changed my life trajectory for the better. We’ve done a good bit of groundwork from the beginning and are now expanding that out to liberty work and neck rope riding at the walk (mostly) for now. I’m still able to get joy and bonding out of that, and he loves learning so it’s rewarding building on his skills.

If that’s the horse I have for the next 20+ years, as long as he is comfortable and happy, I can live with it.

The place where I’m stuck is between wanting to expedite bringing him home (which would require buying property and likely building and having at least one buddy) vs keep boarding. Boarding right now is ideal other than it’s a 30 min drive from current home. Boarding is the route that financially makes the most sense, but if anything were to change with where we are at, I don’t want to do the barn hopping any more than we have. I’m more at odds about that whole aspect than I am anything else at the moment.

[beowulf]

Roo

[Scaramouch]

This sport can be so bitterly, ludicrously unfair. I understand where you’re coming from, right down to resenting other riders for just plain having better luck. I don’t know if it was always like this back in the halcyon days when OTTBs dominated and the real Pony Club ethos prevailed but lately it does feel like a myth that a one-horse, non-independently-wealthy adult ammy can get anywhere.

Personally I’ve spent my entire adult life (so ~15 years) trying to event, yet I haven’t done a recognized horse trial since high school. Luck and money never quite align and you need so damn much of both in this game. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other with my young horse and counting my blessings every day she’s sound because she is my only shot as long as my 24-year-old retired gelding is still around. Because at the end of the day I’d rather do this and be broke than have money and not do this. At least for now. I can pay my credit cards when I’m 70.

[endlessclimb]

For better, I hope, I truly do believe a lot of this is that we know better now. Back in the day, these horses exhibiting pain behaviors would just be driven through it instead of considering what’s actually causing the animal to behave that way.

[fivestrideline]

Yeah, back in the day you bought a single saddle that fit YOU, and slapped it on everything with pads to even it out visually. No matter that the saddle was tipped back because it was way too narrow. There were very few bits to choose from - actually far fewer options for everything. Unless the horse was limping lame, he was sound and just behaving badly - you had to “make him more afraid of you than he is of the bushes/ditch/tractor/etc”. You saw the farrier every 8-12 weeks (a 6 week cycle was SHORT), vet only for shots and a bucket of daily dewormer. Feed was cheap, hay was cheap, we didn’t know what we didn’t know about diet related issues. How many PSSM, IR, MFM, and plain malnourished horses were forced to work through their disease? How many were chronically laminitic and we never knew?

I feel as if it was cheaper to keep horses because LIFE was cheaper, but also because we didn’t know nearly as much. There was the Right Way to do things, and if your horse didn’t fit that mold you either forced the issue or quietly sent him to auction or the local slaughterhouse. Fact is, horses didn’t live as long and didn’t have nearly as long of a working life compared to now, in general. We nerved horses and did all kinds of medical “treatments” to keep them sound - even though the treatments would be considered inappropriate now.

We know better. The standard for “sound” has gone up. That’s expensive. I think it’s a good thing, but it still hurts to look at the numbers.

[aregard]

I tried it with my own for decades and never got above Training.

Years later, I observed a (very good) young rider with a lease horse go out and have a whale of a time, without the angst of ownership.

I’d recommend rethinking the “I could try to lease again but I honestly think I’d rather quit–it’s not satisfying to me unless it’s my horse.” part.

Try leasing (again?) for a season (since it looks like you won’t be competing otherwise!) and see what you feel about it.

Sometimes our dreams have to adjust to our realities.

[FromTheGalaxy]

My first event horse that I successfully competed with was a lease. He is now retired in my pasture. I have also been “trying on my own” for the past 4 years, with young green horses because that’s all my budget could afford. I haven’t made it past starter level (all due to injuries). I plan for my next horse to be a lease on a Novice packer while simultaneously breeding my mare again for a future eventer for me. I thoroughly enjoy bringing along young horses, but I am really looking forward to getting to borrow an experienced horse for a season or two to get to work on myself and finally break out of my starter level curse!

[asterix]

Since we are talking about leasing and other alternatives to owning, I thought a perspective from the “other side” might be helpful.
I have had my share of heartbreak - terrible, horse-of-a-lifetime-catastrophe heartbreak, AND never-ending-parade-of-lamenesses heartbreak. I won’t repeat those stories here. But trust me, I, like so many others, know this side of the equation.
My current horse is a freak of nature. I’ve had him 12 years - he will be 19 next year - and in all that time he has been ridiculously hale and hearty. He’s STILL a cheeky monkey at least once a week, and he’s never had a joint injection, much less significant time off for injury. However, he refused to fulfill my plan for him as an event horse due to his everlasting rejection of ditches. So, yeah, we had to develop plan B. I got my USDF Bronze medal on him and hoping to finish off my Silver this coming year at PSG. Plus I did all the riding, with great coaching, so learned a TON about how to progress in this space.
It’s not what I wanted or dreamed but it’s been really rewarding.
Anyway, at some point maybe next year I will step him down, but unless something happens he will need a job, and he’d make a great partner for someone wanting to learn the ropes at dressage, and jump around up to novice level (although not in recognized competitions, unless you like getting eliminated at the ditch). I would LOVE to find someone who needs a good horse and is responsible and trustworthy.
So I hope people who feel disheartened by their own exhausting horse adventures consider looking around for a lease option - it can be healing and fun and there may be just the right match out there for you.