This is a beautiful sentiment. Wow.
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I am a bit anxious in nature, although most people that know me wouldn’t guess it. Except maybe trainers I work with…it sorta leaks out eventually. Lol
I’ve overcome a lot. It’s getting easier but I think as things change, so does that anxiety!
Lots of great advice here.
Will do!
While it used to be about what people think, it’s not so much anymore. It’s simply being good enough, mostly for my horse, that I worry about. It’s about being the best rider I can be and the fear of falling short.
huh. As long as you are kind and attuned physically to your horse, how can s/he possibly mind your score/placement? It’s attention that they want…when you give your horse considerate attention they will roll in ecstacy at your feet. It is all about the bond with them.
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If you reread my post, my current anxious thoughts are during lessons/solo rides. Not really showing. It’s a bit odd lol.
But yes you are right regardless. As long as I’m kind, consistent and fair, my horse seems happy. Sure maybe he doesn’t go quite as well as he does with a trainer as he does with me. But I’ve never seen a horse look stressed or unhappy with me on their back and I do think it’s worth something.
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That isn’t worth “something”, that is a huge positive thing!! I have seen too many closed down, stressed, unhappy horses in my life not to really appreciate a good partnership. If your horse is content, all is well with the world.
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I took some h/j lessons this spring on some schoolies at another barn just to switch it up. Great place, the best pastures in the area, 24/7 hay, horses get massage and all that. But like most school horses are a little bit grouchy. I think that even with the best of care it can be a little bit hard on some horses.
There is two that when you would walk up to them in the pasture would turn to walk away or pin their ears and even try and kind of nip when you’re putting the halter on. After a few awhile, I noticed with those two that they no longer would walk away when I would go to get them. Then I noticed they would not pin their ears or start to pin them and then prick them up and I would approach. After that, sometimes they would even take a step or two towards me. I had never given them treats, as I figured if you have kids around you got to be careful with the treats.
After I got my own horse I kind of had to stop riding there but I did take a few lessons there this fall (I just think it’s good to branch out and I also think it’s good to ride a schooled horse when you have a baby.) I passed one of the horses and to my surprise he nickered and ran up to the gate!
It was very sweet. I think they seriously just appreciated the care I took when grooming, talking to them, trying to ride them well and fairly and giving lots of praise when they were trying their best or putting up with me! I truly think horses take note of that. And like you said I do think that is something cool. And I like to hope that because I start from a place of positivity and relaxation with a horse that I can get it together with myself and actually go somewhere one day. Even if it’s just the little goals of my own head 
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Just be the best rider you can be on THAT DAY. That’s all you can ask of yourself.
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Try re-thinking that pit-in-the-stomach feeling, not as something negative but as a sign you are gearing up to have a great time. In other words, realize that the physiological event of “stomach ache” is simply blood flow changing in anticipation of exercise. So when you get that feeling, smile and say out loud “oh boy, I get to go ride my wonderful horse, yay!”
I’m trying to learn how to play the French horn and am finding it very similar to training horses in that any tension in my body is transmitted directly to the horn. Producing a pleasing sound requires focus, breath control, good posture and a certain level of joy that I get to do this thing. When I get something 'right", I verbally, out loud pat myself on the back. It really helps me get through those times when I feel like I’m never going to reach my very modest goals of making music. I too, sometimes get “anxious” right before my lesson with my very supportive instructor, but as I work to channel that nervy-ness into positive focus, I find the negative thoughts are gradually drifting away.
You have a truly wonderful horse and you’re in a great place right now. Smile, enjoy and soak in that great feeling of accomplishment!
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I used to get performance anxiety at shows, but not in lessons - but then again, I was a working student and even in my lessons on my horse, I was there to do a job. That day, we were going to work on X, and maybe Y. (This did NOT ever translate over to the show ring, except rarely.)
So I remained focused on the ride at hand; we need to walk to warm up, so he feels a little behind, not marching up, let’s give a bit of a tap. That’s better, I can feel him taking longer strides now . . . remember to follow from the shoulder . . . okay, time to half-halt and then we’ll trot, so . . . By focusing on every moment and every movement, I didn’t have time to be anxious about anything. If he’s misbehaving, you immediately turn to fixing the problem, then go back to what you were doing. By remaining as close to 100% focused on the horse and the ride as I could be, there wasn’t time to be anxious.
You might check out Jane Savoie’s That Winning Feeling and It’s Not Just About the Ribbons. Maybe just a few minutes of meditation before your ride to visualize you on your horse: feeling him being relaxed and forward, feeling yourself sitting deep in the saddle with your core engaged, picture a few perfect transitions or serpentines (which is something Jane walks you through in her books).
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If you can remember, it can be really helpful to remind yourself in the moment that you are being silly, especially if this is mental struggle. The anxiety is real and you are experiencing it, but not everything your brain tells you is true.
I don’t know if you have any physical anxieties, but breaking a bone and the anxiety left over from that outweighs the anxiety I have about failing my horses or people judging my riding. Sometimes it’s a matter of all your anxieties being at play and one will outweigh the other. Not sure if this is helpful, but it’s what I thought of.
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For several years my primary coach was a clinician who I worked with 3-4 times a year, taking 2-4 lessons in the 3-5 days he was in my area each time. The process over the lessons each time was review, refine/correct, begin work on the next steps with guidance on recognizing the good, and potential pitfalls and how to work through them. As a result I put pressure on myself and my horse in the weeks preceding each clinic to have everything if not perfect, at least very good.
Until the day I was really struggling with something and I realized that the purpose of the lessons was to get help with the issues I was working on. If I managed to minimize the issue and hide it for the duration of the clinic I wasn’t going to get the help I needed to really correct it.
I did confess this epiphany to my clinician and we both had a good laugh about it. After that I was able to play with different approaches to a problem and be better prepared to explain it. Which meant better help and greater progress.
A lesson isn’t a show. It’s for exposing all the warts and addressing them properly. 
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I like @Willesdon 's comment about staying in the moment. Set a nice manageable goal for each ride, and focus on that goal. Staying inside the ring (for a baby), or keeping your reins really short, or your head up.
I too hate people watching me ride or compete. Last show all my friends wanted to come watch and I told them all I would be too antsy to interact before the ride, but after would be great. As I crossed the finish line after xc all these people started walking up cheering - it was all my friends who had hidden out on xc and watched without telling me! 
In the past people have asked if they can watch my lessons and I always say yes, but wish they wouldn’t…it’s hard to explain to them why. It means I’ll try too hard and that never ends well… but guess what? at a show it’s not going to be just one person watching… 
so you might as well get used to it!
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your post brought back a strong olfactory memory of the french horn (i tried to play fr horn in band in jr. high…)
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I suspect that what you don’t realize is that what you are experiencing isn’t abnormal. Even people that appear to be the most competent and the coolest of cucumbers are dealing with some form of angst under their apparently polished demeanor.
You aren’t disappointing anyone or letting your horse down. You are learning and exploring and discovering and banking information with every ride. Even “bad” rides are providing feedback on how to improve.
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I think if you don’t have at least a little anxiety about whether or not you’re doing it right, you’re doing it wrong.
It’s far better to have a little anxiety about it than to blithely assume you’re doing everything fine, and if you do mess it up, the horse will just have to forgive you.
You’re still taking lessons and it sounds like you’re in an excellent and supportive program. I think this anxiety you’re feeling is just a byproduct of a deep commitment to being the best rider for your horse that you can.
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This is a good point. I have brought it up both my trainers (I ride with a Dressage trainer and Eventer) and both have clearly stated that they don’t worry one bit about me riding solo. That I’m not the type to overdo anything, I’m more cautious.
Once in a clinic I was catch riding a very opinionated pony. The clinician told me those types were good for me because I was a little too nice, a little too careful by nature. But he did say that while that can be a struggle in many ways, it makes a trainer feel safe about leaving a client alone. No worries about anyone getting too eager or angry.
I rode my baby horse in his first show. I thought maybe the trainer’s would suggest they do the first one, but nobody blinked an eye. The only advice they really imparted was “Have fun!!’”
This thread has been very helpful. I had a good lesson yesterday, no stomach ache before either
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That’s great news!
I always have anxiety before my lessons, I think it’s just nerves about doing a good job for my coaches.
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Well I’m preparing for a small home barn h/j show tomorrow. I didn’t think I was nervous at all.
But I had a prep lesson in the indoor arena which was quite busy with other people jumping. It went pretty awful… Probably the first ride with this horse that I’ve left the barn wanting to cry. Although he was great absolutely was nothing of him. But I truly rode badly. And I did actually feel like my trainer is frustrated/disappointed in me. May not be the case and it is also very possible that she was frustrated about other things.
We’ve done poles before no problem. But tonight was the first time he felt like he was jumping them lol. I was not expecting this… And even felt like he was thinking about a playful buck after.
I was just screwing it all up.
The trainer just told me that I’m more capable then I like to believe. And I know that. And I know it should be make me feel better but sometimes it makes me feel worse. Like I’m capable but just not doing it lol.
I might just trot the poles at the show. I know the trainer wants me to canter them but to me, I’d rather have it be stupid easy than feel stressed and nervous.
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