In my experience if someone is prone to anxiety, the anxiety will seep out and attach itself to almost anything. Generally the thing you are anxious about isn’t the real source of the anxiety. It’s just that your brain needs a thing to attach the feeling to. Thus most anxiety seems pretty irrational.
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Take some perfect prep! Just kidding but same idea. You can over rationalize it with words or just fix the feeling. I still get anxious sometimes. Depends on the horse, depends on the clinician, depends on other stress in my life. The clinicians that made me most anxious I don’t ride with anymore. Also certain show venues seem to be spooky and more me more anxious. If you’re dreading a lesson try a different coach.
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PSA: It’s ok if your coach gets frustrated with you. Chances are that’s your perception only and they actually aren’t frustrated at all, but teaching is a frustrating job. Learning is a frustrating job. Dressage is a frustrating sport!
Some rides will go better than others. Sometimes a horse might be a bit of a dick because the environment is distracting, or for no reason at all. Sometimes your body and brain won’t do things you did perfectly well the day before, because you are stressed, or tired, or for no reason at all.
The best advice I was ever given was to stop replaying every lesson in my head in an attempt to analyze where I could improve. Instead I now pick one thing from a ride that I was really pleased with and that’s the only thing I choose to remember. Throw the rest away. Some days the only good thing is our face rubs after untacking. Fine. That’s what I choose to remember.
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I have always loved horses and riding, but I have also always been someone who is not a fast learner in physical activities. I do learn fast in concepts and ideas and print, but not sports.
I learned to ride quite well on my own as a kid with books and observation, on my own time.
I didn’t have riding lessons at all until I returned in my 40s. I went into lessons knowing that 1) it was wonderful that I was doing this at all 2) I needed to check my ego at the door 3) it was going to take longer for me to relearn some things 4) no matter how reluctant I felt on the way there I would feel wonderful during and after the ride.
I go through phases, sometimes I love lessons and they help solidify things and other times I don’t have the bandwidth and I prefer to hunker down and work on things on my own.
I also teach college, and I know my emotional reaction to any one student or even class is much more about the larger picture than it is frustration with one person.
Remember always that there are 3 people in any riding lesson: you, the coach, and your horse. Your horse is the one person who didn’t make a choice to be there. So if you let yourself and your coach get into a frustration and anxiety feedback loop, your horse absolutely will pick up on this and things will go less good. So for the sake of your horse you cannot allow yourself to retain anxiety or frustration in the saddle.
Sometimes it’s much more useful to call time out, let the horse stand for a minute, do some stretches in the saddle, than keep pushing for something that’s not quite happening. You can build this into the lesson. Tell the coach in advance that you are getting overwhelmed and tense and would like to call time out when those feelings start. That you would prefer to have breaks rather than get the “most use” out of the lesson time. Also that you would would love it to hear clear confirmation of the moments you get right even if it’s just two steps. Also if you consistently can’t do something, see if you can back down a bit and do basic components.
Here are some things about us less talented adult returning riders.
We are always trying hard, we aren’t daydreaming or goofing off like small children. We do improve over time. But that progress isn’t linear and we may regress.
We are carrying a lot of emotional and physical history. We have a lot of emotional and cognitive demands put in us all day. We can’t always overcome these for an hour in the saddle. That could be our persistent computer slouch, our work related worry, or general anxiety about the world.
We are usually better at the cognitive than the physical. So we know we need to do something but the brain can’t always make the body obey.
Pro riders are often multisport athletes who do other high speed high risk sports. I think there’s a lot of jumpers who do downhill skiing, at least in climates that offer skiing. Adult amateur riders very often do either no other sport, or else only the low risk close to the ground things like fitness training, yoga, hiking, running, etc. Riding is often their only high risk high skills high speed sport. This makes them hard for pros to understand.
Anyhow, rather than go down a rabbit hole of why this particular anxiety now, I’d say start from the perspective that you need to protect your horse from your anxiety and frustration. You cannot allow yourself to have those feelings in his presence, certainly not while riding him. You are lucky you have a sweet horse that’s not reactive but he still feels it, he just bottles it up.
Then do what you can to stop those feelings as they start. Or before they start. Call a time out. Do deep breaths. Give yourself permission to not master discrete skills.
If you are worried about “undoing” training you are having a worse effect being anxious or frustrated in the saddle than you are not being precise with a cue or not using all the trainers “buttons” every day. You can go for a trail hack every day for a month and the horse won’t forget what he’s been taught.
But horses absolutely respond to your energy and emotions.
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Very well said. I am usually good about keeping emotions in check at the barn door. But last night definitely started to manifest in the saddle which definitely wasn’t good.
I had a near panic attack this morning but we pulled it together for a 1st place! We did two classes but there was a miscommunication with my trainer about the last pole on course. Although I thought it went just as well if not better the second round.
I feel good! I feel accomplished and I’m really dang proud of my horse! He was a wonderful boy. He did get a little tight in the warm up when they started doing the speakers and stuff and then some little ponies came in That kind of freaked him out. But when it’s time to show he was very good boy. He really seems to enjoy it! And I was told in a spectator stands that we were getting a lot of compliments!
Thank you guys. This will be ongoing work for me to rein in the anxiety. But now we’ll keep working on it.
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Out of curiosity, who? A former trainer who was a CCI**** rider did Ironman races but stopped after his doctor flat out told him his knee could hold up to running or riding but not both. I’d argue that Ironman isn’t high-risk, either. I honestly can’t think of a single pro that does anything else except go to the gym when they have time. They don’t have the time to do anything else. And most worry about getting hurt & not being able to ride.
Seems that way for most people with physically demanding jobs. A lot of guys at jiu jitsu are active law enforcement. They train nearly every day. Yet not a single one competes because they can’t risk getting injured & not being able to go to work.
Ah well I know nothing about top competitors. I live in a city where you can famously ski, sail, and play golf (or ride) on the same day (if traffic jams dont get in your way). So downhill skiing is available if you want it. I grew up at the bottom of a ski hill and never wanted it. But a number of my local horse pro friends also ski. Not competively. But they have the courage and balance to be good at those kinds of sports. I don’t.
My larger point being that riding lumps in with high cost high risk high skill sports like skiing and sailing.
Not with low cost low risk low skill sports like hiking and fitness training.
Many of us ammies are in the latter category and stretching ourselves to ride when we’d never take up skiing or mountain biking or other fast things in middle age.
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I don’t necessarily know a lot of trainers that are actively athletes in other sports But most than I know have been active in high intensity sports at some point in their lives. I certainly have not. Lol
I will say, but I train with both dressage trainers and eventers and there is a big difference in the Eventers. I feel like the dressage trainers are more understanding of the nerves. Some can be almost coddling. The Eventers, kind of just stare blankly at you like, what are nerves?? I know they do get nerves too of course but I think what they got nervous about versus what I might get nervous about is very different lol
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Ahh. Gotcha. Could it be more of a difference overall in functional fitness levels you’re noticing rather than an attraction to high-risk sports? It’s much harder to get in shape as a middle-aged/older adult than it is to maintain.
Not just functional fitness. There’s a real divide between the high risk high speed sports and the low risk low to the ground sports. You can have excellent functional fitness through hiking, running, weight training, Zumba, and yoga. But they are all low risk easy entry sports.
On the other hand you have the speed sports that require skill, and they attract a different body type and personality.
Canoeing in a lake versus white water kayak. Snow shoeing versus downhill skiing. Cycling in the park versus mountain biking in actual mountains. There’s likely more. Yacht racing. People who like the adrenalin rush of risk. Western Pleasure Class versus eventing 
@Lunabear1988 are you familiar with EFT tapping? I don’t know much about it, but I have a friend/acquaintance who is a pilates instructor and into energy work, etc. She did a Zoom session a couple weeks ago on imagery, and she used some tapping, more for proprioception, but it’s good for anxiety. I thought the tapping on the glutes/thighs would be useful before riding, and I use it on my horse a little too as it gets her focused and helps relieve tension. Even tapping on the side of the palm can be helpful for relieving some anxiety in the short term; I heard this supported recently by a neurobiology professor, so it’s not just quacky stuff.
I have not. Very interesting!! I’ll look into it
