Official "Dear Willem" Advice Thread

[Portia]

With all the people and horses asking advice from Willem recently, the board is getting a little cluttered. We don’t want poor Willem to have to search all over to make sure he didn’t miss anything, do we? So, I think it’s best we have one thread dedicated to seeking advice from Willem and from other educated and experienced equines such as Red Storm. It can be a regular advice column, like Dear Abby and Anne Landers.

So here it is, the official “Dear Willem” thread. Post your questions to Wonderful Willem here.

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson

[Willem]

Mein favorite books they be by C.W. Anderson. Mein verrie favorite it be “Blaze und the little ponie wot it haff gray spots,” aber I also loff “Der Horsje Pferd von Hurricane Hill” verrie much aber it haff maked me cry in some places.

Also tell you modder that it be verrie importante that you haff ein radio in your howse on country western. This it be music wot I think be schitt aber mannie vets they haff sayed that this it be verrie good to play wenn you be in die lay up.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[twotempi]

i’m not much of a Law and Order fan, but i can help you out in the horse-related department. Liz Rohm, who plays the DA (i think she’s new) rides. she keeps one of her horses (an enormous hannoverian gelding named Illustrious, or Illy) at my old barn, a huge dressage facility in westchester. she doesn’t get there very often, and usually just hacks out in the fields/woods.

happy weekend, everybody

[Herr_Poncho]

Hallo Villem, I beest verry vorried abut ziz zunbazink you beest doing. It beest verry bad for your ztunning coat. Mein Mutter (zhe vorships me) zhe tellz me zhat ze zun it vill make my zhinny coat verry dull and vill, how you zay, zunburn mein noze. Of courze I beest a harlequin und mein noze it be moztly pink. Mein mutter (zhe vorships me) zhe zay dat only real men, zhey can vear pink and steel beest az hanzome az me.

I am King Dane and you WILL bow to my wishes.

[Portia]

With all the people and horses asking advice from Willem recently, the board is getting a little cluttered. We don’t want poor Willem to have to search all over to make sure he didn’t miss anything, do we? So, I think it’s best we have one thread dedicated to seeking advice from Willem and from other educated and experienced equines such as Red Storm. It can be a regular advice column, like Dear Abby and Anne Landers.

So here it is, the official “Dear Willem” thread. Post your questions to Wonderful Willem here.

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson

[Willem]

I vos asked to go to die Vorld Games, aber I don’t nott to “do” no trials no more, shows they be boring and I couldn’t nott to make up mein mind about if I wanted to jump or dance.

Mein modder Coreene (I loff her), I think she be going aber she don’t nott to know for sure, aber I think so. I haff telled her not to get no special ideas becose I think trials they be insulting.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Willem]

I haff to go in a minuto becose mein modder Coreene she be on her way to giff me ein bath for mein haircut tomorrow.

This it be wrong.

Snork, your pferd horsje he don’t nott to buck you off aber he be verrie homesick so you need to giff him mannie kusjes und mannie karotten und tell him you loff him verrie much. This it be all wot we want in life, wenn peoples they loff us. This it be die most importante thing in die world, that someone they loff us.

Haff nice weekend up I hop your new pferd horsje he giff you mannie kusjes too und that you haff verrie happie life together und that you loff each other.

Your friend,

Willem

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Box-of-Rox]

willem you could dance if Brazil won!

[Portia]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lily:
Is the lovely four-legged Portia going to start answering questions as well?

And where is Stormy?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Well, Missy Portia does [I]think[/I] she has all the answers.

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson

[system]

Dear MrsMouse, this is Candy, the Queen, and I agree that Willem’s idea is brilliant and Lucien’s offer much nicer than I could do. I’d like to offer some other ideas that we’ve used successfully around here to get that good scent of horse breath in your head.

1. offer to work at that schooling barn in exchange for lessons.
2. offer to help groom for someone - you never know where that could lead.
3. volunteer at local horse shows. They look for people to be fence judges, ring stewards, bit checkers, scorers, etc. There surely is a job waiting for you that would get you mixing with the ‘horse set’ and you never know where it will lead.
4. talk to everyone. My mother got friendly with a waitress and ended up adopting the evil Evan, my hated ‘brother’ (he takes my mother away from me!).

These are just some of the places where I’ve met up with very nice folks who were ‘temporarily horseless’.

Your Amiga was a beautiful girl. All of us shed a tear for you and know you’ll meet again someday.

Your friend,

Candy

[system]

My new little brother is a pain in the haunches! He trotted into the palace like he owned the place and now everybody oohs and ahhs over him like he is the next Olympic Medalist. I mean, like, get over yourselves, people!

For example, yesterday he jumped his first gymnastic and the last jump was 3’3". Nobody could stop talking about how great he was, like jumping 3’3" is some big achievement. Meanwhile, I lead a group of horses on a grueling trail ride through the mountains and I didn’t get anything but a cold bath afterwards.

Why is he such a pain? How can I keep him from getting all the attention? Batting my pretty eyelashes an nickering seductively is just not working anymore. I am afraid I may actually have to WORK during my lessons. Don’t they know pretty girls aren’t supposed to sweat? HELP!

I am the Princess, and don’t you know it!

[CharleyHorse]

Yes, I know I am The Best Horse Ever, my mommy tells me so every day. I have decided to leave Dascha and move on. She was in heat last week, so that explains for all of her googling other geldings, but I just can not deal with her, she is too high maintanence. But, I would like to ask a question for my “brother” Jobe (he is the one who stole Dascha away from me)
Here is what Jobe said to ask you:
Dear Willem,
I have a problem. Okay, I admitted it, so now what? Well my problem is…well…this is kind of embarrassing…but…I see dead people. I honestly do. They are mostly under the jumps at horse shows but sometimes they are at home too. Every time I see them everyone gets mad at me because I am too scared to go near the jump. How do I stop seeing dead people under the jumps? They are very scary, and I really try to be a very good boy, I never buck or do anything bad other than seeing dead people. Everyone tells me I am a very handsome horse, but I don’t know. I really like to jump but sometimes the dead people are too scary! Please help me, I can’t stand this any longer!

-Jobe

Well there was Jobe’s question. I personally think he is a big chicken and I don’t like him very much. Why would you see dead people under a jump? Is he stupid or something? My mommy says I am jealous, but I am not because I get a lot more treats than he does! Please help him though, he is supposed to be my “brother”.

Thank you

What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
Someone has a crush on the starter…

[Willem]

This it don’t nott to haff nothing to do mit you wenn she haff giff die ponie mannie kisses. Die ponie it be verrie jealous und she be giffing mannie ponie kisses becose she don’t nott to want to hurt die ponie’s feelings.

Mebbe wenn she come out der next time you let out ein really big whinnie und then you giff her mannie kisses und the she know you loff her. She will ride wenn she be ready, right now mebbe she think off riding und she think “Right now this it be wrong, I do it later.”

Mebbe you need to talk to die ponie more und die ponie it can to tell you mannie things a-bout your new modder (I am sure she loffs you) wot you don’t nott to already know.

Dere Sam!

Jumping in der arena there don’t nott to be no point at-all wenn you don’t nott to see die point off it. Like Tigger he loff jumping und zo he want to jump all die time, aber becose you don’t nott to see die point for you it seem verrie stupide.

Mannie times wenn we be verrie little still, und you don’t nott to beed all growed up yet so this it be a-bout you so pay attention, we haff to do things und we don’t nott to see die point und then later wenn we growed up some then we unnerstan. Aber don’t nott to act spicious a-bout it becose it don’t nott to be no scary thing.

I hope I haff splained this to you so that you unnerstan. Wenn you haff doed this only as much as Hammie you already will unnerstan more.

Loff, Willem

PS Mein modder Coreene (I loff her), she haff sayed to me that your modder Beezer (I loff her too) she haff asked a-bout wenn she can come to jump at mein howse, so mebbe one off these days we meet in person!

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Willem]

I be here in a little while aber right now I be verrie busy mit other things und I haff to do them first. I be sun-bathing.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Risk-Averse_Rider]

I know that you are a big fan of Law & Order, and also that you have a lovely singing voice, so I was wondering if you think that Jerry Orbach misses singing.

Do you miss showing?

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Approved helmet: Every ride; every time.

[CharleyHorse]

Nothing was scary anymore! And Jobe stopped seeing dead people! Ever since I have started asking you for advice all my problems are going away! Thank you very much Willem! I have also attached a photograph of beautiful me, and I need advice on how I should do my forelock. It is very long and when I shake my head it parts and lies on either side of my eyes, but when mommy does it pretty it only stays for a few minutes.

Also, today I had the most fun day. I was at a horse show and mommy and me did big jumps and we were superstars!

What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
Someone has a crush on the starter…

[system]

Dear Willem!

Candy is taking a ‘beauty nap’ so I’m able to say hello.

Oh great counsellor, say it isn’t so! My mother might cut my feed? This is too terrible to consider! I love my dinner and breakfast and lunch and grass and carrots and cookies and apples and oh dear, she might take that away??? I will try to be very careful. Thank you for warning me.

I think the fellow with the beautiful forelock should not worry. I too have a glorious forelock that is so-o-o-o long that it hangs below my gorgeous brown eyes. I think it looks wonderful when it blows sideways. OF course, I too am glorious to behold. If you have it, flaunt it!

We feel now that perhaps the sun is too strong. I recommend moonbathing which I spend many hours doing. There are no pink noses and the moon gives a luster to your very gorgeous coat without fading it’s glorious color. You might talk to your mudder (she loffs you) about this.

Your friend, Evan

[Willem]

Do this mean you don’t nott to want me to be no where else? I haff always loffed you very much aber now I be confused.

Und do this be die real Portia, mein schatzi, oder die Peep Portia?

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Herr_Poncho]

Villem,
Meybe our Mutters (you loff yours, mine vorships me)vould like to meet at der Ze-lec-zon Trialz. Mein mutter(zhe vorzhips me) vill beest der un vhat zhe zays iz offizial buzznezz aber zhe not to be foolink Herr Poncho, I knowst zat zhe vill be havink much good time vithot me.

I am King Dane and you WILL bow to my wishes.

[Merry]

Dear Willem:
My male horse Hammie seems to get jealous if I pay any attention to another person. Just today, when my farrier was shoeing him, and we were conversing and telling jokes, Hammie started nuzzling me. Pretty soon he was licking me! When the farrier tried to make Hammie stop, Hammie pinned his ears, bit the farrier on the butt and resumed lavishing his affections upon me. Is this normal? What does all this mean? Do you ever treat Coreene this way? - Confused, Conflicted and Concerned Merry

“I generally avoid temptation… Unless I can’t resist it.” - Mae West