Official "Dear Willem" Advice Thread

[Portia]

this is the people Portia. Of course I wouldn’t restrict your wisdom to only one thread! I just thought it would be easier for you to have one thread where people and horses could post their questions to you, so you can be sure to find them all.

However, I don’t want to put too much on your broad shoulders, so other horses, like Red Storm for example, can and should answer questions too (and [Pinchy] dogs, too.)

As wise and poplular as you are, it may eventually get to be as long as the original “Question for Merry” thread!

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson

[davidgud_equestrian_jihad]

HERR WILLEM!!!:

ACHTUNG!!!

Guten Abend!! Ich heisse DavidGud!! Ich bin Equestrian Jihad!!! (Blitzkrieg!!! Vierstehen mir, ja???)

Die BESTE Fussball Team ist der KOREANISCH TEAM!!!

Der Koreanisch pferde ist sehr sehr ANGRY (wutend) with du!!! Day say der Willem ist ein sehr sehr ARROGANT GERMAN Horse!!!

Germany win??? ask der Koreanisch Horses???

HA HA HA HA HA, answer der Koreanisch Pferde.

Die USA ist kaputt. Das Frankreich ist kaputt!!!
Und Soon der Deustchland Football team will fight der SECOND Battle of Stalingrad!!! Und denn, Deutschland also kaputt!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Davidgud der Equestrian Blizkrieg und der Koreanisch Horses

[system]

you really don’t want to go all the way out to California. You think New Yorkers are bad (yes I live in the STATE of New York, but there are areas of this state that are very different from the CITY), Californians are NUTS!!!

You have to be smarter than the horse, and since that will never happen, pretend you are.

[PeriwinkleBlue]

Willem, you are simply the best horse alive! Thank you so much for the links - I will definitely look into them and see if there are any near me. I am in southwest “Virginny”, about an hour south of Roanoke. I may also look into taking lessons at a local farm, if I can screw up my courage enough. Consider many big hugs and kisses to be planted on your lovely soft nose.

Portia - your offer brought tears to my eyes! And I have to caution you, because I have family in Conroe, so it’s not actually out of the question that I might take you up on that! Tell Lucien he is wonderful and I am very grateful for his generosity.

Alas, for the money to be able to board a pony near me…I would be a much more stable person if I could! (Pun not actually intended; sorry about that.)

Mouse

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“Because he dodges bullets, Avi!!”

[Red_Storm]

You have truly been smitten by a fickle female! Sad to say, they exist. Your old girlfriend is probably missing you very much, so I would, in your shoes, go back to her and most humbly beg her forgiveness for casting your eyes in another’s direction. If you are lucky, and whisper many sweet nothings in her ears, she may forgive you. Then all will be well again!

I am Red Storm, and I am old and wise.

[buryinghill1]

Cher Willem,

My fwends zay I zpeek wit a Frrench accun. Iz zeet deefeecult to leev in zee United Ztates with un accent?

Pleez Elp!

Meny tanks, Frenchie

[CharleyHorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by WhittiMcD:

Jobe, I know what you are talking about. Those dead people were in the puddles at St. Clements! Whitney got mad when I jumped them rather than walk like a good boy through the puddles, I just didn’t want to get sucked in (and i didn’t want my feet dirty either!).
-Goose

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I know Goose! They are sometimes in the walls of the ring too and in the grass and, oh goodness they’re everywhere!

Willem -
Mommy uses VERY big spurs on me and a VERY big crop sometimes and a LOT of leg, but they are still there! I guess I will just have to get over it =(

What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
Someone has a crush on the starter…

[Beezer]

This be me, Kiwi, Beezer’s SMART and SWEET JRT. I have a question for you (well, two actually).

1). We have squirrels. And rabbits. And birds. But my hu-mom (I LOVE her) and hu-dad (him not so much) say I can’t git 'em. This makes for long-suffering afternoons of staring out at the back lawn through the sliding glass door and drooling and whimpering. How can I convince them that our world MUST be rid of these miscreants??

And 2) … how can I get rid of my embarrassing brother, Maori? I’ve tried growling him out of the bed (Hu-mom does not like this tactic!) and barking at him from the top of the stairs (Hu-dad does not like this tactic!) and given him dozens of other “hints” over the years, but STILL he does not get himself gone. Any ideas??

Signed, Beezer’s GOOD dog, Kiwi.

[Willem]

I be verrie sorrie that I don’t nott to haff beed her yester-day aber I didn’t nott to be in die mood. I vos sunbathing, this it be one off mein verrie favorite things to do.

And also I vos looking through catalogs und online fur ein new longboard.

QUINCY: spinning wenn you beed verrie scared off some thing, it don’t nott to be bad becose you don’t nott to can help this. Aber you need to remember that most off die things wot we be scared off they don’t nott to be nothing, so just don’t nott to worrie a-bout it. This ditch it don’t nott to be scary aber it vos scary wenn these boys they were making die ditch, aber they haff made it all ready so it don’t nott to be scary no more. Mebbe die next time you be scared you hafff to tell your modder that you be scared. Und then she help you.

Wot every boddie they be doing on die week-end? I want to go surfing.

Loff Willem.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[hoopoe]

Is one of the Kings of Broadway.

He was in original" A little Night Music" and “Chicago” and played a lawyer!

He can sing me to sleep any day

_\]
– * > hoopoe
The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.

[Portia]

You must be doing a lot of sunbathing…

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson

[Herr_Poncho]

Hallo Villem!

Mein mudder (zhe vorships me) zhe be goink to ze Zelection Trialz (vat beest zey?). Zhe zay dey beest in Zan Ju-an Capitaztra-ano. Iz zat cloze to you und your mudder (you loff her)? Mein mudder (zhe vorships me) zhe zay zhe vould loff to zee ein handzome horze zuch az yourzelf! Und zhe vould loff to meet your mudder (you loff her) alzo! Beest dere any odder of mein new fruendz zere?

I am King Dane and you WILL bow to my wishes.

[Willem]

She be mein Tante Cindy, I loff her verrie much, I meeted her last year at mein howse. She haff comed down die hill mit mein modder Coreene (I loff her) in der golf cart mit no brakes.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[hoopoe]

Willum you give such good advice that I will give you a hoof here. DON"T LISTEN TO DAVID and all the Ko Hos You can be more tactful and interesting than that.

Root for Brazil and when they ask why just say…

Beacause the haff der besten “Kick Ass” music.

_\]
– * > hoopoe
The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.

[Portia]

Willem posted Friday evening that he was going to be busy all weekend being made even more handsome than he is usually. I’m sure he’ll return to answer your questions tomorrow.

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson

[Willem]

Horsies we just find the people we loff. I know a horsie wot loff you will find you verrie soon.

Loff Willem.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Kryswyn]

Dem Lab-adores just put der mouths on ebryting don’t they? You gotta make allowances for der fact deys be pupkins. But da secret is to train 'em wen deys still small so dat wen deys big, de still tink you’re bigger n dem!

Firstes, you must perfect the “I-am-ferocious-Alpha-bitch-who-must-be-obeyed” hard stare, raised upper lip and deep throated growl.

Secondes, you gots to find places to hide yur bones dat are too small fer de Lab-adore to get to. Like behind or under de couch. Dis gets easier as da Lab-adore gets bigger You score bonuss points if’n you hide it in a place dat da Momdogs (you luvluvluv her) will say, “NO Lucie! Bad dog!” wen she tries to get it like in da trash can in da bathroomm. You might loose a bone or two dat way, but boy is it fun to get a puppy in trowble! arfarfarfarfarf

If’n dis does not help der is one more stwategy dat ebry puppy respects. Dis is da peeing on da toys dat are yours. Dis is called “marking” YOu Momdogs (you luvluvluv her) will call it nasty and trow da bone out if’n she sees you do it, so don’t let her see you! You are a Jack Russell and so it should be easy fer you to outfox your hoomans.

Keep me posted on yer sityashun.
Yur older wiser (and mother of 13) fwend,
Pinchy

~Kryswyn~
“Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo”

[Willem]

Mon dieu! A-bout this mit ein Franglaise accent, I say NON it don’t nott to be no problemo.

Oppok, wot you haff just telled me you haff to tell this to your modder. Tell her you loff her und that you don’t nott to want to live with no other modder ever. If she don’t nott to get the hint, start to cry und stamp your feets. If this it don’t nott to work, buck.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[EquiMom]

From Emmie (The JRT)

A BIG Thank You to Willem an’ Pinchy for your great advice!

I think I gotz a handle on the whole “chewy-bone” situation now! The next time Lucie-the-Lab-adore stole one of my bonz, I gave her the in-EMMIE-table, (patented) Jack Russell “stare” THAT stopped her right in her tracks, I’ll tell ya! She gotz the message, if ya know what I mean! hehehehe!!!

There now be only one little off-shoot problem created by this solution, tho… Them there Lab-adores be dang big an’ tall! Oh, yeah…she gimme back my chewy-bone–and hers, too!!–ya know, the GIANT-size, ossified-type bonz?
An’ then she drops it–RIGHT ON MY WIDDLE HEAD!!

Mama (I DO luvluvluv her) says Lucie’s just tryin’ to get me play-play with her–which is fine by me–but at 7 months old, Big Blondie is one BIG puppy! But hey–they don’t call us Russells brilliant fer nothin’…! I stole ALL the chewy-bonz an’ put ‘em ALL in MY snuggy-bedded kennel! NOW when LuLu wants one she has to crouch down to get her big ol’ head inside–both for giving and taking–an’ ya know what? She gotz to put her head DOWN to do it! heheheheeee

Are ya proud of the smarts your sister-in-Russell-hood, Pinchy? An’ Willem–do ya think hangin’ around with ME will make Lucie smart like ME, too?

[Portia]

Willem? yoo hoo…

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson