Official "Dear Willem" Advice Thread

[PeriwinkleBlue]

Dear Willem:
I have been doing some searching and unfortunately, the closest therapeutic center is in Natural Bridge, nearly two hours away.
However, there is a nice boarding stable outside of town that has very low rates and LOTS of horses - they offer lessons, so I might be able to go there.
If I could afford the boarding rate ($125 a month pasture board) I would definitely be thinking about even leasing a horse. Isn’t this pathetic, that I can’t even afford board that is THAT cheap??? <sigh>
My husband needs to become a millionaire…
Love,
Mouse

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“Because he dodges bullets, Avi!!”

[Oppok]

Dear Willem;
My mommy is going college in the fall and I’ve hear talk of “selling” and “leasing”. What be these things? Will I like these things? What does this “college” mean for me and my mommy? I don’t want a new mommy and I like my home! How do I let her know that I want things to stay the way they are?!

Tug

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[WhittiMcD]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by The Best Horse Ever:
Dear Willem,
I have a problem. Okay, I admitted it, so now what? Well my problem is…well…this is kind of embarrassing…but…I see dead people. I honestly do. They are mostly under the jumps at horse shows but sometimes they are at home too. Every time I see them everyone gets mad at me because I am too scared to go near the jump. How do I stop seeing dead people under the jumps? They are very scary, and I really try to be a very good boy, I never buck or do anything bad other than seeing dead people. Everyone tells me I am a very handsome horse, but I don’t know. I really like to jump but sometimes the dead people are too scary! Please help me, I can’t stand this any longer!
-Jobe
QUOTE]

Jobe, I know what you are talking about. Those dead people were in the puddles at St. Clements! Whitney got mad when I jumped them rather than walk like a good boy through the puddles, I just didn’t want to get sucked in (and i didn’t want my feet dirty either!).
-Goose

The One And Only: WhittiMcD

** Rainmaker **

“So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention, and you know how much I need you, but you never even see me.” - Coldplay, Shiver

[Kryswyn]

I is very proud of YOU for figering out your bonz problem wid da Lucie-girl. Da patented JR stare is a very important part of yur repatwor.

Yu is SOOO SMART to hide all da bonz in yer kennel! Dat is how a Russell thinks. And to answer yur question: No Lucie da Lab-adore will never be as smart as you! Dey have too many braincells devoted to findin birds and bwinging dem back to da hoomans. (instead of eating 'em demselves).

Yer very good fwend,
Pinchy!

~Kryswyn~
“Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo”

[CharleyHorse]

Okay Willem. I am VERY brave. I know I am. I am never looky and I never spook, but today I was scared to death. We were at the horse show walking up to the ring to hack and these two guys were digging a sitch because it had been pouring earlier. They were SOOOOOOOO scary. I spun around and started to canter home, but my mommy was ready. She spun me right back around and kicked my belly really hard, but they were waaaay too scary and so I spun around again, this time adding a little hop to it. So she tried to make me go again, but there was no way I was going near those scary guys (who were by now walking away because they saw how scared I was) but I was still very afraid and I think I hopped up a little too high and the farrier came out and my mommy’s trainer came out and they told her to just ride around the barns for a little while. So we trotted around for a while and then I didn’t want to canter so she put spurs on me and I had no choice but to canter because spurs are ouchy, but even though they guys are gone, I am afraid that next time I go to the ring that I will be scared again. I love my mommy and wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, but I am really scared! Please help me!!

By the way Goosie - I saw you all covered in mud today and it was not very pretty. You have to learn to go AROUND the puddles, not through them! I learned that because I move not very hunter like and splash mud everywhere so you should go around the puddles, but dont act all spooky just drift around them because they aren’t scary, trust me I like puddles a lot but I hate being dirty because then I am very ugly. Even though my favorite place to sleep is in the roundpen in all the dust =) And rolling is my favorite thing to do besides buck (but I don’t do that very much because people tend to fall off of me when I do that)

I Am The Best Horse Ever and Everyone should already know that!

<3 to all my mares,
Quincy AKA Q-tip AKA Q-ball AKA Perfect Pony (even though I am not a pony)

What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
Someone has a crush on the starter…

[Willem]

This it be mein favorite show, even more now than watching show jumping. I don’t nott to watch no dressage becose it putt me to sleep.

I didn’t know that Jerry Orbach he haff singed. Wot he haff singed mit?

I don’t nott to miss showing. Mannie times wenn there it be ein show at mein stables I go up die hill und watch die hunters. I loff this aber I haff getted in trouble mannie times becose I haff stealed food from die hands off other peoples. I haff telled mein modder Coreene (I loff her) that this it don’t nott to be mein fault becose I haff thinked that these peoples the vos giffing me die food.

Aber to be in ein show I think that this it be wrong for me now becose it be so boring. Mannie peoples they come up to me und say “Willem, you bist verrie handsome, mebbe you should go in die show and let every boddie know how handsome you be,” aber I don’t nott to want to. I haff sayed to all off these peoples, “Beed there, doed that,” und this it be wot it be, [I]BEED THERE, DOED THAT.[/I]

And I don’t nott to like mein hair in pigtails.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Kryswyn]

I am viewing yur picture as I type dis. It is easy to see you are da sweet one from da photo. Now, to da questions:

1). Regawding da squirrels. They must be irRATicated. Your hu-mom (You LOVE her) and your hu-dad (him - asi, asi) clearly do not understand the devastation and distruction squirrels and wabits can cause! You can try showing them where da squirrels have entered the house (chew the hole a little bigger first) and how the rabbits have eaten the flowers (if you’re not sure which ones are poisonous, just bite through the stems)This is the time for stealth! When dey sez yu can gettem, you must PRETEND not to be interested in da aminals by playing with a ball or stick. Den, when da hu-mom is not looking, and da squirrel is thinkin you don’t care about him, you makes your move! ZIP go for the tail! If you shorten his tail a bit, he won’t come back! And he’ll tell all his rodent friends to give you a wide berth because you are the Mighty Jack Bobbitt (arfarfarfarfarf). Also, did you know dat if yuz sticks your paw into were da door joins da frame, you can pull or slide da door open? Yup. It’s true.

And 2) How to rid yourself of your embarrassing brother, Maori? Well, dis bez a tuffie. I know, cuz I’ve tried to get rid of my sister Olive who refuses to grow up. Is der anyway you could make your hu-folk tink he’s been messing in da house while ensuring they don’t think its YOU? Da bestest trick for getting Maori outta da bed is to get under da covers when Maori is on TOP of dem, den roll him off. Dis way he will be growling but you will be blameless (how could you know he was there?). You could also try reverse Sikology. Like betting him he’s not fast enough to nip Hammie’s fetlock as Merry goes by. Or by telling him the hay truck’s tire said he was a wuss and challenged him to a duel. But be careful as deez can be ‘permanent vacations’ and I’m thinkin you prolly likes Maori deep (okay, very deep) down.

Hope dis helps. BTW you look like my handsome grandfather, Rusty. He was a sweetie too

Your terrierific fwend,
Pinchy

[Herr_Poncho]

Villem, if it don’t not to matter dat your ztunning coat gets ein zun spots den I say, zunbaz avay! Juzt be zure to put de zun zcreen on ze noze zo not to get ze burn. Your howse zounds verry nize! Mein Mutter (she vorships me) zhe zay zhe vill be visiting ze Kal-i-forn-ia verry zoon aber zhe von’t not to take me. I zink I vill be mad and zlobber all over her vhen zhe be leavink to go to der vork in ze morrow. Alzough zhe zay zhe haz to vork cauze I eat to much.

I am King Dane and you WILL bow to my wishes.

[Willem]

Here it be a tip for you: we don’t nott to mind if we don’t nott to go for ein ride aber if we only go in die arena wenn we go for a ride this we think it be schitt. We want to go on die trails a lot und mannie times we be on die trails und we be pretending we be foxhunting order running mit die herd.

Mannie times I think I be Thunderbolt.

We loff it to haff die holsters cleaned aber don’t nott to do it mit mannie peoples a-round becose then we get shy. It be okay that we like this. It be a boy thing.

WORLD CUP off course I want GERMANY aber it be okay too if it be Italia oder USA USA USA. If these three they don’t nott to can win then I want some place in South Merica oder Senegal oder Cameroon. Aber I DON’T NOTT TO WANT FRANCE ODER ENGLAND. France I don’t nott to like their dining habits und England I don’t nott to like Mr Nouveau Riche David Posh Spice Whiner Wide Boy Oik Beckham.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[system]

whoa boy, who you callin’ ho? this is Candy, Queen of the Universe (good goin’ girl, Myrna! Hope you had another wonderful filly!)

You be careful big guy, or us girls of the world will have to remind you of your mama! We don’t allow just anybody to get close, unless of course, he’s so-o-o handsome we can’t resist! We just like to be selective about who gets close, if you know what I mean!

I see Evan has been pawing my keyboard. I’ll have to speak to him, up close and personal, about playing with other folks toys. After all, I AM QUEEN of all I survey!

The Divine Miss C!

[creseida]

How do I loff thee, lets mein count de wayz…

Buts, herren ist der problem. I haff been tryings to kom und visits der pferds who be typpen here, und roll in der hay loffts, but my mudder (she’s da bestesst) haff tooken mein kredit kard. {{She be sayen dat 10 x 12 fedder beds ist too much monees. But I be liken der sofftestt things for my sofftestt skins. }}

Since I not be habben der “monee tree” in my yard (my modder be sayen dat monees dossents grow on der trees aber here) I dos not be habben der monees for der buss tikkets.

How can I be wilkommen to see yous if I no aber der monees und no kredit kardz?

Does you thinks der Silly Mommy hu-mom maybe haff monees she could giff me? I will be promissin nots to play in her haylofft iffen she be helppen me!

I be verrie lonlees…
Your beloffed, Cressie

[Willem]

I be sending die real Portia mannie kusjes in return.

Die handicapped riding schools they be wonderful und I think that this it be a good thing to do. Mein modder Coreene (I loff her), mannie years a-go she be giffed ein mare, her name wot it be Snowflake. This it be ein mare wot she haff beed build like ein brick schitthowse bulldog Qvarter Horsje und she haff beed ein buckskin snowflake appaloosa. Coreene she haff needed ein horse wot she can do some medals with und this mare she beed die only thing wot she haff beed able to use.

Wenn Snowflake she haff beed retired, she haff goed to ein NARHA school und wenn they don’t nott to haff can rided her no more they haff used her for die ground things becose you cann to be right next to her mit die wheel chair und Snowflake she don’t nott to haff getted scared.

Snowflake she haff beed 34 wenn she haff passed on.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Portia]

Hmmm, that one sounds like a question for Miss Pinchy (who, as reported on another thread, is on a road trip this weekend). But, as said above, this is a thread for all knowledgeable horses and dogs to give advice.

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“I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing…” Thomas Jefferson

[Heineken]

I can answer that one for you(this is Lego, hhytken’s older and wiser gelding)…my mommy’s parents were saying the same things when she went away to college(it’s this BIG school far away but its lots of fun if you get to go like I did)…The first year she left me home and “leased” me, this very nice little girl took good care of me and mommy called a few days a week and they would let me listen to her voice. Then she came home for summer and I got to go with!!! We moved to Radnor PA and foxhunted(fun stuff) and horse showed and trail rode! See if your mommy can get REALLY good grades her first year and then MAYBE they will let her bring you on her adventure!

-Lego

He’s here!!!

[jubilee220]

Dear Willem,

Hi, my name is Jubilee. My mommy just brought me home a few weeks ago. We seem to be getting along just fine, but she doesn’t seem to come out to see me as much anymore. It isnt that hard to get to me, either, I live in her backyard!! When she comes out to the barn, she kisses her pony more than me, and it makes me sad and jealous. What am I doing wrong?? Is there something I can do to make her pay more attention to me?? I think we really click and really go far…but she just seems so sad and has no drive for riding. Do you know what is going on?? please help!!!

peace and love,

Jubilee

[CharleyHorse]

Try to look beautfiful everyone when you pass other horses. Today mommy washed and brushed my tail and when we were walking up to the horseshow a man said to my mommy:
Man: “Wow! What a gorgeus tail!”
Mommy: “Oh, thanks!”
Man: “Is it real?”
Mommy: “Oh, yeah!”
Man: “Well you will have to tell me your secret later!”

See, I know I am beautiful! (I will be posting pictures later) And that man just proved it! What a nice man!

So remember everyone, people really do speak the truth, and don’t let anyone tell you you are ugly because you know you aren’t!

Quincy

What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
Someone has a crush on the starter…

[WhittiMcD]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The Best Horse Ever:

By the way Goosie - I saw you all covered in mud today and it was not very pretty. You have to learn to go AROUND the puddles, not through them!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Quincy - If you had made it up to the ring without spooking you would have realized that everything there is ONE BIG PUDDLE. There is no way I could have jumped that one!

The One And Only: WhittiMcD

** Rainmaker **

“So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention, and you know how much I need you, but you never even see me.” - Coldplay, Shiver

[Risk-Averse_Rider]

I certainly understand about the pigtails. I don’t think Prozac Pony likes his pigtails, either, although he looks very handsome in them, and he is a Very Good Boy and stands still to let the Pigtail Lady put them in.

Jerry Orbach was on Broadway early in his career. You can read about it on his Law & Order biography page. My favorite role of his was in “The Fantastiks” - he was El Gallo (but now, on Law & Order, he is NOT a chicken).

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Approved helmet: Every ride; every time.

[Willem]

Aber I didn’t nott to want you to think that I haff forgetted a-bout you.

Aber I haff just looked at die ad von Cactuskate und I haff to cry und I don’t nott to can type then, so I be back later.

Loff Willem.

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

[Willem]

Where she be going in mein California? Becose mebbe she want to haff ein BB get-together!

PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.