When I was bringing a young horse along I would take her to a local show series and enter the real novice kiddy classes competing against kids on ponies. I cheered them on and clapped when they won. Must have seemed odd, a total stranger cheering on a kid who just beat them in the x rails class. Maybe I was trying to instill a team atmosphere on some metaphysical level.
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You donât feel that teenage boys learn this from their parents as well?
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There are zillions more girls at a H/J show, so i would assume weâre talking about ⊠girls.
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Yes. And the OP indicated that the freeze they experienced was coming fromâŠgrown ups.
As much as I generally respect Scribblerâs opinions, this is not the first time sheâs randomly dragged the monolith of teenage girls into the fray to verbally savage them. Frankly, I find it distasteful.
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I speak from experience. We were awful teenagers :). Truly awful for cliques, bullying, turning on frenemies, following bad influences. Most of us grew out of it.
Most of the children and teens I see these days at the barn are amazingly well behaved, and I know there is parental guidance as well as Pony Club guidance behind the scenes.
When I see young adults or adults behaving in this way, itâs clear itâs holdover behavior. No one grows up a poised young lady and then switches to being a backbiting little schemer at 22.
I mean the barn beeyatch psychopath, now fortunately gone, who once muttered âyour horse has cootiesâ as I passed her stall. She was definitely having a regression to her tween self (she was pushing 60 at that point).
Teens behave this way because they are socially insecure, itâs easier to form us against them cliques than to navigate socially complex situations (like being friendly with competitors or strangers). A clique is often dominated by one or two personalities, and develops its own set of rules and hierarchies. The whole point of a clique is to bolster up the sense of self worth of its members, by any means necessary. Usually that requires a lot of trash talk about âoutsiders.â It may also move along to overt bullying, physical confrontation, and sabotage, either within the clique or towards outsiders.
Anyhow, if you have adults that enable or even encourage this behavior, or havenât grown out of it themselves, or find it fits their business model, it is definitely going to get entrenched.
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Iâm not following your logic here. OP & virtually every other poster to this thread were describing behavior leveled at them by grown adults. Several were clearing referring to grown men. Yet, you chose to chalk it up to âteenage girls being bitchyâ. Are you saying that all adult behavior, male & female, is a direct result of âbitchy teenage girlsâ? Am I understanding this correctly?
Over the years it seems to me that the people who are really good at what they do, are friendly, happy to exchange information, or help in a pinch.
The people who are not very good are insecure & become very territorial about their clients, what they do, how they do it etc. If there is a barn that encourages that kind of behavior, then I usually am skeptical about their basic skill level.
The people that are good enough to be real professionals, behave accordingly.
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Hmmm. I honestly remembered the OP as being about teens, but you are right, it is early 20s girls. Who are behaving like they are 13. I think for the same reasons. There may be a lot of support in current popular culture to remain in this stage for an extended period. I still think of it as an adolescent behavior stage, and when it manifests in adults I have zero respect for them.
Iâd also agree that not only are most competent people in every field polite and welcoming, unless they are having a very bad day, but also that decent social skills and a pleasant attitude are crucial to advance in almost any field. I mean, the girls OP sat down beside had no idea who she was. She could have been a BNT or a very wealthy ammie looking for catch riders, or a product rep looking to spread some swag around young âinfluencersâ etc. Being sullen does not recommend you to anyone.
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Or as the more experienced adult in the situation, we can remind ourselves that youth is wasted on the young.
The best way to ensure that people will treat you kindly is to first treat others with kindness in an authentic way. Even the chatty, cliquish late teens/young adults respond well to kindness. I have also found that being fluent in pop culture trends can also help bridge a generation gap.
As for 20 somethings behaving like a 13 year old - complaining about it and reacting to it only encourages it. Always best to not react or just walk away politely. They generally want attention or to feel special, and itâs important not to be the source of supply of either. As the only adult at a show, I have made some great connections at other barns by not hanging out with the gaggling older teenage set and embarking on my own - generally with some nice wine or a bottle of Veuve. You will find a more suitable friend, I promise. And next time maybe they will bring the wine!
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That was the moral of one of imo the best episodes of Star Trek, The Next Generation. Ashamed & annoyed about the inconvenience brought about by emergency repairs to his artificial heart, Captain Picard wishes he could take back the reckless behavior of his youth that necessitated the heart in the first place. (Getting stabbed in the chest during a bar fight he instigated in his early 20âs.) Q grants his wish. Picard quickly discovers that his fiery, hair-trigger temper as a young man was precisely the reason why he was able to pull off the heroic act early in his career that changed the course of history and made him a living legend. And tempered by the experience & wisdom that come with age, those same shadow personality traits he considered embarrassing were literally what made him such a great captain. You canât skip youth.
Iâm not a trekkie, never watched any of the other Star Trek franchises. Loved Next Generation. The writers just consistently knocked it out of the ballpark. And Patrick Stewart⊠swoon .
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I will say the adults were bitchy. When I sat down with my friend the group of 12-15 year olds were visibly uncomfortable but not bitchy . Almost like they were going to get in trouble. At the time I didnât know why. I may be wrong as to the reason. There is a show this weekend (schooling) so Iâm going to enter my eventer in a 2â6" hunter class which will be amusing as I have no clue. Sun is going to be cold and rainy so I think I will keep my jumper home.
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Please let me know if you venture up this way! Lol. Iâll bring homemade scones & Devon cream.
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Slight aside, but one of the best university classes I took was the Philosophy of Star Trek.
Iâm not a Trekkie but the writers did a fantastic job capturing daily ethical and moral dilemmas. Excellent food for thought. Here is a link to one of the books.
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Are you doing the Longview one or is there another show going on?
The Longview one. Horrific rain tonight so only showing Sat. I have zero clue about hunter. I am entering my eventer just to get him out to see stuff.
Iâll see you there. Iâll be the stressed out one running the office 
It is going to be a huge show⊠but hoping the weather holds up so nobody is too miserable. Good luck.
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Awesome! What is your first name so I can look for you?
Lauren. I will be checking everyone in and out of the show so you canât miss me!
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