I am on Prozac and it does wonders for my mood, keeps me eating (sometimes too much) and makes me pleasant to be around. Not to mention it allows me to get up and go to class. Most anti-depressants take weeks to kick-in and if you miss doses or take a week/month off because you feel better you will relapse into the old ways. Continue doing what you are doing, take to heart some of the suggestions here and never never never think that its not worth working through the hard parts. IT WILL GET BETTER - it may take time but DO NOT GIVE UP!!! find little things that make you happy and focus on that part of your life not the negative parts.
Best of luck -
I can also be a sounding board if you would like - my email is in my profile as well.
A while back a close family member was treated for depression, at the same time my then roommate was treated for an anxiety disorder. I’ll just add my two cents about the medication: hang in there, it takes TIME to find the ride kind AND the right dosage.
My roommate started on Paxil. Had bad side effects (sever diarrhea) and fatigue. The side effects started in a week. The doctor said the side effects can start right away, but the benefits can take 4 weeks to kick in. So (I know you hate to hear this) be patient. My roommate switched to Celexa. No bad side effects (none she couldn’t live with) but a small amount of fatigue which she dealt with by taking her pill before bed. She was over it if she got a full 8 hours of sleep. However, the first dosage wasn’t strong enough. I think they raised her medication twice (if I can recall correctly) and EACH TIME it took the full four weeks for the benefits to kick in. So it took 3 months to get it straightened out for her. But don’t despair! It did work in the end.
My family member started out on Paxil and had no serious side effects (it’s all different for different people) but, like my roommate, had to have the dosage increased. For her, it took three weeks each time for the meds to really kick in.
Neither drug changed their personalities or made them apathetic. I think my roommate’s doctor told her if she felt apathetic about things that was a sign the dosage was too high or the drug was the wrong type.
Sadalter, you mentioned that you have a hard time getting out of bed. That could be the depression, but it could be a side effect of the meds. Be sure to talk to your perscribing doctor. He/she will be able to help you figure out which it is.
Both were in talk therapy, but the meds helped bring them to a point where they had the right frame of mind to participate in therapy (particularly my roommate who was such an anxiety ridden mess that she couldn’t effectively participate in her sessions, she was kind of trapped in a bizarre mental feedback loop).
Moral of the story: it takes time, but there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Both my roommate and my family member had great results from their meds.
gosh, everyone. i’m so touched by everyone’s responses. i just got into work and saw how big the thread had gotten, and was amazed.
I did get up and go to my lesson today (and stayed on a couple of HUGE bucks my horse threw at me for being so wobbly). So I am trying to have that be my accomplishment for the day… I will get through the work day, go home and have a bath, and try to be pleased with myself for that much. The rest can come later…
thanks again, everyone.
and to Another Alter, I agree with all the posters who say to try to get help. It’s scary, but it will be OK…
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shiloh:
I’ll add my two cents worth here, sadalter - I have been thru the same thing. It was not until recently that I discovered that I was suffering from clinical depression and that I had in fact, been suffering from it all my life. At one time, I stopped eating - dropped down to 90 lbs. I was a walking talking stick. I was told to quit being stupid, get over it, that all I wanted was attention - ugh, it was awful. The last time I lost a job over it, could not get out of bed, could not see my horse, when I rode I cried - I was paralyzed. I got on meds and they helped. I still have panic and anxiety attacks - I find there is a difference between them. I get by, though.
What I have to say is that you will get past this - it will get better. Do what you have to do, whatever that may be. Take meds, talk to a therapist, stay in bed - whatever. Be a little self-indulgent, a little selfish and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty. Keep in mind these two things - (1) the first step to solving the problem is recognizing that you have one and (2) Be here now. I am giving you a hug and a hankie and my thoughts are with you. If you want to talk, email me shilohsmom@yahoo.com
Robby, I totally connected with what you were saying. I went thru the same thing - less the expensive suit hee hee hee, but the same anyway. You speak the truth,sistah.
Heelsdown - very interesting about the connection with head injuries and depression. In my life I have had several bad blows to the head and your information intrigues me and has certainly made me think about the tie between my injuries and when they occurred and when I got depressed. Thanks.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
This is very true, and probably the most important thing I can say … if you want to get better, and you want to quit feeling like you feel, you WILL get better … it will just take time. Everyone told me that when I was so messed up and it was so hard to believe. I couldn’t see how I could ever feel better. But I did (with the help of a TB mare who’ll go un-named here!) and it’s true.
Robby
well I wasn’t sadalter or anything, but I’m still doing the Celexa thing and it has made definite improvements on my mood in general. Due to an, umm, rocky, we’ll call it, relationship with my parents and the general mounds of stress involved with doing college, the horses, and working to pay for them all at once I am seeing a shrink, and really like that.
The only downfall is that the drugs do make me excessively tired. I can sleep a full 8-10 hours at night and have an impressive 3 or 4 hour nap, without it affecting my nighttime sleep. I have trouble staying up for a 16 hour day. Sure there are those “other” 
side effects, but really, in the grand scheme, thats ok.
I wish the best of luck to anyone else out there getting treatments or looking into it. While drugs aren’t always the answer I am currently pre-pharmacy, so feel free to pop them anyway (JUST KIDDING.)
Laura
I was having such bad anxiety attacks I honestly thought I was having a heart attack.
So turning 50 was not as much fun as I had thought it would be 
I went to my Dr and he put me on Zoloft, and it started working within hours.
I went through a Cancer scare with my mother, mins after taking the first tablet, emergency surgery on her, several days of her being in a coma…almost losing my little p/t job, my trainer quitting and raising our board and training.
And I did it all with a smile and no tears, (except the first day with my mother at the hospital).
My friends and family are amazed at my ho hum logical behaviour.
I love this stuff.
They should sell it in Tack shops!!! 
Thank you to all of you who after reading your stories gave me the mental push to do something and be happy again 
I’ve never dealt with depression or anything like that, but maybe it would be easier to get up in the morning and start the day if you set some sort of goals for yourself that you can work towards. I’ve also heard that jogging/exercising is good for people with stress because it releases endorphins I think. What kind of music do you listen to? I think sometimes if you listen to people sing about being depressed or angry, they will put you in that mood as well sometimes. Maybe you could try listening to “happy music” with a more upbeat tune.
Anyway, I hope you start to feel better soon! 
Hey~
I def. def. know what you are going through! If you’d email me crazymisspriss@hotmail.com I’d love to talk—I know exactly where you are…
Elizabeth*
Disgruntled College Students Clique ROCKS!!!
Proud Bubblehead for 8 years
“Who can say when your heart sighs, only time” --Enya
I’m really touched by the number of people who are responding to this and the things they’ve written. One of the worst things about depression is the thought that “No one knows what this is like,” even though there are millions of people who do.
Sadalter, I suffered from recurring depression and anxiety attacks for nearly a decade; you are NOT alone in how you in how you feel. There were days when I couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed and wash my hair, let alone ride; some of the feelings I had were, in retrospect, incomprehensible. While I can’t “see” how you are, I can tell you that it will pass.
HOWEVER, I would encourage you to SEEK A SECOND OPINION FROM A PSYCHIATRIST, OR ANOTHER PSYCHIATRIST. While therapy can be wonderful, the roots of clinical depression are NOT in outside events or in other people. Depression is increasingly being shown to begin as a physical/ neurobiological condition. As others have said, the RIGHT antidepressant can be the key to getting past it. For me, it was Effexor.(Patients who do respond to Effexor generally show improvement within a month.) I have a friend who responds only to Paxil. Don’t give up on finding the right thing for you.
Keep us updated; I am pulling for you.
*** “Any ride is good ride provided you dismount voluntarily.” ***
to you through your school or church- either will surely be sensitive to your situation.
And don’t worry–college and high school are NOTHING alike!!!
At college, you will discover you are NOT the wierdo you think you are!! You will find yourself free to pursue your own interests on your own terms, and suddenly you will find yourself surrounded by kindred spirits; colleges are gathering places where former outcasts find themselves part of the most stimulating, interesting communities…there are so many opportunities for expression and interraction that aren’t available in HS that is is like night and day. In high school you are trapped by your own assumptions and expectations as well as everyone else’s and by rigid social codes…if you ask me HS is a total den of evil (just my opinion-based on horrible high school experiences and wonderful college ones that amazed me, as I had become convinced that I was condemmned to a lifetime of nerdity). Anyway, DO take advantage of whatever counseling is available to you at school…and in the end, your parents may surprise you as well, by being more open than you think they are.
Thought this was interesting, one more reason to wear an approved helmet.
Tuesday January 15 10:27 AM ET
Head Injury Linked to a Risk of Future Depression
By Melissa Schorr
NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People who suffer a traumatic head injury may be at increased risk of developing bouts of depression over their life span, a team of researchers reports.
The risk of depression does not end a year or two after head injury,'' senior author Dr. Brenda L. Plassman told Reuters Health. Clinicians need to be aware and watch for symptoms of depression,’’ said Plassman, who is head of the program in epidemiology of dementia at Duke University Medical Center, Durham, North Carolina.
Plassman and colleagues studied World War II veterans who had been hospitalized either for head injury, pneumonia or wounds during the war. The researchers compared 520 veterans with head injuries to nearly 1,200 veterans hospitalized for other reasons. Both groups were evaluated for their lifetime risk of depression 50 years after hospitalization.
Head injury was defined as a trauma to the head that caused either a loss of consciousness or amnesia. The head injuries were caused by events such as car crashes, blasts, fights with peers, falls and sports injuries.
The investigators found that the lifetime prevalence of major depression in veterans who had suffered a head injury was almost 19%, compared with about 13% of veterans who had not suffered a head injury.
The researchers also found that the more severe the head injury, the greater the lifetime risk of depression. For example, those who had the most severe head injuries had nearly double the lifetime risk of depression, according to the report in the January issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry.
``It’s possible there’s either structural or functional changes caused by head injury in parts of our brain which may be associated with depression,’’ Pressman explained.
With more than 1.2 million Americans experiencing head injury each year, a possible link to long-term risk of depression would be a critical public health issue, Pressman said. ``Depression is a condition which has a great cost to individuals across a life span, a decreased quality of life and a medical cost,’’ she noted.
These findings also suggest that prevention and treatment of head injury needs to be taken more seriously. We may need to look at technologies for helmets when playing sports, or any situation where head injury is a risk,'' she said. Our findings should also encourage clinicians to look at ways of most effectively treating head injuries right away, to hopefully prevent these long-term effects.’’
In an accompanying editorial, Drs. Robert G. Robinson and Ricardo Jorge of the University of Iowa College of Medicine’s psychiatry department suggest that a randomized treatment trial of depression in patients with acute traumatic brain injury (TBI) should be conducted. ``The growing evidence that depressive disorder plays an important role in the long-term course of TBI emphasizes the need for such a trial,’’ they noted.
SOURCE: Archives of General Psychiatry 2002;59:17-24.
i wrote this really long reply, telling my story and it was full of things that helped me…but i didn’t have the nerve to post it bc i am sure someone on these boards knows me. actually i know for sure that my trainer posts here, and so do people i ride with. i deleted it right before i could press post now. i’m sorry. i will say that making yourself happy is a key thing that has helped me. don’t wait around for other people to make you happy. for instance i sent myself on flowers, if someone else had sent me flowers then i would’ve been thrilled…but i was happy bc i got flowers(even if they were from myself). also, keep seeing your therapist. and you aren’t a bad person for not going to the barn and wanting to see your horse (had i not deleted it i would’ve talked about that more specifically)…im sorry.
and back off the lesson presure for a while.
The only side effect I still notice is tremors in my hands. This is only a problem when I spill my martini though!
The Panchen Lama of DQs! (Second only to Velvet, the undisputed Dalai Lama of DQs.)
An antidepressant that works for some people won’t work for others. If the one you are on isn’t working, go back and have them try something else. You may have to try several to find one that works for you.
Keep talking to your therapist, he/she is the one who can help you the most. You can deal with depression, but it takes time and effort. It is not surprising that you are still feeling depressed after only a month.
It’s hard for we who are on the outside to give you any kind of concrete advice, because we don’t know your situation. I have dealt with depression all my life, and a large part of that time I didn’t even know that was what was wrong with me. You have taken a giant step already in identifying the problem.
Just keep trying, look at the positive things and please don’t be too hard on yourself, you will feel better in time, especially since you are getting the help that you need.
Rockstarr and Robby (and everyone else)–
Thanks for your replies. This isn’t the first time this has happened to me. I am trying to set small goals for each day, and be happy that I can complete them. I know that it will pass,and that I will be stronger for it, it just sucks for now. I feel like I am no fun to be with, that I can’t think of anything to do…
It is hard to face this stuff. You’re right, Robby… I know it has nothing to do with the relationship that ended, but what the relationship represented… I am 33, and have a great job, many friends, and a great horse, but have had trouble with intimate relationships all my life. I am sad and embarrassed about that… I feel like it’s something everyone else somehow knows how to do but I don’t. I have to get to my “core,” you’re right, but right now I don’t feel much like I have one. I am trying to be patient and kind to myself, and beleive that a core will emerge…
thanks again for your support. i think you guys are great.
I can only add that as you go about your day, resolve to try to do good deeds, no matter how minor, along the way. Even the smallest thing, like being pleasant to a cashier who seems stressed, or thanking the postal worker (now THERE is job stress!), or picking up trash will give you a feeling of accomplishment. Even giving way to someone who is waiting to enter the roadway can give you a tiny nice feeling. It may not last all day, it may not be world altering, but it is something positive! Even if the rest of the day was rotten, you can look back and know that you did good in the world. After awhile, you might feel like figuring out something even more significant (I’ve always thought that I might like becoming a literacy volunteer) that will give you even more satisfaction. But start small, you will certainly feel the benefits right away, maybe even before those antidepressants kick in!
LOL… wow, Just Jump, did we go to the same high school and college? My experience was just like that, too. Night and day.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Heidi:
Sadalter, Another Alter, visit this most wonderful site – and read the profile of William Styron, one of the best American writers (ever!!) and a survivor of depression.
http://www.familyaware.org<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Heidi, thanks for posting that site.
My parents are good friends with the (now-ex) president and his wife of a fairly prestigous college and they got to eat dinner (just my parents, Mr. Styron, and the president and his wife) with him.
I don’t know if this is public knowledge, but my father told me recently (this happenned years ago) Mr. Styron talked about attempting suicide.
Other resources:
Emily proud
member of the junior clique!
Emily@catchride.com
Feeling depressed, clinically depressed, is one of the loneliest feelings in the world and I’m SO sorry you’re there. It’s a pit I don’t wish on anyone.
I’ve dealt with depression and a mild form of bi-polar disorder my whole life. I don’t get really manic, but there have been times when my mood can swing in literally 30 seconds (try explaining to an acquaintance why you were happy and chatting one moment and changed the radio station and decided that song was too sad and burst into tears). And I’ve had very serious bouts of depression where not only was I not sure I’d come out, I wasn’t sure I wanted to try.
For me, doing the “I’m not as bad as X is” comparisons are deadly. That just makes me feel like I have no right to feel depressed (uh, yeah, I do have other issues with oh, self esteem and such, too, thanks for noticing ). But everyone is different.
I do think having a good therapist is important. And the drugs may help – but you will need to keep discussing your reactions with your doctor to find the right one.
Some other things to try may be finding a place to explore or express your spiritual side, re-reading favorite comforting books or going to visit an old friend. I didn’t want to see anyone in my darkest days, but the last time this happened (a car accident that resulted eventually in spine surgery - the pain, fear and drugs put me in a very dangerous place) I pulled on what nearly 20 years of therapy had given me and forced myself to reach out and let people know I was miserable, a b&tch to be around and I really needed them to come help me. And they did! I still don’t believe it. And it helped so much.
If you can, go out or just be around those friends who are close and kind enough to handle it. They don’t understand – if you haven’t been there, you can’t – but what you need from them is their acceptance and support. Just try to tell them that.
As to riding – maybe you want to suspend lessons and just ride for fun, or talk to your trainer and tell him/her you’re in a tough spot and need to work on familiar things that you can feel successful about. This is NOT giving up or giving in to the depression – this is being smart and taking care of yourself.
And try to give yourself permission to both feel bad and to accept help. Let your hair down and rent the stupid movie; buy the National Enquirer; get a new box of crayons and a coloring book; visit your friend and do nothing but cry in your wineglass while you listen to sappy music by candlelight. It’s ok. People won’t think you’re “weak” or “ill” if you do – they’ll feel proud that you chose them to help, and closer because of it.
Good luck as you go through this. And you WILL go through this. It only feels like it lasts forever.
