i am sorry that you have to deal at all with the issue of depression. i myself have never had to deal with it, but i used to get really sad a lot and feel very lonely. i always thought that i never had any friends and that no one liked me or wanted to be around me because i was so shy. it’s hard to deal with that sort of stuff in high school (i’ll be a junior this year) but the one thing that got me through was being with my horse. just knowing that he was my friend made me realize that i didn’t need anything else to be happy…just him. so i think that as long as you have love and faith in your horse(s), you’ll be just fine. and good luck!
And, I have lost 11 pounds so far!!!
Woohoo!!
I haven’t dealt with depression personally, but I have several very close friends who have struggled with it… it’s something that’s very difficult for others to understand, I think.
One of my friends did start taking antidepressants, and then stopped because he didn’t think they were helping. He started again later, and stuck with it a little longer, and they did start to help. So maybe it just takes some time for them to kick in.
Maybe a slight change in your routine would help? I know it’s almost impossible to have time for anything else outside of horses, but the suggestion of exercise is a good one. Of course, it’s hard enough to motivate to go to a gym when you do feel upbeat and energized, 
so that might be even harder to do in your case.
It does sound like you are doing the right things… it might just take some time to find the right combination of things that works for you.
I’m sure there are others who have some more personal experiences that they can share. I just didn’t want you to feel lonely without many replies to your post! 
I know what you are going through. The very best thing you can do is be around POSITIVE people. When I started hangin out with my brother again and seeing my friend, Brian (who is VERY positive) I felt awesome. I know how you feel about the guy things too. I spent 4 years in a long distance relationship and then after that dated two guys (not at once) who treated me like T-total CRAP. Now with my new guy I feel so much better. Get out, go to clubs and hang out with positive people.
You can make it babe! If I can do it, so can you!!!!!! Be thankful you have your horse. My self esteem was ROCK BOTTOM and now it is climbing back up because I stopped seeing negative people. Well I'm about to go with my honey.......
http://www.dmtc.com/dmtc98/Pedigree/ you can look up you Thoroughbred’s Pedigree with photos 9 Genrations back!
Men come and go, but my horse will always love me!
Another alter present. And, another situation for you all. I thought about bringing this up once, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After several years of being depressed and not knowing it, I finally realized that depression was indeed my problem. I don’t remember exactly how I came to that, but I did.
So, what’s the problem? It’s been over a year since then, and I haven’t told anyone. You see, I’m not 18 yet and my parents openly express their dislike for psychologists, and really do think it’s all in your head. I can tell when I am getting down, and I have good days and bad days, on some days I don’t think about it at all, but on others it consumes me.
I’ve waited so long, it seems like a little longer won’t hurt. But I have no friends in my high school, and I’m worried the same will happen in college.
I have everything I could want and more, yet I can’t stay happy, I don’t enjoy spending time with 99% of the people I know.
Is there any help out there for people under 18?
I’ve never told anyone partially because I don’t believe I will ever physically hurt myself or anyone else. I’ve thought about it, yes, but I don’t have the conviction to do anything.
So, guys, can anyone help me too?
I’ve listed an e-mail address (albeit not my normal one) that I will check if anyone feels like e-mailing.
God, I can’t believe I actually got this all written down.
Once again I am thinking what good ideas and advice this bb has to offer.
May I add that some of my best “life lessons” and realizations have come from reading. I just go to the bookstore (my second favorite place) and wander around letting the book almost “pick me”!
One of the most fascinating subjects I have found this past year involves Chakras (the energy centers) of the body. In my reading, I have found that what I “thought” was my problem may have started in a totally different chakra and because that energy center has been blocked or shut down, it affected the surrounding centers as well. My entire system may have been running in a compromised state. It amazes me that through meditation exercises and visualization, I can feel energized and/or peaceful and/or open. I highly recommend it as an interesting study. I believe there’s a lot to be said for its philosophy.
There are some really good books out there that might help you open up your energy centers. Trust me… I am not a new age fanatic but the subject seems to make sense.
If Chakras don’t interest you, I still advise going to the library or bookstore; maybe even research the internet. There is vast information out there and if all else fails, pick up a good novel and get lost in that!!! Just peruse the good book threads on this bb…that ought to keep one intrigued for a while.
Try to smile and compliment others if you can. I know this probably sounds ludicrous at this time but it has a huge reward. The good feeling in your heart when smiling or encouraging others to smile is contagious. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon. 
I was only able to open up to my therapist when the medication improved my outlook to the point where talk therapy made sense. It is not the cheapest route (and how insurance companies hate to pay for talk therapy!) but both are essential; there are reams of studies that suggest “either-or” treatments rarely work.
To the Alters: If you haven’t already, please consider getting a full physical from your primary care physician. (AnotherAlter, this is something your parents should be willing to consider before you head off to college!) Sometimes depression is triggered by, or exacerbated by, another condition, such as underactive thyroid, chronic-fatigue syndrome, or severe PMS.
*** “Any ride is good ride provided you dismount voluntarily.” ***
In addition to your medication and therapy, you may also want to make sure your diet is nutritionally balanced. I would talk to your doctor or a nutritionist about taking a mineral supplement (preferably colloidal minerals or other readily bioavailable minerals), look into taking enzymes with meals to assist in digestion, look at taking a calcium magnesium supplement, look into taking blue-green algae as a supplement and perhaps do a colon cleanse. (Oh, and drink lots of water.) You are currently blocked and while you are treating your mind, it can’t hurt to also focus on your body. All of these things will help free your body of toxins and help bring your ph levels back into balance. This can also go a long way in improving your mental state.
Also, has your physician done a CBC? I had a bout of depression a few months ago (mainly b/c of stress at the job and also probably from the remnants of an ex-mistake that I broke up with a few months prior). I didn’t get out of bed for a week. I had been so tired for a while too. The tests my doctor ran showed that I have iron-deficiency anemia, so now I’m working to replenish my depleted iron stores. Just an idea.
Anyway, I wish you well. This too shall pass.
I went into a horrible tailspin of depression a couple of years ago. It was one of those things where everything just came crashing down at once and I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to face my days. (Sometimes I still don’t, but now it’s related to immediate stressors rather than serious depression.) I did therapy for a while, and that helped pull me through the darkest part, but therapy’s darn hard work. I needed more than that to get me back on track.
I hugged my cats alot. I watched a lot of sitcoms. When I could force myself to the barn, I cried into my horse’s mane. I didn’t make myself work him. But a large part of the problem was that my coursework was so demanding, I didn’t have sufficient time to take care of myself. That was really tough. I just kept getting out of bed and forcing myself through the day. I excused myself for being a grump, and didn’t pressure myself. If I just couldn’t get an assignment done on time, I told the professor I was really struggling in my personal life and doing the best I could. They were remarkably understanding. I did my best each day, one day at a time, and accepted that that had to be good enough. My grades weren’t great, but I pulled through. Part of the reason I made it through that year and a half was that I leaned heavily on a girlfriend of mine.
My girlfriend was kind enough to tolerate my incessant unhappiness. She had been there herself years before me, when she ended her relationship with her fiance. She told me a story about a morning that she woke up and did not want to get out of bed and face her day. She literally went down the stairs on her butt because she could not find the strength to stand up. Know what? She’s great now. She made it. And so will you. Her story inspired me to keep going. I just kept picturing her in her pjs, on her butt, going down those steps one at a time. I think rockstarr’s advice regarding finding a support group is great. Find strength in others when you don’t feel you have it in yourself. You need to talk to other people who know what you’re going through.
Another thing that helped me was forcing myself to go out and be social, even though my friends had never gone through what I was going through. It was so hard, but sometimes I forgot myself, and found myself laughing and having a good time. Even if only for a few moments. Those times increased little by little.
Another person suggested re-reading a favorite book. I must have read Bridget Jones’s Diary a hundred times; ditto for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. It’s light, easy reading, really funny, and reaffirms that we all have things we wish were different. When we’re depressed, we are not alone, and I think it’s really important to remember that. Rockstarr also said indulging in a silly TV show might help. When I was really depressed, I watched the Golden Girls as much as I could. I still do. It seems stupid, but that TV show always made me feel better, and still does. I think it’s a reminder that there are people in your life who will always love you, no matter what. And that, whatever life hands you, you can deal with it. We don’t have to be graceful and perfect all the time - we just have to do the best we can on any given day with whatever we’re equipped with at the time.
Forgive the rambling nature of the post. It’s hard to organize my thoughts on this. I just wanted to share too. I think it’s great that so many of us are willing to talk about our experiences. It always helps to know you are not alone. Best wishes.
I haven’t read all of the posts yet, but this is a subject that hits close to home. When I was 16 (I’m 18 now so it wasn’t THAT long ago but feels like it) I suffered from depression. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t get up in the mornings, I never felt like eating, I didn’t find any enjoyment in anything that I normally would have been very passionate about, but I refused to believe that I was having mind problems. After many, many doctor visits and having my blood checked numerous times it was the only path left to follow. I was put on the medications (zoloft etc) and I found they made me worse. Having to take that pill every day made me feel like a failure and I no matter how much I ate with it I always seemed to get heartburn. I too lost interest in riding and felt discouraged. My coach was very understanding and never forced me to ride, instead I just spent lots of time brushing and bonding with my horse. Although at the time it didn’t seem like it, I now believe that it was one of the greatest learning experiences of my life and I truely believe it made me a better person. Having that time to just sit back and take a look at everything helped me to understand what I needed to change to make myself happier and a better person. Now I just need to give myself a reality check every once in a while to get my mind out of the gutter and I’m A okay! Just because you have no motivation to ride does not mean that you have lost interest in horses. Maybe time away from the riding part and enjoying just being with your horse will help your soul. It’s tough, but you’re strong and you will overcome this
I don’t know why but eating vegetables helped me a lot… especially broccoli. I don’t know why, it just did.
Bumpkin!!
What is going on? How is your mother? What happened at your job? Your trainer left?
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. *
…it is very effective for my depression. It essentially stabilizes my moods. No drastic swings on way or another (except when horse shows roll around and I VERY excited!!!).
Anyway, I found it extremely helpful. I jump out of bed at 5am to clean stalls before work! Ask your doctor. What may be right for some isn’t always for others. I honestly have had great success with it though! 
I’m 30 so I’m right there with ya.
I thought it was a pain in the keister when I had other people’s weddings to go to every weekend. Now, it’s other people’s baby showers.
I tell people, who pester me with annoying questions that are none of their business:
“I’m skipping my first bad-marriage and inevitable divorce. But thanks for asking!”
But I agree with Robby … something clicked in me this year when I turned dirty … I mean, thirty. You’ll start to click again, too. Don’t worry about not being fun to be around. You can’t be “on” all the time. Now is the time to be selfish. Especially about your own mental and emotional health. Everyone else can stick it if they don’t like it.
You’re the most important person in this whole equation, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that. Regarding finding the right person, some people get it done early in life. I know I’m much more complicated than that. So I’m taking my time. Screw the social mores and other people’s timelines, that’s what I’m sayin’.
And, like some others, my email is in my profile. You’re welcome to contact me any time you’d like! In fact, anyone who ever struggles with this kind of situation is welcome, as well.
I just want to add something regarding drugs.
Someone mentioned that therapy is the most important aspect to getting better. However, while therapy is an important part feeling better, there are very important reasons to ALSO take medication.
The depressed mind produces certain chemical changes. During talk therapy, the patient makes emotional and social changes that help the body rebalance these brain chemicals on its own. (So you really can think and talk yourself well.) Still, if the problem that brought on the depression is complex (and almost all are) the chemical changes that occur in the brain continue and compound with prolonged depression. Thus, the illness that begins as pysho-social becomes medical. The drugs on the market today are targeted to rebalance these chemicals to a normal level. Research shows that both talking therapy and drugs, either alone or together, can return these chemical levels to normal, but just talk therapy alone takes much longer than using both together. In other words, find a competent psychotherapist you like, and take your meds (once you’ve found one that works). Its extremely important to your long-term well being.
It is also important to know that just like many other physical illnesses, depression left untreated can become chronic (meaning that the chemicals in the brain can no longer rebalance themselves without medical/prescriptive intervention). Don’t ignore depression. Treat it just as you would any other medical condition.
=^+^=
After my first child was born, I found myself depressed. I don’t think this was your garden variety post partum thing, it was stress induced. I had been on bed rest for months, he (my son) was 3 months premature and very sick. I had been this woman who had it all (nice horse, big job and paycheck, etc) and then suddenly for no reason, nothing was the same and nothing was working out at all. I couldn’t go back to work because the baby was so sick, I felt like a reproductive failure because I hadn’t carried him to term and I wasn’t getting a paycheck anymore. I didn’t know who I was. I went to counseling and that did help. But what helped the most was the knowledge that what happened in my life was up to me. And also, “humming a few bars and faking it”. I used to play this little game with myself I called “What would I do today if I felt like it?” Then I would do that. Some days the goals were as simple as putting makeup on or making my bed. Other days I was more ambitious. But I learned that you develop self esteem by doing things you can feel good about.
The longest journey starts with a single step. So every step counts, just take one.
Good luck.
Who’s among the greatest living American writers, he wrote a book in '90 entitled Darkness Visible, which recounts his own experience with depression - a condition he compares to an overwhelming sense of ‘suffocation or drowning’.
I have delt with depression my entire life. I had a father who was in and out of my life untill he left it entirly when I was 18. He blamed it on me. Deadbeat dad. My brother was physicaly abusive, and all of the men in my life have only gone out with me for one thing, which i didn’t give. Not to mention how poorly i did in school, having no direction in life, and councilors telling me i had no future. I used to have thoughts of suicide, and i would hurt myself. There is much more than that, but I am know 26 and single, lonely, no carrer, and little friends. Since I had to put my horse down last year, and losing two jobs in 6 month, I have become severly depressed. I don’t go out anymore, I still go to work, but I only work half days, and I come home and sleep. I have developed an anxiety disorder and a borderline social disorder. My doctor has put me on celexa, and I am also in therapy. I have been on meds now for 4 weeks and they are just kicking in. I find it hard to wake up in the morning, but I am sleeping through the night now. I do have more energy when I get up though. People tell me I am not so quick to anger, and I don’t seem to be snapping at people as much. I am going out a bit more with less anxiety. I have lost about 15lb, which is probably part depression and part meds. I know that this is going to be a slow process. But now I can see that there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. With meds and talking to a therapist, i hope I can get well. I have been told by my doctor that I will most likely be on meds for the rest of my life. So coming from someone who knows what it is like to be depressed, keep your chin up, and try your best. Good luck to you.
My wonderful mother who is 82 and has had cancer more than once. Went in with a blocked intestine. They thought cancer, but it turned out to be a twisted intestine. Just like a horse. She was very ill and it was a big surgery. Because of her age the anethesia hit her really hard and she was in a coma for several days. It took a few weeks until she really has come around to beig mentally back to normal. 
My job at the same time wanted me to work more hours or loose my job. (so far that is all ok)
My trainer, Farpoint Farm, who I adored, has decided to quit training and spend more time training her family and her own ponies.
She owns the stable and the new house on the property where she lives.
So she raised the board/training fees, and took away the turnout unless you pay extra. Per the new trainers coming in with their own client, Phoenix Farm, and what they charge for board and training I guess.
I am not mad, a bit sad to loose my friends and a trainer that Elliot and I really liked.
Perhaps now a days people just have to imagine that they will change stables every year or two.
So I am saying the Zoloft has made this all so much easier for me to deal with.
[img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]thanks for your replies… it does help to hear that there are others out there who have felt similar, (even if they are only your friends, erin…)
