Part of the issue could be your fitness level. It takes alot of core strength to ride a big moving horse. She is your horse of a lifetime so take your time and enjoy the journey. Start small you just have to get on her and walk around once, just trot six steps and walk, etc. Give yourself permission to get off if you get too scared.
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That I am
I have a decent amount of core strength (I love no-stirrup sitting trot work and I’m starting [self teaching] basic vaulting exercises), but certainly not enough strength to ride her to her fullest! Haha. Most of it is my nerves, I’ve ridden big moving horses but all of them bucked and/or had issues. This mare has issues too (was over worked) but she was also used as a lesson horse so I know she won’t get mean and will stay patient with me.
Edit** She’s had the summer off
Really great information so far. I just wanted to add that a big Friesian trot feels really different from a big warmblood trot. I find it a lot harder to sit Friesian trots than any other type.
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I’ve ridden a 17.1hh friesian X Percheron for a few weeks, but I’m sure that she will feel a lot more different than that one
Recently I’ve had the same experience as you. I’d been riding downtrodden sour little barn ponies and then suddenly riding 2 top level OTTB’s trained to a high sensitive level with huge movement and suspension. The first time I trotted one of them, I quite literally almost bounced out of the saddle because of how strong and forward they were. It’s been a month or so now and all I can imagine is that big active trot. Riding a regular little trot now would be such a down grade. I’d make sure you have a trainer to help you acclimate to her but I’d just get to know her outside of starting to press on dressage. You just got her and need time to get used to her. Take her out on trail rides or just do no pressure flat rides. Just start getting acclimated to her movement.
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Number one - anything that makes you more comfortable about riding her is okay for as long as you need it. At any time you can go back to something that made you more comfortable about riding her even if you stopped doing it days, weeks or months ago.
I’m not sure if anyone suggested it, but I longe mine before I ride if I am uncertain about how he’s doing that day. Mine has bucked me off and I have gone months longeing before every ride and months not longeing at all. Longeing lets me see how he’s feeling (relaxed, unhappy, full of beans, if he got cold last night, etc). I longe until he is listening and ready to work. Longeing is many transitions, and mostly walk-trot. It is work, not burning energy. Sometimes it is 3minutes, sometimes it is 25 and I mount up to ride him cool.
Sometimes seeing another person ride your horse for 10 or 15 minutes can help you feel comfortable about riding yourself.
*I wasn’t kidding about seeing if mine got cold last night. If he got cold last night he is miserable to ride until he’s warmed up. It’s easier on both of us if he can do that on the longe. 
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Lately here in MB it’s been cold and wet for about a week! I actually thought my AQH running bred mare was lame a couple days ago because she’s cold right through and had to longe her for 15min before she started moving out. I’ve put a hold on waiting to ride my Friesian due to that fact, I still bring her in and play “tag” every now and then 
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We’ve been having a heatwave! 30-1C with humidex near 40! It’s been hard on the horses, who have a good start on their winter coats.
I’m a big fan of longeing before I ride too - more for my mental health than because my horse needs it. I’m loving this heatwave in ON but it’s a bit nuts. I was too hot and tired to ride yesterday after mucking stalls!
I would take that over rain, cold, and wind LOL most of the horses here don’t have their winter coats yet, at least not good ones. My FSH mare already looks like a teddy bear though <3
It sounds appealing in the abstract, but the reality is that it is too hot to do anything much with the horses other than a short, early morning ride. I should have been at a dressage show today, but opted to skip it because of the heat. The order the classes run would have guaranteed mid day ride times. 40C in mid September is not the same as 40C in July. Fortunately we are supposed to go back to seasonal temperatures on Thursday.
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Have you ridden her at all? At all three gaits at training level at least?
I would honestly consider selling her and only purchasing a quieter schoolmaster you’ve been able to ride at least once at all three gaits and had a lesson on where you at least attempted some second and third level movements. You want something that isn’t going to get coiled up or mad when you fumble around with the shoulder in aids. You can get fit, you can ride other horses, but a horse you can’t ride is no good. There are schoolmasters suitable for nervous ammys that perform the movements but don’t have the extravagant gaits. They tend to be less expensive anyway, and although they might not score as well at a a show, their experience can put you in a position to get a better mover in the future.
I think if you are so nervous on this particular horse that you are walking for three months in the arena with a neck strap you need to sell. That’s no fun for you and you spend too much time doing this to have such a set back.
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Yes, I longe mine for my peace of mind. I have learned to see his mental state on the longe, which makes it much less likely I will be bucked off. I can get a feel for whether or not I should longe in our in hand walk, back, TOF and ignore that sense at my own peril! :lol:
I have been off and on pre ride longeing for six years. I would like to not have to do it, but I would like to not be bucked off even more. I never hesitate to pull out the longeline if there is any question.
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Just a quick question: Have you ever been hung up in the stirrups so bad that your whole leg twisted from hip to ankle? That was from a “old schoolmaster” who simply didn’t want to jump that jump and he ducked out on me. My foot was correctly in the stirrup, it was just the angle I fell that caused the hang up. I’ve had many wrecks on “schoolmaster” horses that almost ended with me in the ER.
I’m not going to give up, not on myself and not on the horse. I’m moving up, and trying to get out of my comfort zone because I want to get to the top. I just have to get over this hump. I’m going back to the very start to gain confidence and get a feel of a totally different type of horse. She’s a total sweetheart (if you read an earlier reply, I said she was a lesson horse), just a different feel and totally different caliber.
Now, instead of saying “you should sell”, you should perhaps think of the case of minor PTSD that I have, as well as anxiety.
Thank you.
Stay wise and keep listening to yourself. :yes:
I’ve moved away from lunging, my horse is old and I’ve found that using a modified cowboy method works for us. It’s on the John Lyons and Mark Raschid school of thought. Not round penning, I use a long lead rope and get him connected to me by moving his feet. It’s the old 'control direction and speed '.
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Well,
@enjoytheride still bring good points, like it or not.
As a “minor case of PTSD looking to regain confidence”, what was the idea behind buying a sight unseen horse you cannot ride?
You’ve bought a “3rd level” school horse that was “overused” in lessons, and that has been sitting for the past 3 months… What are you expecting?
(Why was your mare sold? Higher level lesson horses are quite valuable and rarely end up for sale, and as per you, she was used a lot)
I’m sorry to say, but you do sound like every little lady who buys horses for the look and the dream… and can’t comprehend why it’s not working…
“I want to go to the top” and “I won’t give up on the horse” are typical of newby riders who are a tad delusional about the reality of the sport. There is NO shame in selling and buying a more suitable horse you could ride and regain confidence on.
First, you need to ride, and you need regular training with this horse. The horse needs to be in regular training too.
How will you, kinda alone, achieve it?
Also, if you already had many major wrecks with schoolmasters, they either were not schoolmasters or there is a problem with your training/riding/badly surrounded. It is not normal. Bad lucks happen, but I would really try to find where it went wrong…
Good luck in your endeavour, stay safe.
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I know that this seems…stupid.
However, she was an early birthday present. I know I’ll be able to handle everything once I get to know her and get over my nerves, I’ve ridden her a tiny bit, but I’ve been mainly getting to know her on the ground. I’ve been riding in dressage for 15 years, coached by the best my family can afford.
What is so “newbie” about saying that I won’t give up in myself and won’t give up on the horse? Isn’t that what everyone is grown up to do…not to give up? I can’t get into regular training with both horses because I can’t afford it. Life got in the way, weather isn’t cooperating, I can’t find a saddle to fit, my mother has been “tip toeing” around everything to do with horses because she’s scared of them. It’s all on me, not the mare. I trust the coach of the seller of the mare, as she’s a friend of a friend, and I didn’t have time to drive 23hrs to try her. If anything, I’ll just breed her.
Perhaps I shouldn’t have even went seeking for help on here, as I can’t explain everything in text as I could in person. It took a lot of guts for me to try to explain on here, but whatever.
Honestly, all I saw was someone trying to crush me, so I went on the defensive. Sorry…
OP some people tend to try to give up earlier than most and most of all I love how you aren’t blaming the horse. Stay strong with your beliefs and be patient! She’s your once-in-a-lifetime horse and those require time and effort to create a partnership. It’s definitely going to take time on your part to learn to let go and move on from past experiences and as much as its scary, I’ve felt that confronting them head on is the most effective. Just relax and learn to get to know her as a horse and partner, not a working dressage horse first.
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Many of us have anxiety too. Many of us have had crazy accidents as you described. I understand your pain, frustration, nerves, etc.
I’m still going to agree with the “sell” train.
It’s not about giving up, it’s about understanding where you are and what you need at this present time, physically and mentally. You’ve already admitted you’re over-horsed. Yeah, it’s great that you’re not blaming the horse, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re anxious about riding her. IMO, life’s too short and riding is too expensive to ride a horse you’re scared of and/or don’t have fun on just because you don’t want to “give up.” Forcing yourself through scary situations doesn’t make anxiety better, it more often than not makes it worse.
But that’s just my 2 cents.
Otherwise, if you can afford to, I’d say put the horse in training for a year or more and ride your other horses/lesson horses and improve your position before trying her again.
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