Over-horsed and Nervous

[doctordarling]

I took 3 weeks to get on my PSG schoolmaster (purchased five years ago, when I was riding at novice) - I lunged him until I felt he was settled in - whereas actually it was me being nervous! But once I got on, I knew the only way to get better was a commitment to years of steadily riding five days a week, weekly lessons, and competing, and all the while I could feel him adjusting to my experience, teaching me something new every ride. He’s got a million and one evasions, but if ridden correctly he will sigh (audibly) and do his job beautifully.

Some days I felt I wasn’t getting anywhere, and got very down in the dumps - but I was getting more balanced and secure in the saddle. The videos of us from early days tell a tale. Now we’re competing at Advanced (I’ve nearly caught up with him).

Schoolmasters educate you to get a feel for, and learn the correct light aids for the higher movements. They are treasures, privileges, and the most wonderful patient creatures, and yes, rare.

I am seeing a similar situation play out at my barn. Two ammie returner riders in their 50s - each recently bought fabulous 4 year old WBs with huge movement – the first one took years of lessons before buying her baby, and she’s there five or six days a week working with him and has a coach. He can be a peanut, but they are progressing. The second rider bought her big moving youngster after the death of her quiet Appy. She really over-horsed and has ridden her new horse maybe twice. No regular coach - and he’s become a paddock ornament. Its ironic as he is the quieter by far of the two four-year olds. She’s about to sell him, and you should see the queue of local dressage riders just waiting for the ad, because he’s divine, but for her, he’s too big moving, and too young.

The advice from the forum is spot on.

[meupatdoes]

You know, I’ve worked with a lot of scared adults who had horses that were beyond their abilities to ride and maintain on their own when I entered the picture, and i have been able to rebuild the rider’s confidence, teach them the skills they needed, and save their relationship with their horse. I’m demonstrably and repeatably good at this.

The clients it works for are the ones who take lessons every time the ride, or who put the horse in training and let me do training rides and prep the horse before lessons and then talk them through it.

The clients who it doesn’t work for are the ones who will obly pay for two prorides a week and won’t take lessons and allot a grandd total of three months to the transformation, and also do not do their honework or keep the horse in consistent work on the other 5 days of the week. I can’t impart training and knowledge by osmosis, the owner has to repeatedly and consistently do the work. Under supervision.

It is fixable and there is hope but I don’t think it will pan out for you unless you seriously invest in prorides and lessons. You can do it, you just cant do it alone in your backyard with no help.

[vervachel]

I am also located in Manitoba. There are not many Friesian riders here, but there are a couple. It might help you if you could have a couple of lessons on a Fresian school horse that you are not nervous of. Sharmyn Hamilton of Aurelius Acres near Brandon Mb is a lovely coach. She breeds, trains and competes Fresians in dressage. She has a couple of Fresians, including a small mare, that she will give lessons on. Fran Wilknson in Eriksdale is another wonderful trainer/coach with Fresian experience. Emma Tarvis is in the Winnpeg area, and although she does not own a Fresian, she has done a spectacular job on my friend’s young Fresian gelding. If nothing else, you might find it helpful to network with other Fresian owners, riders and trainers who are on the dressage journey with huge moving, talented Fresians. Wishing you and your mare the best of luck on your journey.

[AltersAreUs]

OP, I feel for you. I also have had many a crash, some of them resulting in permanent damage. Getting over that tight gut feeling takes time. I found I needed three things to make it through.

The first is just time within my comfort zone. Walk on that horse until you are so bored you want to cry. Only then, trot. Trot only 10 steps if you’re getting nervous, then back to the walk. You’ll get sick of it eventually. Walk & trot until you know what every shimmy and twitch means for your horse, then try the canter. There’s pushing your comfort zone in a good way and then there is rebuilding your confidence. You need to focus on the later. Start slow and wait until you’re bored to tears to push.

The 2nd one sounds stupid but it helps. I throw myself a little mental party after every ride. After a nasty crash, I was having issues getting back on my big moving youngster. Or I’d get on, walk around 10 minutes, get tense, hop off and berate myself all the way home for not doing more. Even after I was “really” riding her again, the drive home often involved tears. I realized that I was destroying whatever joy I could have had by being back on my horse. So the new rule became, ever ride I dismount from willingly is a good ride. It really helped change my viewpoint. No more “I suck, I’m a chicken, I should have been able to do X, Y and Z today”. Instead it’s “Yay, I got on. Yay, we walked. Yay, we trotted. Yay, I sat a huge spook and kept going. Yay, I laughed at that instead of tensing up. Today we did good.”

The final one is putting a trainer on the youngster’s back to keep her in real work while get my courage back. Sorry, there isn’t any way around it. You need someone’s help. It doesn’t do anything good for them or you if your horse comes out an energy ball every time you want to ride or if she learns how to scare you. Lunging is great as a mood litimus test but you NEED someone on her back, making sure she’s a good citizen who knows her job.

And yes, some days I look at my baby on the lunge and choose to hand her over to my trainer who has the world’s stickiest seat. There is nothing to be gained by hopping on a revved up 4 year old and setting us both back if we crash. Those days, the mental party is “yay, I had the good sense not to get on that this time”. And it a little bit better every time.

[sascha]

Hey! Hi! Over here in left field!!! lol

Drop formal dressage for a little while. Get to know your horse. Her training will not evaporate, I promise. If you can find interesting, challenging things to do in the company of others go do them. I am very lucky to live in an area where there are all kinds of different activities to do and I have learnt the value of doing them. We have a couple of obstacle parks set up in the area, we have yearly de-spooking clinics, other folks hold more traditional “trail” obstacle days, and there are safe places to trail ride. None of that has to be done at more than a walk. Nobody gives a flip if you show up to a traditional western clinic in a dressage saddle. Much of it can even be done in hand. The bond you will develop with your horse will increase monumentally the more you can do. You will learn to trust each other. When you are ready to go back to formal dressage work, you will have the confidence you need.

If you don’t have any facilities or anyone who knows about any of the above mentioned activities, do some research and set some stuff up in your own backyard/your boarding facility. It’s amazing how little you need to create challenges. There should be lots of info on putting together challenging questions if you search on the internet.

Good luck.

[MissAriel]

@sascha

We have a couple of obstacle parks set up in the area, we have yearly de-spooking clinics, other folks hold more traditional “trail” obstacle days, and there are safe places to trail ride. None of that has to be done at more than a walk. Nobody gives a flip if you show up to a traditional western clinic in a dressage saddle. Much of it can even be done in hand. The bond you will develop with your horse will increase monumentally the more you can do. You will learn to trust each other. When you are ready to go back to formal dressage work, you will have the confidence you need.

If you don’t have any facilities or anyone who knows about any of the above mentioned activities, do some research and set some stuff up in your own backyard/your boarding facility. It’s amazing how little you need to create challenges. There should be lots of info on putting together challenging questions if you search on the internet.

Good luck.

Great advice! I have been working with my horse in hand steadily for a year and a half, because he is young and was not ready for long daily rides most of this time. We walked around the property and along the trails, we looked into trash cans and I moved them while holding him on the lead rope. I kicked a ball, had a kid ride a bike nearby, laid tarps on the ground we walked over, and laid the tarp across his back, opened an umbrella - basically anything and everything I could think of to show him scary things and learn to trust that I will take care of him.

Recently we went to a cow-sorting practice! We were the only ones there in a dressage saddle, but everyone was so helpful and patient, knowing lots of horses are terrified of cows at first. We slowly worked closer and closer to the cows until they weren’t so scary anymore, then one of the regulars took us and we went right in with the cows. It took time and patience, but I really believe that all the ground work we had done previously helped him get over his fright more easily.

I will also say, you need someone to help. I have had a great trainer working with my horse and with me, making sure our rides together were safe and stayed positive. She has stepped in a ridden on days that just didn’t look like they were going to go well for me. She is great at laughing when things go sideways, which is a wonderful way to release that stress and tension so you can regain your confidence and move forward.

[sascha]

@MissAriel

Recently we went to a cow-sorting practice! We were the only ones there in a dressage saddle, but everyone was so helpful and patient, knowing lots of horses are terrified of cows at first. We slowly worked closer and closer to the cows until they weren’t so scary anymore, then one of the regulars took us and we went right in with the cows.

Sorting is on my list for next year. Couldn’t fit it in this year, but it will happen! Glad you are having fun with your horse!

[Angela_Freda]

@mmeqcenter

Many of us have anxiety too. Many of us have had crazy accidents as you described. I understand your pain, frustration, nerves, etc.

I’m still going to agree with the “sell” train.
It’s not about giving up, it’s about understanding where you are and what you need at this present time, physically and mentally. You’ve already admitted you’re over-horsed. Yeah, it’s great that you’re not blaming the horse, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re anxious about riding her. IMO, life’s too short and riding is too expensive to ride a horse you’re scared of and/or don’t have fun on just because you don’t want to “give up.” Forcing yourself through scary situations doesn’t make anxiety better, it more often than not makes it worse.

But that’s just my 2 cents.
Otherwise, if you can afford to, I’d say put the horse in training for a year or more and ride your other horses/lesson horses and improve your position before trying her again.

re bold and can untrain the horse… or train her, depending on perspective.
If you have lesson or training money, invest it NOW… all of it.
Otherwise it will cost 3 times as much or more to get her back to this point and you confident enough to ride her.

[ivy62]

I have not read the entire thread so I apologize if this has already been said.
If you have a trainer have your horse ridden at first level and learn to relax.
I have a sensitive Trakehner who is a second level schoolmaster and evented to intermediate. My trainer keeps it him very quiet and relaxed. I am cantering him on a lounge line as I also get tense and he reacts to me. May take awhile but worth it. It she is ridden to be hot off the aids you will have trouble for a long time… good luck

[Dramapony_misty]

I, too, have confidence issues at the canter. I’ve been riding my entire life, but after a nasty fall off of my pony mare that made me realize that I don’t bounce anymore, the word “canter” would cause me stiffen into the riding-version of fetal position. My gelding is sweet as pie and I have only ever come off of him twice (once when he was super-green and got startled when I leaned over to tighten my girth) and once when I thought hacking out on a winter day after being down with a cold for a few days and dosed up on Dayquil was a good idea (it wasn’t! he spooked at the billowing quarter sheet when I let him canter…I didn’t have my usual balance or coordination that would have saved me).

Anyway, what has helped me LOT is just asking him to canter on a loose rein in my arena. Like, imitate a cowboy looped reins one handed, loose rein (maybe holding the pommel with the other if needed). I just did that over and over again until I could relax and go with the movement and realize that he wasn’t going to take off with me. I guess this is sort of the equivalent to the lunging that others suggested, but I’m mostly on my own so this was my version

[Jilly]

This is a very simple solution… ask yourself one question…are you having fun? Sell this horse if you are honestly not enjoying riding him.

[Scribbler]

Original post from 8 months ago. OP never responded never updated us and never posted here again. Hope all went OK for her.

[WildLittleWren]

Old post, would love to hear an update on how things worked out