Pain Tolerance: How much did that really hurt?

[AmarachAcres]

What great responses. She has come off a few times and always cries. Normally though she dusts off and gets back on once the tears have abated with everything forgotten.

I can be a wuss, but I will let people know, hey, this hurts me like hell but really, nothing is wrong. She will truly believe she’s about to lose a limb, even though she actually has broken arms and has felt the difference.

I like that these replies are helping me see her perspective but also that she could be over doing it. I’ll keep reading!

[Angelico]

Personally, I find I am more likely to whine and cry over smaller injuries than the more serious ones. I stub my toe, I cry for twenty minutes. Bash a knee, breaking bone fragments and embedding them in my tendon, shake it off. Fractured wrist, shake it off. Run into the door handle (that’s normal, right?!) cry for twenty minutes.

I have no idea if thats is normal but it’s what I do. Good luck! I wish my parents had been a little more like you.

[Sacred_Petra]

I also like the idea of working on creating a pain scale for her. It may help her to analyze what type of pain she’s feeling as well as a level and be able to handle it more calmly.

I also wonder if taking some marital arts classes would help her. You work on falling so much in then it becomes more of a non-event and in my experience the falls I’ve had since I took classes have been less painful because I don’t tense up. It would also introduce small levels of relatively safe discomfort where she can get used to it and think through it more rationally.

[ReSomething]

With us it was if you cried too much you got kept indoors or made fun of.

I do recall scraping what felt like half the skin on my back off after slithering off a pony and skidding across a dirt road and howling for quite a while, but the serious stuff was always quiet. Catch the horse, limp home and rest.

Really, the threat of not being allowed to ride scared you quiet pretty quick.

[imaginique]

I broke my arm and had no pain at all. I’ve had dislocated ribs that confined me to a recliner day and night for 4 days. Breathing was agony. It all depends on how your body perceives pain. Broken toe–painful and couldn’t walk. Same with stress fracture in foot. Broken tooth–no pain. Fractured ribs–lots of pain. It’s all different depending on WHAT and WHO. Not saying it’s not strange–it is!!

[sascha]

Just popping back to say, I always tell people if I’m swearing a blue streak, I’ll be fine. If I’m really quiet, take me to the hospital. But, I’m a grown up and get pissed off at things that hurt and worried and quiet when I think something might be really wrong.

Had one of those this spring. My ass came down from 8’ in the air (silly drama llama horse!) and I lay there wondering if I’d broken my hip. Nope, but according to my massage therapist my pelvis tried very hard to escape through my ass muscles. Ewwww. 3 months later, I still swear at her when she works on it. LoL

Worst contusion I’ve ever had, but I was back on walking the next day. Mind you, I had to do walk only for a couple weeks. Trot was awful and canter was excruciating.

Your daughter will grow up. Teach her how to react (think first) and she’ll react better

[Moonboots]

Could it be a fear response from her?

I know I’m really bad at reacting to bleedy cuts, especially if all I see is blood and don’t actually know how badly I’ve hurt myself. I don’t like blood. I’ve trained myself to go into a numb routine: put pressure, wash it off, and then get someone else to see how bad it is. I’m far better than I used to be, but my boyfriend would tell you I’m a huge wimp. It’s not about the pain, it’s the anxiety associated with not knowing whether it’s the type of cut I can look at and deal with myself, or the type that will gross me out to the point of almost passing out.

That being said… I came off a horse a few weeks ago while riding alone and was dripping blood from my elbow. Had to take care of that myself at the time, and then got the boyfriend to drive me to the hospital (broken rib, woo). But once I was home, I made him change my elbow bandages because it was gross and I couldn’t handle it [read: I tried to change the bandage on my own at first and then things started going black and my ears started ringing…]

[chestnuthunter]

I have broken my ankle, wrist, tailbone, and had 1 concussion. I am 17 now, so all of these happened from age 6-present. I have cried a few times after coming off, but mostly because of hurt feelings. I don’t remember much crying or screaming mainly because my mom didn’t allow it. Back on the horse I went. It was 3 days after I broke my ankle that I went to the hospital, because we both thought it was just a sprain that would get better on its own.

Recently I’ve been falling off pretty frequently and hopping right back on, no problem. Actually just the other night I was riding without stirrups and my horse teleported sideways because our stupid rooster came out of some bushes ringside. I wasn’t bruised, sore, or anything the next day, and this was a 16.2 hand horse.

I think it’s all in how you fall, your pain tolerance, and your emotions at the time. Sometimes you burst into tears and other times you laugh and swing back up in the saddle.

When I was 11, I was capable of some pretty good theatrics as well. I think my pain tolerance has gone way, way up form what it was back then.

[kdow]

I’ve never broken a bone (yet, knock on wood) but I have had arthritis for a number of years and I get migraines, and that has definitely skewed my pain response. If I’m limping because of hip pain, it probably means I feel like I am being stabbed with each step and possibly also vaguely nauseated due to pain. Most of my friends are quite surprised when they learn how bad some of my joints look on X-ray, because apparently you can’t tell. But my mom and dad are both the same mostly - don’t complain about pain much. (Unless my dad has a headache, which is usually the end of the world even though he gets normal headaches, not migraines or clusters. So I think there is an element of tolerance related to type of pain also - pinched nerve pain doesn’t rank as high for me on an absolute scale as some other pain, but I don’t tolerate it as well - it distracts me more and makes me feel sick, etc.)

Meanwhile one if my housemates now shrieks in pain over relatively minor things and seems to not even really be aware she’s done it. Like her body responds to the pain without checking in with her brain first. I do kind of worry that if she has a bad accident some time we won’t respond fast enough because we won’t know the difference between that and normal bumps and bruises. So I wonder if there is some kind of reflex thing for some people? My late MIL could completely not control her startle response - she yelped every single time even if she was trying to be quiet. Brains are weird?

I will say, I have had some pretty painful hips. Obviously with me the arthritis factors in, but one area that gets sore isn’t actually in the joint, but rather where the muscles and tendons and whatever attach at the top of the femur. I can kind if see how if you landed badly there it might be surprisingly painful. (Kind of like when you get your “funny bone”?)

I do think a pain scale is a good idea. You can maybe try journaling as well, to help her get an idea of how different things rank for her. Bonus is if she does seem to continue to have pain tolerance problems, you will then have that data to take to a doctor. There is a pain scale online somewhere that ranges from ignorable to you can try to ignore it but it interrupts to OMG WORST PAIN EVER MY BRAIN IS GOING TO BLEED OUT MY EARS TO ESCAPE THE PAIN essentially. That might also be useful to use as a reference for her in thinking about not just how pain compares to other experiences, but how much it is actually bothering her or causing problems.

I have noticed that sometimes the more you fuss over little pains, the worse they seem to be, even within yourself. It’s like you keep reminding yourself that you should be in pain! Because paper cut! So even though it is minor it can be more distracting than a more major injury. (Well, and some paper cuts really do hurt a lot. But you know what I mean? It is like mentally poking the bruise.)

[AmarachAcres]

She is doing well now and grumpy I won’t let her ride until she can go up and down the stairs without hurting.

I am also the type that people should only worry if I’m quiet, not if I’m cursing up a storm.

It’s crazy to me how different we all are in reactions to a fall. Touch a fire and we will all jerk back, start to fall and all bets are off.

[phoebetrainer]

I believe that children today are less exposed to danger and thus accidents and pain than they were 20+ years ago. They have little opportunity to assess their pain levels and work out how much pain they actually are in: “Is it the same as when you scraped your knee or as when you broke your arm?”. Media hype also tends to show accidents / falls as the precursor to a person being carted off to hospital.

I work with a lot of people who are in pain. We quickly learn who is really in pain and who is not. And nearly everyone gets better faster as they learn to push through the pain. I like the idea that she can’t ride until she can go up the stairs without it hurting - but encourage her to go up the stairs multiple times a day, not just to wait until she is “all better”.

[Catticus_Maximus]

When I have a fall, it’s usually an ‘oof’ and hop back up.

However, several years ago, I had a horse side step on a hack and drop me on hard ground. I landed much the way your daughter did. I bounced up and walked back to the barn, but was in agony an hour or so later and needed an ambulance because I couldn’t even get into my car. I ended up missing four days of work.

There are many factors that play into how bad the pain from a fall is. I don’t doubt your daughter is in more pain now than she is usually - that’s a nasty way to land. The surprise of it didn’t help, either, especially for a kid.

[charismaryllis]

Just popping back to say, I always tell people if I’m swearing a blue streak, I’ll be fine. If I’m really quiet, take me to the hospital.

a few barns ago i rode with an EMT; she was of the same opinion. “a screaming patient is a good patient. you know they’ve got an airway, they can breathe.”

i also usually “oof” and swear a bit and then run thru fingers, toes, visual acuity. well, except for that time i was unconscious. but when i came around, i ran thru the checklist.

[LauraKY]

Has she always been a drama queen? What’s the history with how you’ve reacted? I’ve always been the “don’t cry unless you’re bleeding or there’s a bone sticking out somewhere type” and my daughter is very stoic…too stoic for her own good sometimes, unfortunately.

[Preposterous_Ponies]

Interesting. At 11 this is something I would certainly talk to her about, and gently say that you would like help understanding how she is feeling. The pain scale is a good idea.

I’m a whiner. I moan. I whimper. I wallow in self pity. However, I only really recall myself actually screaming once - I threw up causing the pressure in my head to change (that’s what the doctor thought, anyway) and I just started screaming. I was hitting my head against the wall it hurt so bad, and got an ambulance ride to the hospital.

Around horses I might swear loudly or cry, but there is ZERO theatrics. I was taught that we do not scream or carry on around horses. Depending on the fall I will either pop back up or stay down for a few minutes to collect myself.

Despite me being a whiner, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. And if I’m whining, I’m not usually too hurt. If I’m real quiet, then you’re in trouble.

[Appsolute]

[QUOTE=ReSomething;7757007]
With us it was if you cried too much you got kept indoors or made fun of.

Really, the threat of not being allowed to ride scared you quiet pretty quick.[/QUOTE]

I will say, my coaches etc did NOT tolerate “screaming” under ANY circumstances. If you are hurt - sure you can cry, but screaming wailing etc? NO - no yelling or screaming around horses - period.

My parents also drilled into me screaming was a no no - never to be done unless someone was trying to abduct me or something, otherwise, no screeching…

[oliverreed]

I agree with no screaming or other theatrics around horses. I was the only other adult person at the barn a couple of years ago when a friend fell off her horse and broke her arm. She made a noise coming off but otherwise stayed quiet although she must have been in serious pain.

[jawa]

My son is 13. We nicknamed him “Bumpy”. From the time he was a toddler to about 10 or 11 years old he was constantly falling or knocking into things. At first I would try to catch him before the fall, but it was useless. And it happened so often you really couldn’t go coddle him after every event. At some point when he would fall, we started saying “Safe” as if he had slid into a base in a baseball game. He would jump up and dust himself off. With others around he jump up and say very quickly, I’m ok. The few times he cried, it was because we came rushing over to make sure he was ok, and that scared him.

All that to say, how are you reacting to her events? Are you rushing to her aid, asking about her in a worried tone? Or joking with her? Or just not consoling her over the minor papercut jammed toe events?

[LauraKY]

[QUOTE=jawa;7757663]

All that to say, how are you reacting to her events? Are you rushing to her aid, asking about her in a worried tone? Or joking with her? Or just not consoling her over the minor papercut jammed toe events?[/QUOTE]

Sometimes a “suck it up Buttercup” is the best reaction. I remember sitting in the stands watching DD lessons…she was about 7 or so. A classmate fell off, her mother jumped up screaming. My friends are still laughing about my reaction. I said, “Sit down and shut up. The coach will handle it.”

[JumpQH]

When I have broken bones due to equine-related accidents, I have always felt like passing out and need to stay on the ground. Other than that, I shake it off. I have a high pain tolerance, needless to say.