People Attempting to Undermine Safe Sport

[Paint_Party]

@skydy

Children are often threatened by their abusers that “if you tell anyone, something bad will happen to your family” etc…

In the show horse world, it’s “if you tell anyone, I won’t let you ride the fancy horses in the barn any more.”

@hoopoe

i think it is important to remember that SS is about more than sex. I think it is never to early to educate the kids on group pressure and bully /hazing tactics .

In the horse show world, the bullying and intimidation comes in the form of threats: “If you tell anyone, and/or leave this barn, no one else will train you or give you horses to ride. And all the judges who are my friends won’t pin you.”

I have friends who are grown women, like in their 50s and 60s, who rode with BNTs and to this day talk they about the fear that was instilled in them: If you besmirch the BNT’s reputation in any way, you’ll be somehow blackballed forever from riding in another top notch barn. We grew up believing this cr*p!

Honestly, it was only by the grace of God and maybe a dose of dumb luck that I got through certain situations reasonably unscathed. Once I went from a successful young rider to a working student/assistant, and traveled on the show circuit for a BNT, I saw an entirely different aspect of the show scene. For years it ruined what I admit was a bit of a romanticized view of equestrian competition and the pageantry of showing. There’s a really ugly side to it all, and it’s high time Safe Sport kicks out the whole lot of these lecherous creeps.

[Night_Flight]

I’m really glad to hear that there are good sex education programs in some schools these days.

I’m in my mid-thirties, in Canada, and when I was in high school our sex education program consisted of watching one of those birthing videos in biology class, along with one student out of the entire class being asked to put a condom on a banana. Then, in another class, we were taught a presumably abstinence-based program because all that was said to us is that most of our peers were not engaging in sexual activities and therefore we should not feel behind, and then we were split up into boy-girl pairings and were instructed to practice saying “No!” while the boy tried to proposition us.

It was thoroughly useless and definitely did not teach anything about healthy relationships.

[Jealoushe]

Yep, mine was the same, also similar age and in Canada.

Dr Sue Johansson taught me about sex. I can’t imagine how others knew anything thanks to school.

[Ghazzu]

@oreo_mom

Besides, I’m the WASPyest WASP conservative you might ever meet. I am afraid of the God less government we have now.

That had not escaped my notice.
You may resume the pearl-clutching at your leisure.

[Fiesta01]

In SoCal, we had the mom/daughter assembly with the school nurse in 4th grade. Boys were sent to another area. All it covered was periods and female anatomy.

I remember very clearly that after the lecture, we all got a little booklet called “Very Personally Yours” that had the same diagrams and explanations. (When I hit menopause and was having some problems that I had never heard of, I thought how nice it would have been if someone had handed out booklets - “Very Personally Yours, Menopause Edition”).

In high school, the coach who taught health class went into the nitty gritty of sex (diagrams of penises, birth control, not being pressured into sex, etc.).

My parents were not comfortable talking about sex. At all. However, when I was 14, they handed me a copy of “Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex but Were Afraid to Ask.” Very enlightening.

[2bayboys]

Lecherous creeps is a great description. I never experienced this with trainers as I always had female instructors growing up but good god I had to be on my toes with the farriers. Apparently a young person assigned to hold the horses is an easy opportunity.

[BrendaJane]

@Fiesta01

My parents were not comfortable talking about sex. At all. However, when I was 14, they handed me a copy of “Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex but Were Afraid to Ask.” Very enlightening.

My mom strategically ‘left’ books out - or my sister exchanged them in school.
there is a threshhold of kids wanting to hear that from their parents I think. As if they are too old to ‘do it’ TLC had a really good show before it went on to glorify indiscrimninate reproduction. It showed (!!!) how the mechanics worked.

But with the latest puch of the far right to ban anything that isn’t pure and innocent as the purely driven snow…I am not seeing much hope

And let’s not forget mainstream glorification of unhealthy relationships via shades of twilight.

There is no one sollution to this except we all need to pull our collective heads out of the sand:
When you volunteer with the Girl Scouts of the USA, you are subject to criminal background checks. After the manure hit the fan in the Boy Scouts of America, they implemented training segments for volunteers, and parents (for the youngest, very gingerly telling kids about things that are not right without telling them the ‘things’ for parents to teach them) and a mandatory report policy.
But nation wide we are still stuck in the no- S E X education age of prudism.

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

@BrendaJane

But with the latest puch of the far right to ban anything that isn’t pure and innocent as the purely driven snow…I am not seeing much hope

If you want to discuss politics, please do it in the current events forum. Not on this thread.

@BrendaJane

But nation wide we are still stuck in the no- S E X education age of prudism.

You must not actually have school age children. There are good sex Ed programs nationwide in both public and private schools. With very little attendant controversy.

It seems both you and Oreo Mom are referencing controversy related to certain books in Northern Virginia public schools. Again… if you want to get into that, please start your own thread in Current Events. If you want to engage me on that topic - feel free to tag me on the thread you create in the appropriate forum. I’ll respond.

[BrendaJane]

You think your experience translates past your narrow horizon.
It does not.
Politics is what keeps the world going - or in case of sex ed - not.
Your mileage varies greatly from the rest of the country. It isn’t even average.
The censorship of school libraries is very much political. And it restricts the access to educational material for kids.

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

@BrendaJane

You think your experience translates past your narrow horizon.
It does not.
Politics is what keeps the world going - or in case of sex ed - not.
Your mileage varies greatly from the rest of the country. It isn’t even average.
The censorship of school libraries is very much political. And it restricts the access to educational material for kids.

W.T.F.

You are CLEARLY wanting to take this particular thread in a political direction. Please… if that’s what you want to do - talk about sex education programs, bash people, and talk about school book controversies… by all means, start your own thread over in Current Events.

[trubandloki]

Yes please, move the political jabs to the current events forum.

[BrendaJane]

it is not a political jab, it is an observation of where the problems lie regarding the solution to the grooming problem. That the reasons are politically motivated does not negate their effect.
And it explains the mindset one is up against, and why victims have such a hard time coming forward!

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

@BrendaJane

it is not a political jab, it is an observation of where the problems lie regarding the solution to the grooming problem.

But there is very comprehensive sex Ed in K-12 schools, both public and private, all across the country. As I said earlier… these programs do cover the issue of abuse. They begin to address it in an age appropriate way with elementary children, then go into more depth with middle and high school aged children.

If you are curious, you can go to the Virginia Department of Education website, and actual look at the specific topics covered as part of their Family Life Education program (sex Ed falls under this program) for each grade level. Most states have similar programs, with publicly available information on state DoE websites.

[Scribbler]

One of the unfortunate aspects is that most sexual abuse of children happens within families, and there is some evidence of multi generational cycles too. In other words, the children most at risk are the least likely to get good clear instruction or to have parents that truly support and back them up. How many adult survivors report that they’ve had to cut ties with mothers who refuse to acknowledge what was going on back then?

I don’t honestly understand the opposition to sex ed. Children and teens will mature at their own rates physically and emotionally and start acting on those urges regardless of what they know or don’t know technically. The more they understand, the less likely they will be groomed and attacked by someone in authority, and the less likely they will be to make bad choices with their peers. Sex education doesn’t make children want to “experiment” early. You can understand everything and still say no. Indeed, it makes it easier to say no.

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

@Scribbler

One of the unfortunate aspects is that most sexual abuse of children happens within families, and there is some evidence of multi generational cycles too. In other words, the children most at risk are the least likely to get good clear instruction or to have parents that truly support and back them up. How many adult survivors report that they’ve had to cut ties with mothers who refuse to acknowledge what was going on back then?

. School programs do actually teach kids about ‘trusted adults.’ This helps provide students with examples of people other than parents to whom they can potentially report abuse.

@Scribbler

I don’t honestly understand the opposition to sex ed. Children and teens will mature at their own rates physically and emotionally and start acting on those urges regardless of what they know or don’t know technically. The more they understand, the less likely they will be groomed and attacked by someone in authority, and the less likely they will be to make bad choices with their peers. Sex education doesn’t make children want to “experiment” early. You can understand everything and still say no. Indeed, it makes it easier to say no.

Honestly- I live in Virginia, have kids in public schools, and have friends with kids in some of the most politically contentious districts. People are fighting about all sorts of stuff in education right now… but the FLE curriculum (sex Ed) in the state of Virginia? It’s really not controversial. I can’t think of any movement to cancel the FLE program, or even modify the current standards of learning/curriculum.

[hoopoe]

@Paint_Party

In the horse show world, the bullying and intimidation comes in the form of threats: “If you tell anyone, and/or leave this barn, no one else will train you or give you horses to ride. And all the judges who are my friends won’t pin you.”

I have friends who are grown women , like in their 50s and 60s, who rode with BNTs and to this day talk they about the fear that was instilled in them: If you besmirch the BNT’s reputation in any way, you’ll be somehow blackballed forever from riding in another top notch barn. We grew up believing this cr*p!

So very true we hear it here all the time.
recent thread from junior who had a helmet that caused pain. it was fine with her hair down. trainer said judge would not pin her if hair was down, so compromise safety for a falsehood.

[Ghazzu]

@Virginia_Horse_Mom

But there is very comprehensive sex Ed in K-12 schools, both public and private, all across the country.

Really?

Sex Education Laws and State Attacks

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

Ok - fair enough. So apparently there aren’t laws on the books mandating it in every state across the country.

I guess I can only speak for my state - Virginia. It’s got a very comprehensive program. And friends with kids in a nearby private school have said their children are covering similar topics on a similar timeline.

Most states have information about these programs, and curriculum in general, on the state’s Department of Education website. If you all are concerned about this issue… maybe check out your own state’s website and see what programs they have in place, and review the topics covered.

[Ghazzu]

@Virginia_Horse_Mom

check out your own state’s website and see what programs they have in place

Oh, I have.

" Since Massachusetts schools are not required to provide sex education to students, school districts are left to decide what type of sex education–if any at all–they provide to youth. Mandating local control over sex education presents unique challenges that have resulted in a glaring disparity regarding the quality of sex education that students receive. Many districts, including Boston Public Schools, use the Rights, Respect, Responsibility (3R’s) curriculum, but over 70 percent of districts use “abstinence-plus” instructional materials."

[Virginia_Horse_Mom]

Massachusetts doesn’t have a statewide, standardized sex Ed program and curriculum?!? That honestly shocks me. I totally assumed they would have.