It wasn’t a false report.
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I don’t think this guy was ever involved in USEF events, so this isn’t technically a Safe Sport issue, but he is a repeat offender, so I’m going to share the information anyway:
Disgusting. And even parents trying to do their due diligence wouldn’t have necessarily been alerted to his past if they checked the sex offender registry, since he was removed as part of his plea deal the first time around.
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it does not matter what the communication with the young lady was about, one on one communication is forbidden by safe sport. That it was determined to be grooming and the police are involved takes it to a whole different level and pending the outcome of the case, means good bye to another predator.
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One good thing about text messages is that it is easier to nail these dirtbags. It eliminates the tired old he said, she said aspect.
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In non-equestrian news, a Canadian kayaker has been permanently banned from participating in anything under the purview of CKC (Canoe Kayak Canada) after grooming teenage girls:
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I think Safesport in an awesome organization, but they are so limited by what they can do. I was actually sexually assaulted by a groom at an equestrian facility in a gated community. I wasnt raped. I was touched very inappropriately without my consent by another adult. The groom said stuff to me while he was doing it as well. I told his employer, my trainer, and another trainer. They both did nothing. My trainer’s excuse was “youre both adults, I cant help you.”
Unfortunately, the statute for inappropriate touching / battery is a year in most states. I only recently reported it to USEF. I didnt report the two trainers who had knowledge and did nothing. They told me they couldnt do anything because the groom didn’t have usef affiliation. I know for a fact that his employer, ex trainer, and the other trainer do. I really dont hold much of a grudge against the other trainer I told other than that she said this groom was a spectacular person and had never done anything like that before.
The groom had spent months asking me weird questions. “Wheres your mom, will she be at the barn later?” “ Do you have a boyfriend?” “Will your boyfriend be around.”
I mean inappropriate touching of an adult by an adult is more minor in comparison to rape and touching a child, but Im still haunted. I never even really got an apology from the trainer, my trainer-his employer for her failure to act. She is actually at a high end show barn now and I reached out to the owner about this trainer’s questionable hiring practices. I don’t think I was taken seriously. It kind of bothers me that shes doing so well and has never done anything to reach out and really apologize. If I employed someone who exhibited those types of behaviors, they would be fired and Id be on my way to report them.
I had some moderate ocd before the incident, which became severe and debilitating. I have anxiety, panic attacks, and ptsd. I constantly worry about people cornering me and touching me. I think what Safesport does and stands for is awesome and they do make a difference, but I wish more could be done.
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That’s not minor though, not at all. It’s grooming behavior and often a precursor to rape. It’s perfectly normal to be haunted by that.
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I know its not minor. I just mean a lot of people think its something that can be blown off, probably why that trainer responded like that. Its normal to be haunted from my experience, but what is not normal is the level of terror I feel. Im constantly worried Im going to be touched or have some one come up from behind me and touch me forcefully. Unfortunately, its been a determining factor for riding in a lot of places / joining a barn. If I see anyone that looks like him, I usually pass up the barn. Any creepy behavior etc, Im out.
I consistently worry about myself and other people being touched or hurt-part of the OCD and ptsd diagnosis.
Ive explained my situation to a few barns and I always get “you should tell someone” or “its not to late to tell Safesport.” I was to late in telling and Safesport couldnt do anything.
Nowadays I glue my phone to me. If anyone were to inappropriately touch me ever again, Id be calling the cops directly on the spot. I used to carry pepper spray, but Im not sure if its legal in the state I live in to carry it in on my car keys.
It just bothers me that the people who knew of the situation did nothing. I was pretty terrified and confused after the incident. I just wasnt sure what to do. I hope my ex trainer now thinks differently, but I doubt it. Sickens me that she never even seemed to care or at least feel bad.
Sorry for my rant.
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Regardless of SafeSport, I can’t imagine as an employer ignoring the concerns of a paying customer (or anyone!) if an incident such as you described happened in my business. I would be enraged.
I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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Thank you. Ive never understood her meaning of “youre both adults, I cant help you.” Was she implying I asked for it? I in no way asked to be touched or gave permission. “I cant help you”- could have at least fired the guy. She had other women and children as clients. She told me she later warned him to stay away from me after the incident- gee that was super helpful. I was unmarried at the time but was in a serious, long term relationship. I ended up marrying the guy I was dating, so it’s always been pretty serious and I no way gave the impression or invitation I wanted to be forcefully groped by a creep at the barn.
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Unfortunately the statute for groping / battery ( not rape) is 1- 2 years ( might actually be 1 yr) in CA. In most states its about the same. I know theyve thought about revising that, but probably won’t happen
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Jesus, totally unacceptable behavior by the groom. Unbelievable that the ‘trainers’ you told did not send him packing.
My heart goes out to you
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Hi - I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through and that you weren’t able to receive any resolution whatsoever. We are working on some new PSAs as well as a section on our site (hopefully in the next quarter or so) - that discusses how often victims cannot get help or resolution and how often they are let down by the systems that are meant to protect them. I’m hoping that starting those conversations will help others understand they are not alone. What happened to you is not minor and can be very debilitating. We just recently published this article on trauma response - you might find some of the information helpful. If there is any other ways we can support you, please reach out.
Carrie
ckehring@weridetogether.today
https://www.weridetogether.today/blog-posts/am-i-having-a-trauma-response
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I’d love to know who these useless trainers are.
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It’s not minor and it has affected you deeply.
That said, I’d encourage you to try to work through the trauma in counselling because it does seem to have an outsize impact on your enjoyment of life
I should add that in barns in my area (in Canada) virtually all the barn help is girls and women, and most instructors and riders too. When I was a teen/ young adult in Western world 40 plus years ago, there were a lot more men around, property owners especially, and some seriously creepy or dodgy ones. Part of the reason I drifted away from horses in college was that the low level horses I was involved with also included a lot of sketchy people.
So if you are in a world where most barns have men on barn work and grooming, and you are often alone while they work around you, and that’s creating anxiety, then you need to maybe come up with some personal strategies for dealing with that anxiety
In college I took a short women’s self defense course where we ended up breaking a board with our bare hands. But the most valuable advice was not about physical self defense but about claiming your space and getting out of potentially problematic or dangerous situations. We know when a man is starting to overstep boundaries but sometimes feel constrained to continue being nice or not make a scene. When often the best response is to walk away and put distance between us and then.
Predatory men have a sixth sense for the young women who are deer in the headlights, and will not be able to extricate themselves. Most of the women in these men’s social circles give them a wide berth, so they hone in on the women who are unable for whatever reason to keep up boundaries. Asking inappropriate questions is one way they test those boundaries.
So I’d suggest counseling for the anxiety and some practical work in self defense and setting boundaries to help keep you safe in future.
It’s possible to go down a rabbit hole of anxiety about past things, especially if you have OCD, but letting this man’s actions determine your choices years later is continuing to let him victimise you every day.
There is no contradiction in saying “this was traumatic, this was a big deal” and also “I am no longer controlled by this event” and also if possible “I am seeking restitution for this event.”
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Yikes. If I was boarding or taking lessons there, I would move. No thank you.
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That’s terrible.
Horses are seriously expensive these days. Quality training, lessons, tack, facilities? It’s all very expensive. If the owners/management of a facility are willing to hire people with a known criminal background like that, I really don’t want to do business with them.
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Yes, I have gathered this can be the case in the US but hesitated to characterize it this way since it’s not something I have first hand experience with. It certainly would change the dynamics of the barns. I was thinking through why the OP would be anxious and realized I would also be on guard if my barn was staffed by marginalized men. It sounds like a potentially very negative environment.
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Just curious why you lump in sex offenders/drugs
addicts, and immigrants together? While I agree sure, those are marginalized groups, some are not like the others.
Just a friendly reminder the US does not have an official language, and anyone is welcome to learn some Spanish. Not trying to get political, just pointing that out.
Carry on.
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