Practical Protection for Private Parts - or - "Get Thee to a Nunnery"

[Inverness]

Last night I made the mistake of taking a lesson with Kennett Square – wearing jeans.

Now, I don’t know about the rest of you, but if I were to make this a habit, I could end up divorced.

I’ve preliminarily concluded that in order to ride in jeans one must meet one or more of the following criteria:

1. celibacy;
2. enjoyment of masochistic sexual practices;
3. insensitivity (also known as “numb nuts” in gender-specific terms);
4. imperviousness to pain during urination, or, severe dehydration;
5. Employment which does not require one to sit or wear tight pantyhose.

Personally, I don’t qualify. Breeches may show every bulge but, in my view, my sacrificed vanity is a small price to pay for marital bliss.

Just my opinion . . .

[FirstCry]

Rory - Yep them GAP jeans are killers.

But I too, have never had much of a problem riding in jeans. When I was much younger I would get them nasty rub marks on the inside of my calf, but I believe I may have built up caluses (sp?) there now so I feel no pain.

And I am married, but on the other side of the coin, he can be a complete Jacka$$ most of the time sooooooo I wonder???

Member of the Baby Greenie Support Group of North America

[Paige]

I always ride in GAP jeans with half-chaps and I have never had a problem.

[artienallie]

Boots and breeches, chaps and jeans, I’ve never noticed a difference, except I can’t bend quite right in chaps and jeans - no mounting from the ground in that attire!

The jeans are Levi’s from the outlet. My cheap a$$ can’t afford Old Navy. I’ve also ridden in a hand-me-down pair of Express Blues (fancy-schmancy!) and other than having to fold the denim around my ankles a la Merry, there was no difference.

Oh, and I’m not single, either, and my fiance has never had any issues…

[AMom]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Lord Helpus wrote: If I had a husband who compared me to other riders in such an intimate way there is no way in he!! I would let him out of the room without a FULL explanation. I trust one will be forthcoming and it will be shared with the BB.
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> DMK wrote: CWP… So, sensitivity is… good, right?
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This is the blushing icon, right? I don’t know that I can give the FULL explanation, but DMK is right and apparently some of us “crazy horse ladies” as my husband puts it, just aren’t as… because… and riding a lot without stirrups makes it worse… I think I’d better stop…

[Beezer]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by DMK:
Oh, I dunno, Beezer… unless I am missing something, methinks Mr. CWP doesn’t have any complaints either!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OK, I admit to confusion here. Are we saying that ladies who ride are or are NOT more, ahem, well … you know. Because if it’s “are,” then that’s a good thing, and Beezer simply misunderstood. Which means everyone’s happy.

Bulletin Board Goddess

[Inverness]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I had “The Inverness Problem”, even in britches and half chaps . . ." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Can I persuade ya’ll ladies to refrain from referring to this delicate condition as, “The Inverness Problem?” The term “Dressage Crotch” is much more appropriate don’t you think?

I’m not terribly anxious to be forever remembered on this BB for injuries to the “community property.”

BTW, Kennett Square may be facing charges for contributing to this “problem.” Although at the tender age of twelve, I doubt that last night’s unfortunate student will be suing for loss of consortium, but she clearly can make a case for intentional infliction of genital distress. Hmm, maybe even assault and battery with a mareish weapon . . .

[Beezer]

I just loved the use of “rampant”!! It so … somehow … fits right in … so to speak.

As for Mr. Beezer … well, I have to mull how to say this in polite company.

Hm … “the Inverness problem.” Has a nice ring to it, methinks.

Bulletin Board Goddess

[mwalshe]

I went on a trail ride one time on a TW in an Australian stock saddle. Was promised it would be the “Most comfotable Ride You’ve Ever Been On”.

HA! All I can say is that saddle impacted a part of my posterior that was not familiar with saddle leather. OUCH OUCH OUCH

VERY amusing to the rest of the barn for SEVERAL days afterwards. I will stick to my nice English saddle thankyouverymuch.

gotta vote aginst waffle-weave breeches/ pigskin saddles and long trailrides too. ICK, ACK, two-point is your friend…

[Spider]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Nope. I’d say the thread consensus went in a whole 'nuther direction…
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh…lol, than it’s just me who has issues.

“Polo isn’t a sport. It’s golf on horseback, without the holes. It’s a great concept, but it’s not a sport. And as far as water polo is concerned, I hesitate to mention it, because it’s extremely cruel to the horses.” - George Carlin

[mizzwade]

what did Ms. Square make you do in your Jeans?? I’d consider suing her and/or the jean manufacturer for loss of “function.”

I’ve been riding for jeans for most of my life and haven’t had a problem… Yes, I’m married and, well, never mind… Yes I wear panty hose to work.

mizzwade

[Merry]

Well, I just got back from three days of The Horse Show From Hell, and I believe I was saved from “Invernessitis” in part because I wore the lovely padded underwear on Day #3, which included two hacks and eq on the flat. Only problem is, during the sitting trot of the eq class, I was acutely aware of the foam-padded crotch snaking its way like an eel up my nether region until, by the time the class was finished, my a** was as red as an orangutan. I was considering purposely dehydrating myself just so I wouldn’t have to pee, and thereby scald myself.

… And yes, I realize this is far, far more about me than what you ever wanted to know…

“I generally avoid temptation… Unless I can’t resist it.” - Mae West

[VTrider]

I am not single LOL! My SO wears tighter jeans than I do LOLOL!

[VTrider]

<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Smart Alec

fortunately my cheap a$$ can ride in Old Navy $20 jeans… <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aren’t Old Navy jeans the best!!!

[Horsepower]

After years of being rubbed raw (to the point of bleeding at times) I finally was given the solution by a friend who is a long distance bicycle rider. I went to a local bike store and bought the special wicking and padded underwear and in addition bought the thickly padded spandex bicycle shorts. I wear both under any jeans or breeches. (It’s worth wearing the bulky outfit for me and frankly the shorts act like a girdle!) It is the only combination that keeps me from suffering. My problem was so bad I couldn’t even walk afterwards let alone have a “happy time” with my hubby!

[DMK]

CWP… So, sensitivity is… good, right?

[Kirsten]

I had a definite walk-altering experience when I rode in a new pair of Gap jeans instead of the cheesy stretchy Millers jeans I normally wear under my chaps. That seam!! That awful, evil seam! And I’m not talking about the leg seam, either. Ughh! And I was so psyched to pick them up for cheap at the outlet in Lake Placid… rats.

All I can say is Levis were always much kinder to me. Go 501 or go home, ladies!

[HeyYouNags]

No, I think the sensitive ones are those of us who can’t ride in jeans Which means all of us DQs

I had “The Inverness Problem”, even in britches and half chaps, with my previous horse, a tense OTTB. Also, my old dressage saddle had a cut-back pommel. Tense horse + cutback saddle + lots of trot work = peeling away the undies + screaming in pain on the potty.

As we can see from the above equation, the solution would be to subtract jeans and add relaxed horse. Also, multiply the cube of the saddle by the square root of the OTTB.

May I also suggest a research project? Everyone who knows a male who has “enjoyed the company of” more than one female rider should be polled (not POLED!), so we can gather enough data to determine our relative sensitivity… I have a test subject in mind, but I don’t know if I want to hear the answer…

HYN, a member of the “old, bitter, shriveled, and single” clique. Gonna slap a couple of you young 'uns.

[Kennett_Square]

Ms.Inverness,

You never know when to leave well enough alone…LOL. The child was merely riding bareback. She was learning (as we all do when we first start riding bareback) how to properly positon her body in the most comfortable way on her big fat sofa. No true the downward transitions were not easy but once she got the hang of bracing with your hand she was fine… So let’s see, at the end of your next lesson we can practice this too!!

[DMK]

Yes, Beezer… “rampant” is one of those words that so perfectly describes BB culture, isn’t it?

I’m with the rest of y’all on The Inverness Problem. Makes me think of a Robert Ludlum novel.

Artienallie… I just will refrain from commenting on your use of the word “gentle”…