VHM, it sounds like you are doing all the right things! Your family is lucky to have you, thinking of their needs, taking care of the tough decisions and all that other stuff.
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I lost my old man to hemangiosarcoma last year. I was the crazy person that did a surgery on a 12 year old dog that was so close to deaths door because the mass had ruptured. I noticed he was very off that morning and so we went to the emergency vet. I chose to do the surgery as other than that he was in good health and he was also my best friend that if any dog was going to beat the odds he would do it for me. Not only did he pull through but he lived another 8 months a pretty long time for having a mass burst and sending those terrible cells everywhere in the body. But there were challenges in that time. There is a great group on Facebook for management of the issues that come with hemangiosarcoma. Your old lady sounds like she is to the point that my old girl had gotten too before she passed. In that condition surgery would not have been on the table for her either. Now with the possibility of a bleeding mass that could explain why she isn’t as interested in getting up unless she has to go out. I kick my self every day that I didn’t see a couple signs that my boy was having small bleeds before the undiscovered tumor ruptured. If she poops and it’s unusually dark she is passing blood. If her gums are white and cold she is having a bleed. My boy had both those symptoms but the poop was explained away because he stole a container of fish food wafers and the cold gums went away quickly so I just brushed it off as he got cold outside as it was December. I can’t help with explaining to the kids and helping them but until tomorrow if you notice some of the symptoms of a bleed be ready to make a call whether you take her to a vet immediately or let her fade away from the bleed. I know people from the Facebook group that have done both. I am just grateful I am not in that position of having kids dealing with the loss of a pet as I am still not over losing my boy and couldn’t help manage anyone else’s feelings as well.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing this specific experience and some of the details.
Bluntly… it REALLY helps for me to know of a situation where an owner was present with their dog in the room during an ultrasound exam. I don’t know why I am worried that the vet practice are going to try and pressure us to do it without owners present… but I am worried. That horrible little voice in the back of my head is telling me that there might be a weird bit of pressure and conflict about this issue at the vet’s office tomorrow morning. And it makes it easier for me to prepare to push back on that issue and hold a line, just knowing that it isn’t always managed that way.
I’ve gone through ANOTHER evening of talking to my husband… and he’s a mess and still struggling. I broached the topic of Friday’s ultrasound with him last night, and my worries about how the vet will want to do it, and told him that I am not entirely confident that the vet is being straightforward with us (he agrees) or 100% on the same page, when it comes to our explicit request that we not doing anything that poses any extra stress or discomfort for the dog. The vet has said the right things… eventually… but it’s been a strange discussion flow and an uncomfortable process. So the agreement the husband and I reached was that IF the vet wants to do the ultrasound without us present on Friday (meaning they want to take the dog to the back to do it without us)… we will decline to do it and proceed straight to euthanasia. He’s now at peace with that. So either the vet does it in the room with us and the dog… or no ultrasound is happening.
Again… thanks to everyone on this thread who has provided thoughts and been a sounding board. This has been a tough week for me, and it just helps to hear other perspectives from people who are not directly emotionally connected to my situation.
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I know every vet practice is different but when my dog had an ultrasound (looking for cancer like growths) we were both (Mr. Trub and I) in the room during the ultrasound.
Our dog did not require sedation for the ultrasound. He was more than willing to be flopped into the holder thing and lay there getting his head petted during the whole procedure.
I think you have a fair plan on how you are dealing with the vet on this. Jingling that everything goes as smoothly as possible tomorrow.
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Thank you so much for your kind words, and sharing that Trubs. It’s hugely helpful.
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@Virginia_Horse_Mom - I don’t really have any practical advice about the vet situation for you, mostly because my relationship with our vets is very different. I’m pretty sure one of my dogs would move in to the vets’ office if they’d let him.
I just want to say, I do know how hard all of this is. And, no matter which way you go, you’re going to second-guess yourself for a while. It seems that once we make a decision, it’s easy to convince ourselves we made the wrong decision, even though it wasn’t. So, try not to fall into that, and keep doing what you are doing, and hang in there. I’m truly sorry your family is dealing with this.
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I hope things go well today. Our son is 14 and he’s always been able to choose whether or not he wanted to be present for an animal being PTS. In fact, I pulled him out of school the day we took our old GSD in for emergency surgery. I knew he would be too stressed at school not knowing.
I’m going to be very direct. I hope that’s okay. I don’t mean any disrespect if you choose a different path, but I’ve been at both ends of this and have a pretty strong opinion.
Get more info from your vet this time. Then, schedule the day for her to be PTS when the kids don’t have any tests and let them go through the process with you. Do it as a family. It’ll be easier on them in the long run. They can step outside the exam room if they need to, but saying goodbye is so important and your dog will be happier with them there as long as they can be. It’s a good send off for an old friend.
Whatever you do, hugs all around. Old dogs are noble creatures with a lifetime of service. Thank goodness your sweet girl got the chance to grow up and grow old in a loving family.
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One last thing. If you know it’s time, don’t bother with the ultrasound. Let her tell you. I think she already has. Trust yourself. Ask hubby if he’s trying to buy extra time for the kids, or if he really thinks she has a chance. Maybe reschedule early next week and have a good family weekend with her. The kids might appreciate being able to give her extra attention.
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My aunt had this done for her last dog and cat and both she and my mom ( who lives with her) were very blessed by it and it made a very hard thing a lot easier on them.
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I chose home euthanasia for one dog, mostly for the other dog left behind. I had lost a dog suddenly only a week before, this dog had been sick, but was quickly (and irretrievably) crashing, and I didn’t want the third dog left to just wonder where everybody disappeared to (the sick dog had been at the vet the last two days). So the vet and a tech brought her to my house, she got to be in familiar surroundings, he was actually present, could see she was in distress, and he got to say goodbye. It was really kind of sweet. He checked on her, actually left the room while the injection was given, then came back, gave her a sniff and a little lick, and that was that. I didn’t have her cremated (it was offered), but buried her at home because there happened to have been a backhoe at my farm for some work, and I asked if he could bury my dog before he took the backhoe away.
I admit, I was pretty freaked out about unexpectedly losing two dogs out of three in 8 days, so I’m sure it was projecting my feelings onto the third dog, but it made me feel better that at least he could see what was going on.
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I am so sorry about your dog and this difficult time for your family. Take care.
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You are all in my thoughts today…
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Update.
We let her go this morning. The kids chose to say goodbye at home. When we got to the vets office, I asked to review the x-rays in detail with the vet and my husband… and the vet then was finally clear that it was metastatic cancer in the dogs lungs (it was undeniable when looking at the films… but the vet didn’t review the actual films with us on Tuesday… and didn’t give a definitive diagnosis then…). So, after looking at the films, we opted to skip the ultrasound. Thank God.
She was definitely ready to go. My husband did ok today, but it was hard. The kids are doing ok and here at home today, and we have had some deep and important conversations, and will have some more today.
I’m glad she’s free from pain. She deserved that.
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Hugs to you and your family. Even when you know it’s the right thing, it still sucks.
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I am so sorry that you had to do this.
I am glad that you asked the vet for the details of what was going on so you could more easily make the very difficult decision.
Thinking of you and your family.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. (((Hugs)))
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I’m so sorry your time with your old girl has come to an end. I truly admire your commitment to doing the right thing for her and for shouldering the bulk of the emotional work it took this week to help your family prepare and get through it. Your dog AND your kids and husband are so lucky to have you.
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“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying Good-Bye so hard.” Winnie The Pooh ~
RIP ~ Sweet girl ~ knowing you will always be loved and remembered ~
((Hugs)) laced with strength and peace for everyone who loved this wonderful four legged friend ~
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Love and hugs to you and your family.
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Hugs and jingles to you and your family.
The hardest thing we can do is take away their pain, and make it our own.
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