Pro Rider Coming Back from Health Leave to Ride Upper Level Again

[jumperfreak]

@Bristol Bay

Wow, you have been through so much at such a young age. Honestly, I think you’re really jumping the gun as far as riding your horse is concerned. Back surgery is really complex and risky, even in the best of circumstances. Your focus should be on being ready for surgery and healing afterwards.

Are you still on pain meds?

Other than that, I agree 100% with @Scribbler that your head injuries and potential for further brain damage should be paramount in any decision you make. Remember, there are many ways to be involved in the horse world besides riding.

P.S.—Your talented horse doesn’t care one bit if he’s in a pasture or in the Olympics, although he undoubtedly prefers the pasture life.

I’m on pain meds from just going through surgery a week ago, but I’m foaming at the mouth to be able to either lower the dose significantly or come completely off of them.

And my horse is quite depressed, I don’t think he specifically prefers upper level or anything to everyday riding, he just prefers to have a job of any sort and I don’t particularly care if I ever get to the Olympics or WEG as long as I’m going what I love, on the horse I love. I do definitely want to start my own training operation though, I would like to import very green WBs from France, Germany, etc., get them started with a good foundation, over small courses, with a lead change, and maybe some experience in the greens or in low low puddle jumpers, and then sell them for a buck.

[jumperfreak]

@Denali6298

https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/forum/discussion-forums/hunter-jumper/9740176-rushing-to-the-fences

[jumperfreak]

@Chall

Based on the past thread(s) OP has stated a lot of things that are backed up. The olympics/junior pro maybe not so much - but I can believe she may have been told those things as encouragement. The rest checks out according to the thread links (stallion bred by parents, invited to stay ( and did) at a farm where she worked off board and top clinicians came, was very sick).

Bottom line: Good for you OP for overcoming a lot of hurdles, no matter their nature. Keep on healing and getting stronger.

Thank you, I promise nothing was exaggerated or fabricated (though I understand why some may be sceptical as it sort of seems like I’m trying to brag about it), I just wanted to include the backstory to show WHY I’ve been injured so extensively. It’s because I was riding at a level way past what I was ready for and I was not supervised by someone who actually knew what they were doing, so I was practically doing all this training by myself, and I got badly hurt from not having the maturity or experience myself to understand how dangerous these acts were. If I could go back, I would take my sweet time, not ride a horse that was way too much for me at my age and experience level, and I’d find a coach to supervise most of my training.

​​​​​​Also, I probably would not have been scouted for the US Team if I hadn’t been in Pony Club. There was a scout at a rally, I was offered the opportunity to try to qualify, I turned it down, and that was the end of it. If I hadn’t been in Pony Club, I don’t think i would’ve had the opportunity to even ride in front of a scout at all.

[jumperfreak]

Back to the general point of my post, is there anyone who was competing professionally/intensely and got hurt and then tried or succeeded at competing after their injury? I need some support and feel good stories so I can feel that it’s possible. I want so badly to ride competitively again because it really is what I want to do with life, I was badly depressed after I got hurt because I felt like my life would never mean anything again. I’m not sure if this is allowed to be discussed here, but I was extremely suicidal (I had to be hospitalised several times, not going to go into further detail other than that) due to the fact that everything else I tried to do with my life felt wrong. I wasn’t able to get an education because i’m not able to process information or memorise the way I used to. I felt worthless and I thought I’d never ride again, and now I feel like I’ve been given the opportunity to get my life back. Is there anyone here who thought they’d never ride again and proved theirselves wrong? I just want to know it’s possible.

[Chall]

There are people on Coth absolutely who have been told they would never ride again who went on to ride again.
However I’ve only read it individual posts on threads about something else.
There are also people who switched from riding to driving or from horses to minis when they could no longer ride.

[Bluey]

First, get your story right.

Anyone that has “it was a stallion and very difficult and I was the only one that could handle/ride it” we know someone is being a little free with their facts, or is a terrible trainer wannabee.

Why?

Any decent trainer knows better than keeping such an unproven, difficult horse a stallion, much less try to use it for breeding.

Who needs more difficult to handle horses with questionable dispositions?

Who needs trainers that can’t train a horse to be a sensible horse that anyone can ride?

Trainers train so horses get a chance at being good horse citizens that can be ridden by those they train for.
Training horses is not to feed our egos, to feel that we are the only ones that can ride the horses we train.

The first lesson horses teach anyone that has the right instincts to work with horses and become a professional is being humble.
Trainers have an intense respect for the horse as the horse it is and help it become a good horse for it’s intended purpose, not to fill personal fantasy tales.

I think that would fall more in the category of becoming a writer, to put your own spin on stories, present them in your own unique way, make them jump out of the page for the readers.

It is not easy to become an adult and keep working with and on ourselves with what we have.
No matter what happens in life to every one of us, all of us have a story.
It takes all our life to work at it.
Yours is just beginning, you can make it what you want.

You gave it a try with that story in your first post.
Now after some feedback, give it a try again.
It is going to take many more tries.
You will keep reinventing yourself.
To keep trying is part of what makes life fun.
Keep trying and enjoy the fun you will have, along with some unwanted advice all along also, that you can discard if it doesn’t fit.

[Denali6298]

@jumperfreak

Back to the general point of my post, is there anyone who was competing professionally/intensely and got hurt and then tried or succeeded at competing after their injury? I need some support and feel good stories so I can feel that it’s possible. I want so badly to ride competitively again because it really is what I want to do with life, I was badly depressed after I got hurt because I felt like my life would never mean anything again. I’m not sure if this is allowed to be discussed here, but I was extremely suicidal (I had to be hospitalised several times, not going to go into further detail other than that) due to the fact that everything else I tried to do with my life felt wrong. I wasn’t able to get an education because i’m not able to process information or memorise the way I used to. I felt worthless and I thought I’d never ride again, and now I feel like I’ve been given the opportunity to get my life back. Is there anyone here who thought they’d never ride again and proved theirselves wrong? I just want to know it’s possible.

There are many threads on here about people who can no longer ride. My worst injury to date, I was never told I would never be able to ride again, but I did almost lose my job. For me that would have been worse. I am not the rider I was before the accident and that’s been a bit rough. If I were in your shoes I would find a way to be a pro in the industry that doesn’t involve throwing a leg over.

I hope you are working with a therapist to help you sort through everything and it’s never too late to get a GED.

[jumperfreak]

@Bluey

First, get your story right.

Anyone that has “it was a stallion and very difficult and I was the only one that could handle/ride it” we know someone is being a little free with their facts, or is a terrible trainer wannabee.

Why?

Any decent trainer knows better than keeping such an unproven, difficult horse a stallion, much less try to use it for breeding.

Who needs more difficult to handle horses with questionable dispositions?

Who needs trainers that can’t train a horse to be a sensible horse that anyone can ride?

Trainers train so horses get a chance at being good horse citizens that can be ridden by those they train for.
Training horses is not to feed our egos, to feel that we are the only ones that can ride the horses we train.

The first lesson horses teach anyone that has the right instincts to work with horses and become a professional is being humble.
Trainers have an intense respect for the horse as the horse it is and help it become a good horse for it’s intended purpose, not to fill personal fantasy tales.

I think that would fall more in the category of becoming a writer, to put your own spin on stories, present them in your own unique way, make them jump out of the page for the readers.

It is not easy to become an adult and keep working with and on ourselves with what we have.
No matter what happens in life to every one of us, all of us have a story.
It takes all our life to work at it.
Yours is just beginning, you can make it what you want.

You gave it a try with that story in your first post.
Now after some feedback, give it a try again.
It is going to take many more tries.
You will keep reinventing yourself.
To keep trying is part of what makes life fun.
Keep trying and enjoy the fun you will have, along with some unwanted advice all along also, that you can discard if it doesn’t fit.

I’m not entirely sure what you’re attempting to pick apart about my story, as you’re making little sense as to what point you’re trying to make. If you’re going to sit here and hone in on my story in an attempt to rip it apart for your own personal pleasure, this is not the thread for you. I’m here to get support for very serious health issues that almost ended my life, and I want to go back to doing what I love so I’m trying to find other people in the same position I’m in. The ONLY reason I included some of my riding experience was because it gave backstory to the injuries and the disease that I have, and shows why I have such extensive injuries. I’m not trying to impress anyone here, which is apparently whay you seem to be trying to prove. I don’t think anyone in their right might would be impressed by someone who rode way out of their comfort zone and experience level and then got badly hurt doing things they had no business doing.

It really shows the type of person you are, though, to read through a thread about how severely clinically depressed someone was, and how they were hurt so badly that it damaged parts of their brain, but you completely disregarded that and went right to shredding apart the most irrelevant part of the post. Nice.

[jumperfreak]

@Denali6298

There are many threads on here about people who can no longer ride. My worst injury to date, I was never told I would never be able to ride again, but I did almost lose my job. For me that would have been worse. I am not the rider I was before the accident and that’s been a bit rough. If I were in your shoes I would find a way to be a pro in the industry that doesn’t involve throwing a leg over.

I hope you are working with a therapist to help you sort through everything and it’s never too late to get a GED.

I absolutely have been working with a therapist. I’m also trying to find some way or someone who does mental therapy for people with brain damage, so I can re-learn the things that I lost when from the head injuries and the disease. Things like writing in an organised fashion, budgeting, speaking without a stutter, etc etc.

I’ve also tried numerous times to go back to school. I even had an IEP so that I could have a modified learning plan, but to no avail. It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s just that I don’t have the tools to do it and I’m not sure how to acquire those tools.

[Denali6298]

@jumperfreak

I absolutely have been working with a therapist. I’m also trying to find some way or someone who does mental therapy for people with brain damage, so I can re-learn the things that I lost when from the head injuries and the disease. Things like writing in an organised fashion, budgeting, speaking without a stutter, etc etc.

I’ve also tried numerous times to go back to school. I even had an IEP so that I could have a modified learning plan, but to no avail. It’s not that I can’t do it, it’s just that I don’t have the tools to do it and I’m not sure how to acquire those tools.

Maybe work one thing at a time. Good you have a therapist. Biggest thing I learned is to cut yourself some slack.

[ladyj79]

Dude, we already know who you are, about your cute home bred horse, and your time at @Hilltopfarmva , there is zero point in coming back here to tell more weird lies. There is 100% a point in coming back here to chat with fellow horse lovers, and even to talk about how much it sucks to not be where you wish you were with horses for a million different reasons. Seriously, you don’t have to spin these fanciful tales to be here.

As was mentioned above, I too hope you are meeting with good mental health pros as well as physical therapists.

[jumperfreak]

@ladyj79

Dude, we already know who you are, about your cute home bred horse, and your time at @Hilltopfarmva , there is zero point in coming back here to tell more weird lies. There is 100% a point in coming back here to chat with fellow horse lovers, and even to talk about how much it sucks to not be where you wish you were with horses for a million different reasons. Seriously, you don’t have to spin these fanciful tales to be here.

As was mentioned above, I too hope you are meeting with good mental health pros as well as physical therapists.

As I’ve said before, if you want to be nasty, you can leave. This isn’t about you and your opinions on someone you don’t even know, which is exactly what is going on here. You have no idea what you’re talking about with Hilltop Farm, that’s a can of worms that you have no business opening considering you weren’t there and you didn’t see how absolutely abusive and ridiculously undereducsted that woman was that I rode for. She had me getting on horses that had no business being jumped considering they hadn’t had their feet trimmed in over 6 months, she’d beat horses over the head with the handle side of a crop, she’d haul their heads around to her knee if they so much as took a wrong step, and she had her adult, 30 to 40 y o friends harass and bully me to the point of having to delete my social media when I was SIXTEEN. But go ahead, talk about something that has zero relevance to this post, gives me severe anxiety every time I think about it to the point I had to get counseling after I left there, and be nasty on a post that’s supposed to be about finding support for an illness that’s eventually going to put me in a wheelchair. You go right ahead, because you’re the one who’s going to have to deal with that on your conscience. It is not your job to be the post psychic and attack someone you do not know, though it truly shows how you are lonely and need love in your life, but you can’t find it so you have to take it out on someone who’s probably half your age and is dealing with so much more than you can possibly understand right now. You go RIGHT AHEAD.

[Bluey]

@jumperfreak

I’m not entirely sure what you’re attempting to pick apart about my story, as you’re making little sense as to what point you’re trying to make. If you’re going to sit here and hone in on my story in an attempt to rip it apart for your own personal pleasure, this is not the thread for you. I’m here to get support for very serious health issues that almost ended my life, and I want to go back to doing what I love so I’m trying to find other people in the same position I’m in. The ONLY reason I included some of my riding experience was because it gave backstory to the injuries and the disease that I have, and shows why I have such extensive injuries. I’m not trying to impress anyone here, which is apparently whay you seem to be trying to prove. I don’t think anyone in their right might would be impressed by someone who rode way out of their comfort zone and experience level and then got badly hurt doing things they had no business doing.

It really shows the type of person you are, though, to read through a thread about how severely clinically depressed someone was, and how they were hurt so badly that it damaged parts of their brain, but you completely disregarded that and went right to shredding apart the most irrelevant part of the post. Nice.

No need to get defensive because not everyone goes where you think you want to go with your stories.

On internet forums, you can learn from everyone and/or disregard what you don’t like.

Good to know you are working with professionals that can help you in real life.
Wishing you the best.

[Denali6298]

@jumperfreak

As I’ve said before, if you want to be nasty, you can leave. This isn’t about you and your opinions on someone you don’t even know, which is exactly what is going on here. You have no idea what you’re talking about with Hilltop Farm, that’s a can of worms that you have no business opening considering you weren’t there and you didn’t see how absolutely abusive and ridiculously undereducsted that woman was that I rode for. She had me getting on horses that had no business being jumped considering they hadn’t had their feet trimmed in over 6 months, she’d beat horses over the head with the handle side of a crop, she’d haul their heads around to her knee if they so much as took a wrong step, and she had her adult, 30 to 40 y o friends harass and bully me to the point of having to delete my social media when I was SIXTEEN. But go ahead, talk about something that has zero relevance to this post, gives me severe anxiety every time I think about it to the point I had to get counseling after I left there, and be nasty on a post that’s supposed to be about finding support for an illness that’s eventually going to put me in a wheelchair. You go right ahead, because you’re the one who’s going to have to deal with that on your conscience. It is not your job to be the post psychic and attack someone you do not know, though it truly shows how you are lonely and need love in your life, but you can’t find it so you have to take it out on someone who’s probably half your age and is dealing with so much more than you can possibly understand right now. You go RIGHT AHEAD.

Simmer down OP. The question in the previous thread and in this one are good questions. And yes your stories do contradict themselves and make zero sense. No one cares if your a once a week rider or the second coming of Beezie Madden. Never mind your age doesn’t line up from last years post about the Mclays and this one saying your 20.

That being said, is this all a symptom of the brain injury?

For the record @Bluey is a kind poster who has a wealth of knowledge. The kind of person she is, is not what you are claiming in order to keep the story. That’s just rude.

[Tyrus_Mom]

You know, OP, Bluey has a gazillion training stories he/she (sorry I don’t know) shared in this forum. Bluey is a very knowledgeable rider/trainer in my humble opinion, so I think the advice given by Bluey should be heeded. It wasn’t said in a negative way, but a constructive way. Try not to be defensive about it. Everything in life is easier said than done… as you have already learned the hard way on. Good luck and I hope you heal quickly.

[jumperfreak]

Apparently none of you are getting the point, and you’re all rushing to kiss each other and pat each other on the back and back each other up on everything you say. I don’t think you understand how awful the things you people say make other people feel. I’ve posted a few times on this account and a few on another account I no longer have, and every time, it turns into an absolute attackfest where everyone looks at an OPs post through a microscope and then you make OP want to rip their own eyeballs out. You people are nowhere near the supportive equine enthusiasts that are supposed to be on the forums. This is supposed to be a place to support and advise each other, and it’s been completely overrun by snarky, narcissistic, nasty people who seem to enjoy attacking new posters. Please look at yourselves and analyse what you’re saying and what impact it has before you click the post button. I don’t even know why I continue to post on this forum when every time I do, I get anxiety each time I check my post for comments, and then I just stop going onto the site altogether. You people have actually gotten so nasty sometimes that it’s made me, a grown woman, cry. Don’t insult me by telling me to calm down and don’t insult me by attempting to dig up my past that you know nothing about.

if you can’t contribute to this post in a productive, tactful manner with something that actually applies to the point of the original post - people who have come back from an injury to ride upper level again, then I’m going to be forced to delete both posts I have on the forum. that’s not to be meant as some sort of threat, I literally will have to delete them because I cannot mentally handle being ripped apart for no reason by people I’ve never even met. think about things before you say them, or don’t say them at all.

[jumperfreak]

@Tyrus' Mom

You know, OP, Bluey has a gazillion training stories he/she (sorry I don’t know) shared in this forum. Bluey is a very knowledgeable rider/trainer in my humble opinion, so I think the advice given by Bluey should be heeded. It wasn’t said in a negative way, but a constructive way. Try not to be defensive about it. Everything in life is easier said than done… as you have already learned the hard way on. Good luck and I hope you heal quickly.

I’m not saying they’re not experienced. I’m saying that they’re trying to rip apart a story about someone they’ve never met. None of you are grasping the severity of the situation here - these people are taking a story about how I got badly injured and went through a lot of dark times, thought I would never ride again, and now I’m getting a second chance, and they’re sitting at their keyboards and phones and taking time to sit there and find inconsistencies in a story, again, about someone they’ve never met, and they’re making this entire thread about a story I ONLY INCLUDED TO SHOW WHY I WAS SO BADLY INJURED. Why in the world would I make up a story to “impress people” when it’s literally a story about how I was overhorsed and underexperienced for the level I was trying to ride??? What is impressive or over-exaggerated about that?? I am GENUINELY flabbergasted that I came here for support for serious mental and physical health issues and there are people that actually think it’s a good idea to borderline bully someone who’s been open about their severe depression and chronic pain, and embarrassing things like having a stutter and not even being able to finish high school. I am just so floored that this is supposed to be a supportive community - it is far from it.

[Bluey]

@Tyrus' Mom

You know, OP, Bluey has a gazillion training stories he/she (sorry I don’t know) shared in this forum. Bluey is a very knowledgeable rider/trainer in my humble opinion, so I think the advice given by Bluey should be heeded. It wasn’t said in a negative way, but a constructive way. Try not to be defensive about it. Everything in life is easier said than done… as you have already learned the hard way on. Good luck and I hope you heal quickly.

That was so kind of you and others.
Getting too old to claim any kind of training now other than old stories, sorry.

I evidently didn’t express myself properly.
Still working on getting what I say right.
Sorry it didn’t come across as intended.

OP, you see, all of us never quit making mistakes and hopefully once again learning from them.

[jumperfreak]

I just want to take this time to thank everyone who’s actually been genuine and warm to me, and given real suggestions and shared their own stories. Thank you for being the support I was looking for. I’m not able to go to anyone in my real, day-to-day life, because most of my friends don’t even know about my disease and my injuries, and they don’t know the extent of the depression and anxiety I’ve had to go through in the past few years. I am wholeheartedly grateful that there are some very nice people here that can help cheer me up and give me hope.

[Denali6298]

@jumperfreak

Apparently none of you are getting the point, and you’re all rushing to kiss each other and pat each other on the back and back each other up on everything you say. I don’t think you understand how awful the things you people say make other people feel. I’ve posted a few times on this account and a few on another account I no longer have, and every time, it turns into an absolute attackfest where everyone looks at an OPs post through a microscope and then you make OP want to rip their own eyeballs out. You people are nowhere near the supportive equine enthusiasts that are supposed to be on the forums. This is supposed to be a place to support and advise each other, and it’s been completely overrun by snarky, narcissistic, nasty people who seem to enjoy attacking new posters. Please look at yourselves and analyse what you’re saying and what impact it has before you click the post button. I don’t even know why I continue to post on this forum when every time I do, I get anxiety each time I check my post for comments, and then I just stop going onto the site altogether. You people have actually gotten so nasty sometimes that it’s made me, a grown woman, cry. Don’t insult me by telling me to calm down and don’t insult me by attempting to dig up my past that you know nothing about.

if you can’t contribute to this post in a productive, tactful manner with something that actually applies to the point of the original post - people who have come back from an injury to ride upper level again, then I’m going to be forced to delete both posts I have on the forum. that’s not to be meant as some sort of threat, I literally will have to delete them because I cannot mentally handle being ripped apart for no reason by people I’ve never even met. think about things before you say them, or don’t say them at all.

And despite all people are giving you advice or sharing their experiences.

P.S. Both Bluey and I have been shredded on this forum. People still like to help.