Pushing through slumps and setbacks in riding lessons

[danhelm441]

Ok so, October will be my 5-year riding anniversary. And I hate to cop to this, but I am one of those adults who got flaky about taking lessons once I got my own horse. I had a tough love moment with myself last year where I realized I needed to suck it up and commit to a lesson program if I ever wanted to progress as a rider. But time and time again, I seem to repeat the same pattern. I start taking lessons, I remind myself that not every lesson is going to end with an “aha” moment, I make it a few months in, I start thinking about all the money I’ve spent, I finally have one really BAD lesson, or the schedule changes, or the instructor leaves, etc (sometimes a combination of things like that), and then I use that as an excuse to stop scheduling them.

Before I had my own horse, obviously I had to take lessons just to ride at all. But without that extra incentive, it’s hard to force myself to pay for something and show up week after week without enjoying it. Sometimes I think “maybe if I had a different coach” or “maybe if the lessons had a different format” but I’ve had different coaches and different formats, and I still tend to feel mostly negatively about lessons. Is this normal?

A riding instructor friend (who doesn’t live near me anymore, otherwise I would ride with her) told me that every lesson group has a crier. I haven’t actually cried DURING a lesson, but I’ve cried many times in my car on the way home. How do people like us push through? The criers and whiners and self doubters? I love to ride, and I love my horse, and I pretty much ride 5 days a week. But something about riding lessons puts me in a negative headspace that I struggle to, first of all, force myself to stick with, and second of all, to push through and eventually overcome.

[Scribbler]

@danhelm441

Ok so, October will be my 5-year riding anniversary. And I hate to cop to this, but I am one of those adults who got flaky about taking lessons once I got my own horse. I had a tough love moment with myself last year where I realized I needed to suck it up and commit to a lesson program if I ever wanted to progress as a rider. But time and time again, I seem to repeat the same pattern. I start taking lessons, I remind myself that not every lesson is going to end with an “aha” moment, I make it a few months in, I start thinking about all the money I’ve spent, I finally have one really BAD lesson, or the schedule changes, or the instructor leaves, etc (sometimes a combination of things like that), and then I use that as an excuse to stop scheduling them.

Before I had my own horse, obviously I had to take lessons just to ride at all. But without that extra incentive, it’s hard to force myself to pay for something and show up week after week without enjoying it. Sometimes I think “maybe if I had a different coach” or “maybe if the lessons had a different format” but I’ve had different coaches and different formats, and I still tend to feel mostly negatively about lessons. Is this normal?

A riding instructor friend (who doesn’t live near me anymore, otherwise I would ride with her) told me that every lesson group has a crier. I haven’t actually cried DURING a lesson, but I’ve cried many times in my car on the way home. How do people like us push through? The criers and whiners and self doubters? I love to ride, and I love my horse, and I pretty much ride 5 days a week. But something about riding lessons puts me in a negative headspace that I struggle to, first of all, force myself to stick with, and second of all, to push through and eventually overcome.

1. If you don’t make progress on your own that’s part of the problem. You should make progress on your own. You should take responsibility for your own learning. What would that look like? Being careful to keep good position all the time. Practicing two point. Doing all this on trails to get more miles in the saddle and muscle memory. Getting fit out of the saddle. Understanding how-to school your horse.

2. As an adult you could have one lesson a month and spend the rest of the month perfecting what you’ve learned.

3. Do you like your discipline and is it a good match for you and your horse? If jumping scares you or your horse is stoppy, then that’s.no.fun. if you have poor core strength dressage is no.fun.

There is no sport in the world where you can improve by slumping around all week and taking one lesson. What do you do in the rest of your life? Are you proactive in your other hobbies?

It’s really easy to get into the lesson mindset in riding lessons and become very passive and unable to have a directed schooling session without a coach. But if you want to be a real horse person and rider you need to think differently. You are the person training and schooling your horse, and lessons are opportunities for eyes on the ground to check how you are progressing.

It’s a big mental jump but it’s necessary once you have your own horse

Once you take responsibility for your own horse and your own riding, you will be better able to evaluate whether a given coach is actually useful for your own progress. You will be better able to articulate to that coach what you are doing and what you need. And you will be less vulnerable to a bad lesson, because it won’t destroy your sense of self

As long as you hang all your sense of progress on the coach, you will be over invested and prone to get upset

Riding lessons can be very infantilizing until you are able to present yourself as an independent horse person.

[Rel6]

@danhelm441

show up week after week without enjoying it

Can you articulate what you aren’t enjoying about your lessons? Is it what you are doing in them? Is it a lack of progress? Is it how an instructor teaches? Are there things you can think of that would cause you to enjoy them more? Are there lessons you have enjoyed?

I’m at a boarding barn, and some people (myself included) take regular lessons with a trainer, go to clinics, compete, etc. Others don’t have any instructions at all. They ride as often as they want, they take their horses for hacks and trail rides and pop over logs in the field - and they are 100% happy to have their riding time be instruction-free and doing whatever they want.

I think its important to be, at a minimum, a safe rider with a happy, well-cared for horse but beyond that…maybe you’re happiest enjoying your horse at your own leisure.

[Night_Flight]

@Rel6

Can you articulate what you aren’t enjoying about your lessons? Is it what you are doing in them? Is it a lack of progress? Is it how an instructor teaches? Are there things you can think of that would cause you to enjoy them more? Are there lessons you have enjoyed?

I think this is an important question. Do you feel criticized when the instructor makes corrections? Do you feel physically uncomfortable because you’re being asked to hold a particular position? Do you feel uncomfortable in a group, or uncomfortable bring constantly monitored one-on-one?

[Jsalem]

I love what Scribbler is saying. I’m a coach myself, and honestly, I think people take way too many riding lessons! If you enjoy learning, then a riding lesson is an important part of that process. The coach is an experienced eye who can correct what they see and teach you new things. But then you need apply them on your own! I see a lot of people who are so passive in their learning. “Here I am. Fill me up!”
There is nothing wrong with riding recreationally. If you enjoy that and have learned enough to be safe, then go right ahead. But if you want to continue improving, you have to find a barn home that you’re excited to go to. Do you have friends there? Do you have goals- showing, hunter pace, barn show? You just sound bored to me.

[Midge]

The first thing you need to decide is what you want. Are you having fun when you ride your own horse? What are your goals? What makes the lessons bad? Why are you crying afterwards?

Perhaps don’t think of your lessons as a thing separate from riding your horse. Perhaps ask your instructor for things to work on in between your lessons. Are you taking lessons on your own horse or on lesson horses?

Figure out what you are looking for in your lessons. Are your expectations reasonable? If you are looking for an “aha!” moment, you are doomed to disappointment, because that’s not how it works. You may have a lesson where everything goes perfectly and you think you’ve turned some corner. Then next week, the horse will bite you, you will fall off, have no clue how to post on the correct diagonal, and land on your butt when you dismount.

Also, you haven’t really been at it that long, if most of your riding has been in once a week lessons. Especially if you’ve been taking breaks in between .I know it seems like you’ve put in a lot if time and effort and money, but you really haven’t in the grand scheme of things. Make sure you aren’t looking for signs of progress that are actually further down the road. Are you expecting to learn college level calculus when you’re studying long division?

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Honestly, this is partially why (mostly financial but also this) I’ve shifted to running rather than riding, since I’m no longer leasing a horse. I loved riding on my own. I liked using lessons with an instructor who let me tell her what I wanted to work on. When the lease ended and I was just taking lessons–it’s not fun when essentially another person is in the driver’s seat of your sport, unless you have a very constructive goal or unless you’re a dead beginner.

Sometimes it is irresponsible not to work with a trainer, like if you have very high-risk showing goals (moving up a level in eventing, training upper level dressage moves that can cause wear and tear on the horse if not done right) or if you’re working with a very green horse. But people used to just ride for fun and very rarely lesson. But having fun on a safe horse? Enjoy it on your own!

Riding is a lot like swimming in this sense–some people learn intuitively without lessons, other people take lessons, and probably everyone with competitive goals can benefit from some technique, but if you ONLY do it in lessons something is lost of the joy.

[fivestrideline]

@Midge

Also, you haven’t really been at it that long, if most of your riding has been in once a week lessons. Especially if you’ve been taking breaks in between .I know it seems like you’ve put in a lot if time and effort and money, but you really haven’t in the grand scheme of things. Make sure you aren’t looking for signs of progress that are actually further down the road.

This! 5 years of semi-consistent riding in a program is where the wheels like to fall off, anyway. 5 years of sporadic lessons and then DIYing, even more so! There’s a really fun plateau a lot of people hit right around now (as advanced beginners/intermediates) where you know a lot, but you’ve stopped making the huge, constant, easily identifiable progress of a beginner. Now it becomes a LOT more work to make those kinds of AHA moments happen, and it’s when instructors tend to introduce some nuance that feels like undoing everything you’ve learned.

For example, when we teach beginners to ride, we usually have them pull the inside rein to turn. Opening rein, look, maybe outside leg. Then, the coach is suddenly talking about INSIDE leg and OUTSIDE rein?? And the rider feels like they’ve made a million steps backwards because now they’re only working on steering. It can take much longer to get these things together than it did to learn to post on a lesson pony. Not that this is exactly where OP is at, but the feeling of being stuck and getting frustrated happens to all of us.

That said, OP, what ARE your goals? What about your lessons is ACTUALLY frustrating? What is fun?

[danhelm441]

@Night_Flight

I think this is an important question. Do you feel criticized when the instructor makes corrections? Do you feel physically uncomfortable because you’re being asked to hold a particular position? Do you feel uncomfortable in a group, or uncomfortable bring constantly monitored one-on-one?

I think people assume adults are hyper analytical riders and want hyper analytical feedback, and that’s not me. So, yes, getting too much verbal feedback makes riding unpleasant and overwhelming. I would say that’s the situation I’m in right now. Private lessons with a running talk track that I find myself nodding along to without feeling any difference. Often they’ll say “there it is! You got it!” the very moment after I give up and check out/stop listening… these lessons are a slog for me. I have tried to tell myself I’m just integrating new information without realizing it, but it’s a tough sell.

But it’s a balance, for sure. I’ve had some instructors who don’t talk much except to introduce/explain an exercise. Then they step back and just let the exercise do the teaching. That approach works better for me, definitely, and it gives me something tangible to set up and practice by myself. But if I get stuck and can’t figure it out, I find myself missing the analytical approach. I want someone to analyze what I’m doing wrong and break down the steps to fix it. So like I said, it’s a balance.

I also prefer group lessons because it helps me to watch other people. It’s like how they say a picture is worth a thousand words. But groups also have their downsides. It can enhance the humiliation to have an audience when you really aren’t getting something—and to feel like the only one not getting it. It makes it easier for the “set it and forget it” instructors to ignore you when you aren’t understanding an exercise and just let you go last, get it over with, and slink to the back of the line.

So, in short, somehow I’ve found things to cry about with every lesson style and every teaching approach!

[onlyTBmares]

I think you also need to figure out what your goals are very specifically. Hot take, but you don’t ever have to improve. As long as you’re safe and not causing your horse pain/fear/discomfort then you can keep doing what you’re doing indefinitely. Many people are happy walking on trail rides their whole lives and really don’t need lessons or work to improve and for them that’s perfect. Some people have medal final goals and need to take very consistent lessons and jumps lots of jumps and are hyper focused on improving and striving for perfect and for them that’s perfect. I used to board with a woman who came out 7 days a week and hand walked her horse who was perfectly rideable and that’s what brought her joy. Your horse doesn’t care, he wants to chill and eat grass.
So if you actually just want to be with your horse, and you have a knowledgeable barn owner that you trust and can help with feed, medical etc you can go that route.
Now if you have goals of riding better and being a better horseman, that’s a conundrum. You have to take lessons and you have to do your homework. I do think adult riders learning struggle more with this. You want to say, here’s my $60, make me $60 better of a rider. You won’t see improvement lesson by lesson. There will be lots of days you will get worse and I’m not sure how to convince yourself that’s still worth it. I do think sitting down with your trainer and asking for help making long term goals could help, think in terms of 6-12 month increments.

[fivestrideline]

Do you keep a riding journal? Even just in your phone, some notes about how the lesson went, things you did, an improvement or new exercise and something to work on? This can even be a daily ride thing. It can help with perspective on progress.

I think a big struggle for you might be the lack of a good group lesson support crew (aka social hour with riding! And a cheer squad!) while also not yet finding the perfect fit as far as a coach. Coaching is one of those things that is such a personal preference, but one can learn a lot from different coaches if there’s another support system in place.

Have you tried RideIQ? Swapped out lots of lessons for regular high quality clinics? Do you have your goals written down in a way to help guide your choices?

[danhelm441]

@fivestrideline

This! 5 years of semi-consistent riding in a program is where the wheels like to fall off, anyway. 5 years of sporadic lessons and then DIYing, even more so! There’s a really fun plateau a lot of people hit right around now (as advanced beginners/intermediates) where you know a lot, but you’ve stopped making the huge, constant, easily identifiable progress of a beginner. Now it becomes a LOT more work to make those kinds of AHA moments happen, and it’s when instructors tend to introduce some nuance that feels like undoing everything you’ve learned.

For example, when we teach beginners to ride, we usually have them pull the inside rein to turn. Opening rein, look, maybe outside leg. Then, the coach is suddenly talking about INSIDE leg and OUTSIDE rein?? And the rider feels like they’ve made a million steps backwards because now they’re only working on steering . It can take much longer to get these things together than it did to learn to post on a lesson pony. Not that this is exactly where OP is at, but the feeling of being stuck and getting frustrated happens to all of us.

That said, OP, what ARE your goals? What about your lessons is ACTUALLY frustrating? What is fun?

Thank you for this perspective. It’s hard for me to explain to my spouse how I can ride daily and how I have been riding for years now, and still feel like a beginner. There are no benchmarks to hit or milestones to say “oh ok I’m on track, I must be doing something right.”

I think part of me tries to use lessons to create that framework—like, hello, validate me, tell me I’m getting better and don’t suck as much as I did this time last year. But between life circumstances changing, moves etc., and instructors coming and going, I haven’t worked with any one person for very long. The barn where I learned to trot is different from the one where I learned to canter, and different from the one where I learned to jump, and different from the one where I learned how not to die as the owner of a green horse I had no business owning. So I do feel pretty alone on this journey, though I have gotten a lot of input and advice from this forum since the beginning.

I do keep a riding journal, with video, and I periodically go back and think about my progress. My goals are not very well defined. I thought I wanted to do the hunters, but the cost isn’t realistic. I’m not even sure I want to show at all. But I’m motivated by the idea of improving my horse and teaching him new things, and having someone say, “wow that’s that horse? You’ve done such a great job with him.” I’m just limited in what I can teach him by what I know myself.

[Words_of_Wisdom]

I would recommend finding motivation in something other than external validation-- life, not just horses, becomes a lot more fun when you do things because you enjoy them, not because you are looking for praise from someone else.

[dmveventer]

@danhelm441

Private lessons with a running talk track that I find myself nodding along to without feeling any difference. Often they’ll say “there it is! You got it!” the very moment after I give up and check out/stop listening… these lessons are a slog for me.

This could be part of your problem, if you aren’t making it clear to your instructor what you are and aren’t understanding it’s hard for them to coach you effectively. I’ve had to make a deliberate effort in my lessons to stop the instinct to say yes every time they ask me if I understand and start getting comfortable admitting I’m actually totally lost, or no I can’t feel the miniscule difference in my horse’s way of going, etc. It’s super uncomfortable but it helps so much.

@danhelm441

I’ve had some instructors who don’t talk much except to introduce/explain an exercise. Then they step back and just let the exercise do the teaching. That approach works better for me, definitely, and it gives me something tangible to set up and practice by myself. But if I get stuck and can’t figure it out, I find myself missing the analytical approach. I want someone to analyze what I’m doing wrong and break down the steps to fix it. So like I said, it’s a balance.

This is also something you can communicate to your instructor, you don’t have to wait and hope you find someone that does this automatically. A lot of this can be done during your homework rides too, and then in your next lesson you can bring it up and say “I was working through the exercise we did last week but I kept running into XYZ problem, can we work on that today?” That way you get the most analysis for your buck during your lessons and can play around with things yourself when you don’t have an instructor there.

@danhelm441

So, in short, somehow I’ve found things to cry about with every lesson style and every teaching approach!

@danhelm441

I have tried to tell myself I’m just integrating new information without realizing it, but it’s a tough sell.

It sounds like you might be at a point in your riding career where you need to take a bit more responsibility for your education and help your instructor help you. You can’t just plan on integrating information without realizing it. As beginners there’s such a huge fire hose of information that learning by osmosis kind of works, but your next several years (if you choose to keep going with a more traditional riding education) will be spent building to complex theory and technique, and having solid trust and communication with your teacher is critical. Spend some time thinking about your goals, what you like about the discipline, what kind of rider you want to be, and what things you respond well/poorly to when you’re being taught, and then work with your instructor to put all of that into practice.

[mika0116]

Just commenting to say that I am likely the EXACT opposite of you, but I often go through slumps after a particularly meh or frustrating lesson.

I lease, but I am allowed (encouraged even) to ride independently on my lease outside of lessons. Eventers are rather independent. I ride less than 1x a month OUTSIDE of a lesson - and I ride 2-3x+ per week. Horse gets plenty of chill rides of walking hills and has 1-2 days off each week. Also lives out 24/7. I drill myself - not exactly the horse - but I do ask them to work for at least 15 - 20 mins per ride.

I am a perfectionist and a lesson junkie - I love to get DESTROYED for 45 mins solid by my Eventing coach’s own dressage coach (Olympian owned facility’s assistant trainer). Or doing a line where I go 6 strides, 4 strides, 5, strides over and over until I can FEEL the inches of difference.

I comically get upset when I have a lesson, like yesterday, where it was 20 degrees cooler than last week and my lease horse was JUST NOT HAVING IT. After being AMAZING all last week and weekend and making so much progress in our relationship.

Entire lesson was literally a hundred walk trot halt trot, walk, trot, halt transitions to prevent a spook/bolt. My trainer literally basically gave an occasional command - “and trot, now immediately halt, and leg yield on spiral” but I would say 40 out of 47 minutes was me riding through nonsense with her supervising with little commentary when I was PLANNING on having a nice jump grid school to get my jumping confidence back after nearly 3 years barely riding and working on right lead canter after a fence.

So if it helps - some people cry after lessons when we DON’T get nagged and drilled - sometimes I think about how many $/per word I spend and get mad

I am a massive type A goal oriented person and that translated to horses, too - so I cannot relate to the rest of your perspective…

I’d say you’re perhaps not meeting the right coach, you may want to address goal setting if you want to have goals, OR if you’re content with where you’re at in your riding after 5 years - OWN IT & chill.

I’m going on 25 years and I still feel the iceberg of depth of knowledge and skill that I have yet to possess - everyone is different, but sometimes our feelings of rage post-lesson unite us

Edited to say: I ride showjumpers and eventers. Most of the horses I sit on are higher octane / semi-challenging rides. If I was on a super simple, super chill horse, I might feel more content with general riding and less lesson / goal / improvement obsessed. I felt more similar to you when I was intermittently riding an aging Small Jr. Hunter - point and shoot, bombproof, like a metronome and I could just canter a figure 8-like 2’3 -2’6 course on him with my eyes closed basically meditating with 0 input from anyone - and it was VERY ENJOYABLE.

[2DogsFarm]

@danhelm441

how I can ride daily and how I have been riding for years now, and still feel like a beginner.

Well, after 5 inconsistent years of training, you basically are.

I’ve ridden for almost 40yrs {gulp} starting with weekly lessons at 8-15, insert 20yr hiatus (Life, Work) then as a re-rider from 35-68 in lessons.
Shareboarded until 1989 when I got my 1st horse, showed - mostly for fun - Hunters for 7yrs, switched to Dressage, dabbled in Eventing & continued weekly lessons until buying my farm & bringing horses home. Did trailrides, both when boarding & off my property.
That was almost 20yrs ago, but I was fortunate to have a Dressage trainer who came to me bi-weekly until about 3yrs ago when Life & Budget had me cutting out that pleasure.
I’d also played at Hunters on my own, at home, but current horse doesn’t jump, so…
At 66 I added Driving & got a mini.
I miss my 2X monthly lessons, but still enjoy riding on my own & driving the mini. Both with my Driving Club & around my acreage.

Agree with those saying decide what you enjoy about your horse & concentrate on that.
Play with different disciplines, find a Club of like-minded riders & have fun.
This sport costs too much & demands much for it to not be enjoyable.
Not Every.Single.Ride., but most s/b fun.

[Scribbler]

@danhelm441

@fivestrideline

This! 5 years of semi-consistent riding in a program is where the wheels like to fall off, anyway. 5 years of sporadic lessons and then DIYing, even more so! There’s a really fun plateau a lot of people hit right around now (as advanced beginners/intermediates) where you know a lot, but you’ve stopped making the huge, constant, easily identifiable progress of a beginner. Now it becomes a LOT more work to make those kinds of AHA moments happen, and it’s when instructors tend to introduce some nuance that feels like undoing everything you’ve learned.

For example, when we teach beginners to ride, we usually have them pull the inside rein to turn. Opening rein, look, maybe outside leg. Then, the coach is suddenly talking about INSIDE leg and OUTSIDE rein?? And the rider feels like they’ve made a million steps backwards because now they’re only working on steering . It can take much longer to get these things together than it did to learn to post on a lesson pony. Not that this is exactly where OP is at, but the feeling of being stuck and getting frustrated happens to all of us.

That said, OP, what ARE your goals? What about your lessons is ACTUALLY frustrating? What is fun?

Thank you for this perspective. It’s hard for me to explain to my spouse how I can ride daily and how I have been riding for years now, and still feel like a beginner. There are no benchmarks to hit or milestones to say “oh ok I’m on track, I must be doing something right.”

I think part of me tries to use lessons to create that framework—like, hello, validate me, tell me I’m getting better and don’t suck as much as I did this time last year. But between life circumstances changing, moves etc., and instructors coming and going, I haven’t worked with any one person for very long. The barn where I learned to trot is different from the one where I learned to canter, and different from the one where I learned to jump, and different from the one where I learned how not to die as the owner of a green horse I had no business owning. So I do feel pretty alone on this journey, though I have gotten a lot of input and advice from this forum since the beginning.

I do keep a riding journal, with video, and I periodically go back and think about my progress. My goals are not very well defined. I thought I wanted to do the hunters, but the cost isn’t realistic. I’m not even sure I want to show at all. But I’m motivated by the idea of improving my horse and teaching him new things, and having someone say, “wow that’s that horse? You’ve done such a great job with him.” I’m just limited in what I can teach him by what I know myself.

The zen of horses. Seriously. It’s not until you drop all your needy needs for external validation that you discover your real horse

Some people will praise you for stupid easy things and some people will with hold praise because they don’t want to voice it; your coaches may have a vested interest in keeping you dependent. And also you can be in an environment where nobody recognizes the cool things your horse does.

[Trekkie]

@Midge

If you are looking for an “aha!” moment, you are doomed to disappointment, because that’s not how it works.

I would say that there are some “aha!” moments in riding and they mostly have to do with feel. If you don’t know what feel is, let your instructor help you to figure out when something is happening and “feel” it. The first time you canter down softly to the perfect distance and the horse jumps up to you using his back, the first time you have that perfect leg to hand connection, the first lead change where you feel the hind end under you and get the shift and change correctly, etc. File these feelings away in your mind–at first replication will be fleeting and elusive, but as you come to know what you are looking for it will
become easier to obtain and then you will be able to in your own also. When you can feel the harmony with the horse, the connection and the correct balance you will have something to be happy about, no matter how fleeting at first. To me, this is what riding is about. These tiny moments that build to a whole arsenal of communication and harmony with another being. Hopefully, as you build feel you will build internal validation and joy in your riding. The instructor is there to help guide this process.

[danhelm441]

@dmveventer

This could be part of your problem, if you aren’t making it clear to your instructor what you are and aren’t understanding it’s hard for them to coach you effectively. I’ve had to make a deliberate effort in my lessons to stop the instinct to say yes every time

they ask me if I understand and start getting comfortable admitting I’m actually totally lost, or no I can’t feel the miniscule difference in my horse’s way of going, etc. It’s super uncomfortable but it helps so much.

I know but at some point, it’s like faking it in bed. You’re not doing yourself any favors by lying about it, but when you can tell another metaphor or wordy biomechanical explanation isn’t going to help, you find you’d say anything just to get it over with and move on to the next part of the lesson.

@mika0116

So if it helps - some people cry after lessons when we DON’T get nagged and drilled - sometimes I think about how many $/per word I spend and get mad

I’ve managed to be upset by that too. Like, feeling overwhelmed by feedback is bad, but it’s not worse than feeling backburnered in a group lesson where you drive home thinking, “oh man [trainer] has finally given up on me.”

Starting out as a dead beginner as an adult definitely comes with those moments. I remember lessons where I was learning to post the trot and 100% couId feeI the instructor being like “are you kidding me, is this real life?”

@Trekkie

I would say that there are some “aha!” moments in riding and they mostly have to do with feel. If you don’t know what feel is, let your instructor help you to figure out when something is happening and “feel” it. The first time you canter down softly to the perfect distance and the horse jumps up to you using his back, the first time you have that perfect leg to hand connection, the first lead change where you feel the hind end under you and get the shift and change correctly, etc. File these feelings away in your mind–at first replication will be fleeting and elusive, but as you come to know what you are looking for it will
become easier to obtain and then you will be able to in your own also. When you can feel the harmony with the horse, the connection and the correct balance you will have something to be happy about, no matter how fleeting at first. To me, this is what riding is about. These tiny moments that build to a whole arsenal of communication and harmony with another being. Hopefully, as you build feel you will build internal validation and joy in your riding. The instructor is there to help guide this process

I agree, those are the moments that make all the struggle worth it. But sometimes it feels like that arsenal of communication is just around the corner… locked up in a safe, behind bars, in a hermetically sealed room you need the passcode to enter. It’s hard to get in there alone, but also hard to work with an instructor that doesn’t seem all that motivated to get you in there either.

[Tha_Ridge]

@danhelm441

It’s hard to get in there alone, but also hard to work with an instructor that doesn’t seem all that motivated to get you in there either.

As an instructor, I don’t know that I would be all that motivated by a student who admits to checking out/not listening.