I will be entering the work force next summer (graduating in spring) and am starting to worry about how to juggle riding with marriage. I’ve been married for 2 years and have had an easy riding and school schedule. However, now that I will probably be entering the corporate world, I am starting to worry about how to keep showing and riding my hunter while juggling my hubby. I know many of you go ride before or after work. How hard is this on you physically, emotionally, and marriage-ally? How do you do it? 
Set up a rigid riding schedule and stick to it. You don’t mention how often you ride…is your horse in training or do you have primary responsibility for getting your horse out each day? In any event, my husband knows that I will be at the barn Tuesday, Thursday evenings, and Saturday and Sunday mornings. I stick to this regliously. As a result, he knows when to expect me to be gone, and when I’ll return. He can plan his schedule accordingly, and knows in advance when we can spend time together. I think he receives some small sense of comfort in knowing exactly when I’ll be home and when he can expect me.
Lucassb, Flash44, Hobson, AAJumper ??? The only one we’re missing is FirstCry and Bustersmom!!!
Well, the important point has already been made by better minds than mine… you have got to have the right guy.
Warning: be very careful. It really was the “iron rail” that broke the camel’s back of my marriage. If other things hadn’t been wrong to begin with, horse issues would not have become marriage issues. Anyway, my current schedule, for what it’s worth is:
Leave for work: 5:45 am
Get home from work: 6:30pm
At barn: 6:45pm
Home: 9:00pm
No, my husband doesn’t see me much, but under the circumstances, that’s probably for the best.
Just a thought…
KT
I will be entering the work force next summer (graduating in spring) and am starting to worry about how to juggle riding with marriage. I’ve been married for 2 years and have had an easy riding and school schedule. However, now that I will probably be entering the corporate world, I am starting to worry about how to keep showing and riding my hunter while juggling my hubby. I know many of you go ride before or after work. How hard is this on you physically, emotionally, and marriage-ally? How do you do it?
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by akrogirl:
Selecting the right spouse is of paramount importance here. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
This is timeless wisdom! When you choose a honey according to the “suitability for a spouse of an equestrian” standards, that’s more than half the battle.
My husband spends between 15 and 20 hours a week on his bike, and for the most part our respective riding times overlap. We also try as much as possible to ride horses and bikes together. That means he sometimes has to ride a little (OK, a lot) more slowly than usual (although he gets to see my butt in spandex) and I give up some horse time to get on the bike, but the point is that we each are supportive and encouraging of the other’s sport.
I think it can be really hard to create from scratch that sort of mutual respect out of a situation in which it is absent.
You need to make sure that money won’t become an issue, that is the #1 thing that breaks up couples. Either you are spending too much of his money, or vice versa. Checkbook/account management are personal issues. I have friends that maintain totally separate accounts, and they each write checks for 1/2 the bills (utilities and housing and such). Jack and I have one account, and everything comes out of there. I try not to spend too much, and try to make sure he gets some of the things he wants (golf clubs, computer stuff). For us it all works out. Though importing Kalinka was a bit of a drain�I owe him big time now! 
We split house chores, though he is the primary vacuumer and I do home repairs. Cooking, cleaning and laundry are all mixed. Jack likes Kalinka, but is not a rider. He’ll come out 2-3x per month to feed carrots and video me riding. He does like going to shows, and is really encouraging me to jump more.
My job now is 0730 - 1530, Mon - Fri. He also works about the same schedule. I’ll be going to the barn after work, and should be home by 1930. He has a bunch of sports he plays, so we’ll get home around the same time. We also try to get out 2x per week for dinner/movie whatever. We’ll see how showing goes here in AZ�Kalinka just got in from quarantine so now it’s getting her back up to speed. 
my riding time doesn’t take away from hubby time. I get to work by 7:30 a.m. and leave at 3 p.m. to ride before I go home and feed the doggies at 6 p.m. Hubby usually leaves the house around 9 a.m. and doesn’t get home until 7 p.m. or 8 p.m., so I’m already home and done with housework before he gets there. Mr. Splendid also has his own list of hobbies that he does on the weekends - lacrosse, hockey, mountain biking, sea kayaking…so we both go our separate ways during the day and come home to be together in the evening (oh yea we make pancakes for breakfast together and take the dogs for a hike before we go our separate ways).
Even though he’s got his own stuff going on, he’s still jealous of my horse. Not necessarily because the time it takes away from him, but the amount of time I put into the horse isn’t the same amount of time and energy that I put into HIM.
“Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!”
My first husband, who liked horses when we were dating and actually bought me one about a year after we got married (after I had to donate the one I’d had - long story) ended up HATING them because of the amount of time, money and attention that was spent.
Once he got up close and personal with the realities - I rode after work and would come home smelling “horsey” for instance - plus the times that there was a colic to sit up with, a show that cost $$$, or whatever… he really resented it. He had viewed horses as a social hobby and it intrigued him initially, but the reality soon wore thin. We are no longer married!! and my riding is a big reason why - not that it was a great loss.
However, my current SO is very-horse enthused, comes to the barn quite often, brings drinks, snacks and an extra pair of hands to lessons and horseshows, and is well known at our local tack store <grin… I love that feature!>
He understands how much I love to ride and is hugely supportive - to the point of insisting I go to the barn when I’d as soon skip a day, or to making hotel reservations so we can stay near the horseshow grounds so I don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn to drive when we show. He is secure enough to know that attention paid to the horse does not take away from attention paid to HIM (duh) and understands that I am happiest when I am riding… (translation: smart enough to know that I am much nicer to be around if I have gotten my riding time in!)
My schedule
Commute 7:45-8:45am
work til 5:30 or 6:00
commute to barn, arrive 7:00 ish
ride/groom/bathe/chat
Home around 8:30 or 8:45
If he meets me at the barn after work, we will often catch a quick dinner on the way home. If not, I fix a quick salad or something easy when I get back - or I’ll skip it if he has already eaten something. Weekends we are mostly in each other’s pockets and spend most if not the whole day together - only exception is when he goes to see his kids, since that is “their” time to have him to themselves.
Works out great.
To appreciate heaven well
'Tis good for a man to have some fifteen minutes of hell.
Will Carleton (1845-1912)
the keys are:
- a husband with his own expensive, time consuming hobby
and - separate checking accounts.
I have been married 20 years (with 20+ years of owning horses) and we have NEVER fought about the horse issue. HOWEVER we do occasionally argue over my lack of housecleaning.
I work until 4:30 or 5:00, and I work 10 minutes from my house, 30 min from the barn. I ride after work on Wednesdays, and usually get home around 7pm or so. Sometimes I meet my hubby for dinner at a place on the way home, sometimes we go out once I’ve gotten home.
I have every other Friday off, so on my off days, I ride in the morning and am home by noon or so. On the Fridays that I work, I ride after work and get home around 7pm. Again, we’ll go grab something out, usually something quick…regular restaurants are too crowded on Friday nights!
On Saturdays, I ride in the mornings at whatever time I’m scheduled for…the lesson schedule varies from week to week. I get home around 1pm or so, and we have lunch together and the rest of the day to spend together. Sundays are 100% free…no barn.
I should add to all of this that my husband works 10-14 days/month, 24 hour shifts (he’s a fireman and has a funky schedule). So many times he isn’t even home on barn days, so it doesn’t matter when I get home. Also, he keeps himself very busy working on his cars and motorcycles and whatever other weird project he is working on. He likes to do yardwork too, and keeps himself busy doing that. So he doesn’t really mind the time that I spend at the barn. But I do try to give him times that I will be home, so that he isn’t waiting around for me.
As for shows, I show one multi-day show every other month. I let him know ahead of time that I’m not going to be home all day for the days that I am showing, and he is fine with that. Again, he keeps himself totally busy all day doing stuff to all his junk. But there are many days during the week that he is home by himself, so he is used to having to keep busy.
Does your hubby have a hobby? If not, you might want to strongly encourage him to find one.
I ride 5-6 days a week and show most weekends, so my poor husband sees little of me. I do make sure that I cook dinner for him when I get home from the barn, and we take vacations that do not involve horses (went to Chicago last spring and will go to New York city around New Years). Occasionally, he does complain about the amount of time and money I spend. I try to stick to a budget but it’s very difficult. I think there’s more of an issue with spending time together. We do try to work at that.
Put on a pair of chaps to do your housework and I’ll bet he makes you stop!
Use the Force.
I get off work at 6 pm and drive 10 mins to the barn. By the time I’m done grooming, riding or lunging, and (truthful here) gabbing with barn friends, it’s usually 8 or 8:30. I go home and make a quick dinner although about half the time SO makes dinner (growing up my family always ate at this hour so it doesn’t seem strange to me). I am usually at the barn 2-3 days of the week and then again on weekends. My SO is cool with it but then, if you’re hubby decides that the “second shift” – housework, dinner, etc., is 100% on you you’re in for trouble. He better be prepared to do his half if you both work. (JMHO)
And I said to my (adult, married, with kid) student whose husband complains about the cost of her riding lessons: “Tell him its cheaper than therapy.”
Ride at a barn with a cute male trainer - I guarantee your husband will be more than happy to accompany you to the barn once or twice a week.
Ride at a barn with a cute female trainer - I guarantee your husband will be more than happy to accompany you to the barn once or twice a week.
Once your husband sees what we wear in horse shows (plus all that leather stuff) he may even want to go to shows with you. And if he is really wonderful, you can talk him into bringing nice cold beverages with him for after (or before) you ride.
Routinely bring your chaps, boots, spurs and crops home.
Use the Force.
Ah yes, the separate checking accounts! Definitely a must!
Selecting the right spouse is of paramount importance here. I am very lucky in that my hubby nearly always comes to the barn with me and helps with the horses 
I usually ride a couple of times during the week plus Saturdays (Sunday is either hacking or turn-out depending on what has happened during the week.) George helps groom and tack the horses and also helps my trainer set fences. He even comes to the shows and helps out a lot there also - my trainer thinks he is absolutely wonderful Not bad for someone who had never been around horses before he married me! Occasionally, he will schedule an akro flight during my lesson, but he always joins me later to help with the clean-up. As you might guess, my barn-mates consider me to be pretty spoilt. (This is not quite as one-sided as it seems - I did get my IAC judges certification so that I can critique hubby when he flies On the other hand, the poor guy does have to be my safety pilot when I fly the Pitts )
YOU ARE TOO MUCH!!! But very correct!!! The first time my guy saw me in my fringe chaps, he wanted to come with me all the time!!!
Barb
I’m too old and tired for THAT anymore! But I think that’s a wonderful suggestion for HP2020 - after all, she’s a newlywed!
I also forgot to add that my lack of culinary skills is a problem too. Hail to the microwave! We also support the majority of restaurants around our house. However, I can spend alot of time at the feed store analyzing the alfalfa bales for my horsie family.
I work, am married 15 years and have 2 kids.
Time with the kids is ALMOST as important as time with hubby. Dinner time is just about sacred as is the kids bedtime. We’re home for those times. We both juggle our “hobbies” around them. He plays guitar in a pub band and has season football tickets. We are both very considerate of the others schedule.
For hubby-time, we meet for lunch when possible, about once a week. (I’ve got to admit, it’s fabulous NOT to have the kids there.) and I pick up coffee and the paper for him when I finish the early morning barn chores. We share cooking duties. Dinner is a fun thing for us.
Very approximate times:
barn chores: 6-8am
work: 9:30-6:15
ride: 9-11pm.
I’m flexible with my riding time, so my schedule is usually the one that changes. Set times like lessons or clinics are a little more set in stone.
Bonus Kid Time - my 10yo has been tagging along in the mornings. Not only is it helpful to have an extra pair of hands, it’s just fun to have him around.
Good Luck…and be sure to get to bed on time.
Keep the communication lines open. Be fair, do not abuse the time away dawdling, and always honestly express your passion for your riding.
It has taken about 5 years of less than perfect communication to get to this point with my husband. It is good now, and I feel it is my responsibilty to help keep those lines open.
“The older I get, the better I used to be, but who the heck cares!”
