This is how I earned my civil engineering degree through “Study at Home!” exercises: 1. Get shovel; 2. Dig one long, connecting trench so that lakes in corrals flow freely into arena, forming one huge lake; 3. Now dig trench from arena lake up to fence line; 4. Under cloak of darkness (caused by looming thunderclouds and a sheet of hail) dig trench under fence onto neighbor’s property; 5. Stand back, approvingly, as water flows onto neighbor’s land, forming huge lake in her arena.
Okay, now, about that crazed Kentucky woman at Equine Affaire! 
So, I’m walking down the aisle in the John Lyons Shrine Hall and I come upon this large booth displaying some— “remarkable”— western show outfits. I pointed them out to Beezer, saying, “Hey, the western folks get to wear lavender sequins and embroidered foo-foos and I get dissed for wearing rust breeches?”
I then notice, due to factory-installed Huntclothes Radar, that the same booth is hawking English riding apparel. I see huntcoats. I see lovely shirts. I step inside and also see
Scary Kentucky Woman , now to be referred to as SKW. She’s got big hair, a tight suit, and beige opaque stockings (NOT apropos for winter, but I digress). I’m admiring the huntcoats, but when I touch them I register a “red alert” (i.e., cheap fabric). SKW informs me that these are “Van Teal huntcoats. They’re just on the market.”
I notice they’re only $100. I ask, “Is this just a promotional price to get them out in the public?” SKW skews her purple-mascara eyelashes at me and gives me the corporate history of Van Teal, chastising me for not knowing their imminent domain over everything huntseat.
Passing on the huntcoats, I slide over to the Van Teal shirts, 1/2 of which are stacked on a shelf system, the other 1/2 are on hangers. The ones on the shelf are boldly marked “50% OFF!”. I just want to browse, because, oddly enough, I recognize some of these shirts as being in my closet at home. SKW barges up and says, “What size are you? You look like a 12.” I begin, in my own, self-deprecating manner, to explain that I have to buy a 14 or a 16 because of my ape-length arms. So SKW slaps at a couple of shelves and says, “These are your sizes.” I look, I kind of mentally go “ick”, but then notice the ones on the hangers. Some of those look appealing. But SKW snaps, “Those aren’t on sale!” 
Now I go back to the shelves, and decide to look once more. Maybe I could tailor a larger sized shirt? SKW intervenes. “I showed you which shelves were your sizes!” At that instant, I realize the price tags on the sales shirts say “$160.” with a line thru it, and a hand-written “$80.” I stand back in horror, then laugh. “You’ve got to be joking,” I say. “I just bought this exact shirt at Mary’s last summer regularly priced for $90. Plus, at Thrifty Horse, which is a consignment shop in Orange County (I had to bring them up!)I just bought a new Van Teal for $75.”
SKW was about to blow her big hair! “It must have been a different fabric! These are 100% Egyptian cotton!” I tried to explain that no, I bought the exact same shirt, but SKW was getting steamed at me! She just was not in sync with the local So. Cal. karma. So I said, “You’re not from around here, are you?” 
“No, I’m from Kentucky!”
I smiled and said, “I bet you’ll be takin’ a lot of these shirts back there with ya’!” And I left. 
[This message was edited by Merry on Feb. 13, 2001 at 12:02 AM.]
