Riding Instructor woes :(

[smnc327]

Is it just my experience or is the revolving door of instructors spinning faster than usual? My daughter’s instructor has relocated her program for the 5th time in 18 months.

While we have only been with her a little over 4 months, she openly tells stories about previous locations and barn owners includung the reasons why she left - most of which are a similar scenario of “they owed me so much money” or “they were crazy”.

Unfortunately, we got caught up in departure number 5, which honestly seemed extremely rushed and knee jerk; she told us she would was unhappy with the barn and barn owner but she would be staying through the end of the month (roughly 21 days). Nonetheless, she packed up and left by the following weekend. When the barn owner reached out to see if we wanted to continue with a different instructor, the reasoning our instructor gave the barn owner was a complete 180° turn from what she’d said directly to me a few days prior.

This girl is very young, so I’d like to think she’s caught up in the “come up” of the business, but it almost seems like she may not be as committed to this as she’s convinced herself she is. Instead of establishing herself, she’s burning serious bridges and creating a horrible reputation for herself.

So, my question is - is this seemingly flippant jumping around from barn to barn normal? Anyone have any insight on this or similar situations?

I honestly just want to make sure my kiddo is in a good, consistent program and not really have to worry that her instructor is going to continue to bounce to a new barn every few months.

[OverandOnward]

Your instincts are correct.

This is not about horses, it is about people. Yes, her behavior is too weird to bring into your life.

Time for a new instructor.

Keep on being the good parent that you are.

[Gardenhorse]

Agree with OverandOnward. That many moves in such a short period is not normal. Either the instructor is making repeated poor choices about barns to base her business out of (in which case, do you trust her decision-making and judgement enough to trust your child’s safety with her?) or she is doing something to quickly sour the relationship with the barn owners.

[Fiesta01]

I’ll third it. You need a new instructor. The current one is too young/inexperienced or immature or doesn’t possess the required people skills to provide a stable, consistent program for your daughter.

Best of luck in finding someone more suitable.

[trubandloki]

Add me to the list that it is time to get a new instructor.

This one seems to have a whole list of issues, which is bad enough but then she is telling you all about how horrible every place is. Why do that?

[smnc327]

Thanks everyone!

I’ve struggled with this a lot lately!

I’ve even found myself thinking she just needed solid support and have come up with ideas to help her get settled in and help her build her business, because she truly has a talent instructing, but I’m not putting that in front of my kid’s safety or my sanity!

I really appreciate the feedback!

[Moon_River]

Definitely don’t get caught up in wanting to help her! She’ll burn through you just as fast as she has everyone else

[2DogsFarm]

@smnc327

Instead of establishing herself, she’s burning serious bridges and creating a horrible reputation for herself.

Bingo!
Divorce yourself from this Wannabe “pro”.
Is there a reason you wouldn’t try the trainer suggested by the last BO?

[FjordBCRF]

@Moon_River

Definitely don’t get caught up in wanting to help her! She’ll burn through you just as fast as she has everyone else

So much this!!! This trainer sounds like she doesn’t realize she is the common denominator in her problems. You can only help someone like this IF/WHEN they realize they are part (or most) of their problems. A lot of times that never happens.

Editing to add - if they are dropping BO’s/barns so quickly, it would only be a matter of time before your relationship becomes strained too if you choose to try and help her without her directly coming to you asking for help. Even then it’s something I’d steer very clear of. Also consider her reputation, and if you choose to stick with her, yours and your daughters too as they will be directly tied to hers. Probably not a huge deal but the horse world is funny like that sometimes.

[smnc327]

Honestly, I think I really wanted to give this girl a chance. We may end up circling back to this instructor if they have an opening. Their string of lesson horses is decent, and she was always approachable and easy to be around every time we were at the barn.

[2DogsFarm]

IIWM, I’d choose this option.
Stability beats whatever presumed talent the Flight Risk has shown you

Are you a rider yourself?
Asking as you may be giving FR more credit as a trainer than deserved.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

I’m surprised she could find 5 barns within a close enough radius of her clients to take her on! Her references must be terrible by now.

[trubandloki]

@Impractical_Horsewoman

I’m surprised she could find 5 barns within a close enough radius of her clients to take her on! Her references must be terrible by now.

I would guess it is simply a matter of how much need there is for beginner level instructors that is allowing this person to find barn after barn after barn.

[smnc327]

I think this is definitely the case! Qualified beginner level instructors are becoming harder and harder to find. and when you do find one, they seem to have lots of baggage.

[smnc327]

Former farm manager (different discipline) who jumped ship a decade ago to go back to the corporate world and now a mom to a horse crazy kid (yay!).

We often had apprentice trainers come in to our facility, but they stayed, learned, grew, and became more successful and started their own programs.

I think that may be why I’ve tried to stick it out - because she truly does have a talent for teaching. I was convincing myself she was right there on the cusp of going out on her own, but unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Unfortunately, being a good teacher is only one of the main skills needed to thrive, as you well know!

Re: the revolving door, in my experience, usually it’s more of a case of people staying too long in toxic situations, but making it worse by complaining to clients. If you do like this person you might want to have a chat, saying that you appreciate her instruction as a fellow horse person but it’s too disruptive to move barns too much to your child and your own schedule, and you suspect others might feel the same?

It sounds like paying her bills might be an issue, if she’s insisting the barn owners owe her money…

[2DogsFarm]

Well then, you’ve got the Cred to recognize decent training.
But, this youngster seems hellbent on making a name - not a good one - for herself.
Cut your ties before your reputation gets stuck with hers. You don’t want to be a minion.
Surely there are better trainers for your kid with mileage they’ve earned by not moving with tails on fire

[Scribbler]

@smnc327

Former farm manager (different discipline) who jumped ship a decade ago to go back to the corporate world and now a mom to a horse crazy kid (yay!).

We often had apprentice trainers come in to our facility, but they stayed, learned, grew, and became more successful and started their own programs.

I think that may be why I’ve tried to stick it out - because she truly does have a talent for teaching. I was convincing myself she was right there on the cusp of going out on her own, but unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Sometimes people are good effective trainers in the short term because they are charming, know a bit, are good at charming new clients, and maybe even overpraise or over promise. But this can go along with breaking contracts, irritating barn owners in serious ways, maybe not paying bills or taking liberties or breaking rules or not having the right insurance or not feeding their horses every morning or other serious gaps in their business practice that they slide by with on charm and empty promises until things explode.

This may or may not be a bit like narcissistic tendencies.

It can be really hard to see the shadow side of such folks when you are just getting the good side.

But no matter how talented and charming, eventually you will see the bad side and things will come crashing down. And if it happens after you have your own horse it’s much more complicated.

I get wanting to mentor a charming talented young person but someone who has burned through 5 barns in a year is not learning from experience and is unlikely to be honest with you about the real reasons.

I would take a step back, lesson with an established coach, and watch young coach’s progress for a year. She will either find a niche and be stable or quit coaching and go back to waiting tables at TGI Fridays and making huge tips.

[OverandOnward]

In my life experience with a number of problematic people (primarily due to work channels), the multiple moves from one location to another within a relatively short period is one of the biggest red flags for toxic people who are not going to change.

They don’t work through their problems and get better. They just find a new place that is willing to take them in, until that one in turn wises up, or this instructor turns on them, too. With the usual attempt to damage their reputation. In troubled people this is the pattern for all kinds of destructive toxicity.

The surprise is not that, time after time, it doesn’t work out in the end. The surprise is that, time after time, patient people were able to help it last as long as it did. But in the end, the same outcome.

@smnc327

I’ve even found myself thinking she just needed solid support and have come up with ideas to help her get settled in and help her build her business, because she truly has a talent instructing, but I’m not putting that in front of my kid’s safety or my sanity!

@Moon_River

Definitely don’t get caught up in wanting to help her! She’ll burn through you just as fast as she has everyone else

^^^^^^ This. She won’t change. This is now a set behavior. That tends to happen by the late teens.

Nothing you can do will cause change. Others have tried – and it always ends up with her moving on, rather than appreciating and working with the person who wanted to help her.

@smnc327

Honestly, I think I really wanted to give this girl a chance.

A chance to do what? Ruin your daughter’s horse experience? Stress your’s and your family’s nerves? Make herself the center of everything, not your daughter and her riding?

“A chance” always mean a chance to do the wrong thing, as well as a chance to do the right thing. We have to think about our ability to handle the downside consequences if that happens. And the cost to us and those we care about.

Glad to hear you are moving on. Don’t look back. Your daughter can have your full focus.

[shiloh]

So, every. single. place is full of idiots? Really? If every place is like that then perhaps the problem is with you oh trainer girl.

No, this is not normal. Plus the trashing of each successive barn makes her look really immature and gives her a bad reputation. What is she saying about her clients? is what I think. She’s certainly burning all her bridges, isn’t she?

Move along. Find another trainer. Someone that isn’t 13 or a reject from Mean Girls. Any idiot can claim to be a trainer but damn few have the actual talent, resources and sense to make it past a year.