I think there some some very deep and underlying issues here but I will say this. Some of the most bratty kids turn out to be the best riders when the mature or the parents shape up. Im a barn rat I groom for the kids with six figure horses so that I can get my horse to a show. One girl in mind used to be awful. You would give her a leg up and instead of a thank you she would shove her boot in your face to be cleaned. Given that was my job but at-least a thanks would be nice. She “quit” for a year and then came back with another 6 figure horse. Me wanting to jump on the opportunity for the great tips of course offered to groom for her and was surprised to see that she had a genuine desire to learn and asked me to teach her all of HM stuff that she never learned. She now is possibly a better wrapper than me and that horse is the best taken care of in the barn. I understand this situation is different but sometimes you cant see the diamond in the rough.
I don’t think there is necessarily anything deep and underlying…some kids are just brattier than others and/or find those tactics are a good way to get attention. I’ve seen some precocious brats turn into lovely young people! FWIW, I applaud the way you are handling her…sounds like a very effective approach! And so nice that Mom is cooperative, too. Who knows, maybe you can look back someday and pat yourself on the back when kiddo wins medal finals or something.
I don’t any big underlying issue other than the kid doesn’t want to ride.
There’s one of those kids at my barn. Problem, if you call it that, is that the gal is now 17ish & has 2 horses. One horse she’s ridden 2X. The other is a reliable, high end lesson horse which after 10 years she can halfway ride. Her mother has been living vicariously through her for years.
The kid is lazy but really she just doesn’t care or want to do it. The barn staff get frustrated and annoyed by her. I feel bad for the kid. It’s not wrong to not want to ride.
Good luck, hopefully your kid ends up with a hobby she likes.
If something that came out of my vagina talked to me like that she would not be getting any sort of riding lessons, ice cream, or whatever until she learned to treat people with respect- ALL PEOPLE (the teacher, the other students, her mother, etc).
It’s becoming more of a theme that raising children is partially the responsibility of the professionals (teachers, instructors, coaches) that the child is involved with. Which I doubt is pleasant for the pro. I guarantee if I had sassed my teachers I would’ve gotten in twice as much trouble at home if my dad heard about it.
I have to comment because of the amazing amount of parent hate on this thread. As a parent of a child who has been taking lessons for almost 2 years now, and has taken many other lessons for different activites, sports, dance, ect, I can tell you if you think I’m spending $50+ an hour to not be allowed to watch my child in her lesson I won’t be around for long. Especially when they are doing something that can be dangerous.
Remember I’m the one driving my child to her lessons, sitting there (because there is no place else to go when you are out there- no drop off and pick up situation) and spending the money. I will be the judge whether I think MY time and money is worth the instruction she is getting. Secondly, I need to make sure my child is safe. My daughter takes lessons twice a week and we are no longer going to be riding with one instructor because I feel he is not safe for my daughter and the horse she rides (he was fine when she was on other horses). We changed to only take lessons with the BO now. I would not know this if I wasn’t there watching. Further, if my kid is bucked or thrown off, I will be the judge of whether she should take a minute to assess her physical condition and whether she gets back on- I am a better judge to whether she’s not acting right and if a concussion is possible. My daughter in very introverted and will not speak up for herself- she will listen to an instructor to a fault.
So please see from the parents point of view.
Having said that, my child is a very soft spoken quiet child and listens well to instructors in general. Coaches and teachers love her. She wins coaches awards. So I don’t typically have to correct her for her behavior but one more reason for parents to watch lessons- she would never get away with being rude to an instructor if I found out about it. She did something once in gymnastics and I made her write a letter apologizing.
I also agree with not speaking during the lesson of course UNLESS someone is putting my child at risk (or doing something the owner said not to do on a specific horse). Also we only have private lessons or lessons with 1 other child and instructors and parents frequently discuss things during class.
All in all, I think the “ignore foolishness, reward effort, and be clear with consequences for poor behaviour” approach is going to make it bearable. I also told mom that I would have her dismount and wait if she had any kind of big outburst that was taken out on the pony, and thankfully mom was ok with the plan. I can’t say it’s my favourite lesson of the day, but c’est la vie!
(*I know I am armchair quarterbacking HARD when it comes to the whole parenting thing. I don’t have kids, my insight is worth precisely what anyone paid for it. Which is a big fat goose egg. It’s just spidey sense, nothing more :))[/QUOTE]
In my experience, if you stick with this, the kid will realize the tantrums don’t result in any gains for her and she’ll either shape up or quit, either of those outcomes being better than her current behavior.
Your insight is not worth a goose egg, it sounds like you are spot on with your response to both the kid and the mom, and the structure you’re providing is probably exactly what she needs. A little independence from mom and impulse control never hurt anyone, and riding is a great way to gain both.
[specifiedcupcake]If something that came out of my vagina talked to me like that she would not be getting any sort of riding lessons, ice cream, or whatever until she learned to treat people with respect- ALL PEOPLE (the teacher, the other students, her mother, etc). [quote]
:lol: Luv this!!
The OP seems to have handled this well, and to the long-term benefit of the kid’s development.
I would agree that there seems to be a negative dynamic between mother and kid. The things OP reports the mother saying sound like they are not useful in this situation. Parents and kids get locked into struggles just like any other duo, and neither party can really see what’s going on, or change. It’s not mother-hating to point this out, it is just reality. I think it is very healthy for almost all kids to step out of the family dynamic and learn how to behave with people who aren’t their family, whether their family is too soft on them, or too hard on them. It is a great reality check, and one of the strong arguments for sending kids to school. IME, kids that are locked in a counter productive dynamic with their parents often step up to the plate and act much more mature when they are away from their parents.
And most of us know how hard it is to break not so great dynamics with our parents, even when we are adults ourselves. You can change yourself and your behavior as an adult child, but you can’t change the way your parents behave, and you often get retroactive insight into what was going on way back when.
It’s pretty much impossible to break those dynamics when you are 7 or 10 years old.
[QUOTE=specifiedcupcake;8974894]
If something that came out of my vagina talked to me like that she would not be getting any sort of riding lessons, ice cream, or whatever until she learned to treat people with respect- ALL PEOPLE (the teacher, the other students, her mother, etc).
It’s becoming more of a theme that raising children is partially the responsibility of the professionals (teachers, instructors, coaches) that the child is involved with. Which I doubt is pleasant for the pro. I guarantee if I had sassed my teachers I would’ve gotten in twice as much trouble at home if my dad heard about it.[/QUOTE]
I’m a teacher, so I can tell you from experience that times have changed. Kids can have the most atrocious behaviour, but when I call the parents to try to work out a solution I get yelled at! The parents then make all kinds of false accusations. (It makes no sense; why would I go out of my way to create conflict?) This happens on a weekly basis and is no exaggeration.
I’m not a battle axe either. I’m known as a “nice teacher” and kids regularly change their schedules to get into my class.
My only comment is that you seem to have the right instincts about the little girl and mom, and you’re in a position to influence what is happening for the better. When I was about that age people came into my life, sometimes very briefly, that really had an impact on me, and I doubt they ever knew it. I hope you can do a small bit to make things better for this family. Good luck!
