Schooling show at a barn with some old baggage

[dontskipthecafe]

Note that this is not even remotely a “right now” question, because my horse is still an extremely green giraffe impersonator and occasionally throws “I don’t wanna!” fits.

There is a barn in the same town as the one where I board. I used to take lessons at the barn in question and later worked there, but after some highly unpleasant conflicts with the barn owner, I left. I have only seen her once since then, in an attempt at reconciliation about a year ago, and ended up leaving in tears because her response to “I got a horse finally” was “I hate hearing about you kids getting horses.”

The barn in question is hosting four schooling shows this season, between May and October. Many of the students at my barn are going to go to these. I’m doubting that my horse will be show-ready in May, but I’m thinking I’d like to go to one or two of the later ones and get some baby show mileage on her without spending a fortune.

So… advice? Do I go and avoid her as much as possible? Do I avoid the shows altogether? I really would like to go and hopefully see some of my old friends from that barn, but I’d rather not interact with her too much.

[Withstand]

If there are no other options for shows, and you really want to take your horse there, then I would just do my best to avoid talking to the BO which may be tough if she runs the show. Don’t engage in a conversation, especially if she’s been rude previously. If she asks about your horse keep the info short and sweet.

Make sure your horse is ready for the show and just use it as what it is - an opportunity to do some schooling with your greenie and don’t let there be tension. You are a competitor and putting money into the show - don’t let her intimidate you.

[Belmont]

Is she judging?

If yes, I would probably skip and try to find a different schooling show.
If no, I would go. There isn’t anything she can do other than make little comments or give you weird looks. Mentally flip the bird and do what you do, and just go there to have fun! Not everyone is always going to like you in the show world, but generally people are more “tolerable” in public. There is a trainer that is absolutely disgusting and pretty awful to my bff who is also a trainer in the breed show world, but they keep it civil and even pass smile or a fake “congrats” each others way when they win at shows.

Avoid BO. If you see her or have to engage, be as sweet as possible and make it short/simple convo. Don’t let others ruin your fun!

[Libby2563]

I think the answer really depends on you, your horse, and how you will respond to the situation emotionally. If it were me, I would go and do what Withstand suggested (be cool, polite, concise, and don’t engage). However, if the tension or threat of tension is going to ramp up your anxiety, I would say go elsewhere at least for your first few shows. You and your horse may already be nervous and you want to have a positive experience. You don’t want your horse picking up on your anxiety over the BO and turning it into anxiety over showing. Just my two cents.

Also, I love “giraffe impersonator” and plan to steal it. I know a few horses who could make a living that way.

[dontskipthecafe]

[QUOTE=Belmont;8057475]
Is she judging?

If yes, I would probably skip and try to find a different schooling show.
If no, I would go. There isn’t anything she can do other than make little comments or give you weird looks. Mentally flip the bird and do what you do, and just go there to have fun! Not everyone is always going to like you in the show world, but generally people are more “tolerable” in public. There is a trainer that is absolutely disgusting and pretty awful to my bff who is also a trainer in the breed show world, but they keep it civil and even pass smile or a fake “congrats” each others way when they win at shows.

Avoid BO. If you see her or have to engage, be as sweet as possible and make it short/simple convo. Don’t let others ruin your fun![/QUOTE]

I am fairly certain that she would not be judging; she never did when I did the schooling shows at her barn while I was there. The major issue I think would be my own anxiety (diagnosed anxiety disorder), which I do not want to transfer to my very green mare. I have been working on that, though, and I’ve gotten much better about riding in a ring with many other people. I don’t think BO’s presence would make it much worse if at all. Also I have prescription Xanax, which I take as-needed for stressful situations.

[gloriginger]

Go to the show when you think your horse is ready, if you see the barn owner, smile and say hello and carry on with what you are doing. Life is too short, and the horse world is too small to hold grudges…the past is history.

Most of all have fun and take a lot of deep breaths for that anxiety.

[Laurierace]

Can your trainer show her for you the first few shows so you can relax and watch the show? Just hang out as a group with your friends from your barn and let it go. If she wants to be an ass she will have to do it in front of all of them.

[Trees4U]

If your horse is ready, don’t let past conversations with her ruin your opportunity to get your guy out there. Schooling show, same town, friends to hang with- you will kick yourself later if you don’t take advantage of it.
Like another poster said, just politely say hi if you seeher. Hosting a show will probably keep her busy anyways.
Just my 2 cents.

[ybiaw]

I had a similar situation - barn I had ridden and taken lessons at for 10 years, worked there, left, etc. Couple years later I took my new horse there for a show.

It was awesome to see everyone, but I was so busy, you know, SHOWING and taking care of my horse (and champing our divisions - ha!) that I didn’t really have time to socialize or even see anyone.

I wouldn’t worry about it, and just go to the show. The horse world is small, you can’t avoid them forever.

[dontskipthecafe]

Thank you for the advice! I think I am going to go to the first show only to watch, and see how just being on the property affects me. If I’m feeling okay, and I feel like my horse will be okay, I may go to the second or third show with her.

[dotneko]

I will be the dissenting voice, I guess. You sound a bit anxious. Why put the added pressure of riding in front of the ‘old’ barn on yourself? Every time the horse is ‘less than perfect’ you will be imagining everyone looking at you and it will make the situation worse. Whether or not anyone even notices, it will be blown up in your mind ‘OMG, EVERYONE saw me chip that third fence!’. You already left in tears over something the BO said.
I would skip it. There are plenty of shows in that area.

[merrygoround]

Keep in mind that one rider with helmet, jacket and breeches looks much like another. Keep your distance. See if someone else can handle your paperwork.

And keep your cool.

[dontskipthecafe]

Has anyone here ever just shipped their green horse in to a show and let them experience the environment without actually being in any classes? Is that a thing that people do? I’ve never showed a horse that I own before. I know it might not make sense or be realistic for a little schooling show, but she’s mildly flighty and might benefit from seeing the place before she has to do anything there.

[4THEHORSES]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8057986]
Has anyone here ever just shipped their green horse in to a show and let them experience the environment without actually being in any classes? Is that a thing that people do? I’ve never showed a horse that I own before. I know it might not make sense or be realistic for a little schooling show, but she’s mildly flighty and might benefit from seeing the place before she has to do anything there.[/QUOTE]

OP, yes. Some places will charge a ground fee or stall fee for non-competing horses and you can’t ride in any of the practice rings (possible at all) but you can do it and it can be really good for the horse.

[JumpQH]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8057986]
Has anyone here ever just shipped their green horse in to a show and let them experience the environment without actually being in any classes? Is that a thing that people do? I’ve never showed a horse that I own before. I know it might not make sense or be realistic for a little schooling show, but she’s mildly flighty and might benefit from seeing the place before she has to do anything there.[/QUOTE]

Sure! Many times. I think just about every trainer I’ve known has done it as well.

[jetsmom]

[QUOTE=dontskipthecafe;8057986]
Has anyone here ever just shipped their green horse in to a show and let them experience the environment without actually being in any classes? Is that a thing that people do? I’ve never showed a horse that I own before. I know it might not make sense or be realistic for a little schooling show, but she’s mildly flighty and might benefit from seeing the place before she has to do anything there.[/QUOTE]

You can, but I would enter maybe a flat class or two, and scratch if you think she would make it dangerous for the other riders. If you just think she wouldn’t place, then ride in it just for schooling. I even took my new green mare to a schooling show last yr and entered the crossrails division, and flipped my number so I wouldn’t be judged and rode in it as schooling, so I knew there was going to be no pressure.
Some shows don’t want to have riders on the property that are just going to ride around but not pay for an entry to even one class. So I would at least enter one, and scratch if you just want to ride around property. If you won’t be getting on, and will just be letting her hang out in the environment, then I wouldn’t pay. But I think you should at least longe her there, and maybe get on and walk her around, and if she is ok, try a flat class. Even a w/t class.

[Stono_Ferry]

Yep, we call it “being a tourist” and do it all the time with young horses

[SonnysMom]

Slightly different view point. I wouldn’t go. I won’t give my hard earned money to asshats. Why would I want to financially support somebody that is disrespectful of me? No thank you.

[OverandOnward]

What are your other options for schooling shows?

Only because of your own anxiety, I would recommend doing something else, or sending your greenie with a trainer and you stay home. Once greenie has some positive miles, and you don’t even feel the need to ask this question, that will be the time to go and avoid (so long as that’s easily done).

Anxiety disorder + green fussy horse + old-baggage location

______________ (fill in blank)

The odds are stacked on this one. Do what’s best for you and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing.

You have ALL the power in this situation to go/no-go and thereby keep things pleasant for yourself.

With all the work, money and time you put into your horse … it’s supposed to be fun …

[OverandOnward]

[QUOTE=SonnysMom;8058042]
Slightly different view point. I wouldn’t go. I won’t give my hard earned money to asshats. Why would I want to financially support somebody that is disrespectful of me? No thank you.[/QUOTE]

The world’s biggest asshats stay in business (thriving business, sometimes) whenever they have something that other people want more than they care about dealing with the asshat. Usually something that is a bit harder to get, in that area, at least.

We the public definitely give the asshats the power when their behavior is a lower priority to us. This seems to be some kind of universal principal … :yes: