Spin-off of being “that boarder” … How much of a community are your boarding barns?

[FjordBCRF]

As an introvert, I think my time at the barn constitutes as my social time as a secondary thing , pony is always #1! I’m with you in that I prefer the lighter friendships as well. I don’t have a very busy social life and tend to get overwhelmed with social commitments. I deal with chronic fatigue and often times I just don’t have the energy to pull it together to be social for planned events on top of the down time needed after to recharge.

Being with my horse and helping around the barn with things like turnout, feeding, putting up hay are things I can power through and not get too worse for the wear. That stuff turns off my brain and allows me to decompress.

At my last barn, I did become very good friends with a couple who is very like minded with the horse stuff as well as them both being super interesting and inspiring as general humans. They are closer to my parents age and are like minded there too so we introduced them. We all get together for dinner and will sign up for outdoorsy/ nature events in the area. That friendship is definitely a couple notches above most others with horse friends.

Generally, I tend to be better with spur of the moment plans; if I’m feeling pretty good I’ll reach out to try and make plans or will jump onto existing ones. Nonetheless, my barn friend experiences have all be helpful and low pressure which has been awesome!

[endlessclimb]

I don’t want a barn that needs other people to look out for your horse.

I was at one and just recently left after 20 years of being there. I didn’t realize how much stress I was carrying, because my knowledge base is much greater than the people I boarded with (not trying to be arrogant, just stating a fact). It turned into me doing everything, me needing to be there every.single.day else I did not trust that my horses were ok. Can you feed for me, can you look at fluffy’s legs, can you XYZ was all the time, can you deworm pookie, every day I was asked to do something. Meanwhile, I could never ask for anything in return because I didn’t trust them.

Now, the horsemanship at the new place is top notch and I can take a day off if I want to. The relief I feel is unbelievable.

[Spudsmyguy]

The barn I’m at now is very community oriented. We’re all a bunch of adult ammies who are mostly eventing focused and really are a great group with no drama at all. It’s a small barn of 7 stalls, the care is really good, the horses are all happy and healthy, fed 4 times a day, indoor and outdoor arenas, all day turnout. I love it there and consider the barn owner a good friend.

I’ve also been at barns where there was no community at all. I like being able to hang out and talk to other adults about our horses, but one in particular was almost hostile. I only stayed a few months and moved on.

[lenapesadie]

It’s crazy how your perception of a situation can change once you get out of said situation! It’s nice to pay the bill and not have to be at the barn every dang day to just make sure the horse is ok.

The higher end barn I was at, when we would “look out” for each other’s horses it included giving Pookie a pet on the way to Dobbin’s stall. At the mid range barn it was more like taking turns stuffing our extra hay bigs with our extra hay and giving our extra alfalfa cubes etc in an attempt to pick up the difference between the barn’s standard of care and our barn friend group’s standard of care.

[lenapesadie]

Pitching in on barn chores is one thing and very suitable for some barns!

What got me was the endless parade of happy hours, barn parties, birthday bashes at the one barn. I just didn’t realistically have time for that!

It’s all about finding what works for the individual person and pony!

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

@beowulf

How much of a community depends on the barn type and frankly the personality of the person that runs it. No bullshit Barn Owner? You’ll probably find like-minded boarders, with the bad eggs weeded out quickly. A BO or trainer that thrives on petty drama? You’ll see it reflected in the people they choose to draw into their circle, and you’ll see it too in the ever-revolving exodus of friendly faces replaced by new every few years or so.

This. And also in the way in which the BO communicates about and with boarders. Yes, there’s always going to be the occasional crazy boarder who comes in with an unleashed dog, texts a million questions, and has a million special instructors about her horse. But a good BO will either have a long enough waiting list that she doesn’t need to take in Crazy Boarder and instead will select Sane Boarder from the list, and if the BO has an issue with a boarder, the BO will confront the boarder privately, firmly, and in a timely fashion, while a Drama Queen BO will talk shit about the annoying boarder behind her back, play favorites, and do anything and everything but have a mature conversation like, “get a second opinion about your horse’s inability to gain weight” or “don’t bring your Yorkie unleashed to my barn.”

[FjordBCRF]

@lenapesadie

What got me was the endless parade of happy hours, barn parties, birthday bashes at the one barn. I just didn’t realistically have time for that!

All the nopes to that!! Prior to covid, the “work friends” I had were cut from that type of cloth. Covid was handy in providing a good opportunity to pause that and I never returned. Nothing better than working all day with people, then going out with them a couple times a week while they would proceed to get shit faced and bitch about…wait for it…work! Im good for a happy hour now and again with my actual friends, but the work experience was so whacky to me.

@endlessclimb

I don’t want a barn that needs other people to look out for your horse

I totally get this. If I were not so close to my barn and enjoyed going out every day, I would have to be someplace like you’re talking about. My biggest thing at both barns has been around hay. After laminitis and colic in 2021, my guy is on an easy keeper diet/turnout so he doesn’t get much AM/PM. Barn does a couple flakes in the morning, are suppose to do lunch but it doesn’t always happen, and then they get turned out for the night with grass or round bales on a dry lot. He eats through a couple flakes of hay so quickly even with a slow feeder, that if lunch doesn’t happen, that’s a long time on an empty stomach. The other barn did a night check, but also fed dinner at like 2:30PM, so night check was sometimes as early as 6-7PM when they would be on anytime turnout during winter. To quell my worries around that, I just purchased and installed one of those iFeed auto/timed feeders. He now gets hay pellets in it and it dispenses a couple ounces every hour when he is in his stall. I’m sure I will find something to replace that worry, but for the meantime, I’m happy with that solution.

[cayuse]

I’ve never had much luck at boarding. The barns I’ve been at have been middle of the road price wise. There was no community atmosphere but varying degrees of jealousy, backstabbing and gaslighting. Care ran the gamut from poor to very good. The “very good care” barn was pretty good re: personalities and drama but the owners horses seemed to pay the price for the good care the boarders got and they looked rough and had minimal shelter. I couldn’t deal with that.
I am at a point where if I had to board. I’d get out of horses.

[lenapesadie]

The hay situation was always tricky for me too. I still use my Porta Grazer at home.

My boy is ready to mutiny if left without snacks for more than an hour or two. He also resents excessive stall time, turn out without satisfactory shelter, heat, bugs, rain, poorly adjusted blankets, solo turn out, mud, tall grass and stalls without windows. It’s probably best he’s at home now lol

[FjordBCRF]

@lenapesadie

My boy is ready to mutiny if left without snacks for more than an hour or two. He also resents excessive stall time, turn out without satisfactory shelter, heat, bugs, rain, poorly adjusted blankets, solo turn out, mud, tall grass and stalls without windows. It’s probably best he’s at home now lol

he is like the Princess and the Pea I can imagine having him at home makes a huge difference!

Thankfully, my guy isn’t as fussy as I am He isn’t bothered by anything you listed to date. When he was on his diet after the laminitis was when he was the most vocal I’ve seen him about anything. He would empty his portagrazer from his reduced hay amount and bang the snot out of it anytime anyone came into the barn. That was short lived thankfully.

[lenapesadie]

He’s a character for sure!

Banging the Porta Grazer! That’s funny! Like, hey humans this thing is empty.

[FjordBCRF]

Exactly!! I had it tied with some twine so it wouldn’t tip and he would pull the twine to lift it up and drop it. Thankfully my barn mates weren’t too bothered by it. They would say he is playing his drums

[lenapesadie]

That’s hysterical! Charlie the drummer!

My boy will roll his around if it’s not tethered to a wall. He thinks it makes the hay come out faster lol

Those things are tough as nails! Great value imo.

[FjordBCRF]

@lenapesadie

Those things are tough as nails! Great value imo

The barrels certainly are! In the drumming phase, Charlie cracked BOTH the 6 and 8 holes pans I had . Nothing duct tape couldn’t remedy at least. I need to write to the company and offer our services as wear testers!

[lenapesadie]

Oh no! I haven’t had a lick of trouble with mine! But it hasn’t been drummed on so lol

You could totes be their product tester

[erinmeri]

I haven’t read through a lot of this thread, but I do find it interesting what “community” means to some. I have never boarded self-care or co-op… so maybe that colors my opinion, but I think of community as a group of people who I connect with, and not as a group who will contribute to the care of my horse.

I also don’t expect to pay for general upkeep or maintenance of a facility I board at (arena footing, mud control, etc), although I have contributed (voluntarily, unbidden) to solar lights on an unwired shedrow. My board should pay for upkeep and day-to-day services.

I also am willing to contribute to small investments like sealed-motor fans where box fans are being phased out, but I have never been asked to pay more than 50% of the investment (and that was the only time I was ever asked for a one-off investment). It made sense to me to pay a relatively small sum that helped me sleep at night and got the upgrade done sooner. All other investments I assume are covered by my board and/or will be rolled into board increases.

If I were in a self-care or co-op situation, then my opinions might change. But generally, I expect to get what I pay for, from management. Not from fellow boarders. (“Nice to have” upgrades don’t apply. We boarders can pitch in and get those if we want them!)

[Tee]

Of my 3, I have one that does this, only if he’s left in in the morning (if it’s too windy or gross to feed outside). One boarder insists that it scares her horse four stalls down. I tried unhooking it from the wall, but then he pushes it all over and trashes his stall, and leaves it right where he can’t lay down to sleep. Every. Single. Night. So it’s hooked now and I’ll just unhook it in the mornings he stays in.

The other two make no noise at all. And one is a 2-year-old!

[McGurk]

OMG, that is so scarily, creepily close to my own experiences as a BO/BM that I had to check the avatar on the post to make sure I didn’t make it while sleep walking.

[AW]

I think we’ve all been there!

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

The only thing that surprises me about @beowulf’s hilarious anecdote about Dobbin the 14h pony is that he was so sweet.

In my experience with those situations, the horses are often the kind of animals (forgive me for saying so) that are COMPLETELY unlovable and an absolute mystery why anyone would want to own them–a freakishly clumsy 19h green warmblood for a slim 5’7 owner, a constantly in heat mare with one eye that whinnied 24/7 and the owner could barely ride in a straight line at a walk, and a chronically unsound 17.2h horse with an eggbeater trot that practically jiggled out the fillings of the friend the owner asked to ride him for rehab. Yet the owners had very specific care requirements for every single hour of the horse’s day (not wanting to be pains in the ass, but just very little perspective that every horse is just one among the needs of many).