Spin-off of being “that boarder” … How much of a community are your boarding barns?

[RedHorses]

A very large part of why I left the last barn was one boarder. I’d been there for several years and had a good relationship with the other boarders and the BO. I could join group rides or not without fuss or offense. It was a low key, no fuss place with excellent care of my horses - even my needy one (I worked with the BO to figure put the easiest way for them to do his care).

The new boarder came in and was friendly, chatty, asked questions - more than I’d like, but I was friendly enough. Until I realized that all of it was designed to let her talk. She tell the same story five times (in ONE day), ask for advice and then question it or ignore it completely and start telling stories again, try and show videos or pictures, exaggerate everything (and then deny it all when it came back to bite her butt). It took a bit longer for it to be evident that she would lie freely, double down when called out, then deny ever saying it, and then promptly tell another blatant lie.

This boarder destroyed the peace in the barn and I wasn’t the only one trying to time my visits to avoid her. Unfortunately with two horses and a full time job I didn’t have a lot of flexibility. The barn was tiny, with no way of distancing. If she had no one to talk at (I was not an option by then) she would phone someone, put them on speaker and talk (no personal volume control in a tiny barn = no escaping it).

My job is stressful enough, I don’t need a stressful barn life on top. I didn’t complain to the BO, I moved.

Another boarder got me kicked out of a barn once. At last check that boarder had gotten at least ten boarders to leave either through harassment or persuading the BO to kick them out. That seems like a poor trade off to me.

[frisky]

Thanks for validating my current stress levels. I changed barns 4 months ago. A small group of people from my old barn moved into a new barn and two of the old boarders are now managers and live on site. There was a significant board increase for “full care,” but now the barn is farther from my house and there’s more chaos and just a strange barn system. Horses get fed at weird times, stalls get cleaned at any time of day, only half of the horses are being turned out and they only get turned out at the hottest part of the day. I need to go to the barn regularly just to turn my horse out and make sure everything’s are okay. I’ve been told my horse will go out multiple times and it never happens. Again, same group of people, but different level of dysfunction. It’s the life stress that makes the barn overwhelming and not as much fun.

[four2farm]

As I read through these I kind of laugh. The barn I am at has a waiting list. I took lessons for over a year, then my horse was allowed to come for a week or two at a time for boot camps before I was finally told a stall was available.
I was introduced around through the first year, made some friends, got invited to spectate at shows.
I noticed that all the boarders had been there forever and my stall was only available after more stalls were added.

Come to find out I had to be voted in. I found out about a month after. My coach called all the boarders together and gave them all the people who wanted stalls and they picked two of us. I was informed at the next “new boarder selection” and it all made sense. My horse gets great care, the barn crew is stellar, low drama, friendly and low maintenance. Apparently they researched me, my friends, references, social media as well as my actions.
I have been in bad boarding situations before and my heart goes out to any boarder stuck next to a toxic one!

[Salty]

The only boarding barn that I ever enjoyed had maybe four boarders. We would set a new outdoor course every weekend, and call practice tests for one another. One person would go off to fancy hunter lessons and come back to teach what she’d learned to the rest of us so she wouldn’t forget it. We would often have Bailey’s and coffee in the tack room after riding. We would also watch instructional videos together and help each other practice what we had learned.

The care was excellent and we did a variety of horse sports.

I have boarded at places where the barn owner stole my supplements and wrote so many bad checks that the hay man, vet, and farrier wouldn’t come out. Where people seemed to be there only to socialize. Where some people were golden and others excluded.

I really had fun at the fun barn but I am very glad to have my horses at home now. That barn was a rare thing.

[BigMama1]

I love the atmosphere at our barn. Both the owner and the trainer run a really tight ship and there is no BS or stupid behaviour with horses allowed.

All of the boarders are in a full time training program so lesson time is serious and focused. There is a little casual chit chat before and after lessons, but nobody spends hours hanging around the barn. You might see the person who rides before you and the person who rides after, and that’s it.

We are all pretty much middle aged women with varying degrees of riding ambition and talent, from ammys who ride the GP to people like me who struggle along at Third year after year. Everyone is super supportive of everyone else’s riding and progress. Everyone is friendly and polite to everyone else.

We do a few social things together each year - Christmas party, horse shows, etc. and go out for a glass of wine once in a while but the barn is not expected to be a social place. The staff are busy and work hard and don’t have time for hand holding and dealing with drama. They are incredibly supportive in an emergency or in rough times, but on a regular day are focused in their work, not boarders’ personal lives, which is as it should be.

Anyone who doesn’t fit in to these expectations or who doesn’t respect the barn owner’s rules doesn’t stay long. Either they realize it’s not a good fit and they leave, or they are asked to leave.

I do think having an adult-only barn makes a big difference, but that being said I know some barns full of drama led by so-called grown ups. In general, it seems the more involved people seem to get in each other’s lives, riding, horse care, etc. the more drama gets created.

Does the drama level vary by discipline? I’d be curious for anecdotes about that. Our BO is an eventer and the trainer is a dressage trainer. The boarders and sale / training horses are almost all dressage horses.

[endlessclimb]

I feel like in my experience, the most drama came from the middle aged women who don’t ride but are barefoot/parelli/“voodoo” fanatics. They just can.not. keep their mouths shut and won’t back down when asked to quit.

[BigMama1]

@endlessclimb

I feel like in my experience, the most drama came from the middle aged women who don’t ride but are barefoot/parelli/“voodoo” fanatics. They just can.not. keep their mouths shut and won’t back down when asked to quit.

Ya I couldn’t cope with that lol

[peedin]

My barn manager just booted out a group of 12-14 year old girls for causing too much disruption. The final straw was one gave the finger to the person watering the horses at a shows. Other girls bullied some of the campers over the summer. These girls were foul mouth. One accused me of hitting her horse in the face. I told her to shut up, then had a long call with the barn manager. They are now other barns’ problems.

The majority of our boarders are adult pleasure riders and while one person may not like another, we are generally friendly and helpful with each other. Lending fly spray, etc. The barn manager now leases the barn from the owner and is making some needed improvements, but the care has always been very good. We have a barn crew of 4 that do turn out, stalls, general maintenance; collectively they are “the guys”. They are all good with handling the horses, but
truthfully, I only trust myself with my horse.

[four2farm]

@endlessclimb

I feel like in my experience, the most drama came from the middle aged women who don’t ride but are barefoot/parelli/“voodoo” fanatics. They just can.not. keep their mouths shut and won’t back down when asked to quit.

OMG so true!
Statements that set my teeth on edge:

1. I watched a video
2. My friend, cousin, or the infamous “they” said (Still trying to find out who “they” are).
3. I listened to a podcast.
4. My vet said, but I think?
5. Your horse is doing this because he is not properly desensitized. You need more groundwork.

I meet someone who makes any of the above statements and I instantly forgot something in my car or get a crazy important text message.

[OverandOnward]

And the ones that dismiss all veterinary medicine forthwith. Science is bullshit, doncha know. Stay far away!

They say the name of the most well-recognized vets in the area with horrified tones. Oh no, not Dr. ___ !

But that’s where I got my horse’s diagnosis and treatment plan! Stares of disgust come my way. Clearly I’m a dimwitted horse owner to the point of abusive, with all of this vet attention and vet prescribed treatment.

Also medicines are out. Prescriptions are verboten. Never ever ever.

They have a guru (sometimes more than one) and herbal or magical treatment regimens. Somehow all of it is not only as expensive as a vet, but has to be continued for months, then re-assessed and re-diagnosed, more treatments and more expense – this can end up costing 3x what the veterinary route would cost, and sometimes no results.

I am actually not opposed to homeopathic approaches at all. Some can be valid and useful. But all things need to be evaluated for use at the right time and situation. Unfortunately I know a few horse people who just don’t think about it in the same way as I do, and are inflexible in discussion.

The only way out of these interminable conversations is to remain vague about what is going on with the horse, or if anything is going on at all. I’m hand-walking and getting Pookie to swallow a dosing syringe full of sumpinorother just because – well, just because.

[ltmac]

Up until a couple years ago, I boarded at a barn for at least ten years. It was the facility of an upper-level rider who eventually sold it when she decided to keep her business in FL year-round. The barn ebbed and flowed as a boarding facility with the seasons and eventually thinned out. For the last three or four years, I was lucky to be one of three boarders along with the barn manager. We all got along swimmingly and supported one another. The care was fantastic. I knew that I was in a rare situation and cherished every minute there.

After that barn sold, I moved my horse to a friend’s private barn (with her home on property) as a temporary solution until moving my horse home with me. Despite compromising in many ways during this move, I knew that my friend and I shared many tenets of horse care so I felt safe having him there. I was the only boarder during my time boarding there and this was both a benefit and drawback… that could be a whole other post in and of itself. It was not the worst situation to be in, however I would have stood up more if it had been permanent – i.e., having a conversation about either having her lower the board rate to reflect the reality of the situation or raising the quality of farm care to justify the board rate, or moving to another barn. I let a lot of things go (but not always easily ) because I viewed the situation as being short-term and because of that I feel like my friend and I were able to end things on a positive note.

[vxf111]

Maybe I’m misunderstanding this. Your friend was nice enough to let you board at her place and you wanted her to either reduce the rate or make changes to accommodate you!? In what situation do you ask to pay less because the amenities aren’t up to snuff. If you feel like you’re overpaying the solution is to move, no!

[ltmac]

I was nice enough to sign a boarding contract for her barn’s LLC

Her board has always been set about 40% above the average price for the area because she touts it as a luxury facility on par with the BNT in the area. I knew this going in, both during review of the contract prior to signing/moving and from talking with friends who boarded with her in the past. It would have cost me the same to have my horse in training board with an upper level show jumping or dressage trainer in the area at their luxury facility with allllll the amenities.

During my barn search, I found that my top priorities were horse care and privacy. Both of these were met by my friend and her facility which is why I was okay with swallowing the high board cost for the temporary timeframe of a little over a year. Her barn had good bones but was nothing fancy and had no amenities, but most of my issue with the price gouging was that she did not maintain the facility – many fence boards were rotten and/or broken and had exposed nails, arenas were rarely drug (once every couple months) and never watered, stalls had zip-ties holding some parts together, automatic fly spray system had been broken for years, etc. All of these were things that I could have lived but at a lower price.

[vxf111]

If you don’t like the care and amenities, you move. That’s the solution. Whether your friend owns the facility or a stranger owns the facility.

Also I’m puzzled a bit here. For $X you wanted your horse no exposure to exposed nails but for $X-Y those things would be ok? That makes no sense to me. Even though horsekeeing was your #1 priority? Either the care was up to snuff or it wasn’t. And if it wasn’t, you move.

It seems like your friend’s barn was in the shape it was in when you signed the boarding agreement. If you didn’t think it was worth the cost, you could have boarded elsewhere. To move in and then expect a board reduction because you wish it was nicer is pretty unrealistic, in my opinion. Honestly, just based on the limited facts it sounds like you were the issue and not your friend. She’s entitled to charge what she charges. If it’s not worth it, no one is forcing you to board there. But to feel like she should have offered you a discount because you didn’t like her facility— that’s pretty ballsy.

[ltmac]

Thanks for your feedback!

Unfortunately in that area, the waitlist for a facility with decent facilities and reliable care/barn help as well as a decent price for board was years long, so the only option was to go to an expensive training board facility or at a facility with limited to no amenities with questionable care.

As you may have failed to read, I never did have this conversation with her. I paid my board on time every month and helped her out countless times (such as picking up said fence boards ).

The only answer you get when you don’t ask is no. She and I have a good enough relationship that I felt as though I could of at least asked. It’s not like I was going to approach her with a weapon and force my demands on her or else, which is how you’re making me out to sound. I didn’t want to move because the care was reliable and the facility had everything but just needed a little TLC, but I would have moved — or never even moved there to begin with, gasp! — if I was not going to be relocating within a year and didn’t have a soft place to land for that interim.

[vxf111]

Then it sounds like, given the scarcity in your area, she was charging the market rate for what she was offering?! Which again means it would be pretty unreasonable for you to think you could ask to pay less because you didn’t like the amenities there. Sure you can ask but if there were no other options what would make you think she SHOULD charge less? Her rates seemed tuned to the scarcity in the market.

When you’re a boarder your choices are to pay the rate or leave. You paid. Because in your estimation it was the best option at the time. So why in retrospect you’re grumbling that you would have asked for a board reduction had this not been a “friend” is beyond me. It just seems like sour grapes. You could have gone to the fancy training barn if you thought that was a better way to spend your money. You didn’t. Seems like something about your friend’s barn was better, at the time, in your view.

[ltmac]

You’re correct about the options of paying or leaving, which I also stated in my original post. We were not hostages and I had backup plans to move him elsewhere, which would have been to a different area and further away. But is there ever a perfect situation? You must live in nirvana – how fortunate for you. And the other thing is that I didn’t want my horse in training board with those BNTs, I didn’t want to be at a show barn for a different discipline. Just because I could afford it since I was paying the same amount doesn’t mean that I should have done that instead; I was simply providing this information as a price comparison.

Pardon me for wanting value for my dollar. Is there a reason why you’re needling me here? Were you a part of my experience? I brought this up in this thread not to have a long winded discussion about the price vs value of board, but about the two main barn communities that I had which were similar yet still different, and ultimately how I found that the barn community that I value is small and private. If you read the original post, the OP states:

@FjordBCRF

While they are both decent barns, I notice holes and would have a higher standard of care myself (and which I take on myself for my horse). I would hope at a more expensive barn standards would match the price but maybe not?

Are you going to start needling her for wanting value for her dollar, too? Please reread other posts that echo my sentiments and hop off of me while you’re at it – thank you

[OverandOnward]

@vxf111 : Itmac wasn’t asking for help. Your advice to Itmac is not needed. OK?

@ltmac : vxf111 will never agree with you or acknowledge your points. You can quit trying now.

Hoping to be able to keep the sub on this thread for OTHER interesting conversation … but oh well …

[vxf111]

Oh boy, the self appointed moderator is here

I haven’t violated any forum rules. Last time I checked one poster doesn’t get to tell others to shut up arbitrarily. You probably wouldn’t appreciate that if someone did that to you.

The beauty of internet discussion boards is that if you don’t want people to engage with you, you can JUST NOT POST. If you do post, others will engage. They might take the discussion in a direction you didn’t anticipate. That is the nature of the beast. And the solution is…

JUST DON’T RESPOND.

So I’ll walk away given that others apparently can’t or won’t.

[Djones]

I was so anxious at first when my horses came home (20 years ago). I had always had other eyes to fall back on, to keep an eye out, etc. Thankfully I grew up in a small barn environment where I helped with everything they’d let me do and had lots of real-life experience with things, like the day one horse went down in a HYPP seizure and another showed signs of colic just four stalls away and I’m 16 years old and I’m the only knowledgable person in the barn that afternoon lol. So while I knew horses and knew how to have them at home…I worried about missing those extra eyes.

Now after all this time I’d be longing for the back stall and odd hours. I don’t know where I’d go locally that either the care isn’t terrible (cheap feed, very dusty setups, lots of horses sold and therefore in and out so the pasture herds aren’t stable) or so over the top (too $$$$ and just not somewhere I’d feel like I fit) that I’m just thankful to be here at home.