Spinoff: How do you handle anger?

[mooonie]

How do you handle anger? Anger is the opposite of rational thinking. Maybe this is a time to reflect on how we respond when we are angry rather than point the finger. One example is. My horse was on stall rest for a month, and so happy to be out that he leaped up in the air and kicked out. At me. I had a multi-color bruise, purple, red, blue, green all in horse shoe form on my thigh. If this had been a few inches in any direction, it could have hit my face, pelvis ect. It was painful, but not life threatening although it could have been. My response was that I jerked on him and then backed him up (for 30 minutes, not only through the barn, but through all of the property). Probably did not accomplish anything

Just yesterday, I was mad at my horse. He was spooking for no good reason – just felt like it. The experts say that when you are mad at your horse, to just get off. What about when your horse just starts misbehaving, just a few minutes into the ride –and he really needs to be ridden!

How do you all handle this?

[mfleming13]

Try to remain as calm as possible… it’s annoying when they spook but I’ll do my best to redirect their attention to something more interesting. I’ve found that most of the time taking my emotion out of it is the best way to do it. Sometimes when I feel frustration creeping in and I can’t seem to shake it (whether the frustration is with the horse or with something I might be doing) I’ll take a walk break or I’ll halt and sit on the horse and take a few deep breaths. If I can’t pull myself together enough to ride in a positive way (which happens very rarely) I’ll just go on a hack.

There’s no place for temper in horse training. It will always, always come back to haunt you.

[SuzieQNutter]

To train a horse you take out all anger. All emotion. Never train a horse with anger. You need patience and understanding. That does not mean that you do not set boundaries and you do not discipline but you set boundaries and discipline when it is needed. Timing is key and if you are not in a good mood you go in and watch a movie and let the horse be.

You also choose your emotions. So if you choose to be in a bad mood that is up to you. I prefer to be happy and carefree so that is what I choose.

I am at home with 3 tb’s in work. I need to stay safe. There is no one else here until hubby gets home from work either that day or the next day. I lunge before I ride. No they do not need to be lunged to be ridden. Lunging is part of their training. I lunge properly. I can tell on the lunge if I am not going to get on for any reason. I have taught my husband to lunge, so it does not phase me at all that I am over an hour away and staying overnight and he is at home lunging and riding on his own and a beginner.

Hubby has been trained by me. He has seen me with the horses and that I am patient and do not use anger. He has also been doing the absolute opposite of what I have told him to do with Sim and babying him and treating him as a pet which you can not do with this horse and I have told him over and over and over not to.

3 weeks away without me to put Sim in his place. Sim was on time off due to injury so getting fed without working for it. My rule of do not hand feed him. Do not feed him without a halter on. Do not rug him without a halter on is carried out by me walking into the laundry with Sim standing just outside, head and neck fully extended. Hubby has the feedbins on the washing machine. Sim just can’t reach the feed in the feed bin. Hubby is cutting carrots, one in the feed bin, one to Sim, one in the feed bin, one to Sim. This is not funny. Not with this horse. He will go for you if you treat him like that.

So I get the phone call while I am away. Sim went for him. Mouth open and charged. He gave him a black eye and hubby is nearly 6 foot and solid. He saw him coming and put his arms up.

What did Sim do next?

He backed off and said he was sorry.

So he didn’t fully go for you.

Yes he did he he fully went for me.

No he didn’t. If he had fully gone for you he would have knocked you down and had you on the ground or spun when you put your arms up and double barrelled you in the head.

What did you do?

He was cowering and saying he was sorry so I told him he was a good boy and to come to me.

He then put his halter on, did ground exercises and took him with him to feed the other horses and fed Sim last.

This tells me that hubby has learned not to use anger. As most people would have beaten Sim for what he did.
Which I don’t think is fair as the rider is the one who was doing the opposite of what he was told for years. He was told not to baby him and he would go for him if he continued the way he was. So beat the rider if you want to be angry with someone not the horse!! As you can imagine he didn’t get much symphathy from me and he is now putting the halter on to do anything with Sim. He also said he has a lot more respect for Sim when he is lunging him.

Stuff Sim what about more respect for Suzie Q and what she says. … Nope!

[SuzieQNutter]

If someone gets angry with a horse it is because the person has reached the end of their training. They need to learn more.

[doublesstable]

I yell at my trainer then my horse and blame them for everything… ha ha NO - I was glad I rode OTTB’s as a kid growing up - if anything I don’t get mad at my horses because all it would do is make matters worse…

And I often think how I would like to be treated when I make a mistake… with my kiddos as well…

Oh and then I go home and eat chocolate cake…

[doublesstable]

On the just getting off - wouldn’t do that - a few things I have done is if horse is spooking I hunt down a rider and horse that is solid and work my horse around that horse… they feed off each other. If they are fresh and need to be worked more I will just ride them through it.

Today my horse was spooking at a Gardner in the bushes… I kept him on a circle using a lot of inside leg to outside rein until he relaxed a bit.

If there is something I cannot get done then I have the trainer help me. But when I have been on my own consistency and trying to understand them usually works… or open a beer before you get on so you don’t get too upset… ha ha

[bitranchy]

I’m in the boat of working a fresh horse through it. My reaction is relative to what they’re doing. If my horse is a little looky and scooting around a bit, so long as there’s no one else in the ring, I’ll laugh it off. Now, if they’re looking to put on their own amateur rodeo or there are folks I could be interrupting, I’ll be a bit more assertive and put them through the paces on a circle.

If I’m ever anxious, upset, angry, on horseback, I do a breathing exercise. I’m an anxious person, and a show, for example, will really get my nerves going. By the time I’m through a grounding exercise, that initial emotion is much more manageable, if not gone entirely.

[Come_Shine]

When I’m riding alone, in the event my mare does a hard spook at the corner where the monster is hiding, I cuss a blue steak. I’m pretty sure the horses in the barn can hear me - lol. In company, I try and keep my tongue in check to preserve the ears of those around me.

[Horseman15]

@doublesstable

…if anything I don’t get mad at my horses because all it would do is make matters worse…

I got my first OTTB after riding for only 2 months. He was green right off the track. I learned really REALLY quickly that getting mad at them only exacerbates the situation. Rarely do they really make me mad, but when they do I breathe deeply and keep telling myself “He/She is a lot bigger than you” LOL Actually, I just focus on breathing deeply and not creating an even worse situation. My 2 have taught me a LOT of patience! But even when they’re just being true blue jerks I make sure to always end on a good note, even if it’s just leg yields or simple stops. After we’re done I’ve gone for a walk to calm back down a few times. I’ve been really careful about letting anger affect my behavior with them, which has resulted in some pretty long walks LOL

@doublesstable

Oh and then I go home and eat chocolate cake…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Love this LOL

[ReturnCall90]

A heavy pour of Chardonnay, served chilled.

[longtimelurker]

I think it’s helpful to always remember we’re on living animals - not dirt bikes - and that these living animals didn’t sign up for this. Yes, hopefully, they enjoy their jobs, but when it comes down to it, we’re asking them to do a ton of stuff that isn’t natural for them. That they do what we ask of them as often as they do it pretty miraculous. Helps give some perspective when my horse is having a meltdown because someone had the audacity to walk by the indoor arena with a plastic bag in hand…ha.

But also, yes, Chardonnay for me too.

[melula]

I try to foster a partner mentality. My horse is my partner, not my servant. Sometimes I have a bad day and sometimes my partner has a bad day. If I feel I’m having trouble explaining something, sometimes I find he is trying to explain something to me. It’s a difference in attitude that makes all of the difference in a ride.

[rockonxox]

I get mad at myself. When I’ve gotten super frustrated I’ve growled at myself, vocalized that I was mad I couldn’t do the right thing and trainer tells me to channel that anger into doing the right thing. I realize that 99.9% of the time I’m the source of the problem when riding. Getting mad and smacking a horse, kicking a horse, yanking on horse, it doesn’t accomplish getting the horse to do what you want. It gets them pissed or fearful. It is not conducive to learning. Maybe some riders are more rough and tumble and having their horse fear them is fine as long as the horse does what they want. I don’t believe in that in my partnership with the horses I ride. I want my horses to trust me that I will help them understand what I want and not flip out on them.

Now, when one of the sunshines tried to take a kick at me I said no very loudly he got a tap on the bum because that is dangerous behavior. By little tap I mean it was how I would smack a mosquito off myself so not a hard tap. Just a “hey I’m standing right here” reminder.

[Cascades]

I try to be as unemotional as possible when training, and realize that whatever the horse is doing, he/she isn’t doing it just to piss me off.

If if I do feel my temper starting to go, I ask the horse for something easy, then get off and put them up. If I’m angry, nothing productive is going to happen. Put the horse up, come back when I’m more in control.

[Tigre_Horse]

I do think there is a time and place for anger though. Like the 5 second rule when it comes to biting, etc. Not - you’re not doing what I want anger - no place for that. But the ability to let anger go - that comes with time. As a rider - who hasn’t gotten frustrated and maybe done the wrong thing and apologized to their horse later? Who hasn’t had a trainer who gave them, what turned out to be, pretty bad advice on how to handle a situation? We all, hopefully, live and learn - none of us comes equipped with all the skills we need right out of the chute.

What I find hardest, is having a tough day at work and then going to the barn. Sometimes it’s really hard leaving the baggage of the day at the barn door. Those days usually turn into “spa” days - where my guy just gets a really good grooming instead. But again, recoginzing those things, all comes with, dare I say it, age . . . and acknowledging the fact, that hey, we aren’t going to the Olympics . . .

[Hunter_Mom]

@Tigre Horse

I do think there is a time and place for anger though. Like the 5 second rule when it comes to biting, etc. Not - you’re not doing what I want anger - no place for that. But the ability to let anger go - that comes with time. As a rider - who hasn’t gotten frustrated and maybe done the wrong thing and apologized to their horse later? Who hasn’t had a trainer who gave them, what turned out to be, pretty bad advice on how to handle a situation? We all, hopefully, live and learn - none of us comes equipped with all the skills we need right out of the chute.

What I find hardest, is having a tough day at work and then going to the barn. Sometimes it’s really hard leaving the baggage of the day at the barn door. Those days usually turn into “spa” days - where my guy just gets a really good grooming instead. But again, recoginzing those things, all comes with, dare I say it, age . . . and acknowledging the fact, that hey, we aren’t going to the Olympics . . .

Yesterday was one of those days. I knew (and my husband recognized immediately when I got home) that I needed a good ride to regain sanity after a particularly rough day at work. Like one of those rides where you both get hot & sweaty. I know that Mare is not one who cares what kind of day I’ve had, and takes some focus to ride.

Last week, I went out with the intention of working on a couple of things with Mare. Because of weather, she had been in for a bit, and was jumping out of her skin. EVERYTHING warranted a spook. So, we lived on a 20m circle and trotted. And trotted. And trotted. My focus for the entire ride was getting her to relax and soften on the circle. I put her in a situation where she could be successful. That’s my job as a rider. If I’d gotten angry with her, in the mood she was in, it would have ended badly for me and for her. She is a horse who is easily offended, so you don’t have the option of losing your cool unless you have really good health insurance.

[2DogsFarm]

@SuzieQNutter

If someone gets angry with a horse it is because the person has reached the end of their training. They need to learn more.

This X1000!
Should be engraved in stone on a plaque put in every riding arena in the World. :yes:

[outside_leg]

I don’t think I’ve ever been angry with a horse I was riding. Angry at myself? Sure. Horses are flight animals. They can react an unpredictable ways no matter how well-trained they are. I’ve never understood the mentality of: “They should know better” when a horse spooks or kicks or does anything else that, when you think about it, falls under natural horse behavior.

When a horse kicks out at me or spooks, I don’t get mad. I work through it. I get off if the horse isn’t getting better (after ending on something that goes at least a little better). But mostly I stay soft and keep asking. If the horse does something dangerous, I discipline them. But again, getting mad doesn’t solve anything. It doesn’t make it better.

If I have a bad trip or fall, mostly I’m mad or disappointed in myself. I’m the one who should know better and do better. But it’s not the sort of thing I dwell on in the moment. Mostly I can stay pretty chill in the saddle. It’s the sort of thing that comes back to me later that evening in the shower or lying in bed, when I go over what I could’ve done differently.

When it comes to dealing with anger at a horse, though…I don’t know. It’s never been a problem for me. The most I can say is that I’ve gotten frustrated with horses I don’t click with. But again, it’s more a frustration at myself for not figuring out how to bridge that gap. And when that happens, I usually try to ask someone for help or insight, or I try something different.

[eclipse]

As my trainer always tells others when they seem shocked their horse spooked “they’re live animals not robots… they’ll spook once in a while! Just relax and ride through it. Don’t pull, jerk, hit them or make them feel trapped as it will escalate it”… wise words! My guy, while awesome, has a spook… a big stupid one LOL! Usually I can ride it out by bending away and not making a big deal of it but when I can’t I gracefully bow out and let a younger trainer get on. She’s braver than I am, doesn’t get mad but is able to just ride him forward (yes sometimes you do need to use a crop to get the forward but not anger) and put his mind to work instead of spook and buck!

Theres a time and and place for using a crop to reprimand and a time not to… learning the difference and keeping anger out of it can be a fine line!

[Atlas_Shrugged]

Getting angry does not achieve the desired result. You want to be good, don’t you?