Wow! Thank you all for the thoughtful and helpful responses. I have read and ruminated on all of them.
The kick is in the past so I will not dwell on it here, except that my horse was not respecting my space and I did not realize it until it was too late. (I still feel bad about what I did though). I “trained” him in the heat of the moment. Instead, this should have been a daily routine.
The recent spook is an issue. Currently, these are small spooks, so maybe not a big deal. However, one time on the trail, he was having a spooky day. He started out with small spooks (that I ignored) which escalated into a whopper that I do not think even a rodeo cowboy could ride. I did get accelerated off and was injured.
So, when the small spooks happen, I am mentally bracing for the big one and tense up. Yesterday, he had a small spook. Since it was minor, I ignored it and looked ahead instead of trying to look and see what he was spooking at. This actually worked and he settled. But, if it hadn’t, I would have redirected his attention and energy into something difficult –like a shoulder in.
I think that when things do not go well, I get emotional, and need a plan in place on how to deal with it:)
Thanks all, a million times! Please keep the responses coming as each one is important to me.
One last bit to mention. He was alone when he had a big spook on the trail. I suspect it would never have happened if he had a buddy. Now, I never go out alone.
Since you’re specifically talking about spooking, I’d say that’s fear kicking in and so you are perhaps doing what you feel you need to do in self-preservation mode. So perhaps you just need some tools to work through various scenarios.
Honestly, depending on what my horse may be spooking at it, I might deal with it in different ways. If it is a deer jumping out of the brush on a trail ride, I’m not going to go into immediate “put you to work” mode. In that situation, I let the horse stop and look and we just sit there and breathe and I’ll talk or sing to my horse (although that is a tactic that is more soothing to me than the horse, I’m sure). If it is “I’m going to spook in this same corner over and over again when there’s nothing there to be spooking about” then my approach would be different.
A very wise person tells me that anger is the result of either fear or hurt, so if you can reflect on your times of anger and decide which master it is serving, that might help you a little bit. If you can recognize that you are angry because you are afraid, then you can channel that into discipline (I don’t mean spanking kind of discipline, but in terms of teaching or schooling) and set firm boundaries however that applies to the situation. If you have the time to plan ahead, that is great. If you are wanting to go out on a trail ride and it is a chilly day or your horse has had a couple days off or you think he might be fresh for any reason, take time to prepare before you go out. Get in synch ahead of time. Take some time to do ground work to get focused on each other, see if there’s any silliness that needs to be addressed. Give yourself and your horse the gift of preparedness and setting yourself up for success so that you don’t have to be in regret after your ride.
I know whereof I speak! :winkgrin: I say this as a person who has made similar mistakes out on the trails over the years by either ignoring an escalating situation, or not using my brain and creating a bad situation of my own poor planning or preparation. I trail ride a lot. I love it. I do it solo 100% of the time. I need to be able to go out on my own because of my schedule and availability to ride, and also because I just like being out there just me and my horse and prefer riding alone. Set yourself up for success! If the horse is spooky and you feel like you can better control the situation on the ground, then get off. Ride with a rope halter under your bridle and pack or tie a long rope that you can use for ground work/leading on the trail. There is no shame in getting off if things aren’t going well, and it may be better for your horse’s mental state if you do (or it may not, you know your horse best). Sometimes being able to follow a leader on the ground gives a horse confidence. Or doing just a little ground work to re-direct your horse’s focus will help facilitate a mental change.
We all make mistakes. If you learn from it, then you just had an important growth opportunity. When I had a really bad fall from my mustang, I sulked for a while, I considered selling him, I was down on myself and sure that I was in over my head. But it was actually a really big turning point in my horsemanship development and even though I was scared for a while to do certain things, I found new tools to put in my box and sought out trainers who could teach me what I needed to learn to improve my skills.
Ask questions - what is the issue> Why is this happening: how do you think we should handle this? Is that working for you? What other ideas or suggestions do you have? I have an idea - lets try doing (whatever idea you have).
The issue with people becoming angry is that essentially they stop listening or thinking rationally.
Anger revs up your emotions and it becomes difficult to think rationally. If you are really angry, walk away from the issue, take some time to take a walk, calm down and think rationally about what happened, why it happened, and what you could have been done to avoid the issue.
When an issue comes up, try and listen to the other person without interupting until they are done. It may take a while, but eventually they will stop. And by then they should be calmer and more willing to listen.
I’m going to print this and laminate it .
I was this person. Then I took more lesson, checked out clinics, read books and learned from listening to other people how to be a better rider.
when I do get frustrated, it’s because I’m doing something wrong. So I just rest for a minute and chill.
I used to ride a spicy little QH mare who had an absolute rocket spook. At literally anything - x100 in the winter time (perfect gem in the summer, inside or outside). Her entire world would come crumbling down as soon as we stepped into the indoor. At the time, I was riding her without a coach, just exercising her. It was at this time that I found myself at my most agitated while riding. She never got me out of the tack, but MORE often then not, she had my heart up in my throat because I had no idea when the spooks were coming… I just knew they were.
I couldn’t understand why she would spook incessantly. I was doing everything I could in order to think calm, be calm, breathe calm. I was doing everything I could to distract her from the arena itself, all whilst she dead stopped, jumped out of her skin, spun on her hind end, ran sideways etc. It was more than frustrating to me, not being able to change how she thought or how she was feeling. Looking back now I am more than aware that maybe I was not as nice with my hands or my legs as I could have been.
My solution… since I didn’t have a coach, was simply to get off and to stop riding her. Our arena time turned into lunging time, which generally yielded successful results every time. She was more inclined to pay attention to me when I was off of her, and I certainly felt more safe and more in control of the situation. I chose what we got to work on, and it helped me get creative and not worry about not being able to ride through her problems. Great bonding experience actually.
I didn’t own her, so… I had the option of not riding her if I didn’t want too - and I didn’t want to if it was making me angry. But as a means to control the anger or the misunderstanding, simply getting off and going with groundwork worked with me. Saddle time is precious, but not if your’e causing and creating mental stress for both yourself and the horse :yes:
Yes you can choose your emotions. It takes training. It is up there with you can think any thought you want. It is brain training. You can also self hypnotize. You can mediate. You can visualise. There are a lot of techniques. You can choose to grieve for a tragedy. You choose to be angry at anyone who hurts an animal. You can choose to be happy as happiness comes from within. Let your research start now.
When a horse (any animal or child) misbehaves the correction needs to be equal to the crime. And where there is a safety concern like biting, it has to be swift. So the correction might be a very loud no and moving the horse back. But then the handler, once the safety risk is gone, needs to assess why the bite reaction? Using pain or anger as a correction is never acceptable or productive IMHO.
So - we all have less than stellar moments and we all make mistakes. I think if we are kind to our animals and consistent in our training - the odd mistake is forgiven.
I had a ride in a class one time that was just awful on my part. My timing was off, I couldn’t steer - I was just terrible. I’m sure he got chucked in the mouth on more than one jump. After, I stood with my horse so angry at myself. I was trying really hard not to pass that onto him - he had been stellar, saving our butts at most jumps! He reached out and nuzzled me as much as to say, don’t worry, it was just one ride.
When I have a bad ride, rather than focussing on the horse, I work on my position. It’s amazing how many times that fixes whatever the horse was doing wrong LOL.
Hee hee hee I also choose to swear if something inanimate is not working!!! It is pointless losing your temper with an inanimate object. It doesn’t work if losing your temper at a living breathing being. … and yes I was born a redhead and we are famous for our tempers!!!
