Stop it with the "heart horse" thing. No, really. Stop it.

[MsM]

Interesting thread.

Seems like two issues: 1. The term “heart horse” to refer to a horse that you have a special bond with.
2. Using that term to justify impractical, often harmful decisions.

I never minded the term, though I don’t use it myself. I agree that there are some animals that you have a greater connection with. It’s more than a favorite. I have had a dog like that and my current horse (that I still pay to board in retirement) is that. Doesn’t mean there wont be more. Does mean that it is not a horse that I could sell like I have others. I just have more emotional investment in a “heart horse”. I understand in most posts when people use the term they generally want to indicate that they are emotionally invested and willing to do more than the horse’s monetary worth might warrant.

Of course none of this excuses making decisions that mean your children don’t go to college or your husband leaves you (Unless that is what you wanted…).

[Mara]

[QUOTE=5;7765110]
Saved for posterity

BTW-How long would you wait to replace your SO? From what I read living things seem to you to be interchangeable parts. One breaks/dies get another to replace it.

Even cheap goldfish deserve a respectful period of mourning before replacement if you love them.[/QUOTE]

Oh fer chrissakes.

My sister died in 2008; her husband was shattered by the loss. She had been his first and only girlfriend.
He remarried in 2012, to someone who understood that she wasn’t a “replacement”, that there would always be a scar there that probably won’t ever fully heal.

We - my family - were ALL happy for him. When he started dating his now-wife no one ever imagined for a minute that he was “moving on to the next model”. I mean really - was he supposed to spend his life alone forever after becoming a widower at 38?

I will grieve deeply for Lance when he passes and it’s likely that I will feel his loss a bit more keenly than some of the other dogs I’ve loved and lost. Does this mean I should never ever open my heart to another dog? I sure hope not.

[PeteyPie]

To me, the term “heart horse” sounds sophomoric. I would not use it myself, but at the same time, I would not have volunteered that opinion if it weren’t for this thread because I totally understand the sentiment behind it; I agree with the feeling but I would use different words.

Of course we can love many people and many pets. We certainly have the capacity; we can always love another child, another sibling, a step parent, a new pet. That does not mean a special person or animal can be replaced. If a mother dies there is certainly room to love a stepmother but she does not replace the mother. A new baby will be loved in its own right but will not replace a sibling who died before it. In the same way, I adore each of my dogs, but they will never take the place in my heart, that special place, which was held by my former dog. She was the Queen of All Dogs.

I love all of my horses about the same, but if I ever have a really special one, I will probably call her the Queen of All Horses, not my Heart Horse. I imagine that to some people, my term is just as gaggy as the other. That’s okay. The Heart Horse people know what I am saying.

[Pocket_Pony]

heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse

:love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck:

[french_fry]

[QUOTE=Pocket Pony;7765373]
heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse heart horse

:love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck: :love-struck:[/QUOTE]

I see what you did there! I just facepalmed to the point of possible brain damage.

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=french fry;7765376]
I see what you did there! I just facepalmed to the point of possible brain damage.[/QUOTE]

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=JoZ;7765225]
I think the best description of the trigger for this thread was the poster who likened “heart horse” to “rescue”. Or why not roll “he was abused” in with rescue. I could probably think of others if I tried. All those things that are frequently coupled with excuses, rationalizations and extravagances.

Put another way, if the only time we ever saw “heart horse” was in sentences like “I had to put my heart horse down today” I bet this thread never would’ve been started.[/QUOTE]

Oh, crap, how could I have forgotten that one! :eek:

[wood_snake]

Pocket pony your my heart horse!

[NoSuchPerson]

OK, now I’ve actually got time to sit down and type a more substantial post. This has been a really educational discussion and, it seems to me, a classic example of misunderstandings caused by people using the same term to mean different things.

When I hear “heart horse,” I think “Black Stallion Syndrome.” I think of that woman whose horse is a snapping, stomping menace, yet she insists, “Dobbin is my heart horse, he would never hurt me.” I think rampant anthropomorphism and rose-colored glasses. I think about people saying, “if anything ever happened to my horse, it would rip my heart out and I would just die.” Because of that, I would never use the term “heart horse,” and when I do hear it, it makes me roll my eyes.

I would like to say I’ve been surprised at the venomous nature of so many posts here, especially since the topic is something so…trivial. I would like to say it, but I won’t, because hey, this is COTH. This is how we roll. :lol:

[kdow]

[QUOTE=LauraKY;7765247]
No, not at all. Losing a loved one changes us all, in one way or another. That’s all. There’s no right way to live or love or grieve. We all do it in our own way.[/QUOTE]

I am quoting this because yes. When my husband passed away suddenly everyone was supportive for a bit and then some of them seemed to think there was a magic number of days/weeks and then I would be suddenly All Better. It was weird.

(And when my grandfather passed away it upset me far less than when some animals have gone, because my grandfather had been sick for quite some time and was not happy and kind of already mentally checked out. I didn’t love him less than the animals, but he seemed more than ready to go, so it made it less upsetting.)

[TBrescue]

[QUOTE=spacytracy;7764460]
The great thing is, we all get to have our own relationships as they fit into our own lives and personalities.

I’m not much of a gooey sappy person, but I have a heart horse. I’ve bonded with him like no other horse. I do not use my “heart horsiness” to treat him like a special little snowflake who can do no wrong, however. But it is nice to have a horse that you just “get” and that seemingly “gets” you.

When he passes, sure, there may be another that I would consider a “heart” horse. But they have big shoes to fill.

It only annoys me when said heart horse walks on water and can do no wrong.[/QUOTE]

I have a heart horse. He’s a rescue TB that I took on even though he was not what I was looking for and I had no idea what he would be like once we out some weight on him. I’ve ridden many horses and loved quite a few but never have I experienced the kind of connection I have with thus horse. Even my trainer has commented on how hard he tries for me and how willing he is to do whatever I ask. I’m sure there will be many other horses in my life but I don’t expect the same connection I have with this guy. He is very special. That doesn’t mean I’m going to make poor financial choices or excuses for his bad behavior. He has a home with me forever even when he’s not rideable any more. I dread the day I have to say goodbye to him. Makes me tear up just thinking about it. He will be a very tough act to follow.

[NoSuchPerson]

[QUOTE=LauraKY;7765247]
No, not at all. Losing a loved one changes us all, in one way or another. That’s all. There’s no right way to live or love or grieve. We all do it in our own way.[/QUOTE]

True. Total non sequitur, but true.

[QUOTE=5;7765295]My condolences, if required.

Live long and prosper. \//

As we here on Earth are Humans’ and do have emotions why do your flaunt you ability to move on without regret or a sense of loss? Illogical though it may be.[/QUOTE]

Well bless your heart.

[Coanteen]

[QUOTE=5;7764864]
FF- If you are of the mindset that horses do not have souls[/QUOTE]

I am indeed of this mindset.
I’m also of the mindset that I don’t have a soul, so my horse doesn’t need to feel left out. Nor do you, in my mindset

[QUOTE=NoSuchPerson;7765403]
I would like to say I’ve been surprised at the venomous nature of so many posts here, especially since the topic is something so…trivial. I would like to say it, but I won’t, because hey, this is COTH. This is how we roll. :lol:[/QUOTE]

The tempest between those who like a cutesy phrase that describes a certain concept, and those who (for the most part) subscribe to the concept but don’t like the cutesy phrase, is indeed funny.

What’s boggling (mildly, because COTH, but still) is those who twist meanings, like to them saying that you’d eventually move on if your SO left = SO’s are interchangeable, or saying that members of your family died but that doesn’t make you automatically like animal-related cutesy phrases = you must began emotionless robot/Vulcan.
The amount of twisted projecting going on is pretty :eek:

[JoZ]

Should I even mention all the people whose heart horse is still Barbaro?

[kdow]

[QUOTE=JoZ;7765432]
Should I even mention all the people whose heart horse is still Barbaro?[/QUOTE]

I am quite comfortable saying that would not be at all what I meant were I to use the term heart horse. I am baffled how you could have the type of connection I experienced with my dog with an animal you’d never met. Baffled!

[danceronice]

[QUOTE=Mara;7765359]
Oh fer chrissakes. ]
We - my family - were ALL happy for him. When he started dating his now-wife no one ever imagined for a minute that he was “moving on to the next model”. I mean really - was he supposed to spend his life alone forever after becoming a widower at 38? [/QUOTE]

To me, not remarrying is normal. My grandmother never remarried when my grandfather drowned the year before I was born. And I deeply respect two “flight test widows” with whom I’m familiar. They were not old when their husbands were killed, and neither remarried (and in one case, she is still alive and her husband died in 1958.) I would love to live in the statistical world where if I even managed to find someone I wanted to marry if I lost them, another would come along. I can’t imagine even wanting to look at that point (but then I am one of those disturbed people who’s fine being alone and someone who overcame that would be fairly unique.)

I don’t really use the term “heart horse”, but it’s far less grating to me than “furbaby” (if they were my children, I couldn’t legally have them killed if I wanted) or referring to ever OTTB as a “rescue.” I don’t know if I can say I have/had a “heart horse”, but it really sounds like what I call having “my” dog. Molly was Dad’s dog, Puff was someone else’s dog first though he’s bonded with me (if he’s at my parents’ being dog-sat, he’ll even sleep in my room when I’m not there), Tucker is EVERYONE’s dog (she’d go with anyone who has a hot dog), but even when she wasn’t mine yet, Maggie was “my” dog. I swore when I finally just bought her she was like “I knew there was a mistake and I was delivered to the wrong house!” She’s MY dog. Her choice.

[Wirt]

I have never met a man that used the term “heart horse”.
I goes right along with horse moms.
Worse, there is a FB page just for Parelli Horse Moms.
Head to palm and desk at once.

[AndNirina]

I have absolutely no problem with loving favorite animals. I’ve been lucky enough to have two horses in my lifetime who were amazing (along with countless others I’ve ridden who I loved as well). I’ve had favorite dogs that I’ve gone to ridiculous measures to keep comfortable in old age.

It’s not so much the concept of these things, it’s the term “heart horse” that makes me want to stab myself in the eyeball. “Heart Horse”, “fur baby” and “Sunday Funday” all make me cringe in the same way as when I hear someone say “exspecially.” Nails on a chalkboard. Loving your animals too much? No such thing.

[FatCatFarm]

I get the term. Having had horses all of my life there have definitely been different levels of connection for me with them. Some I thoroughly enjoyed; some I tolerated; some I couldn’t wait to find a new owner for; some I was quite fond of but we just didn’t click. Only one though is one I adore and would spend ridiculous amounts of money on in order to preserve his life. Yes he is special and I have and will continue to refer to him as my heart horse. Experience has taught me I likely won’t have another such horse come along. And that from 40 years with horses.

[Pennywell_Bay]

When I asked my SO if I should move on if he died (he knows this thread is going on, we have 4 senior animals).

“of course. But good luck with that… perhaps don’t mention those horse BB you go on. And don’t ask him trick questions about heart horses and dogs and what to do if he died.”…

Note to self- horse people are nuts. =)