I completely agree with BarbB. Well said. Thank you.
Absolutely. While on a milder scale, I see people who get into a cycle of lameness with their horses. They push the horse before it’s physically or mentally ready and the horse gets hurt, so they are impatient with the layoff and return to work too fast - resulting in (duh) lameness. After a while you just have to wonder why people don’t learn.
SCFarm
BarbB - I usually agree with what you say here, but I sincerely don’t think there is a culture of enabling people who make mistakes to take the “victim” route in this sport. With regard to the TE at Maryland - I was one of the ones who felt that the rider should have been allowed to start over. Just because I have that opinion does not mean that I feel it is OK for riders who eff up to blame anyone but themselves. My opinion on that particular incident comes from my desire to give riders and people the benefit of the doubt on things like whistles being confused at shows. When I have jj’d, I have always, ALWAYS erred on the side of the rider when in doubt. And this approach had affected results at the end of the day. At the same time I have seen, over and over, JJs and officials who, when it comes to making a call on whether to eliminate, count as refusal something that is iffy, etc, ALWAYS go for the penalty. And they are ADAMANT in their decisions, and sometimes downright nasty. Having been there/done that as a rider and as a jump judge, I will always side with the rider when there is a doubt.
This does not mean that I give people a free pass to blame the system, the jumps, and the people, when things go wrong for them.
As far as Laine goes, and her Mom … I don’t know them and they do seem a bit “orange county housewife,” as LisaB put it so well, and that’s a culture I do not identify with at all, LOL. I am sure they have been ostracized by many people who they thought were their friends before this whole clusterfu*&. I am sure that they are hurting very deeply right now and coming out on camera with a stubborn smile and optomism which is, I am sure, a serious defense mechanism. I am from the deep south, raised by southern women and that aggressive cheerfulness was always used as a basic mechanism to tell people to f&*k off. Basically - you are not going to bring me down, no matter how hard you try, I am going to still smile.
I have to be honest that I feel that all the hurrah on here - all the very personal attacks at Laine and her mother - are quite lowly. Laine made a horrible mistake and her horse was killed because of it. Just because she doesn’t break down and sob on the camera - for your personal satisfaction that she feels as horrible as you want her to - does not mean that she isn’t breaking down and dying inside every single second. Nobody here knows what she is going through.
I don’t think people are wanting her to break down and sob on camera so much as they are wanting her to merely step out of range of the camera for the time being…
Flying Change you really need to go read Lainey’s blog:yes:
It doesn’t seem like anything she does will matter. Regardless if she did those interviews, people were upset with her blog and continue to read further and further into those. She set a goal (Fair Hill) and came back and had a change of heart, then said she was going back to square one. People were still mad. They talk about Frodo in almost every one her blogs, whether it is about paintings of him they have received or just how much they loved him. So no matter what, everyone finds something negative to pick at.
FlyingChange- Well said! I am glad you posted; there needs to be more people speaking up instead of
attacking.
[QUOTE=flyingchange;3382277]
I have to be honest that I feel that all the hurrah on here - all the very personal attacks at Laine and her mother - are quite lowly. Laine made a horrible mistake and her horse was killed because of it. Just because she doesn’t break down and sob on the camera - for your personal satisfaction that she feels as horrible as you want her to - does not mean that she isn’t breaking down and dying inside every single second. Nobody here knows what she is going through.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=DustInTime04;3382629]
It doesn’t seem like anything she does will matter. Regardless if she did those interviews, people were upset with her blog and continue to read further and further into those. She set a goal (Fair Hill) and came back and had a change of heart, then said she was going back to square one. People were still mad. They talk about Frodo in almost every one her blogs, whether it is about paintings of him they have received or just how much they loved him. So no matter what, everyone finds something negative to pick at.[/QUOTE]
Anytime you write something (or give an interview) and it goes out to the public sphere, you lose control of it. Discretion IS frequently the better part of valor. I think people are angry because you had a mid-20 something lashing out and going ‘I’LL SHOW ALL OF YOU!’ with apparently no reflection on how it is she and Frodo wound up in the position they were in at Rolex. Maybe she goes to bed every night replaying it in her head. But people don’t know that, and it’s certainly not what they’re going to remember - they are going to remember the pugnacious and childish hissy fit about naysayers. If you don’t want people discussing you on a personal level, don’t put yourself out to the public. CERTAINLY don’t keep an emotional blog and DON’T give interviews. What’s so wrong with stepping back and regrouping? A lot of people here seem to want them to STEP BACK and stop digging themselves a hole that’s harder and harder to get out of.
My undergraduate advisor once ripped me a new asshole because my personal blog - which I hasten to add does not have my actual name attached to it - was too open and honest & it would be possible for it to reflect badly on me professionally if (and it was a big if) people connected the dots. What you say in personal space DOES matter. I write professionally for a big video game industry rag & I adopt the same stance towards my writing there - which DOES have my name attached to it - as I do in more ‘personal’ spaces. ‘Will this embarrass me looking back in a few years? Could this be read the wrong way? Would my advisors be embarrassed to read this with my name attached? Will it reflect poorly on me professionally?’ If the answer is ‘yes,’ I don’t write it.
I understand completely that if someone has a blog out there in public, then it is up to be criticized and of course she knows that, and over the weeks she has taken a step back from writing. But in no way is it a normal reaction for people to discuss on a bulletin board Laine and Valerie’s mental state and the way Laine has been raised. As far as the interviews, I like the VA better than the CA one, and thought it to be completely fine considering it was very sensitive and there wasn’t anything to say that people could get angry with her for. Her attitude on both didn’t seem to be too happy or too sad… so I don’t know what the problem is, because she shouldn’t have to be visibly upset to gain approval. Regarding the “I’ll show you attitude” that people keep talking about… I don’t think it was meant that way. I didn’t see where she or her mother have ever “lashed out” but that is open to interpretation since it is a written blog. That’s just me but as everyone knows, when things are written online, it can come across in many different ways. I feel she just wanted to show people that she will be back and be strong, not so much that she will be even more aggressive.
I just have never understood what was written that is so awful and gets people so stirred up. After she wrote about wanting to do Fair Hill, then had a meeting with her trainer and came back saying she is going back to square one. Even then, she still was criticized for that even after she took it back! Everything in her entries, was heartfelt and discussed things that I feel any professional would write if they had an accident that left them in this situation… actually, probably more connected with the public than most. I always was glad to see when they updated. I was curious to hear how she was healing and always thought it was wonderful the bond Laine and Valerie have, and how thankful Valerie is to all the people that have been supportive. Guess it is just how people read the blogs differently, but if people don’t agree with the fact that she is keeping an emotional blog, in no way is it appropriate to make the accusations that have been made on these threads about their mental state and Laine’s upbringing. Totally irrelevant and ugly.
[QUOTE=DustInTime04;3383627]
Regarding the “I’ll show you attitude” that people keep talking about… I don’t think it was meant that way. I didn’t see where she or her mother have ever “lashed out” but that is open to interpretation since it is a written blog. That’s just me but as everyone knows, when things are written online, it can come across in many different ways. I feel she just wanted to show people that she will be back and be strong, not so much that she will be even more aggressive.
I just have never understood what was written that is so awful and gets people so stirred up. After she wrote about wanting to do Fair Hill, then had a meeting with her trainer and came back saying she is going back to square one. Even then, she still was criticized for that even after she took it back! Everything in her entries, was heartfelt and discussed things that I feel any professional would write if they had an accident that left them in this situation… actually, probably more connected with the public than most … Guess it is just how people read the blogs differently, but if people don’t agree with the fact that she is keeping an emotional blog, in no way is it appropriate to make the accusations that have been made on these threads about their mental state and Laine’s upbringing. Totally irrelevant and ugly.[/QUOTE]
That’s great you don’t think it was meant in an ‘I’ll show you’ manner - plenty of people DID read it that way. Who’s right? It doesn’t really matter, since it’s out there and people reacted to it. Again, put your thoughts out there & things are out of your hands. I think more guarded statements and THINKING before hitting that publish button would’ve been a smarter course of action, but hey, I just get paid to write, what would I know. :rolleyes: I THINK and LOOK before I publish something that could potentially be inflammatory or ‘read the wrong way’ (if it seems like it could be ‘read the wrong way,’ then REWRITE IT so it’s clear). Don’t make potentially inflammatory statements unless you are ready for the backlash.
It has nothing to do with ‘agreeing’ with her decision to keep an emotional blog - the fact is if you put yourself in the public eye, you are opening yourself for criticism. All kinds of criticism. I have had incredibly hurtful, nasty, and baseless things said about me merely because I write for a high profile site and some people don’t always agree with my take on things. You know what? Shit happens. Yup, it can really suck to have people lobbing stones at you for invalid reasons, but that’s what happens when you’re in the public eye, be it the eventing public or the blog reading public or whatever.
I don’t have an opinion on Laine and her mother, but they are in the public eye and ‘personalities.’ I’m not sure why people expect that other equestrians should NOT share their opinion - whatever it may be. Is it always going to be pleasant to read? No, no it’s not. If you want nothing but accolades, keep a private journal that’s invite only.
Can’t we just let these people sail off into the sunset where they belong? All this conversation is just reinforcing their attention getting behavior.
yeah but the kind of attention they are generating is tragic.
Nobama 2008…
Laine made a horrible mistake. I don’t care if she breaks down on camera. What I want, and what the sport NEEDS, is for her to accept responsibility for her bad judgment, be a grownup, admit the mistake - show remorse, and not just for YOUR loss, show that you at least learned something and that your regrettable behavior WILL CHANGE. Blathering to a camera that it was the horse’s fault is not only insulting to the horse who packed her around all over the place, no doubt saving her bacon in some way each time, but it’s insulting to everyone who saw it or watched and knows better. Being belligerent like a 4 year old and declaring that she’s going to prove everyone wrong and come back harder than ever is not appropriate. What she looks like now is a petulant, willful brat, who has no respect for the sport.
It kills me when I look at her and her sucky, childish attitude, and think of all the really GREAT riders I’ve watched and ridden with, true HORSEMEN, people who have worked their asses off teaching clinics, judging dinky shows and working two jobs since they were children in pony club, and they don’t have half the opportunities Laine did because they couldn’t afford to buy them. Yeah, she ticks me off.
Laine made a horrible mistake and her horse was killed because of it. Just because she doesn’t break down and sob on the camera - for your personal satisfaction that she feels as horrible as you want her to - does not mean that she isn’t breaking down and dying inside every single second. Nobody here knows what she is going through.
I only watched the VA one, and what bothered me about it wasn’t her smiling, or most of what she said… it was that they talked about her injuries, her recovery… and didn’t mention what happened to Frodo. And to me it sounded like she was blaming his problem with “ducking” at frame jumps, instead of her ride. Now, maybe her ride wasn’t the whole problem, and maybe he did duck at the jump. Maybe she made what she thought was a good decision. But in the end, it worked out wrong, and I feel like by failing to say “I made a horrible decision, and it didn’t work out” she’s not being fair to poor Frodo. ANd that really bothers me.
If safety in the sport is going to get better, than really in depth reviews of accidents, and riders understanding what they did wrong, is going to be necessary. I’d like to think that she understands that, and I can only imagine that she feels enormously guilty about what happened. But it’s not coming across in these public statements. I don’t need her to sob and cry and be miserable forever, or wear a hair shirt, or what have you. But the impression I get from watching this stuff isn’t entirely favorable. And if the media is editing all that stuff out, and twisting things around… well then maybe it’s time to step away from the media.
Maybe I’m projecting too much… since I’ve felt like it’s all my fault with my horse over a comparatively minor thing like lameness, and have been flogging myself with blame for months over something minor. So it’s hard for me to understand going to the media and saying “he didn’t pick up his feet fast enough” because I can’t comprehend not taking the blame myself in that situation. If it’s just projection, or whatever it’s called… then I apologize to the Ashkers.
It hurts to read things like this. She may not be the first rider to make a mistake and have their horse pay for it, but she is definitely the first Ive seen that doesnt seem to feel remorse for that fact. She is making excuses like a coward. Like those people who send their old horses to the auction going “la la la he is going to a good home la la la”. OWN UP! You failed him, take responsibility, take some reflection and learn from it. Do not blame your partner and cry all over the place about it.
Really?
Look. I know how it looks. A Young woman whose horse died and now she is talking about it and it looks like she doesn’t care. Laine in a wonderful woman. She felt terrible about her accident on Frodo. I got to see a presentation of hers and when she talked about the accident, she cried. But the fact is, she has moved on. She loved that horse and is taking that love and giving it to another horse to make it just as great as Frodo was. If people had seen her composing herself as anything less, people would be criticizing her for different reasons. She felt like she was ready to talk about her accident, so ALL POWER TO HER!!! :)While on air, you have to act like nothing has happened. She had to be her happy, smiley self. And those 5 minutes DO NOT DEFINE HER.:no::mad: Overall, I don’t think you have the right to be criticizing her because you have never been in her shoes or know how she feels inside.
[QUOTE=Merrilegs4ever;7487521]
Look. I know how it looks. A Young woman whose horse died and now she is talking about it and it looks like she doesn’t care. Laine in a wonderful woman. She felt terrible about her accident on Frodo. I got to see a presentation of hers and when she talked about the accident, she cried. But the fact is, she has moved on. She loved that horse and is taking that love and giving it to another horse to make it just as great as Frodo was. If people had seen her composing herself as anything less, people would be criticizing her for different reasons. She felt like she was ready to talk about her accident, so ALL POWER TO HER!!! :)While on air, you have to act like nothing has happened. She had to be her happy, smiley self. And those 5 minutes DO NOT DEFINE HER.:no::mad: Overall, I don’t think you have the right to be criticizing her because you have never been in her shoes or know how she feels inside.[/QUOTE]
Seriously?
Was this thread found in a time capsule or something?
Merrilegs, you realize this thread is almost 6 years old?
Hi lainey
[QUOTE=flutie1;3383708]
Can’t we just let these people sail off into the sunset where they belong? All this conversation is just reinforcing their attention getting behavior.[/QUOTE]
Seriously. Stop playing enabler to people like this. It’s a terrible, tragic shame about the horse, but it’s no secret this is a high-risk sport.
The rest is just too tacky for words . . .
[QUOTE=ACMEeventing;7487639]
Seriously?
Was this thread found in a time capsule or something?[/QUOTE]
Well it was “throwback thursday”…
