I really appreciate everyone helping me see where she may be coming from. Her parents have told
me being around her and being her friend has mattered a lot to them (they know I am at a much lower caliber than they are) so it’s encouraging I may be able to influence at least one brain cell.
I’m not following why you find the need to keep this teen aged friend? Why do you even waste energy on “refuting or finding contradictory ideas” to what she says? She’s in high school. She wants to look “cool.” That’s all there is to it.
As everyone else said, she’s a teen, that’s how they figure things out, sometimes by acting stupid. As a young adult, you should know better and disconnect yourself.
9 Likes
I guess I am giving her a bit more of the benefit of the doubt. If there are any tokens of value in what she claims I want to take note, but I also don’t hold her as a reliable source due to her age. But she is right in the thick of it and I am not, and I don’t have any other references. Which is why I came here. So you’re not wrong.
I think you are thinking it’s worse in HJ then other disciples and there you are way wrong. You do Dressage but don’t show, you don’t show HJ so not thinking you have enough exposure to condemn it and say there’s no reason to support or participate a sport only for the 1%. If you can’t afford it, so what. Do something else instead of hate on it and those who can. That’s a rather teen type attitude.
Doesn’t sound like you want to cut ties and think you can be a good influence on her. Beware the fact that being friendly does not equal being friends, especially with teens who can be queens of manipulation in getting rides on other people’s horses and anything else they want. You are probably a much better friend to her then she is to you.
Nothing to do with age here either. Who wants to hang around with an entitled person who brags about it? At any age? Add the fact it’s a teen and I don’t get it. You might think you are helping her and her parents were nice to you but don’t put too much faith in that. What else are they going to tell you? They are living with her, financing her, encouraging her show career and setting the examples at home.
And, yeah, I saw Dr Phil and that miserable example of what Social Media can help create out of an average, over indulged brat. She made a real fool out of herself. No horse involvement to blame there.
6 Likes
I show in dressage. I just started last year. I used to show in HJ but never on the circuit. What she’s claiming doesn’t scare me away from it. I was just curious where her ideas came from? Initially I thought it was her barn but I’ve spent lots of time there and realized that can’t be it. Why I posted, and why I am curious, is that where she came from was levels lower than where she is now.
I wouldn’t believe we are “friends” per se. Once more I use the term “friend” very liberally and as an unspecific term for well-acquainted people. Obviously my definition wasn’t clear and I am sorry for that.
I agree with everything and i’ve pulled away from her although she sends me updates from time to time or pictures of horses she deems as “ugly” and “unworthy” and picks them apart and asks what I think? I’ve hung around here long enough to know there is more than meets the eye and i think most of COTH would agree.
Thanks for your insights. Every crumb is valuable to me. It’s been a question that has weighed heavily and I finally just figured I’d post and see what I fished in?
teen version of keeping up with the jones’s.
3 Likes
I admit when she told me i’m sunk without a CWD i did spend some time on ebay… 
panicked that my sturdy circuit wouldn’t cut it! Trainer told me “no one is going to know. not unless they judge with binoculars!” 
1 Like
Sometimes it is an excellent idea, and saves a lot of grief, if you have someone constantly observing and correcting your fishing techniques.;):yes:
2 Likes
Does she actually have the $$$ horse, show AA and spend $6K/show or is this stuff she has heard around her barn? If so, is she successful? She is getting this info somewhere. Could she be telling you this to make you feel inadequate? Just thinkin’…
1 Like
hey, learning to throw the rod in the water is step 1! 
learning to reel in more fish from the experienced is nothing to be ashamed about.
But it tells me a lot when she shows no interest in even getting to the shore…
no, she doesn’t. her parents fund this entire horse thing. I know them fairly well (we live in the exact same neighborhood shockingly enough, but on 2 totally different economic stratospheres). She claims when she moves away to college instead of bringing her horse her mom will buy her a very nice warmblood who can compete in the meters etc etc… I’m not seeing it.
I don’t care so much that she thinks this, it is the idea that she believes everyone ELSE thinks it too and if they don’t they haven’t been enlightened and must “face the reality”, or whatever reality she believes exists…
that’s why im a bit shocked. I think you are right and I know deep in my heart this is a way to make herself feel like she belongs in this world. But she knows I do not feel this way at all, so why she continues to pound this ideology into me is what I came here to perhaps find out?
When you think about it - look what’s out there… have of what’s on TV is all about excess… if her family is from more modest means then she might be one of these who parrots everything so she feels more of a part… and I’ll admit it can be quite annoying. I had experience with a similar type teen - had this grand ambitions of riding and could recite all the finest tack and apparel, none of which gave them any more talent in the saddle. My teen was all talk, at least yours is showing and competing LOL. One thing about horses and riding - you can get humbled very quickly and easily.
1 Like
It’s good to know i’m not alone. I never got what she had and I tell her all the time how lucky she is and how she needs to treat this experience with the utmost humility because mom and dad ARE going to cut off the funding eventually… As an ex-spoiled child I can say first hand being booted to the curb hurts bad. When parents stop providing and expect you to fly out of the nest and make your own way, it can be traumatic indeed…
L
You are way too emotionally vulnerable to this kid and she is telling you this stuff because she knows it pushes your buttons.
You need a good adult trainer that you trust and that can be your go-to on any advice.
As far as the teens current attitude, you could say: 'yes, its true you can buy a $200,000 made horse and buy a trainer to keep it tuned up so you just get on and win ribbons, riding a horse you could never train, riding way above your actual level. But how is that even fun and how does that make you a good rider? I have more self respect from training my own horse and competing at a level that’s a true reflection of my own training and riding ability. The only person I’m measuring myself against is me."
And yeah this probably isn’t 100% true. Yet. You are still susceptible to teen posturing and bragging. So the next step for you to fully growing up 
will be to live that above statement and make it true.
Then by the time you are 55 all spoiled teens will just seem touching and fragile and deeply deluded, like surrogate grand kids :).
7 Likes
Thank you scribbler! You are right. It becomes complicated when she implements what she believes everyone wants on everyone. Not everyone is the same! And yet for some strange reason she cannot understand why someone may want to take a different path?
A little hard to argue there’s always gray when someone can’t see that shade.
This may be one of the best descriptions of that phase that I have ever seen.
2 Likes
Mid teens are annoying because in some ways they are developing the personal force of young adults, but often their emotional, logical, and values system are still age 12.
By 19 or 20 most kids have developed enough social and emotional intelligence to filter what they say.
Likewise nothing a ten year old tells us about the world will undermine our self confidence.
To the extent teen is similar to your old friends, that’s both a strong basis for friendship but also a potential vulnerability if you are susceptible to her brand of mean girl bluster.
I expect she is trying to prove to you that she is learning the rules of a new world and that she is now become your equal as a rider.
I’d just get back to, “if all it takes to win is money, its not a real win.”
Or mention the QH and saddleseat worlds where wealthy clients just fly into a show on the weekend to ride. Horse might as well belong to the trainer.
Lots of ways to part the stupid rich from their cash.
I’m also a former spoiled kid (by the much more modest terms of an earlier time) and I couldn’t wait to get myself out from under the inconsistent, emotionally manipulative, control of that nouveau middle class money. But that was also an era when excess was still considered tacky. A different time.
4 Likes
She’s a teenager and teens tend to talk “big” to show they are not insecure (when they are - IMHO the bigger the “talk” the more insecurity. I know adults who still pull this crap.). Maybe she feels a need to prove she is something she is not. Who knows? Hopefully she will grow out of this crappy outlook and attitude. If it was me, I’d just keep checking her reality - but I’m an old grouch who doesn’t put up with BS. Or you could go all what I call blonde and fluffy on her. You know - the vague responses, the wandering of attention and complete misunderstanding and failure to care about what is being communicated. It works. Really. I’ve done it. They eventually give up and storm off. Ahhhh, peace and quiet.
2 Likes
This is what i had imagined was happening. 
I distinctly remember telling my mom that not only would I DIE without a new pair of Calvin Klein jeans (dating myself here!), but that every.single.human in the universe was already wearing them and that I would be a laughingstock if I didn’t have them. (At which point I became a laughingstock to her… :lol: )
Until you’re secure enough in your own skin to ignore other people’s opinions, name brands seem critical to fitting in. Hopefully you grow out of this belief sooner or later, but it just reminds me of my own insecurities as a teenager.
7 Likes
