Oh my, huge cyber hug to you, OP.
SO hard, but it really sounds as if you already know what’s right on an instinctual level. Our Damn cerebral cortex gets in the way too often by making us overthink things! Enjoy your girl, maybe extra pain meds so she has some relief and give her lots of love. There are lots of supportive vibes going out to you.
OP, I know nothing I say right now can make you feel better or make any of this easier for you, but I want you to know that I was just there. Just over a month ago. Had to put the love of my life down after a long fight from surgical complications, and I’m crying just typing it out.
The others have said it, and you know. Horses live in the now, “just a little longer” isn’t something they understand. It sounds like you’ve given this every chance to succeed, you’ve done right by her, and if you decide to euthanize, you’re still doing right by her. It’s the hardest decision we have to make, but it’s the most important one. There is no way to know if one more day will solve the problem, or if you two can spend the next several months unhappy and stressed out, only for it to end unhappily anyway.
I just got off that emotional rollercoaster. I rode it for a month of up/down, every day for four weeks going between “He’s coming home he’s fine!” to preparing to make the call to put him down. I get you so much right now, and I am so sorry you’re going through it. I will tell you, that while the view is different without them afterward, and you miss them terribly, the feel of steady footing underneath you is at least comforting in its own way.
I don’t know if any of my words or story will be even remotely comforting to you, but please know that you have a whole lot of folks here who understand where you’re at, where you’re going, and we’re here. And I’m sorry. Feel free to PM if you need to scream or vent or cry. All my best to you and your girl.
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OP, I was in your shoes back in October. I had to make a decision based on my horse’s history, the probable outcomes of his issues, his overall level of discomfort, and my own financial limitations. I chose to put him down. I felt horrible guilt afterwards, even though at the time I was very sure it was the best course of action. The guilt was for not doing more, not trying this or that, not having the money to continue, etc, and is a normal part of grief. But it’s getting better.
The decision to euthanize is not always a crystal-clear, black and white one. Sometimes it’s a matter of listening to our own gut, and listening to the horse. When my boy started telling me it hurt just to be brushed, that was the last in a pile of intuitive straws suggesting that his major issues (arthritis and ulcers) had gotten out of hand…and I couldn’t afford to try more things. For a 21 y/o OTTB with a long history of medical problems, it was just…“enough.” It almost felt like that’s what he was telling me. And it’s possible that all the money in the world wouldn’t have fixed his issues, or would have prolonged them just to have them come to a disastrous/traumatic end.
Peace means everything to a horse, and peace means not having to live with pain and anxiety that may or may not be manageable on a day to day basis.
The horse will tell you…you will feel it. My gut was practically screaming at me for almost a month before I made the call. Just listen…you’ll know.
Big hugs!
I made the decision Wednesday and we said goodbye today. Her last days were filled with everything she loved, and I was surrounded by my trainer, barnmates, and DH today. She became steadily more lame this week, and there’s really no doubt in my mind that I did the right thing for her. After throwing everything in the vet box at her the last couple years and still not being able to keep her sound and healthy, I felt like no amount of money or effort could help her at the point when every leg was compromised.
I’m sad, but thankfully I don’t feel guilt right now. She’s not in pain anymore.
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{{{{{hugs}}}}}
Difficult but the right thing. Peace to all.
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I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did everything you could for her - including allowing her a gentle passing. Hugs to you.
(((hugs))) To be a responsible horsewoman can be a hard road. Be kind to yourself, and be at peace with your kind decision.
hugs OP. the right decision is not always the easy one.
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Remember her at peace and out of pain, that’s where she is now. I found that hanging on to a very special memory that I could call up when needed helped me to put away the "if only"s. You gave her love and a quiet end in her own home- couldn’t ask better than that.
All best wishes to you, with a big box of tissues!
I am sorry for the loss of your mare. Sending hugs.
The final act of love is taking their pain and making it our own.
I hope you find peace and comfort in your memories.
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Huge hugs! You have done the right thing. While it is sad, you can be at peace knowing she is out of pain.
I am sorry you had to go there, but glad that you could do it for your horse, so she is not in pain any more.
Hugs.
Peace to you and your mare.
Hugs and heartfelt sympathies.
I am so, so sorry for your loss and so proud of you for making this tough decision. At least you know you did everything you could for her.
Rest in peace, dear mare. This it be right.
Best wishes to you for hope and healing in the new year.
OP, I am so sorry for your loss. You know you did the right thing - she is not suffering anymore and she knows you loved her enough to free her from pain. ((((Hugs)))) to you.
Big hugs! It’s always so hard to send our horses on to the next green pasture, even when it’s the right thing.
((Hugs)). So sorry for you but you did the right thing for her.
Many hugs to you, OP. You are a good owner, and it sounds like she had a great life with you for so many years. Be kind to yourself now, knowing that you did what had to be done and gave her the invaluable gift of a peaceful, pain-free journey to whatever is on the other side. Maybe in a few weeks, you might feel able to tell us a story or two about your adventures together in earlier days? I know we’d love to hear them.
