The Big C! RIP Kim, see pg. 218

[stryder]

@accidental buckaroo

How about you share your adventures with us. Where you have been, memorable steeds, misadventures too, lol. It sounds like you have had some real texture in your journeys.

I’ve love to read about them, too!

[KBC]

@stryder

I’ve love to read about them, too!

Me three, make your memories live by sharing.

[Mara]

@Sannois

So Did I. Growing up on a Farm on Long Island, we had gorgeous Tomatoes all the time.
My mother used to say she expected to see a large tomato with a pony tail sitting at the table one day, I ate them ALL the time.

My grandfather had a huge garden every year - a couple of acres - I don’t think Mom ever had to buy produce in the summers! I am totally spoiled when it comes to potatoes, bell peppers (his were so thin-skinned and tender and perfect for stuffed peppers), but especially tomatoes! I used to eat them like apples and one summer ate so many I gave myself mouth ulcers.

To to this day I almost always turn up my nose at restaurant tomatoes. Hard and mealy and flavorless.

[Sannois]

@accidental buckaroo

How about you share your adventures with us. Where you have been, memorable steeds, misadventures too, lol. It sounds like you have had some real texture in your journeys.

I will try to. I used to have journals, sadly, about 5 years ago when I bought this house I burned then all when I moved.
But my life was not any more remarkable than any one of yours.
I was forced to be brave AB. I had no one but me at a young age. I did not know what else there was to do.
Fortunately my mother raised me with a good set of values before she died, otherwise I shudder to think what I could have become.

[Sannois]

@stryder

Kim, my DH was much like you, I think. He left home when he was 18 and put himself through college. ALL the way through PhD. Had great hobbies. Was never sick, except for the occasional cold and even that was rare. Not on any meds. Always independent. Hard to believe he married except he was the nurturing kind and a wonderful father. So I am blessed with a stepson.

I am sure that if he were on his own he would have taken the route you’re taking. His treatment was so hard, with nearly every possible complication. We kept hoping we’d catch a break, even a couple of weeks, where he felt reasonably well. But once he had surgery, it never came.

Taking out the port is a bigger deal than putting it in. DH had his removed because it got infected. It left a big gaping hole that I packed every day. Good thing I have experience with adventurous horses. I’m not sure how or if you could manage it on your own.

It’s your life, and FWIW, I completely respect the decision you’re making.

I am so sorry he went through so much, Thank the lord he had you!
I have a feeling we would get on really well!
No the port will die with me! LOL

[Sannois]

@Mara

My grandfather had a huge garden every year - a couple of acres - I don’t think Mom ever had to buy produce in the summers! I am totally spoiled when it comes to potatoes, bell peppers (his were so thin-skinned and tender and perfect for stuffed peppers), but especially tomatoes! I used to eat them like apples and one summer ate so many I gave myself mouth ulcers.

To to this day I almost always turn up my nose at restaurant tomatoes. Hard and mealy and flavorless.

Oh me too! and grocery store ones! I call them Plastic tomatoes. I cannot WAIT to sink my teeth into one with a bit of salt on it, I eat them like apples too, over the sink! Okay my mouth just started watering.
Damn that woodchuck! I HAD heirlooms growing!!! :mad::no:

[accidental_buckaroo]

@Sannois

I will try to. I used to have journals, sadly, about 5 years ago when I bought this house I burned then all when I moved.
But my life was not any more remarkable than any one of yours.
I was forced to be brave AB. I had no one but me at a young age. I did not know what else there was to do.
Fortunately my mother raised me with a good set of values before she died, otherwise I shudder to think what I could have become.

Your life is very remarkable and inspirational. Start at the beginning of not too painful. Otherwise favorite places you have been. What sticks in your memories of visiting places and people. What horses taught you lessons and how. Which ones would you ride again.

[tarynls]

@Sannois

So Did I. Growing up on a Farm on Long Island, we had gorgeous Tomatoes all the time.
My mother used to say she expected to see a large tomato with a pony tail sitting at the table one day, I ate them ALL the time.

Kim, did you know the Shapiro’s from Long Island? Neal went to the Olympics in 1972, show jumping. My husband and I are farriers and we shoe all the horses at Neal’s barn in NJ - it seems like everyone from Long Island either knew him or knew of him!

Taryn

[accidental_buckaroo]

Some of the connections and shared history on COTH are just amazing.

[shiloh]

I suspect you are going to be inundated with journals and pens soon. Then you will need all that over caffeinated coffee. LOL

[lilitiger2]

Just catching up with the thread. Good for you for making a decision that feels right. For what it’s worth, my husband had his port removed and it was no big deal. Healed up very quickly, so it can vary. Glad you are enjoying good coffee, BLTs and whatever else you love-- and yay for the “leavings!” I joke that if anyone ever scrolled through my cell phone pictures they’d see all these pics of horse poop (me to vet – > how does this look?) interspersed with hoof pics…fascinating stuff!!! :eek:

Anyway, thinking of you!

[Lah0808]

I’ve been following along with your journey and I want to thank you for sharing it. My father had a similar journey to yours. He spent a year plus not feeling well, issues with his stomach, trying to figure out what was wrong. I’ll add that this was in 1994, so quite some time ago. Unfortunately his doctors and his HMO system failed him in the end, he was diagnosed with colon cancer which had metastasized to his liver and beyond. Like you, he decided not to pursue chemo. He was terminal and wanted to enjoy what time he had left and that he did. He went a holistic route and lived another 15 months after diagnosis.

I should have started with my first colonoscopy when I turned 35 and I didn’t. In part from you sharing your story (I followed that initial colonoscopy thread as well), I decided that I was being ridiculous putting this off any longer. I’m just about to be 39 but I had my first colonoscopy last week and thankfully came back all clear, they’ll see me again in 5 years. I will be sticking to that schedule.

I wish you luck and all the best that life has to offer, enjoy every minute of it as best you can and thank you, again.

[accidental_buckaroo]

@Lah0808

I’ve been following along with your journey and I want to thank you for sharing it. My father had a similar journey to yours. He spent a year plus not feeling well, issues with his stomach, trying to figure out what was wrong. I’ll add that this was in 1994, so quite some time ago. Unfortunately his doctors and his HMO system failed him in the end, he was diagnosed with colon cancer which had metastasized to his liver and beyond. Like you, he decided not to pursue chemo. He was terminal and wanted to enjoy what time he had left and that he did. He went a holistic route and lived another 15 months after diagnosis.

I should have started with my first colonoscopy when I turned 35 and I didn’t. In part from you sharing your story (I followed that initial colonoscopy thread as well), I decided that I was being ridiculous putting this off any longer. I’m just about to be 39 but I had my first colonoscopy last week and thankfully came back all clear, they’ll see me again in 5 years. I will be sticking to that schedule.

I wish you luck and all the best that life has to offer, enjoy every minute of it as best you can and thank you, again.

Such a sweet and heartfelt post. See, Sannois, you are inspirational in ways you have no idea. You are indeed a captain. And not just of your own ship.

[PKP]

Kim, I just want you to know how incredibly brave and strong you are. I mean absolutely no offense to any of the amazing people on this thread, who I also deeply admire, when I say that, to me, you are making the hardest choice. It feels right to you, and that is one heck of a way to honor yourself. We’ve all come to care so deeply for you, and I don’t think any of us can wrap our brains around losing you. But witnessing you go through a hell that you were putting yourself through to please others - that’s a no from me. I’m inspired by your power. Enjoy every day, soak in the sun, eat tomatoes over the sink with salt (YES!) visit the horses you donated your tack to, sit outside at night and listen to the cicadas and watch the lightning bugs. Soak it in, you have earned it.

[Sannois]

@tarynls

Kim, did you know the Shapiro’s from Long Island? Neal went to the Olympics in 1972, show jumping. My husband and I are farriers and we shoe all the horses at Neal’s barn in NJ - it seems like everyone from Long Island either knew him or knew of him!

Taryn

Oh yes, and Harry Delayer as well.
I learned to ride from Don Sacheys mother, Don was on the 68 US Eventing team.
All sorts of horsey folk were on the island back then.

[Sannois]

@PKP

Kim, I just want you to know how incredibly brave and strong you are. I mean absolutely no offense to any of the amazing people on this thread, who I also deeply admire, when I say that, to me, you are making the hardest choice. It feels right to you, and that is one heck of a way to honor yourself. We’ve all come to care so deeply for you, and I don’t think any of us can wrap our brains around losing you. But witnessing you go through a hell that you were putting yourself through to please others - that’s a no from me. I’m inspired by your power. Enjoy every day, soak in the sun, eat tomatoes over the sink with salt (YES!) visit the horses you donated your tack to, sit outside at night and listen to the cicadas and watch the lightning bugs. Soak it in, you have earned it.

I have no words! I never thought I meant much to anyone except the horses and critters!
The fact that I can make a difference in someone elses life means so much to me.
It means so much to hear that folks understand why I could not do that anymore. I could not believe myself when I realized I was once again doing things that I did not want to so that others would not be disappointed.
It was like a hand came out and slapped me and said no more. it is about what you want and you only!
Thank you so much, your kindness, all of you, is my strength!!

[Sannois]

I cannot remember who sent me the Honey pops, but they are delicious, and really help my healing burned mouth.
Thank you so much!!

[Sannois]

Oh Joy, just can’t wait to tell the Ex.
This should be a real peach of an experience. I have to take him to get his car back tomorrow morning.
I Adore my mechanic and his wife. I am leaving my old Jeep to him, hell he has kept it going strong. He loves Jeeps, and always said he would love to turn it into an off road Jeep.
I was talking to his wife last week when I dropped his car off. She knows the Ex and what a grump he is.
She says he is freaking because when he loses you he will have no one to put up with his BS.
Maybe at 70 you would think he would want to live and be happy. but I lost that fight years ago.
Not my problem anymore.

[BabyGoose]

You need to do what is right for you Kim and I am happy that you are making decisions based on that. I wish you peace and strength and happiness in everyday from here forward. You are a brave and inspiring woman.

[skydy]

@Sannois

No it is not! you can be sure, I felt this way long ago, why do you think I dragged my feet for so long.
I did the one because again I could not say no to other people. insane, I know.
I NEVER wanted to do this. Never. I am really okay. and not depressed. I know I will get flak from many but I don’t care. What I think and want matters only.

Oh my dear Sannois. Whatever path you follow, we will be beside you.