Great topic and lots of good suggestions on how to deal with fear.
Another thought: Simply admitting you have fear and accepting that its “OK” to have it, often makes it easier to deal with and go forward with a confidence building program.
Yes take your time.
The horse you feel confident on will come along.
Gee, I thought I was the only one who had that “specific” horse fear.
I grew up riding everything and anything. Then the fear started to set in, in my mid 20’s. The 4 years I spent in Europe galloping made it worse.
I have to say I have not tested myself completely, but so far so good, I feel that confidence I use to have on my new horse.
I think the fear and anxiety topic is one of the few I heave myself from the lurker’s closet and actually post. Here goes from the Queen of Anxiety ;
For me, being told to think positive thoughts reinforces my Brain’s ability to think negatively. What I try to do is redirect my physical reaction, i.e. turn off the fear button so I can THEN think positively. Clear as mud? Anyway, try these exercises.
1 - begin your day with meditation. You don’t have to chant or stare at your belly button, just sit quietly in a place where you won’t be interrupted then clear your mind for 10 or 15 minutes. Just a few minutes a day will give your body a chance to, in geek speak, reset it’s components.
2 - Fear-fest. Throw yourself into your fear. Set two 5 minute periods a day to think all the negative and fear provoking thoughts you have stored inside. Think of your horse slamming you into a stone wall. Think of your vulnerable lifeless body lying there as your horse’s hooves cut you into mincemeat. Think of your poor family, hovering over your grave, wishing you’d never ever taken up jumping. “Why, oh why,” they wail, “couldn’t she have stuck with knitting?” I know, over the top, but keep it up. Check your watch. Has it been 5 minutes? No? Only 90 seconds. Well, stick to it. You won’t believe how boring you’ll find those fears.
3 - now that you’ve give Brain it’s chance to enjoy it’s fear-fest, tell it “no more.” If you find yourself wanting to go back to the anxiety provoking thoughts then remember you have another chance for your afternoon fear-fest.
- Here and Now. When you ride, if you find yourself afraid, say outloud to yourself and your horse 5 things you see. Example: I see the the white jump standard. I see Dobbin’s ears. I see… Then say 5 things you hear. Then 5 things you feel (I feel the reins between my fingers…). Then go to 4 things you see, hear, feel, then 3, then 2, then 1. Repeat if necessary. Again, this redirects your body’s reaction to fear which allows you to focus on what’s really happening rather than what you perceive to happen. Hope that makes sense.
Good luck!
I think we all feel the fear to some extent and it’s strange what can set it off - be it the height of the jump, a strange horse, bad (or seemingly bad) footing, combinations, change of discipline, hacking, etc. That first outdoor ride of the spring is always good for fear too.
I was such a nervous rider as a child that my mother thought I’d never stick with it. Then I got the best coach in the world. I trust her to the end of the earth and back again. If she says jump, I say how high? because I know she would never, ever, ask me to do something she wasn’t 200% sure I could do. I can always talk to her about something that’s bothering me, and we sit down together to solve problems. I’m not saying I’m never scared anymore, but I’ve learned to feel the fear and do it anyway to a certain extent. It’s a lifelong process.
Along with a good coach, the absolute must for a nervous rider is a calm, reliable horse. One that can take a joke, leaves the ground at every jump, doesn’t spook and is sweet-tempered on the ground (why be scared before you even get on?). I think ones you really have to keep your leg on, as opposed to the ones you always have to pull in the face, are far better for a nervous rider. There’s nothing like the feeling of being run away with to terrify a person!
Best of all, there is hope. I’ll be making my return to the jumper ring after 8 years of hiding in the hunters for the 2001 season. 
The only other advice I can give is this: once you start on a confidence-building program, you have to ride consistently in order to capitalize on yesterday’s feeling of acheivement. I think the longer you wait, the harder it gets. Also, as you practice more often and get fitter and stronger, a lot of your confidence will come back on its own.
Canter, marvellous idea. Heidi, go ahead and bring your mum. We’ll have sherry as well!!
Lori et al, I’m sitting here trying to figure out the fear:embarassment ratio. Yes, I’m fearful of death by horseback but I’m also fearful of making a fool of myself in a barn where everyone shows A and one of the trainers is a pro who shows grand prix and oozes natural talent.
I think a great deal of the pressure we put on ourselves is self-created and the reality is that no one, besides our little old selves, expects us to be jumping 4’ courses within the year. I know our trainer and my husband would be thrilled if I’d get over my fear enough to merely sit on a horse and trot a couple of laps in the arena. In my own mind, though, sandwiched in between fear there is self consciousness and the belief that trotting a couple of laps isn’t good enough when everyone else is schooling over 4’ jumps. Where does the fearful person end and the loser begin?
In the back of my mind I’ve often thought that the best remedy would be to slink off quietly, and alone, to another barn to school and ride old school horses. Perhaps to Quinn’s barn - where she’ll welcome all of us with bottles of Australian shiraz and cavalettis and allow us to pull up into the center of the arena when we’ve reached our limit and require a thirst/nerve quenching sip.
[This message has been edited by heidi (edited 11-07-2000).]
[This message has been edited by heidi (edited 11-07-2000).]
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by nyc_rider:
Vapor Lock should be my nickname! I cannot afford an injury. I have to work. Crashing through an oxer or being thrown on to the ring rails is, unfortunately, something I can visualize all too easily. You have gotten a lot of helpful advice: good trainer; confidence-building horses; do what you feel you are capable of; drink; relaxation and visualization exercises; chanting positive messages (ala Jane Savoie); and BREATHE. These are all things I have tried and they help a great deal. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
NYC Rider, thank you for sharing your experiences which so very eerily mirror my own. If you’re Vapour Lock, I will claim Brain Freeze as my nickname. At the very least, we can start a rap group.
I’ve concluded that a large part of my problem is that in lieu of even taking a cautious step and merely and simply placing my butt in a saddle, I watch others school and show, and sit at home thinking about my fear - allowing it to fester and paralyze me. I’ve schooled enough over the years (when I rode) to know what to do but remain uncertain if I can make my body do what’s required - that’s where the self consciousness kicks in I think.
Revelations of all revelations, my husband and I were discussing my fear last night and he confided that every time he rode our six year old warmblood, he too was fearful. Men seem to react, clearly, differently to fear then we do. As he says, he ‘just dealt with it and pointed the horse to the next jump’. I would have slid off and handed the reins to the trainer so that I could puke in the feed bucket.
Thanks all for the kind words of support and encouragement. You’ve all inspired/incited me to rediscover the sense of joy, fun and accomplishment that I used to derive from riding. So, my plan is to work out over the next two weeks (gotta find my Suzanne Somers’ Butt 'n Thigh Master), pull out my unused paddock boots, half chaps, breeches and venture to our barn, pull a (hopefully verrrry sleepy) horse out of a stall, and walk, perhaps trot, for half an hour. I will not canter or jump until I feel secure and confident enough. I will relegate our barn’s peanut gallery to the viewing lounge, plying them with a bottle of Baileys. I will remember to breathe, chant if I have to and try to quell that voice in my head screaming, ‘you’re gonna fall, you’re gonna fall!’. And I’m going to have FUN! I hope.
Heidi I have a couple of horses you should come sit on.
They are real confidence builders and they do not spook ever.
I teach alot of really nervous kids and adults and after a while they can’t believe how much their confidence has come along.
Heidi, me again.
Two things I did forget to mention.
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I have a couple of exceptional friends who encourage without berating. They have so much confidence in MY ability, how can I not?
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I went out this year and did a complete update to my showing wardrobe. That little thing alone made me feel great.
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As a sidebar, one thing I do which relaxes me tremendously is count. To myself of course but almost constantly. That in itself effectively calms your “flutteries” and allows you to concentrate.
Heidi, I wish we had talked about this on Friday over our beer(water, whatever).
I was a late starter to showing and the horse I had was difficult. He taught me well how to ride(hang on), but also how to be defensive and fearful. I would suck back about three strides out from a fence and he would either chip, pop or stop(although not really dirty about the stopping).
And then I bought Clay. I hated her at first, mostly because she was so green, but she was tractable and good tempered(except about skeet shooting, plastic bags and donkeys!). I just stuck to her. Eventually, we became such a good team and although I only showed her once she was everything I wanted. I gave up showing to keep her. Anyone who had the opportunity to ride her said that she was one of the nicest horses they had ever ridden.
Her retirement and then death took away my drive to ride. I realize it now as I write this that I slowly stopped riding after her retirement and then not at all after she died, not even our other lovely horses.
I don’t know if it is fear, but it certainly is hard for me to put my foot in the stirrup. I have gone to the barn many times to ride Newman and haven’t for one reason or another.
One of these days, Heidi, one of these days. Now that I have that filly, I have to seriously think about riding before I start her. Can you imagine, having not ridden for several years, had two children, having very little in the area of riding legs left, getting on a baby. Ok girlie, let’s go.
Maybe it is fear, after all.
This is an excellent topic.
I experienced the type of fear many of you are speaking of after I had my first major crash skiing. All of you make very valid and helpful points re overcoming the fear associated with a serious spill.
But what I’d like to ask concerns a different type of fear. I once had a coach that I admired so much that I was paralyzed by the fear that I wouldn’t measure up to his expectations. I prayed for practices to end, and I’d hide at meets to avoid having to face him before I swam.
Has anyone else dealt with this type of irrational fear? I never got over it - I just graduated.
I went through a similar thing. I got a wonderful new horse (though slightly green). We did fine for a while doing the 3’ and stuff, then we had a few refusals, and all of a sudden I was convinced I couldn’t jump. And nothing anyone said or did could help me, I would only jump when and what I wanted to jump. I’m sure this was very frustrating to my trainer too. All I guess I can say to try to take your time. I rushed through my fears, thinking I had to be showing at 3’ THEN, and that only made it worse. Once I realized that I just had to wait, it all came back to me. I took time off when my horse had a stone bruise, and a week after he was better, I was schooling/showing 3’ courses. Before the stone bruise, 2’6" scared me half to death. I’m still scared sometimes, but I jump 2’9" and 3’ on a regular basis now. So just patience and time off, I guess.
Good for you heidi! Give us an update when it happens. As for the little voice in your head screaming “I’m gonna fall!” just yell right back “At least I’ll have fun doing it!”
BTW, I tend to tense up in flat classe, so this year in Collingwood my coach gave me a bottle of Mike’s and told me to drink it before my eq class. Surprisingly enough, I did fantastically well. So break out the Baileys! (Why do you think everyone drinks before a foxhunt? 
)
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by heidi:
Part of my theory is that I’m one of these odd individuals who gains confidence from very specific horses and I’ve yet to find one at home who I trust enough to override my (at times) crippling need to preserve my life.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I don’t think it is odd at all to gain confidence from specific horses. My friend was terrified after a few incidences of falling off, and she rode my horse for about 4 weeks to get her confidence back. He was great because on the flat he was dead quiet and super for her. The funny thing was that while she rode him, I was off on injury from a bad crash I had on that very same horse (over fences though, and she only rode him on the flat).
But anyway, although I was not traumatized by the crash I did end up getting a new horse, at the strong encouragement of my trainer. This horse is SO much easier, and I do feel more confident when I ride her. I always would second guess my decisions on my old horse because it was so hard to judge distances on him…I’d think I saw something and he’d increase his step to the point that I no longer had that good spot. My new horse is much more forgiving and easy to judge distances, so I feel much more confident in my decisions. And just as a horse can boost your confidence, a particular horse can ruin your confidence.
Just do some serious searching…try lots of horses, and I’m sure you’ll eventually find one that you really “click” with, and that gives you confidence. Confidence and fear is a very personal thing…everyone deals with it differently, and you just need to stick with what you feel is best. Husbands can be terrible to consult regarding fear…I’ve gotten in many arguments with mine on steep ski slopes due to fear issues. The “just do it” attitude is fine for some, but certainly not everyone!
I have to get in on this one too. Speaking as someone who fell off an average of once every two weeks (due to an evil trainer and we won’t even go there) and earned the nickname Crash; I will add my two cents worth.
First: find a trainer that you can trust absolutely with your safety. I found the first one who put me on his only school horse: a large pony. I spent weeks on the other end of a lunge line while he talked me through the absolute terror the first trainer had taught me. He found me the perfect first horse: old, fat, slow, and out of shape. It was only a year before I outgrew the horse as far as riding needs. I ended up changing trainers for other reasons. I bought my new horse as a 3 year old saddle broke never jumped mare. Everyone in town would have bet their last dollar that I would have quit let alone done that. The trainers that I have now have done wonders with her bringing her along and once again I have a trainer for me that understands the additional pressures that adults face. Like, gee I really don’t need to be Christopher Reeves, EVER. She knows exactly when to kick my butt and when to back off. I also know that she would NEVER ask me to do something that I couldn’t.
Second: Find that school master horse to start with. Talk to anyone and everyone. Again, I recommend the old, fat, slow, out of shape, and in your case small since you seem to be very comfortable on that pony in Ireland. Your first horse will make a lasting impression.
Third: No matter what anyone else says, go at your own pace that you are comfortable with. It is great that your husband and friends believe in you so much but if you push yourself to please others and keep scairing yourself half to death what have you gained?
I still get nervous going to those first couple of jumps but I am so proud of the fact that not only am I still jumping, but am jumping a green horse and HAVING FUN! We had a major break through in last weeks lesson when I actually was brave enough to tell my trainer not to move the boxes out from under one jump and just leave it at the set height. Even she was surprised and we heard her say something that you almost never hear from her: I am so proud of you for doing that.
Go as slow as you want in order to have fun and enjoy yourself. The rest will come with time.
Heidi, I know exactly what your talking about … when I was younger I would jump anything from anywhere … now I can visualize my body hurtling into the jump and the pain etc. I took a few years off from showing and when I started back last year … made my coaches life hell … wouldn’t jump if anyone was watching … somedays would do a jump, line etc. and the next time could honestly say nothing on this earth could make me do that same jump. Argued and fought at home constantly, went to the show (did trillium) and went in the ring convinced I would be injured (actually looked forward to it so I could say “told you I wasn’t ready”) but … nothing bad happened, got good calls and went to the championships and got high jogs there.
The horse was one we got in to ‘fix’, he was a notorious stopper on the ‘A’ circuit, dumped his owner 5 times at one show … not the kind of horse to give you confidence right? but my coach/partner warmed him up, then did him in the lows and I would show right after in the Adults, I would do just one or two warm-up jumps then straight in the ring, didn’t give myself time to worry … I would go onto autopilot in the ring and be fine (although it took me to the end of the season to admit that it was kind of fun). Horse was an angel, never stopped once from the moment we got him, was champion in the lows at the championships last year and this year was leased out to a young girl who just won reserve champion in the children’s at the Royal!
Point of this long ramble is … sometimes the most unlikely horse is the one that can help you! don’t give up! this year I showed all season on the ‘A’, still don’t jump much at home, it worries me too much, but in the ring I just concentrate on the course, the strides and the pace (okay, that not true … I do look outside the ring a lot, I can come out from doing a course and be able to tell you whose just shipped in, whose in the ring next to mine, the faults just called in the jumper ring) I’m trying to get better at being able to focus on the ring and the jumps, but it’s a slow process.
One day when there’s no one around and you’ve put no thought into it, just go to your coach and say, let’s have a lesson and just do a few jumps, get off, go home and do the same thing a few days later … when you’ve done this a few times, mention it to your husband, kid’s etc. that, oh by the way you jumped the other day. I find that there’s a lot less pressure on you if there’s no anticipation.
Good Luck!
[This message has been edited by diane (edited 11-07-2000).]
Jolimom wrote “Then 5 things you feel (I feel the reins between my fingers…). Then go to 4 things you see, hear, feel, then 3, then 2, then 1. Repeat if necessary. Again, this redirects your body’s reaction to fear which allows you to focus on what’s really happening rather than what you perceive to happen. Hope that makes sense.”
I like this suggestion/approach you posted. It could work by keeping the rider from looking for trouble when mounted on a safe/suitable horse.
I don’t know if this will help anyone or not but it has helped me.
I used to ride alot of greenies and track horses as well as breaking.
I have never had a really bad fall or ever broken a bone. As I get older I am 31 going on 80 I find it harder and harder to get on green horses or problem ones.
I have a barn to run kids to teach and 2 dogs who are like children to me .
And I am really scared to fall off and break something or worse.
I jump on the odd horse or pony when the kids are having problems but have had to sell 3 really nice but green horses in the last 2 yrs for fear of getting hurt.
I let this fear bother me day and night 24/7 untill someone I was really close to said that life passes you by too quickly and if I didn’t ride and enjoy myself now I would regret it when time had slipped by and for some reason I would not be able to ride ever again
That really woke me up and I got a great 15 yr old gelding who I still feel nervous every time I get on but he is such a sweetie with a heart of gold and after each ride I feel better and better.
I also started taking lessons again with a great coach who never pushs me or my horse.
Well hope this helps someone!!!
You go girl! (just not too far nor too fast) I’ll be waiting with my film crew … think we need to sell tickets? I’ll rustle up a few sponsors. 
[This message has been edited by Canter (edited 11-08-2000).]
It is all in the horse!!! A gelding I bought in January is not working out for me so I am selling him. Someone who is not easily bothered by a strong horse will love him and have a blast. In the meantime, I just today closed a deal on a wonderful quiet horse that has been there, done that. To ride my new gelding one only needs to know how to ride in a wheelchair, he is that uncomplicated and exactly the kind of ride I like.
