heidi - I find that a good stiff scotch without rocks helps tremendously 
Seriously, IME, I’ve always found that until you know you can do it, with confidence and security, you need to ride the right horse. Unfortunately fear can be communicated through the reins…and an unforgiving, unconfident horse will make your worst fears come true.
When you have the right horse, and a trainer who helps you build confidence, the only thing you should fear is that board bill at the end of the month.
PD…“hiding in the hunters?” Now, if you had said, hiding in the porta potty when your number is called, I could understand. But, “hiding in the hunters???”
Excellent topic! I agree with what most people have posted here, especially Alida.
Fear comes in two flavors: rational and irrational. Irrational fear is when you imagine risks that do not exist or mentally magnify the possibility or consequences of actual risks. Irrational fear is hard to overcome without professional help. But rational fear can be reduced by rational action.
Rational fear is the product of experience and knowlege. Someone once said that wars could not be fought if soldiers had to be at least 35 years old, because by that time most people have figured out that they are not invulnerable and are not going to live forever, and so they are significantly less willing to do thoroughly crazy things like charging at other people who are trying to kill them.
Rational fear can be overcome by an appreciation of risk versus reward and an acceptance of probabilities. Every time you get on a horse, you run some level of risk of injury. It’s unavoidable: riding horses is an inherently risky activity, like so much else in life that is worthwhile. If you love to ride enough, then it is worth the risk to do so.
Furthermore, both the real likelihood of injury and your rational fear can be reduced by taking sensible precautions (the right horse, adequate training, preparation, and equipment, etc). Fear that is so intense that it debilitates you is bad. But fear can have the salutary effect of motivating you to be meticulous in your preparation and careful in your execution. Confidence gained from these actions reduces the kind of fear that diminishes or even prevents your performance.
Often you CAN control your emotions if you try hard enough. I used to get myself “up” to play in sports contests (especially the kind that routinely require participants to do things that hurt a lot, like running into other participants) by trying to imagine how hard I would compete if the very survival of someone I cared for depended on the outcome of the game. I’m embarassed to say now, years later, that this rather wierd strategy worked so effectively that I sometimes finished games without even noticing that I had been injured at some point, certainly not because I was so tough but because I had gotten myself so far into a mental zone where only the competition mattered. I really don’t recommend this approach, because it can be mentally and emotionally exhausting and it just might be as crazy as it sounds. But the point is that if you work at it you CAN take more control of your fear when you ride.
[This message has been edited by EarthTo? (edited 11-07-2000).]
I also had a fear of jumping after my new horse took off with me after a jump three weeks after I bought him. I couldn’t even watch other people’s lessons without waiting for the crash.
I agree with getting a trainer that you absolutely trust and is VERY patient. I actually had to go back to poles on the ground for a couple of lessons and work up from there. It helped a lot but I would get confidence for a while and then some little thing would happen and I’d lose it again.
At the strong suggestion of my trainer I DID go to a hypnotist. It did a world of good. Basically what she did was have me visualize really good jumps, while giving me a pep talk, “you are good”, “you know what to do” “your horse wants to jump” “your horse is great” etc. She got down to my core and made me really believe in myself and I got very excited about jumping instead of worrying about it. It was kinda like Jane Savoie for my subconscious.
I went twice, the last time was over 6 months ago and it has stayed with me. Of course during that time I have been riding and really developing trust in my horse.
I highly recommend hypnotism to anyone who really has trouble getting over their fears.
Another trick that helps is to have a plan to deal with what you fear.Afraid he’s going to take off after the jump, then before the jump plan on making a sharp turn to the right. Afraid he’s going to shy? Then plan how to prevent it or what you’ll do if he does.
I hope this helps someone.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Canter:
[B] I’ll rustle up a few sponsors. 
[This message has been edited by Canter (edited 11-08-2000).][/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Dear Canter, please make sure it’s an Australian vineyard renowned for its lovely shiraz.
Try finding a trainer in your area to take some lessons with, be very honest about your fear, find someone who will help you work thru it, this may take a long time. Also the trainer should have several different lesson horses that you can practice on and work on your fear, practice developing skills which will enable you to be confidant, it sounds like this is more than just jumping an oxer. As we get older with more piorities we get even more scared of injury. Find a teacher who can help you thru this, riding should be fun and enjoyable not scary, let your husband do what he wants to do and you work on making riding fun again, your happiness and saftey should be his main concern as well as yours! Good Luck!
Although I’m sorry that others go through this, it’s good to hear that I am not alone and it’s even better to read some really good suggestions on how to deal with fear.
For those of us who have it, it’s defintely all about finding the right horse and the right trainer. I’ve been lucky enough to find good ones ever since the two bad falls I took at age 14 started to make me afraid. Otherwise I would’ve stopped riding. On the days when I feel overfaced, usually when riding a horse other than my own these days, I have no problem saying so and asking someone else to get on the horse for me.
My fear never completely disappears, even on my own mare who I love and trust. On the days when it rises up and interferes with my riding, I either don’t take a lesson or ask to work on things like cantering poles or jumping gymastics, which give me confidence. My trainer has learned to respect my wishes, and will try to push me a little, but not further than I can handle.
I had a terrible fall five years ago and am still often finding myself in need of the airsick bag before mounting (my accident was at the mounting block, so it’s kind of hard for me to avoid the thing that scares me, plus my horse - it’s the same one - is a wingnut at the mounting block sometimes).
The worst stretch of not riding because I was scared was almost ten months. Then I put my horse back with the dressage trainer and Just Did It. What helped enormously, and what I still need to focus on every time, is not to worry about What Might Happen. I just visualize What Might Happen as something I can put into a box, and then I put the visualized lid on it (sounds weird but it helps me, so whatever helps I’m up for it).
Good luck, there’s nothing more frustrating.
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Inverness:
[B]This is an excellent topic.
I experienced the type of fear many of you are speaking of after I had my first major crash skiing. All of you make very valid and helpful points re overcoming the fear associated with a serious spill.
But what I’d like to ask concerns a different type of fear. I once had a coach that I admired so much that I was paralyzed by the fear that I wouldn’t measure up to his expectations. I prayed for practices to end, and I’d hide at meets to avoid having to face him before I swam.
Has anyone else dealt with this type of irrational fear? I never got over it - I just graduated.[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Wow Inverness have you ever touched on a nerve!
While fear of riding/jumping isn’t an issue for me, that fear of measuring up thing sure is!!!
I’ve ridden with some pretty great coaches over the years but one of them is at the very top of his profession. Boy oh boy I used to die inside with every miss and every swim through an oxer.
Just to compound the problem he used to tell me “don’t worry, you’re a good enough rider - you’ll figure it out” and that made it worse! I became the anorexic rider - I’d look in the mirror and see a rank beginner staring me back.
Funny thing was, I didn’t feel this way on the flat, only over fences. I suppose this started with not understanding things he could take for granted, things like “ride off your eye” and “see it from 9 strides out” When I was younger that used to totally stump me. I had no idea what he was talking about and everytime he explained it I understood him… until he left the arena and them bam! I didn’t understand it again.
I questioned myself as a rider all the time and put such tremendous pressure on myself to be perfect…for him.
Then one day he and I were schooling together and he flat out missed. He pulled up and laughed about it and made some disparaging comments about the pressure of having to always be perfect infront of his clients. It suddenly dawned on me that I was riding for the wrong person. I was riding for him when I should have been riding for myself.
After that it got a whole lot easier.
Wow…this makes me feel so normal…everyone else always looks so confident! I feel more confident just reading that others get fearful or nervous as well!
Heidi:
I am so proud of you! That may not mean anything to you but if you knew me, you would know I do not give freely of myself.
Anyway, breathe out and count. I still do it. When I am coming to a fence and I want to relax and softly focus, I count, 1,2,3,4. Many years ago, my coach told me I was riding way too tense and she had me adopt Wayne McLellan’s head bobbing attribute. Worked wonders for me. My back instantly softened as did my arms. I still do it to warm up.
I am just thrilled for you. I wish I lived closer to Toronto! At one time, I would trailer 2 of mine to Toronto to “Barb & Danny’s” for a lesson every other week. Never again will I be that devoted.
Been there, done that. Have faith in yourself, and, don’t over-analize the fear. All of us suffer from it, if we’re smart(and most on this forum are). You WILL find the right horse, it is just a matter of time.
In the meantime, find a trainer who is used to dealing with people to whom fear has become an issue. One who has successfully dealt with the problem herself/himself and is willing to admit it often can guide you along the correct path.
Take small steps, and be proud of your accomplishments, you don’t have to measure yourself against anyone (one of my big failings).
One of the things that I found most helpful was to work, work, work, every minute that I was in the saddle. Concentrate on the work, and you won’t have time to concentrate on the fear. Try for that “perfect” circle, a good leg yield, a soft and supple connection between your hands and the horse’s mouth. If you are working hard enough on those, the fear won’t have any place to creep in too.
Good Luck!
Thank you all for sharing your words of advice and encouragement - it is a relief that I’m not alone in the fear and anxiety department.
As several have alluded, I’m fearful and anxiety-ridden but I’m also competitive and can’t stand that I can no longer ride as I used to; in fact my ten year old outrides me by a mile. At this point, I work up to a canter and topple off - my leg’s gone, my elbows and hands are stiff and immobile and I probably do end up annoying a few horses.
Reality is, I need to go back to the basics - a fact that does, indeed, embarass me.
I am actually lucky enough to be at a barn with wonderful, sensitive trainers who encourage me just to sit on a horse and don’t expect that I’ll be jumping oxers any time soon. And whenever a sale horse comes in who may be quiet enough for me, I get on but my mind turns to vapour lock - can’t think, can’t absorb information, my body stiffens up so I can’t even gauge whether I feel safe on the horse or not.
Irony is, of course, I love horses but we’ve also had horses I’ve never sat on. I do get wistful watching my husband and daughter school/show or when the barn organizes a hunt/hack through country fields.
GREAT IDEA
Wouldn’t it be a superb idea to have a show for “the likes of us F people?” I have the facility and the whole concept intriques me. All kidding aside, wouldn’t that be a great thing. Go to a show, not give a little rat’s petutie who else was there, put in as comfortable a round as you could and exit. For that matter, have your coach/groundperson coach you over every fence and then have this sincere, overly raucous (had to look up the spelling on that one)group cheer and encourage. Probably not practical but certainly possible!
<BLOCKQUOTE class=“ip-ubbcode-quote”><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Canter:
[B]
Wow Inverness have you ever touched on a nerve!
While fear of riding/jumping isn’t an issue for me, that fear of measuring up thing sure is!!!
I’ve ridden with some pretty great coaches over the years but one of them is at the very top of his profession. Boy oh boy I used to die inside with every miss and every swim through an oxer.
Just to compound the problem he used to tell me “don’t worry, you’re a good enough rider - you’ll figure it out” and that made it worse! I became the anorexic rider - I’d look in the mirror and see a rank beginner staring me back.
Funny thing was, I didn’t feel this way on the flat, only over fences. I suppose this started with not understanding things he could take for granted, things like “ride off your eye” and “see it from 9 strides out” When I was younger that used to totally stump me. I had no idea what he was talking about and everytime he explained it I understood him… until he left the arena and them bam! I didn’t understand it again.
I questioned myself as a rider all the time and put such tremendous pressure on myself to be perfect…for him.
Then one day he and I were schooling together and he flat out missed. He pulled up and laughed about it and made some disparaging comments about the pressure of having to always be perfect infront of his clients. It suddenly dawned on me that I was riding for the wrong person. I was riding for him when I should have been riding for myself.
After that it got a whole lot easier.[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Your post really hit home. I’m glad to hear one gets over this fear, because I sure haven’t yet. I get really panicked about failing…especially in front of people I don’t know who could be forming opinions of me. I’m such a spaz 
Hopefully I’ll get over it someday like you two…I hate it. I’m aiming for this next summer being the beginning of a new me in my new riding job at a new place.
Thanks for the wake up call
Iverness, I KNOW I have a fear of not measuring up to my trainer, however, he has been so great about things that I try not to let it get to me too bad.
One of the things I have tried to learn as I have gotten older is the ability to laugh at myself. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. So when I ride in front of my trainer and mess something up, I try just to roll my eyes, snicker at myself and maybe say a few four letter words and then try again.
I ride dressage, and my trainer is a perfectionist, he’s gotten as far as he has by being that way. I will never be the rider he is.
I guess where I’m going with this, is that fear of not measuring up, if it can be chanelled correctly, could work to ones advantage. We can push ourselves to become better and better and as we improve and become more secure with our ablilities then the fear of riding will lessen and lessen. Hopefully.
Quinn, I’m so very touched by your words. Perhaps the ultimate beauty of BB’s is that through virtual strangers we are able to summon up the courage, with the support of strangers (!!), to venture forth to pursue our dreams and aspirations. For this, I thank you and all the others who’ve so gracefully, and surprisingly, offered their support and encouragement to a total and virtual stranger. Thank you all
P.S. You, LCR Scott, and I need to go for a hack next summer, okay?
[This message has been edited by heidi (edited 11-10-2000).]
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