Logical thinking will never understand people who do this kind of crap.
If you are going to confront her I think it might be worth having a face to face with the farrier too, so they know that (1) if they say stuff like this it does not make them look good and (2) their name is being tossed around as if they said this stuff.
Going to talk to the farrier today over the phone. With the new info, there is a 0% chance he said it. The woman I will talk with face to face when I catch her at the barn, and I anticipate that’s the last time I verbally acknowledge her. Conversation will be recorded or witnessed. Ridiculous that I even have to do this. People suck.
Farrier has been spoken to. Outside of the bizarre conversation, it was nice to catch up with him.
Anyone care to try their hand at a one-way script of what I can say to this lady? Here’s what I was thinking (crazy in place of her name):
I have something to say to you, Crazy, and you’re going to let me finish before you try and respond. I heard what you told people the farrier allegedly said about me, so I spoke with him. Now I know the actual truth, and so do you. From here on out, you’re not going to involve me in any of your drama, period. I don’t understand what your end goal is, but I want no part of it."
And then walk away before she can respond. I forgave and forgot her antics once. I’ll forgive this one too, as keeping anger harbored doesn’t hurt anyone but me. But I won’t forget this time, ever. She’s done.
It might be more fun to say something like - Hey Crazy, I just talked to Farrier about the rumors you are spreading about what he said about me. Please leave me out of your drama moving forward.
Then walk away. If she tries to talk to you do the whole hand up and ignore thing.
Least said, soonest forgotten. People, I find, project their own perspective onto the world. Usually it is interesting, stimulating, fun, but other times it can be unhappy, distressing, from a totally negative point of view. Your comments suggest you are a well-adjusted and decent soul, you sustain long-standing friendships that suggests others find you to be a good person and like your company. You only have a problem with this particular person, and, I suggest, she is the one with issues, not you.
In your situation I think I would walk straight up to her and tell her I had heard the gossip and rumours she was spreading and tell her that I’m really, really glad that I don’t live in a fetid dark hole like she does. Poor her. How sad. The one about sex with the farrier was a really, really good story though - and laugh in her face. Face her, pity her, laugh at her, forget her.
well, my words would be rather sharper - and more cursing would be involved no doubt.
Mrs Crazy Ma’am. Keep my name out of your mouth. No exceptions
THIS!
X1000
Worked for me with the B-yotch I had read me on a group text.
Then, when I texted was she aware everyone in the group could see this (apparently she was not), got a text to me only.
3 words:
'Miserable F**king Bitch"
To which I replied:
“You know I can save & share this text?”
Never did, but that shut her right the Eff up.
She has been dead to me since.
Now 2yrs & awkward for her as she’s part of a tight little sorority of horse friends - me on the fringe - who have all been attacked by her this way, but choose to pretend it never happened.
I’m still on terms with the other “sisters”, but she seems to be left out of things we do together.
The best revenge is living well.
What i do in situations where i find myself the center of a bad rumor is work harder on whatever it is i do within that sphere of people. My horse-world is semi-solitary as yet, but like…if it’s dog training, or one of my artistic endeavours (art show, tablescape competition etc)…i just step into myself and find a way to elevate my normally excellent production to a new level.
I guess i just usually assume the problem for them is jealously, so i give them something even more to be jealous about. lol.
You do you, boo boo, but leave me out of it.
I’m late to this thread, but WOW. Nail on head. You can tell so much about someone by how they load a horse on a trailer.
It’s why I almost always politely decline help loading my mare. We’ve calmly practiced trailer loading very extensively (I can proudly say she now self-loads), and if she needs an extra moment to assess or understand what I’m asking of her, I’m cool with that. I can wait. The last thing I need is the added pressure of someone “helping” – because in my experience, that help usually manifests as physically pushing or aggressively driving the horse into the trailer – with that sudden urgency and bad energy that said “assistance” brings. No thanks!
Related but totally unnecessary story:
I once took my mare to a retail store in town for some training (yes, you read that right!) so we could get her used to automatic sliding doors before taking her to a nursing home for a visit. I still remember trying to load her back on the trailer when we were done, in the middle of a parking lot next to a main road.
She. Would. Not. Get. Back. In.
Knowing I was on full display and not wanting any random member of the public to assume she was being abused if I got tough with her, I decided to play the slow game. Circling, letting her sniff the ramp, etc. Eventually that devolved into me just pulling on her face. I remember eventually calling my husband in tears of embarrassment and frustration, hoping he’d have some clever idea to get her in (he didn’t, but was very sympathetic). At one point, I was pulling so hard that the snap on the lead shank suddenly popped off her halter (?!) and she was just standing there, loose, in the parking lot. (“Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic… just caaaalmly grab her halter”.)
In the end, I finally got her on by swinging my left leg around me as I led her forward to gently bop her on the bum with the toe of my boot. A car pulled up with two women inside, and one leaned out the window to admit they’d watched me struggling (awwwwkward). They said they were so impressed with how patient I’d been! Oh my, if they only knew 
(Also, someone’s always watching.)
Since that episode, I’ve kept a dressage whip in the trailer just as an extra back-up aid so we never have to go through that again. Just a gentle tap-tap on her bum asks her to walk forward, no drama, if she “forgets” how to self-load.
I’ve decided not to confront her. She’s crazy enough to hurt my horses or damage my stuff. The farrier is dropping her as a client so there will still be backlash.
That seems like a good plan.
Yeah, I think this is the best course of action. It’s enticing to tell her off, and doing so might be momentarily satisfying, but ultimately chilling her out or pretending that she is simply a gray rock will be more effective.
I understand the situation driving you nutso, though. Gossip is so dumb. Just sail on by like she’s a gray rock. I think you’ll feel better this way.
We’ll that’s a horrid, not just crazy, person.
Spike her soda with laxatives instead.
ETA /jk before people start taking me seriously
The farrier dropping her will have a much better effect (and satisfying for you) than anything you could say!
I went to the barn early to pick stalls and get horses out before the rain. Crazy was there.
Proceeded to lock keys in car (should not be possible but fob must have malfunctioned). Standing in the barn door waiting for the County police, Crazy comes over.
She’s acting like nothing happened. I’m focused out the door waiting for cop.
Then proceeds to tell me some totally fabricated story about the barn owner. “He does the devils work all week then goes to church on Sunday. Until his wife caught on.”
I interrupted her, and said “listen. I’ve been friends with BO for over 20 years, and that’s a load of bull$#@!.”
She kept on with some pleasantries while I stared out the door silent. Cop showed up, giving me the out.
This woman… she’s seriously nuts.
I told the BO what she said, so ball is in his court now.
I would ignore her. If you talk to her, she’ll twist it around and add more details. If you don’t say a word and carry on like nothing happened, she’ll move on because the drama she was hoping for never happened. The motivation behind could be all kinds of crazy, such as: she has the hots for the farrier, or she’s jealous of you/tyour horse/your life, etc… Not worth your time. Let her remain the grandmaster of her own private three ring circus. There’s no reason for you to attend.
This is what I do with our barn crazy. She does not exist in my world. I don’t say hi, I don’t look at her, I don’t acknowledge her existence in any way, shape, or form. She texted me last week to get on my farrier’s schedule (HA! Like I’d subject him to her - I’ve had this discussion with him already). I just deleted it.
I think this is the route I’m going to have to take. I was trying today, but she still approached. The only thing that will require a reaction from me is when she asks if I plan on riding (basically ask if it’s OK if she turns hers out). I think I’ll start to answer yes whether I plan to ride or not.
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