The funeral has begun. You are all invited to attend the wake

[Merry]

“We want to welcome you back to this last hour of ‘Springtime Madness’, where we present some one-of-a-kind fashion accessories. I’m your hostess, Bea Wannabe, and our special guests today are Beezer and Merry from the 5M Commune out in California. Welcome, ladies.”

Beezer and Merry smile and cleverly jangle their own curb chain bracelets in a little “howdy” to the cultists at home.

“Now, tell us about your Hack 'n Sack saddlebag purses,” Bea says coyly with a red-lipped smile.

“Well, these leather purses were designed by our comrade Suave Reno, and are handcrafted by slave labor in Canada…” Beezer begins.

… but she’s interrupted by Merry, who grabs one of the hack 'n sacks and swings it over her shoulder and does a swirling modeling turn on the impromptu runway before the cameras. “Look at me!” Merry says into the camera. “I’m on television! Can you see I’m wearing a sparkly party dress? Look how pretty I am!”

Beezer begins to explain in an aside to the hostess that her sister has been under a lot of stress lately. “You know, suddenly her four-year-old gelding isn’t doing his lead changes…” This only incites a puzzled look from the hostess. Beezer grabs the back of Merry’s sequined dress and yanks her back into her chair and stuffs a hanky into her mouth. Just then, there’s a sudden crash off stage and coreene’s voice can be heard saying, “I’m so sorry! I was just in such a hurry to catch up with that cute blond script boy. I didn’t mean to trip over the stagelights!”

wtywmn flips open her cell phone and speed dials elizabeth. “I think we’re going to have some legal issues, liz…”

[SuaveReno]

Let’s figure out another thread… AA jumper, SuaveREno wants to meet you at a show for inspiration to make it out of the 2’9" heights onto greater things Beezer, Merry, Rusty, Corenne, Elizabeth, Weeble et al…

[dublin]

What do I get, Merry???

I’ll gladly take any number of the horses we’ve discussed for $500, Alex!!

[system]

I now have in my hands a copy of the coroner’s report.

It seems the thread did not die of natural causes. Rather, it was… MURDERED. And someone at this wake knows precisely how!

[weeble]

Poor thread, don’t worry, in your memory we will not be disheartened by the Heidi thread. After all, it’s quality over quantity. You brought us subjects of substance and merit. Like show bows, people from the '70’s, and the opinion that John French is good enough to ride a camel at Indio and still win. What has that thread got…thongs? Rottweilers? It can’t hold a candle to you, old thread. Ahhhhhh…the memories.

Now about that after service lunch. Any koi left?

[elizabeth]

Oh, Merry, Merry - ye of little faith.

Below are the remaining commandments, revised to avoid any blasphemy or fear of rotting in h&ll.

(1) Give due respect to your trainer, that you might live long in the irons and avoid being commanded to drop them.
(2) Take no horse before your own horse.
(3) Thou shalt not steal your neighbor’s stuff, except for fly spray.
(4) Thou shalt not take the name of Fleet Apple in vain.
(5) Thou shalt not covet the Canadians’ beer or their asses; Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s horse; she might have a better horse, but she has a sad marriage or ugly feet.
(6) Thou shalt not kill… except in the case of a rival competitor showing up at the backgate wearing your exact same show outfit.
(7) Thou shalt not bear false witness, except when a fellow competitor says “I felt really good about that trip - what did you think?”
(8) Thou shalt not commit adultury, though thou is permitted to make mildly-suggestive comments about Sea Urchin.
(9) Thou shalt not worship statues, though thou can strongly admire leopard print polos and luscious new leather halters.
(10) Keep reserved for horse shows Saturday and the weeks of March during which Indio is going on. Unless you need to go to a schooling show and it is on Sunday and you go to church the night before. . . .

[wtywmn4]

Merry, what do you think? There seems to be enough for oodles of Muck Masques. So who is in charge of our web site? We have retail to set up, people, this means you.

Wty’s bode is quite tired from bouncing in the back of the pick up. Hmmmmm, no margaritas? Why it’s past the cocktail hour. A wee libation, to clear my head. Let’s hit the Koi pond. At least it’s fresh Sushi.

Plan B, hmmm wasn’t that a nice A/O hunter she asks?

[Beezer]

Beezer makes a mad grab for one of the terrieristas … there is no way she can get both. And forget Rocky … the crazed Lab is leaping up on tables, waving the knife around. Beezer is sooooo not going there; she values her life.

Beezer snags Weeble. “GET ELIZABETH! And for the LAST time, people, STOP jangling those dang curb chains!!”

Then she smiles. She has to admit … wtywmn is correct … Beezer IS enjoying this. She has a certain fondness for chaos.

As Coreene staggers by, Beezer gently guides her toward the rack of clothes behind the curtains … “They have some nice zip-up tops over there, Sweetie. In your colors, too. And that young sound man over there … well, I think he’s probably JUST your type. And if you find any cashmere over there, be a dear and wave it in front of Merry. It’s the only sure way at this point to get her off the stage.”

[Merry]

elizabeth, I’m so sorry! I truly didn’t mean to insult your hubby when I said, “Hey, did someone leave the window open? There’s a squirrel on Bill Shatner’s head.” Honest, I’m so sorry! I could never have predicted that the Jack Russells would’ve savaged Bill’s head like that. Nothing like having to call paramedics to a wake!

dublin, dear, the thread left you a small gift over here. Let me find it. Oh, it’s wrapped so nicely…

Huge commotion as Pam flings the assaulting dog off her leg and it flies into the open coffin… Merry has to set down the gift and extract dog from gnawing on thread’s formaldehyde-infused flesh…

[SuaveReno]

It was Merry in the tack room with the latest edition of Typo Circuit!

[Tin]

NOOOOOOO!!! Napster, don’t leave us now!!! Stupid people shutting it down

[wtywmn4]

elizabeth…NO!!! Put down the knife and just walk away. Burning sports bras is one thing, but…There has been just too much attention paid to that poor little pygmy goat. Geessh… In fact isn’t that one of our commandments?? Tho shalt not harm a living creature, except humans of course.

By the way, Merry, can we drop #2 commandment? Coveting asses, now you know we all can’t abid by that. A girl has to have fun!! They can keep the beer, we have margaritas!!

A/A jumper, inflate those plontoons you paid for, on the side of the rig. You will slide right down the entrance and into your stall, no problem. Plus, if you had gotten that wind machine, similar to those So. Florida gator boats, you would have saved all that money on gas. Make us proud!! And have fun!

[rusty]

We will protect you from the curse, because curses can’t pentrate the forces of the cult.

[elizabeth]

elizabeth and the producer clap their hands with glee as AAJumper moons the entire viewing population. Taking a large swig from her margarita, elizabeth says “here’s to viewer ratings!”

[This message was edited by elizabeth on Mar. 16, 2001 at 10:53 PM.]

[JustaLurker]

I took it upon myself to give this topic the top 5-star rating. I did it on impulse and it can be changed if you want – it’s easy a pie. But, to see the Canadians knocking “Question for Merry” in their “Question for Canter” topic and giving it a 5-star got to me. We must stay on top of the heap!

Cheers, Maggi

[Beezer]

Beezer looks around her in disgust. "People! Crawl out from under the table! We cannot let the misery of the Canadians – what with their disappearing thread – threaten the gaiety of our celebration of our coat’s (and it IS a coat, we have rethreaded it so many times) life.

“Buck up! (There’s a horsie phrase to keep the moderators at bay. ) If it means letting Merry dance around in her purple sports bra again, so be it. If it means letting Rusty get a little, ahem, close to Elizabeth, such is life. I’ll even allow Suave’s decked-out horse attend. Must I let the JRTs wrassle with Bill again to get this place hopping??”

[wtywmn4]

Merry, Beezer that baby is awfully cute. Even if it’s in the northern hemisphere. Do either of you have something? weeb’s?(used by close personal friends, of short duration) Anything perking at your place?

[B.G.M_heidi]

Poor weeble, so torn between a geographic burden and her heart’s true desire.

Lemme quote an excerpt from a pleading email sent to me:

“Darling heidi, I am tiring of the CA Clique. I cannot foresee for myself a future hassling tired travellers at LAX, face smeared with Merry’s Miraculous Mud Masque. Please allow me to seek glory, victory and peace of mind as a defector to the Canadian clique. Let me revel in your claim to the longest damned thread on the COTH BB. Please?”

[wtywmn4]

No Merry, elizabeth says, she wants the full blown act! Hmmmm, muses wty, this could be really something. What will I wear? Might need to go shopping. Coreene, finally able to stand, unaccompanied, realizes she has a JOB! Merry, is muttering about the sparkly dress or cashmere, again. Beezer, desperately trying to extracate the ginsue knife from the lab, ducks as A/A finally dislodges the last russell from her clothing. Hauling her pants finally onto her bruised and battered body. rusty is wandering about coaxing people to take the last remains of her margaritas. I really didn’t know it would turn out this way, she mutters. Weeble, no longer able to hold her composure, knocks Arlie over while wheeling about in glee.

[elizabeth]

Hi Kari. I like your horse.
Is his name blackhorse or does he have another name? He has a very, very pretty head, and he looks nice and BIG!!

I am in CA - I live in Santa Monica.
Where do you keep your black horse?