The inconvenient heart horse

[Equkelly]

IME anyone who runs into a situation like OP did where they genuinely want to help get the horses out of a bad situation, it works best when you ask for the horses as a gift instead of offering to take them.

When you offer to take them off somebody’s hands as a favor to them (even though that’s clearly what it is) it can make the owner feel like a failure and they can take it as a dig that somebody is saying they have failed their animals. There’s a lot of shame around surrendering an animal and there should not be.

Instead, I would just say “hey can you give me this horse”? /“I really need a pasture mare”/ “I’ve always liked this horse”/ “giving him to me would mean so much”/ “I need a babysitter” etc. This way the owner feels like they are the one doing YOU the favor because they are graciously gifting you this horse and therefore not a failure. This just takes the shame out of the equation and coddles their ego which can be an effective way to get what you want.

[TheDBYC]

@BrendaJane

You’d figure that when you have a longstanding working relationship this should not apply, aspecially when you are in constant communication.

You’d hope so. Unfortunately, we can’t always predict how people will act no matter how well we know them. I’d argue that it’s a bigger red flag in cases like this, where a person you know says something that is inconsistent/ out of character with how they normally behave. Especially if it involves someone who has always been devoted to or at least seemed to enjoy their animal companions up until this point:
https://www.sheriffs.org/animal-cruelty-and-domestic-violence

Domestic Violence Linked to Animal Cruelty - Talkov Law

Examining the nexus between domestic violence and animal abuse in a national...

An acquaintance does a lot of high-needs medical fostering of cats for a few rescues & the county shelter. I haven’t actually seen her in a few years because she moved one county west and me one county east. Still, we engage enough through social media that if she were to suddenly post on FB, “Someone come get these cats before next Tuesday or they’re gone!” While DV would be unlikely in her case, some aspect of her life would have to spin way out of control for her to say such a thing. I’m throwing any carrier, cardboard box, rubbermaid tub with holes cut in the lid, whatever else I can lay hands on into the car & hitting the road.

IDK. I’ve known a handful of people who have had totally awful things happen. So maybe I’m a bigger worrier than most .

[Alterration]

@Equkelly

When you offer to take them off somebody’s hands as a favor to them (even though that’s clearly what it is) it can make the owner feel like a failure and they can take it as a dig that somebody is saying they have failed their animals. There’s a lot of shame around surrendering an animal and there should not be.

This is a really good point and something I wish I had learned earlier. Just bears repeating.