Unlimited access >

The Kindness of Strangers

On a positive note I thought it might be nice to start a thread to share experiences you witnessed at an event, schooling or clinic when a random eventer that you really didn’t know did something particularly kind for someone.

A couple weeks ago, my adult daughter who has just begun to event was in the XC warmup at a BN schooling show when she realized her bell boots with the double velcro weren’t fastened correctly. She was on a new horse and had never used them before, and I hadn’t thought to check them before she left the barns. She rode over to a stranger who was standing with a group she likely trained and asked if she would help her get them on correctly. Not only did the woman happily help, she pulled them off and showed my daughter how the velcro should done up and where the two sides should meet to get the proper fit before putting them back on the horse.

Next…

27 Likes

Ah eventing is the best for these reasons! I have many many stories.

I just love the community. Especially around cross country. Everyone is cheering and happy for everyone else. We all feel the adrenaline.

My favourite lately has been how helpful the other riders have been in warm up. I was really nervous about a certain line heading out to cross country. I didn’t have time to chat with my coach about the line. I kindly asked one of the professionals and she happily explained how it would ride and the line that should be taken. Then another professional chimed in with more support. As I headed to the start box the one professional just re-assured me about the line.
How amazing are people?! We’re all competing against each other, but take the time to help each other out. We all know that you can help a rider with advice, but what happens out there can go any direction. It truly is a sport with a great community.

27 Likes

I was 11 or 12 (and physically tiny) at one of my first ever horse trials (no, I will not tell you what year it was, but suffice it to say it was “a while ago”). My parents were present but had no idea what each end of a horse did, and had no intention of getting close enough to find out. My coach was elsewhere with other students.

I couldn’t get the pin out of the chest bar in the trailer, and I had to get tacked up or I’d miss my time. My mother left me there and came back with the first help she could find - and my 11 year old self nearly tumbled over as I recognized the Olympian she’d just walked in with (he’d been competing at the Games within the last 12 months, though my non-horsey mother had no way of knowing that). He freed my pony, made sure I was alright to get her tied up and such, and headed back to his day. To this day, I’m a big fan (and of his son now, too). Eventers, they’re good people :slightly_smiling_face:

50 Likes

The very top level rider I groom for at competitions speaks to everyone, even when he is about to go in and compete. Whether it is saying thank you or wishing them luck or giving them a word of encouragement or thanking the volunteers, he is always so gracious. He also thanks me every time he gets on a horse that I’ve prepared for him and compliments my work. Lovely to work for people like that, and you can tell how much it means to everyone that someone of his stature would acknowledge them.

The groom community is also just next level in eventing. Even if you don’t know each other or just met, we are always there for each other. Late night talks over the stalls while braiding, borrowing that one thing you forgot, getting always needed coffees for everyone if you’re going, helping set or reset jumps for each other, giving you a lift when you’ve walked 10 miles already and really need it, bringing you a well timed beer at the end of a long day, a compliment from a peer on your quartermarks or turnout, it means so much to have such great people in your corner, even if you don’t know them. We were at the AECs last week, and the community was just amazing. Also loved the comments from strangers that my “pony” was adorable - that pony being a 17+ hand 5* horse that regularly tries to bite my arm off :joy:

21 Likes

My first recognized event ever (where I was also a tiny like @Marigold ) , I forgot my girth. I had given it the Pony Club Cleaning, and had left it on the kitchen chair. It was still on the kitchen chair when I arrived several hundred miles away to the event. My parents were mystified and horrified (“HOW can you forget something as instrumental as a girth!?”). The woman in the trailer next to us overheard the commotion and offered me her beautiful leather girth and said “good luck”. I never forgot that act of kindness and wish I remembered her name or what barn she was from so we could have mailed her a thank you card. I always try to pay it forward and have done the same because of her: loaned out a pinny, or a watch, or whatever else I could because it can be a wonderful community and I owed my completion of my first event purely because of the kindness of a stranger.

And a life lesson was learned very early – my trailer now has several spare girths at all times, even many decades later… :laughing:

30 Likes

Eons ago I went to do a T3D at GMHA. Many pros there as clinicians to teach we newbies how to ride steeplechase and etc. were fantastic. There was a scheduled course walk for Roads and Tracks, but dressage ran late so a bunch of us missed it. Alison Springer was there competing a horse and she generously saddled him up and took a us around to show us how to figure R&T out. She didn’t have to do it, but she sure earned my undying gratitude!

Then there have been the riders whose names I knew because they were local, not because they were famous, who cheered, lent items, asked for items (hairnets were always a biggie and I always had extras), pitched in with the horse that wouldn’t get on the trailer or when there was too short a time to change tack by myself between phases. And most of all would listen, truly listen to the adrenaline hyped recounted ride right after finishing XC full of empathy or congratulations as the situation required. Gawd I miss that!

13 Likes

At my mare’s first event, the times were super tight between phases and I was last in the division. However, the two riders before me on stadium waited around after their rounds to cheer me on. They were complete strangers and I thought it was super thoughtful! I know I can get preoccupied with nerves and being on time and probably wouldn’t have thought to do the same but I always will from now on!

18 Likes

At a recent event, a couple of trailers in my row were blocked-in by cars. My trailer was the least blocked, but I was nervous about trying to squeeze out as I didn’t want to scrape anyone’s vehicle - even if it belonged to an unthoughtful driver. A nice man came over, said he’d be an extra set of eyes for me and was sure I could get out safely. He directed me and I was able to hook up and leave. I did stop by the event’s office to tell them a number of cars (model and license plate#) were blocking others. They announced that those drivers should move their cars immediately several times. I pulled out of the property about 30 min later - all the parked cars were still there with frustrated horse haulers standing and waiting :frowning:

1 Like

Last fall, my ride to the event involved getting trailered over, dropped off, and the trailer left because it had other obligations.

So, there I was with my big bag o’stuff (I put all my show gear in a hockey gear back so I don’t forget anything), my two saddles on top and my mare walking in circles around me checking everything out and wanting to take a trip to find the best spot to graze. Someone saw me attempting to tack up a horse that doesn’t feel like standing is a necessary skill (who ever trained her anyway?!?!) and let me tie her to their trailer for the duration of the show. They did go out to cross country before me, but end of day untack/cool (it was late fall so she wasn’t sweaty) wasn’t a big deal.

6 Likes

Love this thread! I’ve just gotten back into eventing the past couple of years and haven’t had any huge wow moments like some of you, but plenty of little ones. A few weeks ago a fellow competitor walking off the XC course after her round told me it was riding a little slow. Other riders have helped me remember the stadium course. I’ve chatted with strangers about how they did and commiserated or celebrated together. Last week in the trailer area someone’s mom was going to buy food/drinks and went out of her way to ask me if I wanted anything, just because we were parked next to each other.

I think some people act withdrawn because they’re nervous but a lot of the time if you smile and compliment their horse or tack or just ask how their day is going, they will open up and be perfectly friendly. Occasionally not, but I’ve found that more rare.

I learned that life lesson the hard way too!! It was at a dressage show though and even there (haha) I was able to find a loaner girth no problem. 20+ years later, there are always spare girths in my trailer.

9 Likes

When I used to event, I typically went by myself. I was always impressed by the generosity of strangers who offered a hand to hold my horse, or the trainer who invited me to walk the course with their students. It was such a welcoming community.

7 Likes

My horse is not always great at trailer loading, but usually the problem is leaving our barn and her buddies and she is happy to get back on the trailer and go home after an outing. Except this one time when I had trailered to another facility by myself for a XC clinic with a big name trainer. Clinic went great, but my horse would not get on the trailer to leave. I had been a bit slow untacking/packing up so everyone else in the clinic had left the facility. The cross country course parking was pretty far from the rest of the barn so there was no one in sight or yelling distance to help. I had been trying to get my horse on the trailer for quite some time and was contemplating the idea of simply abandoning her to live on the cross country course when two wonderful ladies I had never met before showed up to school cross country. They immediately recognized that I was having trailer loading problems but instead of jumping in with advice or telling me what I should be doing, they simply asked “how can we help?” They were wonderful and 10 minutes later after much profuse thanks, horsey and I were finally on our way home.

17 Likes

Thank you for starting this thread! The eventing community is second to none.

I have been on the receiving end of too many acts of kindness, but one the particularly sticks out to me happened a few years ago at Plantation. I convinced my boyfriend to take me to Plantation for my birthday. We were just there as spectators, but I wanted to walk him around cross country just to show him what it was all about. We came up to the water combination and as I was walking it (dreaming of being at 3* :rofl:) a very prominent rider approached and casually asked what I thought. I explained to him that I was just meandering and he proceeded to give me a mini-clinic on the ground. We chatted a bit and he asked me about my horse, who was in training at the time with a professional he’s worked closely with… he did nothing but praise her over and over again. We parted ways with a “g’day mate” and profuse thanks for his time.

Later that evening my boyfriend googled his name… he looked at me and said “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME HE WAS AN OLYMPIAN”

I love how even the big name riders pay it forward. Gets me every time!

18 Likes

Several years ago the person who I was supposed to go with to my lease horse’s first T had a foot issue and couldn’t go. I asked around and found two folks I could hitch a trailer spot with. Not only was the weekend completely magical and awesome, one of them was gifted a new combo air vest by her hubby at the event (her first 2* in the old way)!!

Later, she was saying how she didn’t need the separate air vest anymore…. And suddenly gave it to me!! WHO DOES THAT??? I had known her three days!! I was blown away. She continues to be one of the most generous eventers I know- a true credit to our sport!

16 Likes

Not exactly “kindness”, but years ago a rider was running in her first ever event on a young horse that she had bred herself. As she went over our jump, which was early on the course, she joyfully shouted “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” towards us fence judges, which I reported over the radio. Next fence, she enthusiastically shouted “Thank you, thank you, thank you” to those fence judges too and they also reported it over the radio. It was possible to track her entire round by the “thank yous” she was throwing out to all the volunteers, each subsequently reported over the network. By the end of her round, she was everyone’s favourite rider. I have no recollection of who it was but it remains one of my favourite eventing memories.

28 Likes

My first ever recognized event, and my first two day. I had only done local unrecognized trials before this.

I am trying to save money, so did not get stalls for the two horses I was competing; I hauled my horses to a nearby friend’s house for overnight stabling.

I am uber intimidated because the list of riders at this event included A LOT of big names, including Olympians.

I pull in the morning of the second day with my rig and am looking for parking. (I had late ride times, so it was not the crack of dawn.) It ended up being 94 degrees out on cross country that day and was already pretty dang hot.

As I am pulling into a space, several other competitors, all strangers to me, approach me and tell I cannot possibly park there as there is no shade, and proceed to move a bunch of other rigs around so I can have a spot where my horses can stand tied to the trailer in the shade.

I still can’t get over it. And no, I don’t think that would happen at another discipline’s competition.

27 Likes

Of course it would. Those who start off in Eventing compete in other disciplines and like me have changed disciplines, however I am still an Eventer in my heart.

1 Like

SuzieQ,

At the time of this event, I had over a couple decades of experience going to local and rated hunter shows, and a couple years of experience going to dressage shows. I can tell you unequivocally it wouldn’t have happened at any of the hunter shows I had gone to; I don’t have enough range of experience in dressage shows to have an informed opinion.

But it stands out it my memory as an indication of how down to earth and welcoming eventers were. And of the many BIG names at this event, none of the them were asking for special privileges or for rings to be held for them or their students, as would be routine in the hunters.

And I didn’t catch any attitude for my being a relative newbie or for not having paid for a stall or not having arrived early enough to secure good parking.

I love this. And I think we all caught the hint as to who the father/son combo is.

21 Likes

My friend is at an event this weekend and did dressage & XC today (Novice). On her way back to stabling, Boyd Martin was passing by her. He said “Hello” and asked how her run was. Now if that isn’t cool, I don’t know what is!!

10 Likes

I did H/J as a youth, Eventing in my 20s and 30s, then narrowed down to Dressage at 45+ (decided I didn’t bounce as well anymore). I’ve thought a lot about why there is a difference in “atmosphere” between the disciplines.

I honestly think it’s the CC phase. Yes, you can get hurt/killed in any equine discipline. But, let’s be honest, the CC makes Eventing more risky than the others. I think it’s that shared sense of “anyone can go out and get hurt, so let’s give everyone all the help they need, and cheer everyone when they come home.”

There really is that sense of camaraderie that makes Eventing special. (Still love my Dressage, though).

9 Likes