The Neighbor

[candyappy]

Some people out there need help in knowing what proper boundaries are. You may not like it but you need to tell her. You might be tired and grouchy but do it with tact and empathy. Good neighbors that care are hard to find.

[creseida]

I would let her know in the nicest way possible that your insurance company doesn’t allow people in the horse enclosures unless you (the barn owner) are there. Also have her sign a release of liability waiver (tell her it’s a policy your liability insurance requires for anyone who comes on the property) and post No trespassing signs along your fence line.

[Cameraine]

@Jexa

So you’ve had a conversation with your husband, have you had one with the neighbor? They’ve been invited over for multiple friendly interactions, so it’s not unreasonable to assume she thinks you’re cool with this since you apparently haven’t actually told her to stop. When she messes with them in full view of you and you don’t say anything, what is she supposed to think? Doesn’t make what she’s doing ok, and bad on her for assuming, but simply looking “aggravated” and giving her passive aggressive answers like “probably” when she asked for the fly spray leaves things open to interpretation. So eliminate the ambiguity. Next time you see her, politely but firmly and in no uncertain terms tell her she is not to interact with your horses. Full stop.

When I read your first post I thought your neighbor was a total nut job and thought you needed to come loaded for bear to make it stop. Now, while I think your neighbor needs a refresher on boundaries and assuming without asking, it also sounds like you need to reevaluate how to clearly communicate. Your behavior when they were invited over for drinks is the definition of passive aggressiveness. And you’d better hope the Appy doesn’t bite her, satisfying as it might temporarily be. I wouldn’t be surprised if her insurance came after you.

This thread is a good reminder that there is frequently more to the story.

Oh no. She is a nut job. Nothing against stay at home wives or mothers. But she basically has no life and has no desire to go find a life so guess what, she gets to annoy me. Yeah I need to be more aggressive with her and outline in black and white the boundaries that obviously she doesn’t understand even though 99% of other people would.

[Where_sMyWhite]

Being “nice” IMO won’t solve this problem.

You need to be polite and firm (not aggressive). She is not allowed on your property without an invitation. Period. End of discussion.

I get your concern for your horses (we all do). You said she isn’t a ‘horse person’. Make this about your concern for her safety. She needs to understand they are a 1000 lb prey animal that often reacts before “thinking”. Even the sweetest, most mild mannered horse can react quickly and the inexperienced (she is) can easily get hurt.

Waivers, IMO, other than maybe “scaring” her won’t make a bit of difference if she invites herself over and gets hurt. You can still get sued (maybe she won’t win but you’ll still have to deal with it).

Legally mark your property with No Trespassing and let her know that if her behavior continues, for her safety, you’ll be have LE have a talk with her about trespassing.

[Heinz_57]

@Cameraine

Oh no. She is a nut job. Nothing against stay at home wives or mothers. But she basically has no life and has no desire to go find a life so guess what, she gets to annoy me. Yeah I need to be more aggressive with her and outline in black and white the boundaries that obviously she doesn’t understand even though 99% of other people would.

99% of people wouldn’t just walk into a neighbor’s house, either. :lol: I don’t even walk into my parents’ houses. I ring the doorbell and wait to be greeted like a proper guest! She sounds lonely, which is no excuse, but definitely make it clear you do not want her in the pastures or near the horses. Hopefully it can be handled with a minimum of drama to keep things neighborly.

[JanM]

If the neighbor takes offense at being told to stay away from your horses, then maybe that’s the only way to prevent her being injured, and the usual fallout happening to you.

[shiloh]

And where does this stop? When she feeds one of your horses something it shouldn’t have? When she starts riding them because she thinks they aren’t getting enough exercise? I mean - I could go on and on but I think you get the point. She needs to be told point blank to stop. Start with the verbal warning, then progress to written warning (certified mail, please) and then to police. Maybe she is nice and she thinks she is “helping” but she is going to help you right into a lawsuit or a huge vet bill.

[SnicklefritzG]

Lol

@clanter

with all the threads about how do you keep employees, just hire this woman then she will stop showing up

[Sandysmom]

I agree that you need to talk to her about going into your feed room, etc. But if you’re going to send certified letters, call the cops and so forth, you best be prepared to buy your own tractor because I doubt you’ll be able to use her’s again. Sounds like she’s trying to be a good neighbor and going a bit too far.

[trubandloki]

@Sandysmom

I agree that you need to talk to her about going into your feed room, etc. But if you’re going to send certified letters, call the cops and so forth, you best be prepared to buy your own tractor because I doubt you’ll be able to use her’s again. Sounds like she’s trying to be a good neighbor and going a bit too far.

I have to agree with this. The new information given by the OP really changes how I see this situation.

[Ghazzu]

@Cameraine

Would you consider this helpful or invasive?

I would consider it trespassing.

[mvp]

@Cameraine

THIS! This is how it makes me feel. Like she doesn’t think I can take care of my horses. I don’t think she see’s it that way, but I do. My horses are well fed, have proper shelter, regular vet/farrier visits and excellent emergency care as needed.

Ah, I see.

Look, you can choose to take her ignorance personally or not. If I were you and were planning on living next door to this person for a long time, I’d do everything I could to lower my blood pressure about it and ask/tell/promise what you want to have happen. What you want is for the neighbor to stop coming onto your place. The other piece-- your feelings that her over-bearing helpfulness makes you feel judged (and judged by someone whom you think is ignorant and whose opinion was unsolicited)— that stuff inside your head is for you to manage. If you let righteous anger animate your “please don’t come onto my place unbidden” conversation, I think you will making things worse than they need to be.

I say this only because maintaining a good relationship with those permanently around you is always a good idea. And wouldn’t it be ironic if some time you really did need her help in an emergency?

I hope you guys can come to a resolution.

[Canaqua]

Oh gosh no, you are not overreacting! Having a non-horsey neighbor around your horses, uninvited and unsupervised is a law suit waiting to happen. I would 1) speak to her directly and ask her not to come in your paddocks/feed room/barn. You can be nice, polite and firm at the same time. 2) If she continues to do it, speak to local law enforcement about serving a “no trespass” notice. I know here we can get one just for one specific person, without having to post the whole property.