Okay, I have read through your posts.
Firstly, it is called a discipline for a reason. Are you fit? Do you work on your core and posture? Do you do your background research into the biomechanics of horse and rider? Have you read the old masters?
Height has very little to do with it, especially once you’re comfortable at about 1.15 (don’t make me try and translate that into imperial!) Staying on over a jump does not a show jumper make. It’s the in between bits. It’s the clear communication between horse and rider that will set you apart. That comes in the timing of your aids, your balance, your knowledge of how to react if it all goes t*ts up. You have an advantage - you have ridden many different horses, some of them difficult. That gives you a good basic education.
If you have holes in your riding, presumably that is the two vitals - balance and communication. You can work on those on any old donkey.
Secondly, getting on a made horse and pushing the right buttons. Anyone can do that. (or at least many people can) and unfortunately it doesn’t come cheap, and you will forever more be relying on others to provide your rides - a precarious situation to be in.
The key is being capable of installing those buttons. Once you can do that, you have the world at your fingertips. Especially if you can make something of a less than stellar horse. Look at Valegro. Carl Hester reportedly paid £8,500 for him. That horse was on the market for £6,000,000, only a few years later. Now if he had been sold, surely some decent jockey would have been put aboard and probably done rather well - but it’s Carl who’s laughing.
OTTBs. They are a gift to the competitive rider on a budget. My horse, at this point in time, is the best on the yard, out of about fifty. He was also the cheapest. It is not a high end yard, admittedly, but as a kid who started riding at fifteen and has never had two pennies to rub together, it’s a day I never thought would come. I’ve never been able to afford lessons. I have never ridden a made horse in my LIFE. But by taking criticism wherever I could find it, I have made my own. And he is uphill now, and beautifully light in the hand. I can assure you he wasn’t when I bought him!
It can be done. Yes it will be DIFFICULT and stressful, and I would never go down the Hunters route unless daddy was a millionaire, you can make a success of yourself, even in a small way, if you plan carefully and work hard.
You can’t let wine get lonely.
Let’s be clear, though: there is absolutely no way on earth I could afford full board in my area, even if the horse itself was a free OTTB (per the suggestion of many on this thread.)