Tips for lost confidence

[shadesofbay3]

give me all your tips for lost confidence!

my last horse really sent my confidence into the gutter. as someone who has been riding my whole life, i have had a variety of horrible falls, ranging from no injuries to concussion and broken bones (including my back) being younger i would ride and jump anything but being in my mid 30s now i’m more aware of my limitations and past injuries

after i retired my mare, i bought an imported WB gelding who i knew was green, but ended up being something completely different when i got him home. during a ride he spooked, spun, and did several huge bucks out of nowhere and didn’t stop until he got me off. thankfully i was wearing a vest. this happened on june 6

the seller was wonderful and ended up letting me do a even swap on a horse that is a much much better fit for me and has so far not put a step wrong. he is a real saint, and even though he is still young (6 1/2) he has been a confidence builder for me so far… both himself and me are in a program at my barn - he’s gotten training rides put on him, i ride 3-5 times a week, and have 2 trainers that i ride with… we even took him to 2 schooling shows before the season ended and got a 3 in one and a 1 in the other (small fries but it was a big deal to me)

but that fall did something to me and i still can’t shake the feeling of it happening again, usually at the very beginning of every ride. especially now with the fall and winter and cooler weather coming, i’m getting super anxious. the anxiety usually passes after the first 10-15 minutes of a ride, but wanted to see if anyone else had experienced this, and if so, what helped? just the passage of time? or something specific you did?

[ParadoxFarm]

Yes, this happens a lot. For me, though, I went to a totally quiet older horse for a while. I needed it at the time. You don’t have that option right now since you swapped for another young horse. But I’m glad to see the horse is getting training rides. Watching those rides will probably help. Do you have a school master you can ride on occasion to help calm those nerves? Each good ride will help you, so it will get better.

[widge]

I recommend a sport psychology book such as Inside Your Ride. You don’t need to read it cover-to-cover, but accepting your worries and reframing them can help in addition to the trainer support you are already receiving.

[EmilyM]

i think the only real solution is time in the saddle. Try to avoid situations that will challenge your confidence. As in don’t move up a level unless the anxiety has passed. Don’t underestimate riding the right horse to get you there.

I’m a pretty competent rider, but I’ve gone through confidence issues. I just tell myself “pretend you are brave.” it helps me relax.

[lorilu]

It takes time and successful rides… and a few small spooks that you survive.
Maybe take a weekly break from arena work and do some small easy obstacles - it will build both your confidences!
I used to get true panic attacks after a bad fall and injury. It took a succession of amazing generous horses and understanding trainers.
I also did some EFT tapping (https://health.clevelandclinic.org/eft-tapping) that helped before every ride, and used some herbal teas in my water bottle.
Keep going!!

[Paint_Party]

I went through a period of losing my confidence later in life. After 50 years of riding all sorts of challenging horses, it was my own young horse that got to me. Usually a little on the dull and dopey side, he spooked, came unglued and went into a bucking frenzy one day. I came off, was banged up, and felt like I could never trust him again. That feeling seeped into riding other horses. I began to second guess their pricked ears or any hesitation to march forward.

It was awful and unnerving because I’d never felt that way in my life.

Yes, I think it also had to do with my age. As we get older, our sense of mortality becomes heightened.

So I sold my young horse (who’s been nothing but fabulous with his new owner) and bought myself a teenaged, fully trained horse. It has taken me 6 months but I finally feel like myself again in the saddle.

So give yourself time. Ride the horse that’s right for you. Don’t put yourself in situations where you feel nervous… at least for a while. Riding should be fun, not provoke anxiety.

[Jackie_Cochran]

I have had quite a few changes in my body since my MS started manifesting itself.

I have found that the attitude that I have to learn to ride again is, for me, a necessary first step.
while I “relearn” how to ride I work with my “new” body to set up productive nerve pathways again.

A few times I had to change my seat in the saddle temporarily. Sometimes I find it useful to use the dreaded “chair seat” (how I learned to ride over 60 years ago.) Changing the length of my stirrup leathers can help with this. After I do this for a few weeks I am READY to get back into my normal, much more effective seat in the saddle (which makes my riding teacher happier with me.)

Sometimes I switch from using bits to using a bitless bridle (my favorite right now is the Light Rider bitless bridle.) This often involves learning to feel safe while using a sagging rein instead of regular contact (which the horses I ride do NOT like me doing in a bitless bridle.)

Getting safety stirrups really can help that little voice of paranoia about falling off.

Changing to the stability stirrup leathers has also helped my confidence a lot since I have no pain in my shin bones from using the stability leathers so I can concentrate on getting my lower legs RIGHT.

Wearing a MPS riding helmet helps me relax some about the thought of falling off since my brain, skull and neck are more protected.

Silicon full seat breeches/tights also help because I stop slipping around so much in the saddle.

I am looking forward to finally having a real riding lesson on a real horse using my Spanish Talavera Potrera saddle. This saddle has a leather tree, the Spanish developed it so that horse breakers could use one saddle on multiple horses since the saddle can flex to fit horses with different backs. The higher pommel that stretches from the top of one thigh to the top of the other thigh reduces my fear of face planting. The high wrap around cantle stops my seat from sliding off the rear of my saddle also adds more security. It also came with a sheepskin saddle cover that helps me keeping my seat still in the saddle with no sliding around. I call this saddle “my little old lady saddle.”

Right now I am using this Spanish saddle on my Home Horse. Since the Home Horse can move a lot really suddenly this “proves” to my body that I am secure in this saddle.

I have multiple sclerosis. My body can and has changed suddenly without any warning. These are the things that have helped my feelings of confidence and competence the most.

[TheJenners]

@EmilyM

i think the only real solution is time in the saddle.

Not always, no, and can be counter-productive.

OP, I recently used a sports counselor specific to horse riding. It was immensely helpful, not exactly in that I am magically bestowed (re-bestowed?) with confidence but I have tools to build it back and I’ve removed the internal dialogue and condemnation for when I need to take a step or three back to protect my newly built confidence.

I too was a life long rider, a series of wrong horses and PTSD from work wrecked my confidence.

[Paint_Party]

I think you brought up a valid point. Sometimes rebuilding confidence, or protecting the confidence we’ve regained, means we have to let ourselves be okay with stepping back and saying, “You know what? I don’t feel like doing ______ today.”

There are times to push ourselves and times to just enjoy feeling at peace on the back of a horse.

[luvmyhackney]

Look up - The Everyday Equestrian

She has some really good courses and info on confidence and how to build it back on and off a horse.

For me, working with a biomechanics focused instructor and practicing how I was going to react in negative situations was helpful to prove to my mind that I know what to do. Biomechanics instructor made me feel extra confident in my seat position that I could stick like glue.
Then baby steps, if my horse is leaping around like a fool and being stupid either my lesson/ride changes to groundwork or I have my trainer get on and talk me through what she’s doing to help him find his brain.

I do meditation, hypnosis, therapy, breathing, working on my fitness/balance as well. But biomechanics lesson was my turning point.

[floppyammy]

@shadesofbay3

give me all your tips for lost confidence!

my last horse really sent my confidence into the gutter. as someone who has been riding my whole life, i have had a variety of horrible falls, ranging from no injuries to concussion and broken bones (including my back) being younger i would ride and jump anything but being in my mid 30s now i’m more aware of my limitations and past injuries

after i retired my mare, i bought an imported WB gelding who i knew was green, but ended up being something completely different when i got him home. during a ride he spooked, spun, and did several huge bucks out of nowhere and didn’t stop until he got me off. thankfully i was wearing a vest. this happened on june 6

the seller was wonderful and ended up letting me do a even swap on a horse that is a much much better fit for me and has so far not put a step wrong. he is a real saint, and even though he is still young (6 1/2) he has been a confidence builder for me so far… both himself and me are in a program at my barn - he’s gotten training rides put on him, i ride 3-5 times a week, and have 2 trainers that i ride with… we even took him to 2 schooling shows before the season ended and got a 3 in one and a 1 in the other (small fries but it was a big deal to me)

but that fall did something to me and i still can’t shake the feeling of it happening again, usually at the very beginning of every ride. especially now with the fall and winter and cooler weather coming, i’m getting super anxious. the anxiety usually passes after the first 10-15 minutes of a ride, but wanted to see if anyone else had experienced this, and if so, what helped? just the passage of time? or something specific you did?

@shadesofbay3 I had nearly the exact same experience as you. EMDR therapy was an absolute game changer for me. It was like witchcraft! I highly highly recommend you look into this.

Edited to add, I had already tried standard therapy, Noelle Floyd Masterclass, a riding specific sports psychologist, other reading materials, and of course riding more suitable/reliable horses. I found them helpful, but they absolutely did not compare to EMDR therapy.

[sophie]

@Paint_Party

“You know what? I don’t feel like doing ______ today.”

Yes, sometimes you need to listen to yourself.
Case in point:
This summer, riding my BIL’s young horse (who I’d been on once before, in the ring, and didn’t canter) on the trails with 2 other people. Everything’s fine, we get to trot and canter a bit in the woods, no problem, horse has a very light, smooth canter for such a big horse (17.3h) We get onto a nice big field, slightly uphill, perfect for cantering. My horse was just fine. We get to the end of the field, and lead horse keeps going as the field slopes down, and I think “oh, we should really be trotting this” but I let him follow, and before I know it, we’re boinking away, and I fall off.
I land like a pancake, flat on my back.
On concrete-hard ground.
I’ve never had such a bad fall, in my 50 years of riding.
If I hadn’t been wearing one of those inflatable vests, I don’t know that I’d be walking today.

My back is much better if not 100%, after 3 months, but I haven’t been riding since.
Getting on a horse on Friday. We’ll see what that fall did to my confidence then…

[trubandloki]

I want to add to the already wonderful advice you have been given, the fact that you are not alone. It is VERY common as we age to develop fears that we never thought we would have when we were riding when we were younger. This is normal. You are not faulty for having fears. Strong, brave, wonderful riders still have fears.

I am glad you have a more suitable horse. Wish you lots of wonderful rides.

[KBC]

@lorilu

I also did some EFT tapping (https://health.clevelandclinic.org/eft-tapping ) that helped before every ride,

The physiotherapist who was helping get mobile after my big accident introduced me to EFT tapping, and it really helped me to actually get on a horse again. At first every ride, then when needed, now never need it.

Also Bachs Rescue Remedy https://www.nelsons.com/en-ca/rescue/ every ride, then when needed, now not needed.

There is also a group on FB, Riding Fear Free, that I joined, it was nice to know that I wasn’t odd, or weird, just human.

For me, it was time and some really good horses, lots of time!

Good luck, keep going, youkll get there.

[RedHorses]

After my second horse destroyed my confidence for jumping I got it back by starting my baby horse over fences. Yes, it sounds counter productive, but he was a sensible horse even at 3 years old, and the baby horse learning to jump gave me a great excuse to not do big stuff (2’ was big stuff at that point) until I was okay with it.

I used to coach a few middle aged plus adults coming to riding as adults. One thing they found helpful was me walking them through their worries and reminding them that they had the knowledge and skills to deal with things one step at a time. If you can name the thing you’re afraid of, you can preplan how to handle it before you mount up, which can provide a boost in confidence.

The biggest thing I found was to do one scary thing and quit when it went okay. My example is if your afraid of riding out on the trails and you go out and walk around the field with your friend and it goes well, and you then agree to try a little trot which goes okay, so you dare to try a canter and your horse spooks and bolts for the barn, leaving you in a heap on the ground - your subconscious mind will be screaming “I TOLD you riding out of the ring was DANGEROUS!” But if you had walked around the field safely and quit for the day, and repeated that a couple of times before trotting safely and quitting for the day, and done the walk trot rides several times before daring the canter - your subconscious mind will be screaming about how cantering out of the ring is dangerous. Trying to do a lot all at once lumps every part of the experience together in terms of success or failure when it comes to fear. Break it up into little steps and be successful at those little steps before going on to the next.

[atr]

Along with all the other excellent advice here, I’d recommend that you work on your personal fitness and balance. It’s made a big difference to me to know that I have the personal physical ability to manage if the horse does throw something at me. You don’t need to be superwoman fit, but a bit of extra stamina helps a lot!

And watch the training rides. See your horse being a good boy.

There’s no great rush and nothing to prove.

[SBrentnall]

I tried all the suggestions listed above but still didn’t regain my confidence, and my nerves were affecting my horse and making him spooky and nervous. I finally got beta blockers from my doctor, and they were life-changing.

At first I used them every ride, then just when I felt nervous, and now I only need them when I’m on a new horse or at a show.

They didn’t stop the mental worry, but they stopped my body responding so my horse didn’t pick up on it. They allowed me to build up enough positive experiences that my confidence came back.

[Herbaceous]

This is very, very common - I’ve been struggling with my confidence on-and-off for years.

As others have said, it’s often helpful to just take a step back and do something simpler for a bit. I’ve spent entire lessons at the walk, just because I knew it was good for me to get on the horse and to ride. I do a lot of walk/trot lessons when I’m feeling a loss of confidence, because once those go well, I can build on them.

You’ve had some good book suggestions - I would also suggest Jane Savoie’s “It’s Not Just About the Ribbons”. I’ve found it very helpful for learning how to train my brain to be a bit more confident and help with anxiety.

[shadesofbay3]

these are all such good suggestions and i really appreciate you all giving me such good advice <3

I think what really bothers me is knowing how “good” of a rider i used to be and then seeing now how fearful i am about such silly things (cantering for instance… like how stupid)… i’m quick to get down on myself… for instance, i’m 35 and have been riding since i was 7. why am i scared to canter? meanwhile someone riding only a year is jumping 3 ft?

but i am slowly learning to be happy with small victories. we aren’t going to the olympics and riding/the barn is my happy place so there’s no sense being anxious under saddle…

[Texarkana]

Similar story:

A tricky homebred mare combined with just a bad time in my life (in terms of finances + other riding opportunities) led to some serious confidence issues.

I still ride the mare now, but I finally feel like all of that is in our past.

Things that pulled me out of my confidence “funk”-
-The right instructors for me. I had lessons on and off over the years with her and even had her with a trainer for a period of time, but it wasn’t until I found an instructor that I truly clicked with that we started leaving the dark days behind us.
-Riding other horses. I had to remind myself I actually uh, knew how to ride.
-RideIQ. Having something to focus on while I rode helped get me out of my head.
-As stupid as this sounds, new tack. I started riding in a grippy, deep seat Wintec AP saddle.
-Sports Psychology. I really like Natalie Hummel’s approach. I’ve mostly listened to her stuff through RideIQ, but I was lucky enough to do a few sessions with her as well. I’d love to do her whole course one day. Sports psychology stuff really helps me get past all the mental hang-ups, the FOMO, the thoughts of what I should be doing, etc.