Tips for someone horse shopping for the first time since losing their heart horse?

[saturnalian]

Hi all. I’ve made one post on here, but have been a LONG time lurker - I always valued the COTH community’s insights. Thank you to anyone who provides their opinion on this long post!

I lost my first horse and heart horse a year ago to unexpected colic. Quick backstory: my mom bought him for me for $2500 after I had been taking lessons on him at the riding school I was at. He was 4, I was 12. We were both gangly creatures who didn’t know what the hell we were doing at the time, but went from barely making it over 1’8" courses at in-barn schooling shows to doing the 3’ hunter derbies on the A’s, him being leased out several times while I was in school, etc. We have had a lot of experienced together that I know will never be replicated, and I know not to expect that (he was a hunter and I am looking for a jumper to try to level my expectations). He passed at 18.

I have continued riding - thanks to my barn family lending me their horses - since his death, but a piece of my identity is missing: I have been a horse owner my entire life, and used to spend hours at the barn doing nothing at all. Now, I need a reason to go to the barn to ride someone else’s horse.

I feel ready to purchase something, but despite owning a horse all my life, I’ve actually never had to horse shop and I really am worried that I will make an emotional buy vs a rational buy. For example, I’ve offered to take a horse someone was giving away for free just because it was stalled beside my horse… Terrible decision, I know. It thankfully didn’t happen! Of course, my horse and I had also moved to the US recently before he passed, so while I do have a trainer now who I will absolutely use, I don’t have one who knows me as well as my trainer back home would. Not sure if that matters, though, and I never was one to use a trainer for anything other than instruction at home and in the show ring - I leased him out myself, never had him in a program or even at an A barn, and stalled by myself at shows.

I seem hung up on the fact that I feel the need to have a bond with a horse before I purchase it - that’s all I’ve ever known. However, I want something under 5, so I feel like a lease-to-own is less likely.

Does anyone have any tips, guidelines, no-gos, things to watch out for, etc. for someone in this position? I know I’m not nearly the first and won’t be the last, but I feel like I have more hang ups than someone who is horse shopping for the first time but hasn’t owned a horse. Do I get another cheap horse or do I breed a baby? Should I try to join another riding school in hopes another falls in my lap? Should I splurge on the well-bred warmblood I always wanted?

Am I overthinking this? How the hell do people know they will love the horse they buy?

[Against_All_Odds2]

you can still make a connection with a sales horse.

Set out a clear expectations of must haves and stick to them before you go see anything in person. Then compare the ones you try that meet your criteria.

I’d strongly discourage a baby- get something you can ride.

[moonlitoaksranch]

You might make a mistake. That’s true. Avoid the big mistakes by staying away from auctions, rescues, and anything on Facebook. Too much social pressure to “close the deal” when everyone is watching. Never skimp on a pre purchase exam. In fact, your first step should be to call a vet you trust and determine what their range is for examining perspective horses you want to buy. You can always use a local vet, if the horse is further away, but it’s good to establish that before you go shopping for a new horse.

With that framework, you could still make a mistake. You’ll feel sorry for something and bring it home. It may not be a good fit and you’ll have to resell the horse. You might even go through that process a couple of times. It’s okay. It’s fine. You’ll learn something from every horse you own. Accept that this next horse may not be perfection. In fact, it may be years before you find a special bond with a horse that can get you where you want to go. There will be a crossroads where you really like a horse, but something limits them from getting you to that next level and you’ll have to make a choice whether or not you sell the horse or find a different horse sport to compete in. It’s okay to be nervous, but, don’t be overly anxious. We’ve all been there. Enjoy the ride.

[widge]

What are your goals? You say you’re switching from hunters to jumpers and you did hunters with success. Consider whether you need talent or personality first. You can likely learn whether you’ll get along riding-wise during a trial, but does he need to be competitive also?
I just bought my first last month. He’s young and green and I’m looking forward to seeing what he turns into. But what sold me on him is that he’s sensible and friendly. I wanted a pet as well as a partner. If he tops out at 2’3, meh. I can have fun what that. You say you crave a connection but what does that look like? Does he need to read your mind in the show ring, or does he need to seek you out for pats and treats?
And @moonlitoaksranch is right - if there’s no love connection, you can try again. I get why you want to avoid that situation though.

[saturnalian]

@Against_All_Odds2

you can still make a connection with a sales horse.

Set out a clear expectations of must haves and stick to them before you go see anything in person. Then compare the ones you try that meet your criteria.

I’d strongly discourage a baby- get something you can ride.

Thank you! I absolutely need to set some criteria.
Is there a reason why you would advise against a baby? I would say my #1 “ask” is to find a forever horse/a companion… Showing is really last on my list of priorities, but is still at least a need. I have heard that there can be medical issues with babies, but couldn’t a sale horse step off the trailer lame too?

[saturnalian]

@moonlitoaksranch

You might make a mistake. That’s true. Avoid the big mistakes by staying away from auctions, rescues, and anything on Facebook. Too much social pressure to “close the deal” when everyone is watching. Never skimp on a pre purchase exam. In fact, your first step should be to call a vet you trust and determine what their range is for examining perspective horses you want to buy. You can always use a local vet, if the horse is further away, but it’s good to establish that before you go shopping for a new horse.

With that framework, you could still make a mistake. You’ll feel sorry for something and bring it home. It may not be a good fit and you’ll have to resell the horse. You might even go through that process a couple of times. It’s okay. It’s fine. You’ll learn something from every horse you own. Accept that this next horse may not be perfection. In fact, it may be years before you find a special bond with a horse that can get you where you want to go. There will be a crossroads where you really like a horse, but something limits them from getting you to that next level and you’ll have to make a choice whether or not you sell the horse or find a different horse sport to compete in. It’s okay to be nervous, but, don’t be overly anxious. We’ve all been there. Enjoy the ride.

Thank you so much for your insight! A PPE is definitely necessary - and something we didn’t even do on my last horse. Should I go all out with them? Xray everything?

Not going to lie, but the possibility that I may have to resell hadn’t even crossed my mind… Definitely overly anxious, which for me, means I may just make an impulse buy. I should absolutely treat this as an experience rather than 1 shot, but at the same time, I’ve seen so many horses thrown away like garbage and that does break my heart… probably why I want to get it right the first time, but I’m sure everyone else does too!

[saturnalian]

@widge

What are your goals? You say you’re switching from hunters to jumpers and you did hunters with success. Consider whether you need talent or personality first. You can likely learn whether you’ll get along riding-wise during a trial, but does he need to be competitive also?
I just bought my first last month. He’s young and green and I’m looking forward to seeing what he turns into. But what sold me on him is that he’s sensible and friendly. I wanted a pet as well as a partner. If he tops out at 2’3, meh. I can have fun what that. You say you crave a connection but what does that look like? Does he need to read your mind in the show ring, or does he need to seek you out for pats and treats?
And @moonlitoaksranch is right - if there’s no love connection, you can try again. I get why you want to avoid that situation though.

Honestly, #1 goal is to find another forever horse that I enjoy riding and being around - I would do anything to bring my horse back, even if he was un-rideable the rest of his life.

I do absolutely want to go into my next partnership with showing as a goal, but if the horse hates jumping but does dressage movements better, I’m totally open to switching and trying something new. I miss learning and experiencing new things with a horse. So possibly personality over talent, but saying that, my horse had neither when I met him… but, I have ridden horses who have immense talent but either no personality or are sour, and I don’t connect with them.

Have you felt any sort of buyer’s remorse yet? If so, is there anything you tell yourself to get over it?strong text

[widge]

@saturnalian

Have you felt any sort of buyer’s remorse yet?

Oh yes! His first week he had an inexplicable gash inside his gaskin which was just small enough to not need stitches. The following week he cracked apart his feed bucket with his head. Last week he had a mysterious edema on the inside of his other gaskin with no observable wound - that one resulted in a real vet bill, too lame to ride. Today he had a baby tooth pulled. I’m considering investment in bubble wrap, burning sage, and getting his palms read!
Joking aside, no. He’s as sweet as can be and has no identified limitations. Of course, it’s too soon to tell. But if in 3 or 6 or 12 months he winds up being a flat-only horse, I don’t think I’ll mind (but I’m not currently into competing). I knew going in that I wanted a buddy first (and did get lots of good advice, which I followed, on this very forum). For me, buying a successful made hunter to compete on this year wasn’t the goal.

[saturnalian]

@widge

Oh yes! His first week he had an inexplicable gash inside his gaskin which was just small enough to not need stitches. The following week he cracked apart his feed bucket with his head. Last week he had a mysterious edema on the inside of his other gaskin with no observable wound - that one resulted in a real vet bill, too lame to ride. Today he had a baby tooth pulled. I’m considering investment in bubble wrap, burning sage, and getting his palms read!
Joking aside, no. He’s as sweet as can be and has no identified limitations. Of course, it’s too soon to tell. But if in 3 or 6 or 12 months he winds up being a flat-only horse, I don’t think I’ll mind (but I’m not currently into competing). I knew going in that I wanted a buddy first (and did get lots of good advice, which I followed, on this very forum). For me, buying a successful made hunter to compete on this year wasn’t the goal.

Oh jeez, lol. Surprisingly, while all that happened is slightly terrifying (my horse rarely got hurt, was probably lame four times in the 15 years I had him), that’s actually really uplifting that through all that, you might still be okay if he was lame forever. And that’s only after a month! Sounds like we want similar things in a horse.

[candyappy]

@saturnalian

I seem hung up on the fact that I feel the need to have a bond with a horse before I purchase it - that’s all I’ve ever known. However, I want something under 5, so I feel like a lease-to-own is less likely.

I have had several “heart horses”( one mule) over the years and each of them was radically different in breed and temperament . What each of them has had in common is that I bought them young or were out of a mare I owned. Each of them showed a distinct, strong personality that drew me.

Our bond came from daily handling, training and interaction but that happens with most any horse. There is always a chance that the horse you buy may be one of those who is just not interested in bonding to you. They do what is asked of them willingly but then prefer to be on their own.

When looking for a horse not only is a good ride/ conformation important but personality as well ( for me anyways) and it has never steered me wrong.

[clanter]

the only horse that personally bought was because of the way the horse looked at me

We were in the market for five to ten year old with a proven record for our kids

She was not “the horse” I was looking for but I ended up buying her simply because she would follow me with her eye. We had looked at about four hundred horses, none were outstanding. She was much younger than I wanted, a long yearling that had just been brought in to begin basic training …and was a real nice looking young horse.

This horse developed into one that many people wanted

[saturnalian]

@candyappy

Our bond came from daily handling, training and interaction but that happens with most any horse. There is always a chance that the horse you buy may be one of those who is just not interested in bonding to you. They do what is asked of them willingly but then prefer to be on their own.

When looking for a horse not only is a good ride/ conformation important but personality as well ( for me anyways) and it has never steered me wrong.

Yes! This is exactly what I’m worried about. I don’t care if the horse can’t jump out of its own way, or trips over itself… I had my success in the show ring and I don’t miss it. I miss that bonding, and having a horse to just fawn over. Yet, I have ridden horses who feel great under saddle but on the ground, they really couldn’t care less if I was there or not.
Saying that, though, my horse did that… if not worse. He’d drag me all around the barn since he had no manners, and he was never an “in your pocket” type of horse. However, my best memories of him are of him hanging his head out of his stall and watching me as I walked up… kind of like he actually was interested in me deep down, but wanted to pretend he wasn’t when I was there!

Maybe I just need to interact with some horses around the barn and see exactly what kind of personality I’m looking for, and the cues that go along with that.

[saturnalian]

@clanter

the only horse that personally bought was because of the way the horse looked at me

We were in the market for five to ten year old with a proven record for our kids

She was not “the horse” I was looking for but I ended up buying her simply because she would follow me with her eye. We had looked at about four hundred horses, none were outstanding. She was much younger than I wanted, a long yearling that had just been brought in to begin basic training …and was a real nice looking young horse.

This horse developed into one that many people wanted

Interesting, and I’m starting to think that’s what would inevitably catch my eye, too. I don’t want the one who just stares off in the distance and couldn’t care less about what you’re doing. It seems that the ones who are interested in you are the smarter ones!

[MsM]

I would suggest bringing somebody with you when you look at horses who can slow you down and help you do a reality check.

Sure, you would still care for your horse if it became unrideable - but a rideable horse is the goal! (As much as we can control it) so a vet exam is important. Raising babies is a particular skill set most of us dont have (is the boarding barn set up for it?) and a bigger gamble about the sort of riding horse it will become.

Do your best to stack the deck so that you have a horse with the right personality and that you can enjoy riding now. Do not go to see “pity buys”. You are not a rescue. You plan to have one horse, so think carefully before buying!

While your new horse has to have the kind of temperament you like, you do not need to have an “immediate connection”. Your bond will develop over time as you get to know each other. Never buy a horse whose personality you dislike (unless you are an Olympian buying a uber-talented horse!) but recognize that things will take time.

Best of luck! Horse hunting is one of those things that sounds like it should be fun, but it isnt!

[ThatBayHorse]

I help a lot of people with their online marketing/online equine sales. My advice would be:

1. the current market is moving very fast (although I do believe it is slowing down a bit). Rarely is anyone going to offer payment plan or trials. Unfortunately, you will need to be ready to put down a deposit if you truly like the horse. Don’t get discouraged if a few sell out from under you, as it is likely to happen. The only reason I am writing this is because I cannot tell you how many people hem and haw or have to ask their husband or wait for their trainer, and then the horse sells and they are devastated when they ask on the status a week later and the horse is sold. Most sellers will let you put down a deposit to hold the horse for vetting, try the horse, etc.

2. Do a PPE. I cannot state this enough. However, you should be reasonable in your PPE. I’ve seen people spend $3,000 on x-rays on a $5,000 horse to pass. Is the horse serviceably sound for what you need to do with it? The average adult amateur does not need something with 100% clean x-rays for a 2’9 local show and trail ride job.

3. Before you even start shopping, in order to avoid wasting your time and the sellers time, you need to determine a hard and fast budget - what is the absolute max you can either afford or want to spend. This will quickly determine what you can buy. If your budget is $5k, these days you are getting an OTTB or something lame. If you can afford $20k, you may be getting into an older warmblood, a young/green warmblood or something with maintenance. Most truly beginner safe, well-broke horses are in the $20k+ now.

4. Before you contact a seller, send the horses ad/information to your trainer or a trusted horse friend.

I do think over winter, the market will cool. I have noticed it cooling as we go into fall with horse sales. So you might want to wait a few months and see if anyone is off-loading hay burners. Leasing or leasing to own is a good option IF you can find it. Good luck with your search!

[Willesdon]

[quote=“saturnaliia, post:7, topic:764272, full:true”]
Honestly, #1 goal is to find another forever horse … - I would do anything to bring my horse back, even if he was un-rideable the rest of his life. [/quote]

Look for your next horse with an open mind: it’s a clean slate, a new start, a new adventure. Comparisons are unfair to the new one. However, are you actually ready because it sounds like you are still grieving?

[EventingMaff]

I’m that person that meets a horse for 5 minutes and instantly believe they are the one.

When I started horse shopping in earnest I set myself a few ‘deal breakers’ that I FORCED myself to abide by:

1. Must pass PPE
2. Must have a good brain - in trying a horse I wanted to see it made nervous by something so that I could gauge how it reacted: did it’s brain switch off and it went into 'it’s every man for himself!" mode or did they think THROUGH the nervousness
3. Must be forward (I hate push rides)

That was pretty much it. I also wouldn’t go see a horse in person unless I had seen video of it, had a chance to exchange detailed messages with the seller, and felt that it was a good chance of working out to avoid that ‘omg we’re in loooooooove’ with a horse that ultimately didn’t fit my goals (low level dressage and event horse that is happy to do a bit of anything and everything…not too ambitious of goals!).

After trying (and vetting a few) 5-6 horses I bought my 3 year old barely backed mare. I felt zero connection for ages. Around 1 year mark I realized that we actually had a bond. This last weekend (~2.5 - 3 years of ownership) she proved to me that she really trusts me and tried her heart out for me on every XC question asked of her even when really not sure about it all. I realized that we actually have a pretty incredible bond and I’m kiiiiiind of obsessed with her.

I say all that to say: bonds take time. especially after having a heart horse. Don’t expect the relationship to be there early on, a solid relatoinship kind of sneak up on you sometimes!

[clanter]

Interesting, and I’m starting to think that’s what would inevitably catch my eye, too. I don’t want the one who just stares off in the distance and couldn’t care less about what you’re doing. It seems that the ones who are interested in you are the smarter ones!

My wife being the daughter of a surgeon had owned some high priced Saddlebreds, we both had worked with several breeds so had an idea as to what qualities a good horse should possess. The long yearling I bought just spoke of I am great.

When we left that farm after looking at some fifty head having driven about ten miles away I just told my wife we need to go back to buy that horse, she agreed so we returned and made the purchase. Shamrock Foxie Joy was a do everything horse (except she never was an English Pleasure mount that we were looking for)

Thirty years later… my daughter was looking for a new horse as her longtime trust Morgan passed away. We watched a few videos and both commented that this weanling had the look of our Foxie horse we had bought. She knew the breeder, contacted her and arranged the purchase… he has been just as expected… as a two year old he was chosen Sport Horse in Hand World Champion at the Morgan Nationals The funny thing is he was the left over as all the other youngsters of that year’s crop had been sold.

---

not all purchases have been this good, the last two were bought just to get them out of where they were. They are OK, nothing great but really needed a safe place, we had the room so that was that.

[stargzng386]

Find something you can ride now. I had to retire a horse and decided on a baby. Absolutely loved his personality and poured everything into him but he’s retired now at 5 due to soundness issues that would have been clear under saddle but were not on his yearling ppe. Total heartbreak and a horse sitting in a field that I’ll pay for for the rest of his 15/20 years of life.

I was so sick of not being able to ride when I retired him I impulse bought another horse. I just needed to ride and everyone around me had sound horses. I didn’t think too hard about personality like the first one. I liked the way he rode, he was green but really willing and tried. He was a saint out on a test trail ride. He is becoming my heart horse and it’s been absolutely amazing. Riding really is a strong part of that “heart horse” feeling. As much as I still love my youngster we’ll never have the same adventures or bond as I have now with my new horse.

[candyappy]

@saturnalian

Yes! This is exactly what I’m worried about.

@saturnalian

I miss that bonding, and having a horse to just fawn over. Yet, I have ridden horses who feel great under saddle but on the ground, they really couldn’t care less if I was there or not.

This is my daughters mare. We also had an appaloosa gelding, a shetland pony and a pinto ( all purchased for the kids) the same way. I wonder if some of it has to do with the interaction they received when growing up? All were bought at between 6-8 years old and had had several homes already.

I have always lavished affection and spent a lot of time with my youngsters. I made them feel special because they were special to me. Maybe that is why all my horses over the years were bonded heavily to me?

Maybe if you find one where the owner is willing to let you have him on trial? That way you can at least see what he is like.